Don’t Speak, My Darleeng, Don’t Speak

For zome zeengs, ma petit souffle, zhere are not ze words. Like for ze tops of your feet. Zhere is not ze word for zat. Or irregularly-shaped bowling balls. Or boogers, after zhey have dried and become hard. But perhaps, my sweet, eet is for ze best.

Ze photo credeet goes to lastquest.



  1. Natalia says:

    Zome people call zhem “crusties”.

  2. Queen of Dork says:

    Ummmmmm. Has anybody else had a heck of a time getting CO to come up? Well, anyway, I have just had a horrible night dealing with issues involving my teenage daughter. My ex’s mom sent me this funny thing. You know how sometimes someone sends you something funny in you e-mail? Well, I got this and wanted to show it to you guys. I hope it posts okay.

    Excerpts from a dog’s diary

  3. Queen of Dork says:

    Drats. it didn’t work. 😦

  4. BStrange says:

    “zeep your hole of pies” …*snicker*

    Kitt-ehn looks very serious, too. “No more kissies, no more bref! No more cooing! …But tuna is OK.”

  5. BStrange says:

    Oh heck yes, it’s been down here since yesterday. But I Googled and found enough “ack CO is down!!” to reassure me it wasn’t on my end, so I waited…

    …and pined…

    …for the Fjords… wait, that’s another post. 😀

  6. BStrange says:

    Erk. Did. Not. Mean. To. Send that yet. Sorry ’bout the tri-post, here, I’s in a hurry:

    QoD: *offers coupon for one no-stress day and kitten hugs*

  7. skippymom says:

    QofD, I hope your daughter is okay?

  8. Queen of Dork says:

    BStrange and skippymom: (huge sigh here). I got the dreaded call from the police department in the middle of the night. (sighs again). My daughter got hauled off for being out one minute late into the city’s curfew as she was waiting with her friends for their grandma to pick them up. They had gone to a teen club to hear their other friend perform and the grandmom was late picking them up. The call scared the hell out of me at first as I thought she was hurt or something. She’s okay. Just grounded for the next three years until she turns 18. It’s really my fault…I shouldn’t have let her go see her friend perform. At least the cops around here look out for the youngsters and she is okay. We both have had a heart-stopping lesson.

  9. skippymom says:

    QofD, a big hug to you from Skippy. So glad she’s okay.

  10. chanpon says:

    My kitties often do this to me to get me to smell their corn chip paws.

  11. 260Oakley says:

    Closed cat-tioning provided for those who can’t knead lips.

  12. Queen of Dork says:

    skippymom: Thanks. We were going to go shopping today and then go to lunch but instead I’m on self-inflicted house arrest with her. I’m determined to share with you guys this hilarious thing my mom-in-law sent to me. Stand by.

  13. Fuzzbutt says:

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwww!!! Anyone else not able to take their mind off of where those little feet have been?

    One of my childhood cats would “pet” you when she wanted attention… she got the timing all wrong once and stuck a paw right in my mouth! UGH!!! I gargled for hours and still felt unclean!! I cringe a little now even.

  14. BStrange says:

    Getting grounded for a breaking-curfew pickup because her ride was (if genuinely) late, sounds sort of like getting punished for something she had no control over, so mebbe I’m missing something here. But I’m not a mom, and I never lived anywhere that had a kid-curfew, so I admit I have a large lack of clue. Anyway, you still have my sympathy over the nighttime call, it was bad enough when I got the Stern Voice On The Line in the middle of the night over an AWOL dog. (Aside: People apparently freak out when a wayward Akita/Somethinghuge mix wanders into the wrong kitchen begging for dinner. This was how I found out my neighbor had put me on her dog’s tags as an “alternate contact”. FUN.) I can’t imagine what it’d have been like if it had been my kid. Though I suspect I’d be looking into the teenager-constraining properties of duct tape.

  15. BStrange says:

    Fuzzbutt: Yes. Even with all the cute I can still smell the Tidy Cat wafting up like it was yesterday. 🙄

  16. Queen of Dork says:

    BStrange: Wow! You are saying EXACTLEY the same thing everyone else in my family is saying! They’re like, “don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh, Stef?” All of them are saying that. I’m like, “who the heck are you people? you know darn well if I had done that when I was 15 you all would have been singing a different tune!!” Okay. She’s not grounded for 3 years but…um…gosh…hmmmmmm….crap.

  17. Queen of Dork says:
  18. Venerable Bead says:

    QoD – taking a child-less but still often responsible for nieces & nephews look at things – if you want to get the message across…not only to your daughter, but to her friend’s parents…that this WASN’T cool (what, Gran couldn’t have picked up a phone to tell you she was going to be late?), what about a little “time off” from the friend? My own folks did that to me on more than one occassion until my bff and I learned that sneaking out of the house during the summer evenings to go to the local golf course and look at the stars was strictly verboten.

  19. BStrange says:

    Heh. Suddenly I feel a huge rush of sympathy for my own mom.

  20. victoreia says:

    Is it me, or has WordPress not been liking CO lately?

  21. BStrange says:

    Ha! I’ve seen the Dog Diary/Cat Diary before, but the Marmie’s expression vs. the dog’s adds a certain zing to it…

    Speaking of zing: Just so y’all know, when those individual powdered drink mix packets say “add to a bottle of water”, they mean plain water. Not carbonated.

    ‘m going to go mop my kitchen walls now.

  22. Darling! What a beauty to wake up to.

  23. Queen of Dork says:

    Venerable Bead: That’s what I’ve been trying to say. Her time this summer hanging out with friends and them hanging out here is verboten. Even the dad of the other girls involved when we went to pick them up said the same thing. Time to (as my late, great, fabulous mom would have said) LAY DOWN THE LAW.

  24. Queen of Dork says:

    BStrange: I had never seen that Dog/Cat diary before but the things that the cat says totally cracks me up. I think my SamKitty may have written that. He’s such a drama queen and pretends like me and my daughter torture and starve him when in reality, he’s quite well cared for, fed and smooched by both of us all the time. He just pretends to be persecuted so he can perhaps get more food than is good for him! 🙂

  25. Rachael says:

    Q of D, love the dog/cat diary!!! As for your daughter’s infraction, you’re the mom so you determine the punishment. I know you’ll be fair (mostly cuz I’ve determined you’re a huge pushover when it comes to kidlets of all shapes, sizes and furrage). 😀

  26. knittinkitten says:

    Awwwwwwww. My cat does this all the time. Too cute! Glad you’re back CO..

    If the friend has been instigating trouble you’re right to cut off contact with them for the summer. Although I have to say when I read the post about her being grounded for the grandmother’s tardiness I had several unpleasant flashbacks to my teenage years, and being grounded for things that I had no control over. (My favourite was when I was supposed to call to check in at X time in the afternoon. I did. My mother did not pick up so I left a message on machine. She was out shoe shopping and therefore not home to get the call so she grounded me because SHE wasn’t home. Still haven’t worked out what I did wrong. This really did happen. I cannot lie to CO.) Please don’t be too hard on your daughter. Sounds like it was the grandmother who is at fault here…………..

  27. Venerable Bead says:

    @QoD: Okay…if the other parents are on board then you are NOT off base…always helps to have strength in numbers. 😉 And you, imo, are a GREAT mom. Your daughter will realize this when her OWN children cause her grief and she finds your voice coming out of her mouth. 😉

    ((hugs)) Just keep telling yourself….4 more years until she’s in college (or however many more you have….hopefully 4 or less). That’s what my mom did.

  28. CO is lookin’ funky, and this kitten is all “talk to the paw.” 😛

  29. Queen of Dork says:

    Okay. I guess I could ease the grounding from 3 years to one week. I guess it was just really upsetting. It really scared the crap out of me to hear a police officer call. I thought my girl may have been hurt and in a hospital or something. I was just sooooo scared. So I guess I’m just mad that she scared me so badly. I had to shove my heart up from my stomach cavity back into my chest just to breathe and make the necessary phone calls to find out where she was detained to go and pick her up. (harumph).

  30. Queen of Dork says:

    PS – And thanks, Peeps! You always make me feel better! On a lighter note: I WANT THAT KITTEH!!! 🙂

  31. QofD speaking as a Mom of two dughters and having had a few phone calls.. similar, let me say as the Mom you actually know the whole situation as in Daughter should have could have called you too to comce get her, etc… and so I totally support the grounding.. as in gahhh sometimes kids need to learn that they are responsible for them selves and scaring us to death… and yeah a week sound s about right and we all know that she will be off in three days anyway LOL (at least mine would have been … for good behavior)

    LOL the whole pulling heart from stomach to chest Been there done that one too many times. Thank goodness they eventually grow up!

  32. Queen of Dork says:

    KittyAdventures: Do they? You’ve been through this? It will some day get better? *wipes sweat off brow* Thank you so much!

  33. Qof D {{{{{Big Huggs}}+}}}

  34. MamaLana says:

    You’re back, C.O! You’re back! Sorta.
    And yes, my kitty does that paw thing to me all the time. I call it “Stop talking, Mom.” Or sometimes, when I kiss her too much, she starts trying to lick herself clean, like “Echh, human lips all over me, echh!!!!!!” Cats are so funny!

  35. mai oui, zee sensations of zee kitty jellie beenz on zee leeps. l’aaahhhhnnn.

  36. BStrange says:

    QoD:I’m pretty sure the “another gray hair today” punishment category is an established part of the parental routine.

    Glad you’re feeling a little better! 🙂

  37. bellasmom says:

    I don’t want to seem insensitive…but REALLY. Queen….this is a feel good site to me. Do we need a group therapy room. Keep your problems to your friends and family…I am not interested in your issues….JUST SAYIN>>

  38. Queen of Dork says:

    bellasmom: Sorry 😦

  39. BStrange says:

    One last thing, scrounged off ze web:

    “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” ~ Ed Asner

    “You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Jones

    “Before I was married I had six theories about raising children. Now I have six children and no theories.” -John Wilmot, earl of Rochester

    “Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he’s in trouble.” – Dennis Fakes

    “Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud “snort” noises.) I don’t know why parents don’t do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you’re a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won’t have his friends hanging around your house all the time.” – P.J. O’Rourke

    Here is what I notice about a lot of parenting quotes: so many apply equally well to having cats, dogs, ferrets…. etc. And not just the obvious ones! I had a dog who learned that her FULL name meant she was in trouble.

    Except you (probably) can’t use a squirt bottle on a teenager when they ding up your car. (Or on people who pour sour grapes on cute posts.)

  40. BStrange says:

    …Though using a squirt bottle on the aforementioned nu-… insufficientlycuters *eyes modbot!*… is still tempting.

  41. Thanks, bella’s mom! (imagine I knew how to do an applause icon).
    We were all getting overloaded, and not cutely, so enjoyed the visual of squirt bottles on the . . . uh, Newfoundlanders.
    Like Thumper’s mom sez, ‘If you can’t say nothin’ cute, don’t say nothin’ at all.’

  42. CathyDee says:

    @ Queen of Dork:
    Another perfect stranger popping in with her 2 cents: even if the circumstances which caused her to have a police encounter that wasn’t completely her fault, that week of grounding will still send a good message and give her something to think about (perhaps–I guess SOME teenagers do actually think sometimes). If she is grounded for a week for something that was not completely the result of her own choices, just exactly how long would she be grounded for something that WAS her fault? Until she has kids of her own, she won’t understand the hysteria and panic you felt for those first 30 seconds of the phone call from the police, but, if nothing else, your reaction also sends the very important message that you care about her safety and well being. I also advise generous quantities of chocolate for your emotional recovery.

    There now. On to equally pressing matters: I wonder if little kitty paw jelly beans taste sweet when they are pressed up against zhe human’s mouf?

  43. Noelegy says:

    White kitteh is saying, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat…”

  44. Queen of Dork says:

    That is a very cute picture. I love how cute that cat is the way he is putting his cute paws on the cute lips of the cute human. Very, very cute. I wish my cat was that cute and would put his cute paws on my cute lips. Very cute stuff.

  45. BStrange says:

    CathyDee: If it’s still a nursing kitten, yes. Baby kitten paws taste like mama kitty belly and rainbows. 🙂

    QoD: Dial soap and a good stretching of the eye-roll muscles gets the “been trolled” smell mostly off. So does remembering that, no matter how valid the point might be (it WAS a threadjack after all), anything beginning with “I don’t mean to be”, middling with being that thing, and ending with “I’m just saying”, is not an objective comment.

  46. Queen of Dork says:

    That picture is so cute.

  47. BStrange says:

    Also, am I the only one who finds it vaguely disturbing that there apparently ISN’T a name for the top of the foot? At least, I haven’t found one that’s not specific to bones or tendons rather than the surface area of the upper foot.

    So what’s that area called on a cat’s tiny feets? Toetops? Upper sproingengearen?

  48. @Q.o.D. Just stickin’ in my 2 cents worth too (as the fellow parent of a 15 year old daughter)… although I totally sympathise with the 3 year grounding (LOL, woudn’t that make things easier?!?), my daughter and I and her best friend were having a discussion the other day about grounding and such: and her friend who had been grounded for a week, and who was just on her way home with us from an outing, had commented that she “knew” she would be hanging with friends by the weekend, “cause Mom always lets me off early”. My daughter then commented that she takes care NOT to get grounded , ‘ cause she knows when Mom grounds her, she’s not going anywhere or doing anything till her time is up. (Mom being me, sitting right there in the same car). I wonder which one of them has learned more about controlling themselves, and being responsible for thier actions? Only time will tell.

  49. This is what love looks like.

  50. BStrange says:

    That, or we’re looking at it all wrong, and kitteh’s actually trying to pry her mouth open:

    “I smell your bref, human. I know you have tuna in there!”

  51. Sanjivee says:


  52. She was at a teen club and someone’s grandma was a few minutes late picking them up?

    My parents would’ve loved to have had problems like this.

  53. Kissssable Kittypawsies!!!! 😀

  54. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m no parent but I was a teenager and I definitely say don’t be too lenient. I don’t agree with Russell Peters’ “White parents, you gotta beat your kids” skit, but I do think a lot of parents are way too lenient so their kids don’t take their warnings seriously. My parents were never poor but they had enough troubles with language and such, so none of us ever caused trouble.

  55. Biscuit Tin says:

    Someone should start a Yahoo group called, I don’t know, Ehn! Sync, or something, where like-minded people from CO can chat about life’s ups and downs. People who love animals are often people who feel things deeply and want to share with others. CO comments is not the place for that, but a place could be created, and mentioned here. One or more of you who likes to chat should work on that, No charge for using “Ehn! Sync.” =)

  56. Biscuit Tin says:

    Oh, and by “chat” I mean post conversational comments to which others later post conversational responses. A message board? A discussion forum? I don’t mean a chat room, per se. To the extent that I even understand what I mean.

  57. Queen of Dork says:

    Agreed, agreed and agreed. As I said before, I’m terribly sorry I brought it up! 🙂 I said the wrong thing at the wrong place and won’t do that again. I’ll only talk about the cuteness of the pictures posted here. I’m sorry about that. Can we all be okay about it now? I made a big mistake. I won’t do that again. Okay? The End? Now. I love this picture! It’s very sweet! 🙂

  58. Biscuit Tin says:

    My cat likes to lie on my chest and do this with all four feet. It’s probably an act of disdain (Ho, ho! Kiss my feetz, food lady!) but I adore it.

  59. Queen of Dork says:

    My cat enjoys hopping on my bed when I’m asleep and laying by my head. Then he sneezes in my face. lovely. 🙂 This picture seriously is making me consider running to the shelter and adopting a kitten. It’s just so sweet!

  60. Silly kitty in ze picture. Feet tops are called “pillows,” irregularly-shaped bowling balls are called “landscape rocks,” and boogers are what snot is called after it gets hard, but you are just a zimple cat, however would you knows all dat?

    @Queen and everyone else: Get thee to a shelter immediately!! So many baby kittehs and all-growed-up cats need ur luvs… 🙂

  61. Mrs. P. says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that that’s Angelina Jolie in that picture? And the hovertext made me laugh until I wept. Well, I was already weeping over the terrible slaughter of England by Germany in the World Cup, admittedly. But still.

  62. BStrange says:

    Mrs. P: According to a certain Jolie-worshipper of my acquaintance, it isn’t, and I’ll take his word for it! But I noticed a resemblance too.

    QoD: No worries, the only person who annoyed ME was the one who responded in that snarky ‘tude; point was good, tone was bad. Though all the “That is so cute” posts did have me worried you got hijacked. 😉

    I think some folks are commentatin’ before they get down to the end (see: posts on which people keep asking the same question 6,000,098 times), so I just ignored those at that point and got back to cuteness business. By the way, the sour grapes comment had nothing to do with you. Promise. It was a reference to the fleas all public blogs must scratch! ‘Pologies for my part in perpetuating threadjackage, too. But isn’t nice that people actually cared? 🙂

    Biscuit Tin: Not if it’s named after a boy band. Even punnishly. *shudder* /old: AC/FleaC maybe? /old Actually, I’m normally quite quiet and lurky, not much into chat anymore. If I am moved to comment I usually go quiet again after that’s done. CO is an exception, no idea why that is, it just ’tis.

  63. BStrange says:

    And in the spirit of moving on, check this out: One of the best questions I ever found in Yahoo! Answers:

  64. BStrange: the non-scientifical word for the top of the foot is the instep, as in, ‘I got to the phone in three rings, even though I had to snowshoe over with a sleeping cat on top of one instep and a staffordshire on the other.’

  65. BStrange says:

    dub1: Nope, that’s “the middle section of the human foot, forming the arch between the ankle and toes”-(various dictionaries), not the top of the foot specifically.

  66. BStrange says:

    So, basically, I know the proper name of the muscle used to make kissypoofaces at kittens (orbicularis oris – sounds like some sort of bird), and I’ve got nothin’ for “the top of the foot”. *snicker* NTMTOM strikes again. I think I’m gonna go with Jen’s feline interpretation then: Pillows. 😀

  67. Queen of Dork says:

    The top of the foot is called the foot-tippity-top-a-scoppity-pippity-poo.

  68. BStrange says:

    So pillows, or FTTaSPP, which if you attempt to pronounce it sounds like the noise I’d make if two Tidy Cat-scented paws planted themselves on my lip. “Cat Brake” also comes to mind for those of us who’ve had door-rushers. Any more?

  69. BStrange says:

    oopscuseme. Upper Cat-Braking Surface, in Cuteology terms – used when entering whilst cats attempt to exit. The Lower Cat-Braking Surface, also known as the “sole” (along with the “ankle”, the “shin”, and the “useless verbal protests”), is more often used while blocking catflow traveling in the same direction as the human.

  70. BStrange says:

    Or calf. Not shin. Anatomical dyslexia moment.

  71. BStrange says:

    …The above post-trilogy aptly illustrates why I should not post while cooking something that will boil over if I leave it for more than a couple of minutes.

    Belatedly, because I was thinking about this after dub1’s post: Running with a pet on the foot should be an olympic sport, but I’m not sure how they’d categorize it. Somewhere near “shot put” only works if the dog falls off, which is a disqualifying incident anyway.

  72. Our kitty does this all the time because he hates it when you try to get in his face! Must be a (mostly) white kitty thing 🙂

  73. Queen of Dork,

    Getting a call from the police can turn your hair white. Picking up your kid from them is worse but it wasn’t serious thank heavens.

  74. Debbieln60 says:

    Little kitty looks like he trying to tell her ‘ zie mints, pleazzz use zie mints.’

  75. Chanpon-lol! I call them frito-feet! Why do kitty feet smell like that? Too funny!

  76. jessica says:

    My cat does this too! But it’s because he hates kisses, if you pucker up he will push you away.

  77. 😆 That kitty acts like he/she would like to say “OK, OK, enough with the kissing!” 😆

  78. ellyflippp says:

    My god, grounding someone for something that’s not only NOT their fault, but also out of their control? I would have a serious conversation with the grandma, she was late after all! Stupid, nonsensical American rubbish!

    I guess that’s the right motto for raising a kid: ‘Life screws you over anyway, I will too. Get used to it. Do it to others.’

  79. BStrange says:

    @elyflippp: Resurrecting a dead kerfuffle is no more polite. Let it lie.