Any Word from My Lawyer?

“Ya gotta believe me, man, I didn’t do it! It was, ah, the one-armed man! Wait, no — it was the Illuminati! The Trilateral Commission? Space aliens? Bigfoot?”



  1. Awww. I believe you little guy. You were framed, I’m sure.

  2. Oh, and (mini) beep!

  3. Queen of Dork says:

    You must FILE FOR AN APPEAL! (an apple peal).

  4. @QoD: He needs to call the lawyer on the BANANAPHONE. 😛

  5. Queen of Dork says:

    Hahahahaha! (Theresa’s in the HOUSE!) After they booked him and threw him in the slammer he said, “Oh, rats.”

  6. (ring ring ring ring ring ring ring)

  7. Queen of Dork says:

    *answers phone* Hello. This is Dewey, Chew’em and Meow. How may I direct your call?

  8. DIRTY ROTTEN SCREW!! [drags tiny cup across bars]

  9. Rats ‘n’ racks

  10. Hello? Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Is your refrigerator running?

  11. Queen of Dork says:

    My fridge ran away with Prince Albert.

  12. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa: I’d better not let SamKitty and Loretta see that. They’re bad enough at meal times. I don’t need them slamming Sam’s food dish on the floor like that. 😯

  13. Hello? Can I talk to Hugh? Hugh Jass?

  14. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa: Wow! That one was cool! I never heard that one before but I love it! I wish us CO peeps could get together and have a slumber party and make prank phone calls and TP houses. (yes. my immaturity is showing). I knew this couple once and for Valentines Day, he gave her a card that said, “Look Out! There’s something huge and scary following you!!!” “Oh. never mind. It’s just your butt.” 🙂 (She had a sense of humor and thought it was hilarious).

  15. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  16. victoreia says:

    So where was Colonel Mustard with the candlestick? The library or the billiard room?

  17. Queen of Dork says:

    victoreia: Ohhhhhh. Clue! Remember how much fun that board game was? Can I bring that to the slumber party? I liked the secret passages from one room to the other which I think would give the player an edge if you took one of those. *busts rat out. runs holding rat through secret passage from the Conservatory to the Kitchen to grab some lettuce*

  18. *sneaks Mr. Rattie a tiny cake with a teeny file in it*

    and *BOOP!*

  19. Gentle little beep on the nose.

  20. @QoD: My puppy bangs her food bowl around the floor at mealtimes. And the guinea peeg noms on the bars for treats whenever I walk by. These animals are too smart!!

  21. It was the Big Cheese!
    yeah *shifty eyes* thats the ticket

  22. Martha in Washington says:

    It was the guy on the grassy knoll!

  23. Awww this reminds me of my dear little Fern ❤ I miss her so much

  24. This is sad.. 😦 Animals shouldn’t be caged

  25. Andrea says:

    skeeee! looks just like my little ones ❤

  26. Hon Glad says:

    “Brick walls do not a prison make nor iron bars a cage”

    I saw the Alka-selzer ad originally at the Odeon Leicester Square during a showing of award winning ads, the Agency I worked for C.D.P. had one an award at whatever festival this was, may be Venice.
    Anyhoo, the American agency that made this ad was Doyle Dayne Bernbach

  27. Tisha, having no cage for your rat is like having no fence for your dog or no cot (crib) for your baby: irresponsible. Naturally my rats are let out every evening to run & play, but you have to exercise caution constantly: avoid stepping on them, moving anything that might crush them including doors, exposing them to problem foods or medication or chemicals, nibbling on electronics or biting into wiring, destroying clothing, stealing paper, knocking things down, or getting out-of-hand with the little hoards they make in corners. They need supervision or a controlled environment, and “controlled” means updated regularly as they think, jump, or gnaw their way around boundaries. 🙂

    That said, rats do need to be kept with other rats so they can play, groom, and challenge each-other.

  28. Rachael says:

    There’s not a jury in the world that would convict that face.

  29. Ekajati says:


  30. tracylee says:

    awww, sweetie, I’ll bake you a cake with a file in it!

  31. I can almost hear the cute little jail-rat singing:
    Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen
    Nobody knows my sorrow….

  32. DogEared says:

    awwwwwwwwwww…that’s all i got for this one. just awwwwwwwwwwwwww…

  33. jujube says:

    Rattie needs a cellmate. Surely someone can bust the local pet store for another criminal type.

  34. cambridge_rat_mom says:

    Rats Rule! He/She looks like a possible Dumbo. I have a Dumbo myself. Like all rats, he is wonderful and my 26th rescued rat since 2001.

    But they do need to be in cages for their safety and the protection of anything that can be chewed. Of course, the cage needs to be big enough and interesting enough and he does get “out” time, too. Normally I would have him with a cagemate, but he didn’t play well with my other single rat (whose cagemate died in January) and so he will live the life of a happy bachelor. Their cages are right in the middle of all activity which means they get plenty of face time all the time. Happy Rats.

    Many people don’t realize that shelters, especially bigger ones, have small animals to adopt as well. So before you go to a pet store, go adopt one from a shelter, just like you’d adopt a cat or dog.

  35. Yes, it’s a dumbo. The position of their ears always makes them look like they’re pleading with you for something.

  36. What that adorable face s/he has to be innocent!!

  37. bailsabub says:

    Lil ratatooie guy!

  38. I have had eyes just like that look at me through the bars. Veeeeery hard not to get them out for snuggles. No jury in the world would convict those eyes and cute noosie.

  39. Heather and the Boston Terriers says:

    I don’t even LIKE rodents, but Mr. Rodentia Convictus is Adorabuhl!!!

    He wants his mommy.

    Can I make my telephone call now???

  40. Awwww, liddol Rattie, doan cry;
    I gotta Philadelphia Lawyer working on your case;
    he should be able to spring you soon…..BTW, what did you actually do,
    to get yourself in a situation like this? Wait, wut?: you short-wired the goggie’s heated kennel?….. Yup, that’l do it….We better have a lotta munnies for the bail…!!!

  41. How could those eyes lie to you? I believe you!

  42. anonymous coward says:


    “You must FILE FOR AN APPEAL! (an apple peal)”

    shouldn’t it be

    “You must APPEAL FOR A FILE!” (a metal file (almost typed a “mettle” (where’s my coffee?)))


  43. Incidentally: BEEP!

  44. Queen of Dork says:

    AC: He-he! That works too. *hands AC a cup of coffee and a mettle file*

  45. BabyOpossum says:


  46. anonymous coward says:

    (uses the mettle file (which is small enough to fit in the cup (they come in different sizes (i cannot open another parenthesis (maybe i could, i programmed in lisp in a past life)))) to stir his coffee)

  47. anonymous coward says:

    btw, @ *.*: what’s the deal with “attica” and prisons anyway (no, i am not from the usa, nor am i living there)?

  48. darkshines says:

    I’m sorry Winston, but you must learn to LOVE Big Brother……

  49. “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage”. *lol* What a cute rat. Hope it has another friend in the cage! They are so fun to watch playing together and “boxing”. Mine stick their noses through the cage too. Usually wanting a bite from my food.

  50. Oh, my (sigh)Attica was already used! But I do hear a soundtrack. How about “Free Me” by the Who?

  51. Don’t say another word little rat! Just ask for a lawyer. Never waive your Miranda rights!!!

    ….miRATda rights?

  52. mom2twinzz says:

    @QoD I’d come and bring my Harry Potter Clue (Very confusing game), Monopoly, and Apple to Apples. That one can go BAD (in a good way ) in a hurry. I actually had to send my kids upstairs when we had 4 adults playing.

  53. @ Anonymous Coward here is the info on Attica if you are interested

    In 1971 there was a prison riot where the prisoners who were kept in extreme conditions wanted to get some consessions whent eh cops stormed the prison they shot and wounded over 80 prisoners and killed a bunch of the hostages too.

    then proceded to punish the prisoners.. IT was a horrible event no matter which side you were on… but this singular even made Attica a familiar name to Americans due to the newspaper and TV coverage.

  54. Queen of Dork says:

    mom2twinzz: Twins? How are they?! How cool! 🙂 Oh, how I wish we could play board games! Can you just imagine it? A bunch of COers in one room playing Chutes and Ladders or Trouble or Payday or Twister or Monopoly or Clue or Scrabble or Checkers or Chess or Trival Pursuit or Pictionary or Charades or Strip Poker? (kidding about that last one. Okay, the last two aren’t board games at all but, oh well. would be fun, eh?) All of the animals who we attend to on a daily basis could join in the fun as well!

  55. skippymom says:

    QoD, you’ve inspired me. I think tonight after our chores are done I will get out the Twister set and play a few rounds with the cats. Actually, just the three young ones–Twister is far beneath Skippy’s dignity. He can sit in a comfy chair and look askance at our frivolity.

  56. Queen of Dork says:

    skippymom: SamKitty, Loretta and I just played a game of Twister. They are far more flexible than I. Loretta just won with back feet on red, green and blue (don’t ask me how she did that) and nose, head tail and whiskers on yellow, blue and red. She almost broke in half doing this maneuver, but she got through it. I myself have several dislocated spinal vertabrae and I broke my right wrist and my neck trying to keep up. SamKitty just watched, kept spinning the Twister wheel and laughing. (primarily at me). Sam and Loretta have gone outside now. I’m applying ice packs to my injuries. (They’re out there planning a game of Pin the Tail on the Food Lady. (me)) crap.

  57. Katrina says:

    I know why the jailed rat sings….
    Was “Twister” created by a Chiropractor?

  58. Queen of Dork says:

    *ouch* (limps) *ow* (stupid cats). *ow*

  59. @QoD, it’s frustrating for me to try to do yoga around here, because whenever I get down on the floor and do it, the cat always turns right up, and starts twisting himself up like a pretzel and folding himself in half (and he’s FAT!)

  60. skippymom says:

    Queenie, you must be a very highly skilled nurse if you have the ability to treat a broken neck with an ice pack!

  61. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa: I know. They’re such insufferable show offs. I don’t know about Dante, but SamKitty always laughs behind his paw at me. (Stupid cat…I’m just trying to do fifth position).

  62. skippymom says:

    Aha! I’ve just figured out what Francesco is up to when he contorts his lanky frame into all those bizarre positions that look as though they can’t possibly be comfortable–he’s just doing his yoga!

  63. Queen of Dork says:

    skippymom: Well, first I had to splint my neck. Then I applied the ice pack. Neither cat offered to help. Also, I smell like Ben Gay. OOOOOOOHHHH! Ben Gay! Who can find an old 70s Ben Gay commercial?!

  64. Queen of Dork says:

    Okay. I’m cheating. This looks more like ’60s than ’70s but ya gotta love that groovy menthol!

  65. Queen of Dork says:

    Oops! Can’t watch it embedded. (whatever the hell that means) Maybe like this?

  66. skippymom says:

    Ha ha, I’ve just remembered a really stupid grade school joke about Ben Gay. Not sure whether it would be okay to say here, though.

  67. Queen of Dork says:

    skippymom: I know I’ve said this before but I have to say it again. Here’s my favorite joke:
    What’s brown and sticky?

  68. skippymom says:

    I give up–what’s brown and sticky?

  69. Queen of Dork says:

    This is for Res and Theresa and EVERYBODY! He-he. (nice) (I hope this works correctly).

  70. Queen of Dork says:

    skippymom: A BROWN STICK!

  71. skippymom says:

    Oh man, that is the funniest joke EVER!!! Did you make it up? I love it! I am going to tell it to Eddy, Franny and Chloe as soon as I get home. They will CRACK UP! A brown stick! Hahahahahahahahaha

  72. Queen of Dork says:

    No! I didn’t make it up! It’s always been one of my favorite jokes but I don’t remember where the heck I got it from. But, “A Brown Stick!” ahahahahahahaha! I’ve always thought that was so funny! It cracks me up every time! It’s so innocent and stupid!!! Hahahahahahahaha!

  73. skippymom says:

    I’m going to tell the brown stick joke to my 3- and 4-year-old story time kids on Monday morning!
    Hey, I made up another one: what’s red and sticky?

  74. skippymom says:

    A red stick!!!!!!!!!!

  75. Why do cows have bells?
    Because the horns don’t work!

  76. Queen of Dork says:

    See? That’s the beauty of it! It’s so innocent you can tell this joke to little kids! Peeps. I’m about to go so off the subject here but have anyone of you ever hiked in Goblin Valley in Southern Utah in the USA? I only ask because I just got back from the store and the lady who works there is going camping with her boyfriend in Utah. And I was like, “OMG!!! If you’re going to be in Southern Utah, you could go see Goblin Valley!! And not just the little goblins…go and hike farther into the area and you will find the BIG goblins! And you will never hear such silence in your life as you will hear/not hear in this place.” Does anybody know the area I’m talking about?! Wow! such a magical place! She had never heard of it. I’m like, “well, of course not. It’s a secret place.” 🙂

  77. Queen of Dork says:

    Gosh guys. Here’s just an inkling of the whole thing. I would really recommend a visit to this place to ANYONE on the planet.

  78. Qof D

    HEre is alink to the state PArk PAge

    IT looks very interesting

    I think I have been past it a couple of times not the park but the same area I was looking on a map..I rember the sandstone towers with thei weird shapes like gremlins looking down at you from the cliff walls… this was back in the early 80’s

  79. awww, so cute. I miss my rat, Templeton. He’s in rat heaven now 😦

  80. Queen of Dork says:

    Kittyadventues: Yes, that’s it! It was also shown in the movie Galaxy Quest. But this is just a small part of it. Just the part that is “public” When hiking past this area of it, a whole new world of awesome strangeness opens up. There is a world of things beyond the State Park part of this park. We (friends and myself) found it by entering a cave and crawling through it and then climbing up out of the top. We found this whole other, amazing area of this desert which is soooooooo beautiful and isn’t shown in brochures. (I guess because it’s sort of a not so tame area to reach). But WOW is it gorgeous. Then, not far from there we actually stumbled across a dinosaur vertabrae imbedded in the stone. Not kidding here. We ended up taking the State Paleontologist to the site after showing photos when we got back to Salt Lake. We found the vertabrae of a 140 million year old dinosaur called a Camarasauras. This was more in the Crazy Horse (or Wild Horse? Can’t remember for sure) area. But we found it and are on the record books for this particular discovery and I still to this day have a bit of that dinosaur bone from that site. Cool! Cool, cool, cool!!

  81. look at ratty’s innocent teeny pink handsie clutching cage bar–ahhh so cute! let ratty out.

  82. QOD: Are you talking about Dead Horse Point by Moab? There is a Wild Horse canyon in Utah (two actually, Big Wild Horse and Little Wild Horse,) but it’s in the middle of nowhere, 200 miles northwest of Goblin Valley and not on any major roads.I used to live at mouth of Little Wild Horse Canyon, and I don’t know of any fossils there, but there are a few petroglyphs.

    Okay, I want to go camping now.

  83. Queen of Dork says:

    This one is for you, Theresa! I know you like singing. (and ’70s music!) 🙂 If I played this one before, well, my bad.

  84. KatieKae says:

    snozzle beep. I LOVE ratties!

  85. BabyOpossum – that made me do a spittake! Good one! (“Rattica”)

  86. …the candlestick. Right. You know, you might have to rephrase that. You know, to something along the lines of:

    “Colonel Mustard, in the kitchen, with a chainsaw!”

  87. Queen of Dork says:

    corianne: That may be it. It’s been over 15 years and all I remember is that the word “horse” was in it. But it wasn’t far from Goblin Valley. We drove from GV to there and then we began to hike along a dried river bed when we got to the point where the vehicles could no longer make it. It was beautiful. When we took the pictures to the paleontologists, they got all excited and pulled this map out and asked us to point out the spot. We told them we couldn’t really pin-point it on a map but told them we could take them there which is what we did. It was quite startling to find something like that. At first we were all in denial as to what we were actually looking at. We were like, “No. Way. That CAN’T be what I think it is!” 🙂

  88. Queen of Dork says:

    Tomas: I think it was Major Peach. In the bathroom. (with a taser).

  89. Queen of Dork says:

    This might be not the okay to post, but don’t you peeps like this commercial? It cracks me up every time I see it! 🙂

  90. Queen of Dork says:

    “Let’s come snuggles with mama.” He-he! That cracks me up.

  91. QoD-you watch The Vicar of Dibley, too!

  92. Queen of Dork says:

    catinapaslife: I don’t know what The Vicar of Dibley is but just by the title it sounds interesting. Peeps, I just picked up my baby, SamKitty and had a little purring, petting, much love session with him. Then when I put him down, he told me that (according to his Contract) this will cost me an extra five bucks. He’s really quite rotten and corrupt. I don’t know what to do with him. I’ve gotten legal counsel but his lawyer is bigger than my lawyer so I’m kind of screwed.

  93. Cute or sad?

  94. cambridge_rat_mom says:

    Is this a forum for Queen of Dork? Just askin’…

  95. ratchic says:

    I think I would like to make RATTICA door sign for my rat boys’ room! They get lots of free time in their room, with many boxes and ramps, and even a ‘mess’ hall eating table which they promptly race to when I let them out of their cage. They prefer to sleep in their cage, though, and are in it for any length of time no one is home with them.
    This rat picture makes me want to reach in and pet and hold the precious ratty! Ok, at least give some yogies!

  96. Toby Keith's prize horse says:



    What a horrible life. It would be equivalent to a human being locked in a bedroom their entire life. Even if “well taken care of” how miserable a life that must be.. Nothing is more sad to me than an animal in a cage, especially birds – domesticated or not.

    A happy animal is free to be as they were created.. not locked up for our sick and selfish entertainment

  98. DillPig says:

    I think Rattie is just in the cage to take him to the vet for his annual check-up; it looks like a carry-cage to me 😉

  99. Whenever she has to go to the vet in her carrier, my kitteh tries to bite through the bars.

  100. Colonel Jenna says:

    My rat Atooq not only comes to the corner of the cage to beg and look pitiful (he’s especially good at that) he reaches through the bars optimistically. Which inevitably leads to my offering him a peanut. He runs to put it in his nest, then comes back and looks sad and pitiful so I hand him a peanut…. Atooq would like to have hamster cheek pouches. If you offer him another peanut when he has one in his mouth he gets that tortured look you see on a retriever that can’t fit another tennis ball into it’s mouth.

  101. sorry guy. If you can”t do the time don”t do the crime.

  102. flodnak says:

    If you let me out, I promise I won’t pee in your shoes!


  103. Shadowtiger says:

    Our rats would love to free-range, but if you want that you essentially have to toddler-proof your whole house, take all of the books off of the bottom shelf of the bookshelf, and put blocks under the bottoms of all of the doors. They consider (with only one or two exceptions) the exercise ball to be humiliating, as well as frustrating becuase it corners poorly and won’t let them scurry under the couch to resume chewing through the legs. Pet rodents can be ludicrously destructive if you free-range them. A friend of mine lost hundreds of dollars worth of computer equipment when his dwarf bunny attacked the cords. If the case had been open it would have been thousands of dollars.

    Ours will chew on the cage bars when they know their playtime is nearing–kind of like this photo but with their mouth wrapped around the bar. Some will get so excited they’ll climb up the walls and hang from the ceiling of their cage with all four paws (and their tail).

    Colonel Jenna, ours will do that too–some have figured out how to fit four yogurt drops into their mouth if you stack them juuuust right, and then they’ll hobble off with a fifth one held in their forepaws. Greedy little boogers…

  104. Dewi,

    You need to add to your list of mischief that rats can do while out… running under the couch and climbing up into the innerds so I can’t get at them. I’ve had a couple “trouble-makers” that head straight for the couch when I’m not looking.

  105. Victoria says:

    To Tisha:

    You’re looking at things from the wrong perspective. You’re looking at them from the human perspective. To most caged pets, the cage is not a prison, it’s their home. It’s the place where they feel the most secure.

    My boys love their outside-the-cage playtime, but I always know when they’re done because they climb back inside the cage on their own.

  106. Colonel Jenna says:

    Well waddaya know, Atooq has learnt how to get TWO peanuts in his mouth!