Dear Dr. Lipschwitz…

Please help. His name is Wedge – purely coincidental, mind you – and he’s gone ’round the bend:

“Hey, guys! Look in my new tele-ma-scope! We live in Pennsyl-ma-vania, but you can see all the way to Polka-vank-tatum! And that’s where the Paperclip Fairies and Purple live!”

What the hell just went on here, Tara G.?



  1. someone went nuts with the bedazzler!!!

  2. Love the bewelled toilet paper roll. You’re gonna start a trend:)

  3. What’s more uncomfortable than a hedgie with a wedgie?

  4. @260OAkley..
    a hedgie with a bedazzled wedgie

  5. @260Oakley: A frog with a clog, a toad with a “coad”, a gnu with the flu, a conch snail with a “honch” back. Okay…the last one was pushing it.

  6. LOVE the hovertext.

  7. Love the hovertext! If Maru could fit, he’d be in there NAO!

  8. Is Bob Mackie now selling glitter bathroom tissue on QVC???

  9. Von Zeppelin says:

    Man, I gotta start buying that premium brand of toilet paper. MY rolls don’t have sapphires, rubies and diamonds on them. Also, they don’t come with small, spiny mammals.

  10. When you think about it, it’s appropriate that a bejeweled object like that would come from the throne room.

  11. A bedazzled toilet paper roll. Hope the paper wasn’t bedazzled too.

    [YIKES 😯 – Ed.]

  12. googlie eyes says:

    260Oakley, I actually had a hedgehog named Wedgie, because he was “awkward and uncomfortable!” Ha, vindication for my series of deranged pet names! Just wait ’til someone mentions Tator Tot Jones. Then I’m really gonna go nuts!

  13. 5^^now8ing says:

    @ 260 – bejeweled, throne — groan! 😉

    I love this hedgie owner’s attitude — can’t get them to play with anything prettier, so I’ll just “pretty-up” the fave toy! Love it! Loff eet!

  14. Hedgie-always keeping up the cute level in the world.

  15. Seems like hedges do like to get into things. Wasn’t there one recently with a hedge wedged in a shoe? I don’t think it was a shoe with a wedge, but still…..

  16. A wedgiehegiewedge? Oh, yeah, that is possible, especially around her, Rooanne!

  17. AuntieMame says:

    LOL! I can’t get past the sparkly toilet paper tube. Hahahaha!

    (Cute wedged hedge, too.)

  18. Ha!! I just made a tubing video last night too! Coincidence????? *Twilight Zone*

  19. Aunt Hortense, fer cryin’ out loud, don’t go to sleep around her or she’ll slap the BeDazzler on you.

  20. PS, “It’s full of 50 Assorted Rhinestones!”

  21. Attaching fake stars to a narrow orifice such as that does not give you a genuine, fully certifide working StarGate(TM). But keep dreaming!

  22. Darn, I actually mis-spelled “certified”. The end of the world is nigh!

  23. Can we get a picture from the other side of the tube, I’d love to see his little face all scrunched up in there!

  24. hrhsqueak says:

    Melissadesa – That’s A-Dora-Buhls!!! Love the music – what a dancing fool your hedgie is! And a cutiepie too! I love when he (she?) puffs up his little spikies. “BOO!”

  25. Cholmondeley says:

    Major bonus from Melissadesa – thnx! Parts of that video made me feel like I was dreaming a very strange, but adorabuhl, dream.

  26. Is there some psychomalogical reason that hedgies crave tooobes? Portable burrows? To look taller for the chicks like Tom Cruise wearing lifts in his shoes? Or do they just want to be anteatery elefunky periscopes?

  27. @ GiGi – Your wish is granted.

  28. Wedge the HedgeHog, aspiring astronomer, Paperclip Fairy researcher, and unlikely Casanova, was having a field day.

    The hedgehog was busily adjusting his crystal-studded StarGazer{TM} (sounds better than ‘telescope’) when he heard a voice…


    It was coming from -inside the StarGazer{TM}-! What does it portend ?

    (Pic 1 Hovertext): “Maru ? Are you in there ?” He looked and looked and looked and looked and looked until he felt cooked like a sausage in the narrow dem thing. Was his true love, Maru, calling out to him, across the vast distance ? The first time he saw her, through the StarGazer{TM} (though by accident – he was no peeping Tomcat – or hog) he knew he was in love. Those graceful legs, the furry body, the whiskers which seemed to wave to him…

    But his search was to no avail. His awkward, hedgie “um, hi’s” went unanswered by his feline -amour-. Nevertheless, he remained convinced that she was trying to reach him — but his trusty crystal-studded cardboard StarGazer{TM} could not bridge the gap. There must be a way! Bristles bristling, he plodded on all fours, determined to find it.

    He had had a special dream, just once. In the dream, a bald, blind hedgehog with a very long tail spoke to him. And the blind one had said “Click……Click!” It made no sense to him, in fact it meant nothing at all, but it told him -something-.

    Wedge the Hedge was no fool. He didn’t believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or Dr. Nog the Time Trekker. But there was one hedgie belief which might not be based on legend. Determinedly, he set out to some mystical place called “Keyuut Auverlohde”. None knew where it existed, or even -if- it existed, but he plodded on, as determined as his hedgie heritage required.

    Finally, he perked up (none the worse for the journey) in front of the Great Gates. And what he asked was:

    (Pic 2 Hovertext): “Ooooh, are you Paperclip Fairy Mr. Clicky told me about ?”

  29. Peanut's mama says:

    OK, why has no one yet menshoned the UTTER ANERABLE CLOSEUP!!!!!!!

  30. I think I had one too many Samm’ys Winter Ales. I don get it! Aside from the obvious cute spiky guy.

  31. kibblenibble says:

    Peanut’s mama: I agree. That’s the best close-up of a hedgie face I ever saw! The shiny lower leep and nosicle! The wheeskers! The BEF! It’s…it’s…SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  32. resriechan says:

    Poisonally, *I* DON”T think that a hedgehog who is fond of a KALEIDOSCOPE (it izznt a tp tube, folks!!! THINK of the elegant designs you see in old-school, hand crafted kaleidoscopes from the 1800s; this is simply a more-economically produced kaleidoscope) ……has necessarily gone around the bend.

    Prongs, you *of all peeps* know, HOW BUSY Dr. Lipschwitz has been for many months now. You already told me that he had Maru as a client, for Pete’s sake!!!

    Let’s just do a little test w/ Wedges….perhaps his perception of reality is actually intact. I agree w/ the posting person who suggested the name Sartre. Having STUDIED French Existentialist Literature (incl. Jean-Paul Sartre) LECTURED EN FRANCAIS, mind you (Gaaaaaaah)…it very well might turn out, that little Wedges is actually a brilliant mind trapped in a spiny little body ……

    Alfred Einstein didn’t graduate high school
    (I THINK that’s the part of school where he
    dropped out/ possibly dyslexic undiagnosed???)

  33. Queen of Dork says:

    Resriechan: Dr. Lipschwitz soitanlly has been very busy…I can’t get an appointment for my cat. I came home today to find him sitting up on the couch wearing reading glasses and perusing the business section of the New York Times while eating from a bowl of kibbles with his claw. I think he needs to learn to relax a bit more. Maybe read the funnies from time to time.

  34. Queen of Dork says:

    Melissadesa: What a great video! It seems like hedgies are really fun to live with! Do they all have a toilet paper roll fetish? Like cats and boxes?

  35. OH! I love the picture addition!

  36. I suggest the tag “Derp” (counterpoint to “Blorp” ?) for all nerdy looking Qtes; inspired, of course, by “Ugh, It’s That Dweeb from the AV Squad” (By Not That Mike The Other Mike on Nov. 20, 2009). The second pic in the current pic is the target of “Derp”, of course.

    BTW, French existentialist literature, esp. J.P. Sartre, can be characterised as “The Idiot’s Guide To Non-Existence”. If anyone can, by use of their imagination, define existence, then anyone can be God. Why, then, should anyone follow anyone else’s ideas ? Just make them up as you go along. That’s what most of do anyway. I just thank the -real- God that Noah preserved the Qte in the Ark during the Flood.

  37. Correction: “That’s what most of *us* do anyway” is what was intented.

  38. BRILLIANT video !!! I love how the little squeaker “boogies” around the house attached to a T.P.roll !

  39. So Einstein did not graduate high school. Big deal. He is not Jesus Christ. (You know, ‘Saviour’ or something; not the designer of the Atomic Bomb).

  40. Thanks Cholmondeley and hrhsqueak! Yes, hedgies LOVE tubes.

    For some reason, Penelope (my hedgie) can be oh so shy, ‘specially when we go to the park. She wants to run and hide, so I take a tube with me. She puts it on, and get her high-kick trot on! (0:51) and I pee my pants laughing. Penelope suddenly turns confident! And all I had to do was stick a cheap carboard TP roll on her face!! (Actually she does it all her own!!!) Check out Hallelujah Hedgehog if you liked the previous video. You may go into Adorabuhlseizures.

  41. Queen of Dork – It depends on the hedge. Mine was obsessed for a long time, now she doesn’t even touch ’em unless she’s outside and feeling self-conscious with the fact that others are fawning all over her. She just wants to shove her head into a tube!!! Like, if I don’t look, I won’t blush!!!! Oh what to do with all these compliments….oh my!!!

    Her new thing is dryer sheets. She roughs them up like a dog with a chew toy, hide and seek in my duvet, and when she sticks her leg out of her ball, I try to grabs. then she tries to pull it back in. ‘Tis fun. I have many more vids if you’re interested.

    A new behaviour I’m seeing is…at night, she runs on her wheel and gets all hyper, then comes into my room and looks at me to follow her… I do….and she shows me all her hiding spots ritualistically. She thinks I don’t know about these places and is super excited to show me “her world” LOL!!!

  42. He is smilingks. Awwwww.
    Keeeees and beeeep.

  43. darkshines says:

    Melissa, your hedgepig is too cute, especially the high kicking walk!

    The hedgie in the post is also very cute, I love the blinged tube!

  44. resriechan says:

    LOOK PEEPS !(sorry I’m feeling wild & immature just now)

    THE HEDGIE’s TOOF is pointing out over his lip in the second pic!

    HEDGE TOOF !! (rather reminds me of the Goat of Geek).

    Awwwwwwwwwwww how ridic. adorable!!!

  45. AWWW. Hedgies are adorable!!! The second pic…. sweetest hedgie face EVAR.
    Melissadesa, your hedgie is beyong redonk! Love the way she “peers” through the tube to see where she wants to go next! So qte. and the shot of her napping, well, now I have a mess to clean up here…I wasn’t wearing my “CO helmut”.

  46. Could hedgie possibly be Maru’s love child?

  47. Queen of Dork says:

    Wend: Oh dear. That’s happened to me before when I forgot to wear my brain containment helmut. I always keep plenty of sponges and paper towels handy. I love Melissadesa’s hedgie’s tippy-toe march!

  48. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    wow… I sent these pictures in back in April and I never expected them to be used! This is so exciting! That is my baby girl Arwen Rose rocking her bedazzled toilet paper tube. She is a spoiled mommy’s girl and I wanted her to have the best of the best toilet paper tubes. The close up is by far still my favorite picture i’ve ever taken of her. She had just eaten meal worms for the very first time and had a HUGE smile on her face. I’m glad you all like her!

  49. Love the super-large size of the second pic. It is now my new desktop! 😀

  50. LOL Thank you for making puddles ladies and gents.

    Yes I love the napping video. It took me 7 months for her to truly trust me like this. Many hoggly bogglies dont ever let you touch their face so I consider this history in the making.

    If you guys like, I have a bunch of snapshot stories I wrote myself for Penelope Pickles on Facebook. Just type her name in. I consider them quite hilarious since I don’t mind tooting my own hedgie-horn LOL.

    Who doesn’t love a good tiptoe step???? I think she thinks she’s on a runway. WEEEERRRRRRK PENNY!

  51. Here’s the linkie-loo:

    Snapshot stories in full (29 of them) are found to the left side.

    My faves are the Bedwetting Bandit, The Leg Model, The Prickly Gang, and The Trip Back To Africa.

  52. Seriously?

    I mean, is that a BEJEWELED TP roll?

    Liberace much, hedgehog?

  53. Queen of Dork says:

    Thanks for the hedgified “linkie-loo” melissadesa! (I really like that word, “linkie-loo”).

  54. melissadesa: Is there a down side to owning a hedgie? Do they bite or anything? I think I need a hedgie in my life. *thud*

    BTW, I’m thinking of fashioning a big tp roll for my own head – I get all shy and stuff when people look at me. Penelope definitely has the right idea.

  55. 5^^now8ing says:

    So glad I came back for the nosicle shot! Suh-weet!

  56. Was that racks and hedgies? That just sounds painful.

  57. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    @Rachael Hedgies make wonderful pets. You just need to have a lot of time to spend with them. I’ve found that every hedgie has a different personality. My little girl is one of the sweetest hedgies i’ve ever met and her sister, who is still friendly, is really shy and takes awhile to come out. As long as you have the time to spend with them they will be friendly and social. For me the only downside is that they have to be kept so warm.. I always worry that she isn’t going to be warm enough.. especially during the winter.

  58. Queen of Dork says:

    Tara: Do they hibernate in cold months? Do they run in a wheel? I’m so interested.

  59. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    @Queen of Dork wild hedgies do hibernate but domesticated ones are not supposed to… if they try to it causes all types of medical problems and possibly death. They do like wheels. Arwen has a big flying saucer wheel and i’ve caught her a few times running on the wheel with her tube on her head.

  60. Queen of Dork says:

    I need to go and research these cuties.

    (my first question will be: can they be litter trained? I’ve heard that guinea pigs can be). Bye. Off for the quest of knowledge.

  61. Rachael – Tara is bang on. No real downside, but it depends what you consider one. They take a bit of time to come out of their shell, but they make wonderful pets.

    Tara- your hedgepig is super cute btw and I never got to tell you 😀

    Have you considered making a tiny denim jacket with her name studded on the back? Just a suggestion, but I think she could work it. Better yet, maybe we could do a hedgie fashion show.

  62. QofD – Linkie-loo is a great term. I try to sprinkle it throughout my day.

  63. Tara – I was considering the Flying Saucer for the same reason!! Penelope tried to shove her head in a tube then run on her Silent Wheel but she couldn’t fit it all in (Man, they’re really into an alternative state of mind.) Have you found them to be very good? Safe? All that jazz?

    QofD- Yep, mine is litter trained as well. She poops on her wheel though. (She simply doesn’t have time for bathroom breaks when she’s in a hurry to get to the exact same place she was an hour ago.) My breeder trained her that way before I even got her so it was a blessing.

    They do have this funny habit of throwing tons of kitty litter over their shoulder (much like one would throw salt over their shoulder for good luck), so you do get some messes.

  64. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    @melissadesa I like the flying saucer… its quiet and easier to clean. only problem I really have with it is that it takes up so much floor room in her cage.
    and thank you ❤ I love my little prickle-butt! as for the denim jacket… that would be absolutely adorable but she would probably hate it. I did dress her up in a tutu one time.. she was not a fan.

  65. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    @melissadesa oh I forgot to mention… When I first got her she would sleep inside/play with a tissue box. She used to get so frustrated because she couldn’t get inside the box with her tp tube on her head.

  66. lol@ Tara. So funny,
    the tissue box thing is big though. I gave {enny one too and she acted like it was a bloody army tank!! So I made car sound effects to add to the realness.

    Is the saucer louder than the silent wheel or about the same?

  67. TaraG/proud mommy! says:

    I don’t find it loud at all… only time i hear it is if she pushes it over and it starts to hit against the side of the tank while she runs. other than that it is just as silent as the silent spinner.

  68. Ok wonderful.

  69. mwhitehouse says:

    Hey, aren’t hedgehogs illegal in Pennsylvania? My girlfriend has one—in Pennsylvania—and is immensely proud of this, so I hope it’s true …

  70. HarpAngel999 says:

    Hedgehogs are illegal in Pennsylvania….