On the Next Episode of “Real Penguins of the Jersey Shore”…

You get a nice look, guy? You get a big ol’ eyeful? You trying to get her name? Well, her name is Mine, understand? Why don’t you just step off before I peck your face in, a’ight?

Once again, Gary forgot the key element when flashing...his trench coat.

Penguins wearing wife beaters and black chains are always trouble, Sarah W.



  1. awww why don’t i get penguins when i go to the beach… probably for the best though, i’d try to cuddle them and lose an eye

  2. Von Zeppelin says:

    Either Antarctica is feeling the effects of global warming, or Bikini Lady is exceptionally warm-blooded.

  3. pugletsrule says:

    HOW can she just be laying there reading a book – with penguins walking around???

  4. JustanotherHeather says:

    I love the marbling on his/it’s wings. He’s like the guy at the prom wearing a tux like everyone else, until you notice his jacket lining is different from everyone else! So cute.

    And were can I go and sunbathe with penguins? I don’t know how she is resisting the urge to go around trying to cuddle them all.

  5. paranoiagirl says:

    Chain wearing, jagerbomb buying Jersey bird= “Penguido”

  6. paranoiagirl says:

    Chain wearing, jagerbomb buying bird from Jersey= “Penguido”

  7. I saw an episode of Dirty Jobs where a penguin actually WAS enamored with a human. The Mr. Penguin’s former mate had left him for his best friend. So ya can’t blame him for that attitude – it happens!

  8. Von Zeppelin says:

    paranoiagirl–and his buddies, Penvinnie and Pencarmine.

  9. paranoiagirl says:

    @VZ: They make quite an intimidating team

    and double post for the fail. I suck.

  10. eastiegirl says:


  11. Generally I am too pale to sunbathe (ie I catch on fire) but I would tewtally risk it for a chance to penngy-snorg!!

  12. OH man Prongs… LMAO!

  13. Who the heck reads Joan Didion at the BEACH?!?!? Might as well schlep along “The Gulag Archipelago” and “Mein Kampf”!

  14. One Eyed Daruma says:

    @ puglets: But she’s reading “The Year of Magical Thinking.” That seems appropriate!

  15. Where is this magical place where one can lay on the beach and be surrounded by penguins? I must know.

  16. Oh YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You know pengies are sorry they can’t make “devil horns” with their flippers.

  17. Pugletsrule, I agree. Who reads a book with penguins running amok?!

  18. I’ve never liked the term “wife beater”. BUT THIS IS NOT A NUFF. I love bird posts.

  19. Wow, love the fancy pattern around the eyes! What kind of penguin is this, oh knowledegable CO folk? Spiky black, and pink and white – beautiful! Can we have a head-hance?

  20. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Can we just take a minute to get a load of the crazy eyeshadow that is being ROCKED by our flightless friend? The altitude — and the off-kilter placement — of the arc remind me of my childhood across-the-street neighbor Mrs. C, a far-sighted chainsmoker who was never without her miniature schnauzer, her gin, and her suntan oil. Here’s an old-school shout-out to Mrs. C: May her memory be for a blessing.

  21. pugletsrule says:

    @One Eyed Daruma – well that explains it then!

    @Amy J – I do believe it’s an African Penguin (has to check my zoo photos) – they are adorabuhl 🙂

  22. Boulders Beach

    They are comical, clumsy and very eye-catching in their black and white dress. In 1982 two breeding pairs of African penguins (once known as Jackass penguins because of the braying sound they make) moved into prime beachfront estate at Boulders beach between Simonstown and Cape Point. Today there are over 3 000 of these birds living here and the area is now a National Park. Penguins can be viewed up close as they frolic in the water and waddle on land. You’re likely to see penguin pairs strolling along the boardwalks and in the park. This is the one place in the world you will be able to swim and sunbathe with penguins. In a survey done by the BBC, Boulders Beach was rated one of the five best beaches to visit before you die. All in all, a great place to meet the locals!

  23. pugletsrule – thanks! confirmed by google image (always reliable… 😉 ). They all do seem to have that crazy pink eye shadow!

  24. @One Eyed Daruma

    I take it you haven’t read The Year of Magical Thinking – it’s about her overwhelming grief after the death of her deeply beloved husband. As Puglets notes to begin with, not exactly penguin beach material.

  25. I have to agree with the wifebeater word is distasteful. How the heck did THAT one become socially acceptable again? On the other hand, so is some guy saying his girlfriend’s name is “mine” but hey, said guy’s a penguin here.

    More immediately though, I would hit MAX REVERSE quickly. Do you have some kippers to throw and distract him?

  26. Argyle Donkeypants.. you win.. I don’t know what, but you won it.

  27. Is this place heaven???

  28. Penguins live as far north as the Galapagos–which straddle the equator. That looks like an African Penguin to me, so she’s probably in South Africa.

    Really, you just have to love anyone who dresses up in tails to go to the beach…

  29. darkelement says:

    yep yep yep keep em coming .. no one says anything good about my state NJ. well fine then… even the lion in madagascar says to the zebra ‘you’re on the jersey side of the island’ or maybe that was said from the zebra to the lion or whatever. at least we have our sucky football teams with NY labels.. and atlantic city which id never goto cause id lose my shirt playing slots 😦 and our high car insurance rates cause no one can drive… and our high cost of living.. and the fact that NJ is one of the most stressful states to live other than NY. yep see now you ppl have no grounds to diss NJ. ha!

  30. shadowexistence says:

    Part of me wants to believe that this was taken at a zoo — because I really, really want bikini-lady’s job.

    “I only sunbathe in the penguin enclosure on Tuesdays. Tomorrow I’ll be in the meerkat’s den until four o’clock.”

  31. swim and sunbathe with penguins…..hahaha…i’ve seen it all now! that’s a great picture!

  32. I am so going there… *checks bank balance*… um, someday. If not before I die, then defintely after… *runs ghostly fingers over handosme penguin’s head*.

  33. Little pengy climbing the rock in the background!

  34. I dont think men who beat their wives deserve a shirt named after them.

    Nice eyeshadow bud!

  35. @paranoiagirl:

    Best. Comment. Evar.

  36. Oh my. Penguin belly is adorable.

  37. Poor New Jersey. Some stereotypes are true, but it’s not all like that. I actually live in New Jersey, and I actually like it! Of course it really would be better if I could go down the shore and have penguins to look at.

  38. SunnyHawaii says:

    He is also wearing a “Kiss” mask! He’s like totally punk, this penguin!

  39. platedlizard says:

    I think the folks who called this an African Penguin have it right, although there are tropical species in South America too. And of course the Little Blue Penguin (the smallest species of penguin) in Australia.

    I’d love to go sunbathing with a peguin.

  40. It’s ok, Jersey, I feel your pain. I’m from Long Island. It’s just like New Jersey, but more surrounded-by-water-on-all-sides.

    Why am I not on a beach with penguins right now?

    And Glorbie- they do deserve a shirt, but it should be a really lame shirt. Like, day-go, with torn off sleeves. Can we start calling that a wife-beater?

  41. Daygo? Dayglo? Dago/
    I thought it was a racial slur for a moment. Whew.
    I have heard that sort of shirt called a beater. I always thought it was like a beater car, a shirt you could wear and get dirty and ripped up. Now I find it’s short for wifebeater. Ugh. But beater still makes sense to me.
    Of course we could always call it what it is, an undershirt.

  42. Saffawifey says:

    That’s Boulders Beach in Cape Town South Africa….they are Jack-ass penguins (no joke) otherwise known as African Penguins 🙂 I live there and LOVE this beach.

  43. he looks like he’s wearing Gene Simmons makeup

  44. His “eyelids” look sunburned. Ouchie.

  45. @KatieZ Ha! Ha! Great video!!! “Living with penguins isn’t always fun and games”.


  47. “Nothing to see here, Move along, Move along”– pretty cool beach where even the penguins wear muscle shirts. Obvy it’s WAY too hot for a tux. Besides, it’s not dark yet and that would be a total faux pas.

    Maybe it’s Muscle Beach?

  48. It’s Boulders Beach in Cape Town, South Africa! Amazing place to visit; there are penguins everywhere and it’s so beautiful. Here’s a tourism link: http://www.capepointroute.co.za/moreinfoOther.php?aID=110

  49. Awww Dewd! Come on! It’s public beach already. There are children here.

  50. I’m pretty sur henry michel like penguins.

  51. Oops yes! I meant day-glo. Whew.

  52. stealing the limelight

  53. Don’t forget the stinkin’ cute Little Penguins of Australia:

  54. His tummy looks fuzzy. Do penguins have furry tum tums?

    It’s nice to know there’s a place on earth where penguins and people can intermingle like that. It would be even nicer if said place was in New England. 🙂

  55. Colonel Jenna says:

    OMG it’s the Penguinizer! Jealous of the Squirellizer, the flightless boids have developed their own pop-up who makes his prescence known particularly around lovely ladies with deep taste in beach-reading material.

  56. Colonel Jenna says:

    I was thinkin’ there was a place in South America with penguins underfoot. There were plans to slaughter them for their oil (apparently the species is so oily you can just about stick a wick in a dead penguin and use it as a lamp), when it occured to someone that not only was this plan creating a lot of bad publicity, there was a lot more money in tourism targeting people who wanted to watch penguins waddle around town. Saw that one on a documentary about 10 years ago.

  57. Prongs, you are hilarious. 🙂

  58. ButtaRumCake says:

    *waves @ darkelement & Melinda* HI NEIGHBORS!!! (I’m in Newark…please don’t get me started on THOSE stereotypes *siiiiigh*)

    @paranoiagirl – “Penguidos” FTMFW!!! LOVE IT! HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

  59. BeckyMonster says:

    Jersey peoples, I definitely feel your pain about the negative stereotypes. I’m from Georgia, and it’s pretty rough on us Southerners too. You just have to laugh at yourself and know that they mean everyone but you. 8^)

    On a side note, is anybody actually named Guido anymore? Is that for real in these modern times? I think I would spontaneously combust trying to keep my composure if anyone actually introduced themselves to me with that name.

  60. As another NJ native, I say keep on reinforcing the stereotypes. Maybe it’ll keep more people from moving in, and it’s crowded enough already.
    (Also, want to hug penguin)

  61. Von Zeppelin says:

    Beckymonster, Wikipedia lists two living persons named Guido (Calbresi, judge and former Yale Law dean, and Van Rossum, creator of the Python programming language). They were born in 1932 and 1960 respectively, so they don’t actually answer the question as to anybody give that name to kids today. Also, Facebook has a number of Guidos (Guidi?), although some might be fake names (like a certain Guido Guido Guido).
    If I am ever elected pope (an unlikely event for many reasons) I promise to take the name “Guido I.” I will invite you to my first public audience, just to see if you do spontaneously combust.

  62. BEEP!

  63. There are also penguins down in Chile. 🙂

  64. Badda-bing, badda boom, and, like, the penguins — they ah, fell off a truck….

    Your Holiness Guido I-I, for many more reasons, will be at your audiences, rallying for more penguins on our beaches. Congratulations, I take it now that you are a Cardinal? (oh, snerk, snerk, snerity-snerk)

  65. @BeckyMonster – only pockets of NJ have people who fit that stereotype, unfortunately they all seem to be located near major cities (eg. Philadelphia, New York) of bordering states, so NJ always get looked down upon because of that. But really, it’s not like south Philly, Staten Island, and Long Island don’t have tons of them.

    For people who don’t know what its latest incarnation looks like: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=nj%20guido&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi (warning: they’re as orange as marmies, but not cute at all)

  66. Von Zeppelin says:

    Katrina, I am not a cardinal (one of those many reasons that make it unlikely that I shall be elected pope). I do wear the occasional crimson t-shirt, however. (Go Sooners!)

  67. It’s the Batman logo on his face!

  68. I’ve heard pingies stand with their armwings like that to cool off. Little penguinito back in the shade has the right idea! I’d be back there too. Tryin’ to get mah snorgles.

  69. @Von Zep: Sic transit gloria mundi. :mrgreen:

  70. Cholmondeley says:

    I say, let’s start a religion for VZ to be Pope of. Il Papa Guido FTW! Unfortunately I don’t think you get to be called Pope G. the 1st until there are succeeding popes of the same sanctified name. But you can be infallible, which should definitely make up for having no number.

  71. Wait a minute – is he trying to do this?

  72. I want to go to there!

  73. Von Zeppelin says:

    Thank you, Cholmondeley, for reminding me of the mathematics of papal names. I shall call myself Guido the Potentially First. Of course, once I’m infallible, I can say ex cathedra that calling me “Guido I” is a matter of faith and morals, everybody will HAVE to do it.

    Theresa, I was just saying to my friend Gloria, while we were waiting in the rain for the bus that’s ALWAYS late on Monday mornings: “Sick transit, Gloria, Monday.”

  74. Where is this magical place where one can lay on the beach and be surrounded by penguins? I must know.

    My guess is Simons Town, South Africa.

  75. As someone who worked with South African Penguins for a while… let me just say that 1) this woman is impervious to smells and 2) exceptionally brave. Those suckers can bite through wellington boots!!

  76. Alleluia, Von Zep!

  77. Now this show, I’d watch!

  78. i guess she is so relax with Penguins..penguins walking around and she is reading a book looool

  79. Theresa, Von Zep and Cholmondelay- The Brothers and Sisters of St. Rattius will be very happy to sing at the Popification ceremony. They tried to take up residency in my attic, but were banished to other regions of our land. Now I suspect they have their own tiiiiiiny monastery somewhere. Else.

    Theresa- would your choir be willing to participate, I think most of the young orchestra musicians would! Mind you, they won’t get too close to the Brothers and Sisters, but, hey, we can work out seating later…

    OK, now, all we need is a theology; piece of cake (challah) pita?!

  80. Kallisto73 says:

    If I need to sign somewhere to get Von Zep papal status, point in that direction, I’ll be so there!!!!

  81. Von Zeppelin says:

    Oh, dear people, in all due modesty, I could not. . . well, of course, if there were a real groundswell of popular support. . .
    (gets papal tiara out of closet to try on, practices “Urbi et Orbi” blessing in front of bathroom mirror)

  82. Kallisto73 says:

    I knew it, Von Zep! I knew you would be prepared!!! I’ll holed the arms of the papal gown back while you’re doing the blessings and stuff.

  83. Von Zep- you have blessed us over the years, believe us! (Royal “we”, here)

    At least the penguins will be all nice and dressed up for your popeification!

    Swell, swell, swell the full chorus in Solomon’s Days, in Solomon’s days, in Solomon’s days–too obscure? Any choristers here? Theresa?

  84. Von Zeppelin says:

    I’ll just have the parking valet bring the sedan chair around from the garage (can’t stand that Popemobile thing-looks like a golf cart with a phone booth on it).

  85. Queen of Dork says:

    Sorry VonZ, but that’s what it is. It is however, bullet proof. We are currenly working on a prototype that is a combination of the Bat-mobile and that POS from Men in Black. Also, we need to hire a bodyguard/driver for you so that you can get about the city safely and compose interesting notes. (There will be a permanent supply of notebook paper for you to write on) 🙂 Much looove!1

  86. Joe Pesci.

  87. This must be in South Africa – Boulders Beach!

  88. BeckyMonster says:

    For theology, I suggest we adopt the ways of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Or at the very least, Spaghetti Cat