I Once Caught a Cat This Big

Aye-yup, caught this sucker ’bout twenny miles offa the Cape, coupla summers ago.  We was just ‘spectin’ ta catch a few Siamese, they like ta school out that way, ya know, but then I get this big tug on my line, damn near yanked me right offa the boat!

So Brian says it looks like an Orange Spotbelly, you hardly ever see them up this far North, and so I gotta reel it in careful-like, because my line ain’t rated for a cat that big, ya know.  An’ o’course it’s fighting me all the way, hissin’ an’ thrashin’ about an’ spittin’ hairballs like they do…

Well, we finally land the beast and head back for the docks so’s we can get it measured for the record books, and of course everybody’s gotta get their picture taken with the damn thing.  Anyway, that’s it over the mantel, f’ya don’t believe me.

I once caught a mouse THIS BIG!

Lauren B. notes that “William” was just one year old when this was taken, so we assume he’ll be visible from space before long.

Comments

  1. Practicing for his rings routine at the next Cat-Olympics.

  2. Indeed, astronauts will be able to view William from space just like they can see the Great Wall of China.

  3. the bug man says:

    That there’s a whole lotta belleh.

  4. E-long-a-shunsssss

  5. Long cat is….. must…. not.. say… Ettttttttt… :-X

    [...recursive? Redundant, even? ;) - Ed.]

  6. Kitty Mama says:

    Yes that is a large kitteh indeed.

  7. Copperbat says:

    Good lo’ William is a big cat. It’d take me a week to fully zerbert that belly… and by the look on his face, I’d probably need some reconstructive surgery.

  8. Stunbunny says:

    Whadja use fer bait? Orange wiggler? Fancy moses? Sparkle horse? Stink craw? Melon rind? Jumpin’ Sally? Fancy feast?

  9. Andi from NC says:

    His is expression is all, “put me the frak down, lady…”

  10. ButtaRumCake says:

    LOLz @ Chanpon – I was thinking the same thing!!

    NOMTOM – Great dialog, indeed! I’m picturing the crew from “Lobstermen”..LOLz

  11. HE has taken lessons from inspector gadget. Steeeeerrrrreeeeeeeeeeech!

  12. 260Oakely says:

    Unwilling suspension of disbelief

  13. Matt Hooper – “You were a passenger in that Prius?”

    Martin Brody – “What happened?”

    Quint – “Gigantic tabbeh slammed two giant claws into her side, Chief. We was comin’ back from the Petco on the island of Manhattan. We’d just picked up a delivery of kibble and dropped off a big litterbox at my friend’s house. Eleven hundred pieces of kibble went into the water. The Prius also went into the water and sunk in 12 minutes.

    Didn’t see the first kitteh for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the fuzzy pointed ear to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our Petco mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, kittehs come cruisin’ by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the kitteh come to the nearest man, that man he starts to crumple up balls of paper and throws them out into the water, and also dangles a nice piece of shiny ribbon and sometimes that kitteh he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.

    Sometimes that kitteh looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a kitteh is he’s got adorable soulful eyes. Tawny or sometimes blue eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be payin’ attention to ya… ’til he purrs and rubs against ya, and then all of a sudden runs off to barf and then… ah then you hear that high-pitched mewin’ and barfin’. Your carpet turns a bad color, and despite all your cleanin’ and your hollerin’ those kittehs come back and… they demand more kibble.

    You know by the end of that first dawn, we lost a hundred pieces of kibble. I don’t know how many kittehs there were, maybe a thousand. The kittehs averaged nomming about 60 pieces an hour. Thursday mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, and looked at me and opened his wallet. Well, he showed me pictures of his own kittehs and I thought they was adorable.

    At noon on the fifth day, an Airbus A320 from USairways swung in low and he spotted us, a distinguished pilot named Sullenberger, older than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat airplane landed on the Hudson and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred pieces of kibble went into the water. 316 come out, the kittehs took the rest, June the 29th, 1945.

    Anyway, we delivered the litterbox.”

  14. Ok, Saffron, that was outstanding! Can’t wait for the scene where Quint gets nommed!

  15. Hooper: “We need a bigger bowl.”

  16. Brilliant, Saffron. That’s my fav movie evah.

  17. Correction…
    Brody: You’re gonna need a bigger bowl.

  18. Resriechan says:

    NTM, you, sir, evidently ENJOY sneaking the additional teeeeennnnnsy little extra rimshot/ punchline, into the hovertext.

    (ha HA ha HA ha HA ha HA ha HA !!! & so forth)
    (aka, eg, “to wit” (!) ….”purty funny, that ‘thar Hovertext-thinggumy-bob!!”)

    Signed,
    A-Yup !!!!!!! Yessiryewbetcha.

  19. Tony James says:

    If memory serves there was a pic on here years ago of a small marmalade kitten being “fished” with a piece of dressing gown. I wonder if this is the same cat…

  20. oh, WIlliam is not pleased….not pleased at all…..

  21. Delicioso!

  22. William is one very tall drink of water, as my dad used to say. He kinda looks like he’s accustomed to being displayed that way. :D

  23. MarmieLover says:

    soulful golden eyes… spotted belleh…

  24. He’s awesome! Esp those belly spots! :-)

  25. NTM, you crack me up! Love the spotted belleh on that kitteh.

  26. I’m not sure which is more awesome: William’s belleh or Saffron’s adaptation of “Jaws.”

  27. love, love, >3, heart the dainty, tiny, oh so properly and demurely crossed back (or as oriented in the picture, bottom) feetz.

  28. KittyMarthaPoo says:

    William is gorgeous. Orange tabbies are the best!

    I also love how his back toes/paws are almost pointed in a ballerina fashion. How graceful! :)

  29. I knew that American superiority would eventually prevail over the puny Japanese in the game of “My C#$% Cat Is Longer Than Your C#$% Cat.”

  30. fencerchick says:

    It’s just the name, but now I have the Smiths as an earworm…

    “William, William it was really nothing….”

  31. long cat is looooooooooooooooooooooooooong.

  32. Scrolldown beauty!

  33. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Saffron: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I was considering going all “Jaws” on this one, myself, but I liked the way you made everything cat-centric. Nice!

  34. We’re gonna need a bigger post.

  35. Huge orange spot-belly named William = win!

  36. Saffron- “Didn’t see the first kitteh for about a half-hour. Tiger. 13-footer.” LOL X-D

    “…ah then you hear that high-pitched mewin’ and barfin’. Your carpet turns a bad color…” That happened with my Sasha last night.. eeggghhhh..

    You, Saffron, are the winner of all the Internets!!! I bow before you!

  37. Catsquatch says:

    “we assume he’ll be visible from space before long.”

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

    Aw man, thank you so much, I really needed a good laugh ;D

  38. Resriechan says:

    —-May I meekly suggest the addition to CO, of a Tag called
    “We are Not Amused.” ?????

    –also to Katiedid & Editor: perhaps the adjective “Raphaelite” would be appropos, Artsy, descriptive AND YET PC also?????? Hmmmmmmm?

  39. Magnificient!

  40. Resriechan says:

    (PS: re the Tag Addition: meaning that the Subject IN THE picture, is not amused. We, the CO Audience, are more-easily wooed; “wood”, no wait, that’s a tree….hamenahamenahhamenah….)

  41. I was thinking about his expression: Just stare at the ceiling….or If ya spin me around I will ya a quick upper cut and a hyyyya! let me hold you by the armpits to see how ya like it.

    Saffron: very funny!

  42. OMG, the dialogue with this photo is hysterical!

    What a gorgeous kitty! I want to rub his belly!

  43. ButtaRumCake says:

    Yeah – Saffron weens!! LOLOLOLZZZZ!!!

    Jaws is my fav too!!

  44. Am I crazy–it looks like a ballet dance to me.

    [:beep: Insufficient Data - Ed.bot]

  45. Saffron you are teh awesome!!!

  46. Von Zeppelin says:

    “Got the picture? Great. Now, please put me down. Then I shall kill you.”

  47. Aye-yup, that be one large cat fish. (Alternate title: Tall Tail)

    (I know I’ll be crucified for typing this but… Anyway else notice the Christ symbolism? That cat is a saint.)

  48. KatieZientek says:

    Long Cat does not look pleased.

  49. Beth covered in cat hair says:

    Saffron…you ROCK! I can’t wait for the movie to come out. Would it be called Fangs?

    TM- “Brody: You’re gonna need a bigger bowl.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Yes, for a big cat he does seem rather demure with the back legs together and the paws pointed gymnast-style, but the face is telling another story altogether.

  50. Ooooh! Orange Spotbellies are some of my FAVORITES!

  51. This lady is just préparing the Halloween games the kids will be playing on Saturday, bobbing for otters…strech the taffy cat :-)

  52. Heehee… That’s a cute big boy right there. I love how his legs are pressed together, as if to say “Excuse me, do you MIND? Allow me to retain some dignity!”

  53. I never thought I see a polecat, until today.
    :)

  54. Mmm…kitteh drumsticks

  55. A friend sent me a link to your blog because she noticed some similarities between William and Duncan the famous Canadian Dog-cat. William must be part tiger (see striped arms/legs) and part leopard (nice belly spots). I noticed the marks on the wall. Pretty soon he’ll be able to touch the floor from that height. Follow the link to my girlfriend’s blog to see someone who may be related to William.

  56. Von Zeppelin says:

    The Academy Award for the best adapted screenplay goes to . . . (opens envelope). . . Saffron!! (Cheesy band music, insincere applause from the losers as Saffron approaches the stage)

  57. Resriechan says:

    Saffron, dear, tell Joan Rivers and ALL of us, WHO are you wearing to the Awards Ceremony???

    oh –and —congratulations, too.
    (giggle)

  58. Them’s good eatin’

  59. AuntieMame says:

    William’s expression is totally “Lord, grant me patience…until her face is within pointy-end range!”

    If Mommy wasn’t holding him up, though, I’d think he was about ready to dive off the high platform.

  60. Threadjack: YAY! Ilya the Manatee is rescued!

    http://gothamist.com/2009/10/29/ilya.php

  61. Resriechan says:

    Please forgive me CO universe….oh, Theo …..this is entirely un CO related but once upon a time you (I believe) made ref . to cake specialists & cake disasters & such …..

    and (here in N Fla anyway, it’s on today’s broadcast) the Oprah Show is hosting a cake-dec competishe ….they just showed competitor groups having to relocate a very tall Big Bird Yellow (of course) Cake, across the stage, w/ the drama of whether the teams’ cakes will collapse as they move it across stage to the official Presentation location.

    From the Thought You’d wanna Know Department,

    (hope this isn’t *hopelessly out of date & already aired 3x*. Recently her show has become — to me, so ridic. self-indulgent —
    Exhibit A:
    An entire SHOW about SANDWICHES??? (Sure, I can see one about a cake decor. competition, but jeez)..— that the Oprah Show hasn’t been on my Must Watch list in quite a long time. So this is the earliest that I’ve seen this.)

    Again– please forgive the interrruption of the Cute Cat Comments! Mea culpa.

  62. Von Zeppelin says:

    Theresa–thanks for the info on Ilya the Manatee. I confess that I missed the original story, so I will now be retroactively distressed (“Poor Ilya! Is there any hope?”) and relieved in present time (“Yay! Ilya is OK!”) Kind of like time travel, in a way.

  63. MissKitty –
    I agree, the artful way William is covering his nether regions is so dignified.

    What kills me dead though are his eyes, rolled up to the Heavens, pleading for patience.

  64. Lauraborealis says:

    That’s awesome! We used to do this same thing with my marmie when he was a young’un — we would hold him up and say “How looooooong is the kitty?!” He’s way too fat to do it now, he’d moider me.

  65. Wow, he’s too big to fit on the screen of my laptop. I had to scroll down for the full effect. If you hold him under both sets of legs so he’s lengthwise does he look like the Golden Gate Bridge?

  66. Carrie - grudgingly says:

    yeah ok – this drew me in, haven’t stopped in in months really – but if Long Cat had not been so demure – there would have been a smiley on his rather long belly.

  67. That cat is tiny!!!

    See this kitty from my neighborhood… http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=48658325&l=44521dfe28&id=805744

  68. ooooo my kitty is gigantor too and only a year and a half. and he’s NOT overweight, I asked the vet. he’s just flippin huge.

  69. The Other Bryn says:

    In the winter, you can lie him against the crack at the bottom of the door and he’ll keep out drafts! Energy savings!

  70. Brilliant, Saffron! (They had Priuses–Priuii?–in 1945?)

  71. Queen of Dork says:

    Wow Saffron! When does your book come out? Will you be doing signings? If so, my cat and I would like an autographed copy! :)

    (You can sign it to SamKitty. He’ll especially like the part about the giant tabby slamming it’s claws into the boat)

  72. Saffron, you are marvellous. Thank you so much.
    I love the combination of irritation and patience in sweet William’s face. That’s the Good Cat face. If they were holding up a dog in that pose it would be all lolling tongue and grins and ‘yup, yup, I’m a lawng dawg, I’m a good boy!’
    The Bad Cat face comes out blurry in photos because it is thrashing so hard, also too scary for a camera to capture.

  73. Saffron…I am speechless with your awesomeness. I had to come back and read it again!

  74. Saffron – that was hilarious!! Epic post!

    “Claws”
    Screenplay by Saffron

  75. I have an orange tabby that’s really long just like this guy. He’s only about 2 years old. He’s looooong and lean. My fiance likes to play “accordian” with him. lol

  76. It’s Graham Chapmarmie in Life of Brian. Same privacy paws.

    “Always look on the briiiight side of life…”

  77. herzliebster says:

    That is an ELASTIC kitteh or maybe a RUBBER kitteh and it would not be half as big if it weren’t being held in that way, ’cause gravity is making it STREEETTTTTTTTTTTCH.

  78. GIGGLE :lol: William is one BIG kitty :lol: His tummy is in sore need of a major SNORGLE-FEST :twisted:

  79. o my thats a long kitteh

  80. victoreia says:

    @Resriechan: your post (waaaay up at the top) very obviously used the “Royal We”, which just as obviously referred to Sir Stretch-a-lot…….

    And methinks someone is going to get hurt for not supporting kitteh’s hind paws.

  81. aww…he’s a giant!

  82. Ahhh this is my kitty! William is one of those cats who spills out of your arms when you pick him up.

    I have more animal photos up on flickr too.

  83. O_O

  84. *blushes* thankies for the compliments! :D
    I shnorgled my own tabbeh’s belly for inspiration.

    Jaws is the only movie I literally jumped out of my seat from fright…it was the part where Hooper is underwater and the dead guy’s face pokes through the hole under the boat. It still scares the crap out of me now aand I know it is coming! A brilliant movie.

    @Lauren…William is awesome!!!!!!

  85. AngieBeth says:

    This is like the orange version of my cat Frank. He still takes me aback sometimes with how looong he is, and he has a proportionately long tail too. I’m convinced he’s part reptile and will continue growing for the rest of his life until he can, indeed, be seen from space.

  86. Bonus points for spelling “mantel” correctly.

  87. longy furry spot-spot

  88. First place: Saffron
    Second place: The Other Bryn (I need my cat to useful like that!)
    Honorable mention: Sarah (great description of good cat/bad cat/good dog!)

    I scrolled down…. and down….. then had to go up and look at that Face! Yikes. Love the stripey arms and spotted belleh.
    My orange & white kitteh is almost as long… on his hind legs his head almost reaches the counter top.

  89. emmberrann says:

    @Saffron: Thanks you, needed a big ROFL today!
    @NTMTOM: Thanks you, needed a big ROFL today!

    Expression on kitteh’s face is sort of looking at cloud over top of head as if he is thinking in real bored way: “Here we go again….. Showing me off…. I know I’m worthy, but jeez! I’d rather be napping, somewhere where they won’t find me for a while….”

  90. emmberrann says:

    Also am thinking, “hmm, Elasticat.”

  91. Iz not grownup housekat, iz bebeh tiger cub

  92. Also, my last ginormous cat was also named William. Coincidence?

  93. Magnoire La Chouette says:

    Saffron! That was brilliant!!! BRILLIANT!!!

  94. *Wraps up the internet in a big pink ribbon, hands it to Saffron*

  95. …You’re gonna need a bigger litterbox.

  96. Roger Meow says:

    Someone better warn the local mice !

  97. how long did it take to catch the mouse
    p.s. thats one big cat

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