How to Survive a Slasher Movie

Rule 1: Don’t Go Upstairs.  Serial killers love to hide in attics, belfrys, cupolas — anyplace that can be reached by a long, slow climb up an endless flight of stairs.

DSC_2931

We traced the calls, Cheng L. — they’re coming from inside the house!!

Comments

  1. metsakins says:

    Also don’t hang around attractive teen girls.

  2. It doesn’t look good, I don’t think he read this BEFORE going upstairs! On the other hand, who wouldn’t want to be attacked by something so cute?

  3. Oh the cuter they are the more lethal they are. Voice of experience, I’ve been killed by Sweet Innocent Looking Little Balls of Fluff more times than I can count.
    Wait, does that mean I’m a zombie now? Kewl! I can star in the sequel then!

  4. … only when they are blonde, Metsakins. The blonde one always dies first. (Unless, of course, she is the Chosen One.)

  5. matchinks!

  6. The calls are coming from inside the house, there’s a bloody hook stuck in the car door, and it wasn’t the dog that licked your hand!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :twisted:

  7. That kitten has psycho eyes.

  8. OMG!!! That dog is a BLONDE!!! Don’t trip and break your paw!!

  9. AuntieMame says:

    Yeah, and if you see a bunch of attractive teenage girls in their undies, run like heck because the slasher’s not far behind!!1!

  10. There’s some at the door….

  11. Damn, it was suppose to read: There’s SOMEONE at the door!

  12. Is that a dog or a bear? Cute!

  13. Is that a living dog, or a stuffed one? Something looks unnatural about its pose.

    [OMG GHOST DOG! GHOST DOG!!! - Ed.]

  14. victoreia says:

    Don’t hide in the closet; that’s where the bad guy’s waiting!

    [Especially if your closet is in the back seat, behind the shower curtain in the dark - Ed.]

  15. victoreia says:

    The scarier the music, the closer impending doom is….

  16. Dogbot is scary.

  17. This dog is stuffed isn’t it? No?… UNDEAD?

    [Relevant linkage added. ;) - Ed.]

  18. Go back young master, go back. We all be doomed I tell ye, we all be doomed.
    (Maniacal laughter ensues)

  19. The dog had it coming.

  20. (Wait…am I hearing MJ’s Thriller starting…?)

    (Or is it Ray Parker’s Ghostbusters….?)

  21. Watch out, he’s got five sharp knives! *shing.shing.shing.shing.shing*

  22. Dogbot looks like the RCA dog hearing his masters voice…..if his master is …SATAN!

  23. When that dog or kitteh goes all black-and-white and makes like it’s going to come right through my computer screen at me …. well, that’s when I’m logging off.

  24. i thought teh dog was the psycho killer and teh kitty trying to hide from him! do people think it’s the other way around?

    [Fa fa fa faa fa, fa fa fa faa fa, you better... - Ed.]

  25. Psycho Kitty! Qu’est-ce que c’est?

    [JINX!! - Ed.]

  26. Oakley owes me a mooooo-chaaa…

  27. Resriechan says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE the pics; the absurd storyline (& I mean that, “In the best possible way”) and the PSYCHO KILLER earworm.

    Kind of an anti-Hallmark Moment???

  28. I’m getting some deja vu with this one – has it (or similar) been posted before? Or is that chill running up my spine from fear of what lurks behind the – whatever that is?
    I agree, doggie does look kind of stuffed. And kitty looks very snorglable. (belleh!)

  29. One night a few years back, I was all alone in the house on a cold night, watching a scary movie. It probably wouldn’t have been so scary if I hadn’t been all alone in a cold house, on a cold night, on an old deserted road in the middle of the woods. But there I was, too wrapped up in the movie to get up to turn the light or heater on. I huddled deeper and deeper into my blanket. At the same instant the operator was saying, “The call is coming from inside the house,” I heard a horrible grinding noise, like a chain saw, coming from the dark kitchen. I screamed and jumped off the couch, and ran out to the kitchen to find…

    …that the damn cat had stepped on the “on” switch of the blender I had left plugged in.

  30. OOh, nice one T.U.M., but this picture- who is the sneaker and who is the sneakee? Both very cute.

  31. @T.U.M. – *snort*

  32. Aw! IX:
    Teh Cuteness!

  33. i’m skeered…hold me!

  34. @ T.U.M. – *giggle* I don’t know whether to be glad that something like that hasn’t happened to me or to be jealous that it hasn’t. It would definitely make the horror movie experience that much more terrifying (which is what I want in a good horror movie). Speaking of which, all the horror movies I’ve rented lately have been complete duds. Any recommendations, anybody?

  35. Thought I would share something that happened to me over the weekend that scared me half to death:
    For the past couple of days I have been home alone in my apartment with my cats and bird. Most of the people in my building are elderly, and a few days ago my neighbor passed away. I already think that my apartment is haunted so this kind of added to the situation.
    A couple of nights ago I was laying in bed trying to sleep when I heard a loud banging noise on the walls so after hearing this a few times I decided to get out of bed and turn on the lights. Then the banging stopped. I opened the door of my bedroom to the hallway where my cats are kept at night. Sasha was sleeping and Misha was looking up at me. Jack, my bird, was in his room sleeping. So I decided to go back to bed. About an hour later I woke up to the banging again. I turned on the lights and listened. No banging. I opened the door again and both cats were looking up at me in wonderment. So thoroughly freaked out, I decided to try and go back to bed. I turned off the lights and went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later to the banging so I ran out of bed and opened the door and turned on the lights… and sure enough there was Misha throwing her catnip ball against the walls.. Someone won’t be getting wet cat food for a week!
    PS. It’s a lot scarier if you read it at night under a blanket and substitute Misha for a psycho killer and a cat nip ball with a bloody hook…

  36. Not a movie rec, but here’s a fun story I heard about the other day.

  37. Well waht ever you do “DON’T GO INTO THE BASEMENT

    [Once again, relevant linkage added. ;) - Ed.]

  38. @Theo Where I come from, a jinx only gets you a Coke and all I have is diet, so take it or leave it.

    [Diet Coke will have to do, I suppose. *sigh* - Ed.]

  39. T.U.M. – hmmm, kitties and blenders… wonder where we can go with this…?

    (joking, folks!!!)

  40. Also very scary: Being home alone and having both of your cats staring out the window into the darkness with WAY too much interest. MONSTERS??? ARE THERE MONSTERS OUT THERE, KITTY??

  41. Katiedid, that just cracked me up! :D

    But I bet Miss Misha is already back to getting her wet food. I can recognize a fellow pet spoiler all the way across the interwebs. :)

    T.U.M. I’d have had a heart attack, plain and simple. :shock:

  42. Well…. Rachael I was eating a tuna sandwich last night.. and I can’t eat tuna if the kitties have none.. I just wouldn’t be right.. now would it?

  43. For those of you asking for movie recommendations, I’ve heard that Paranormal Activity – the new one that’s out now – is supposed to be particularly terrifying.

    I useta LOVE scary movies. Now I’m a big ol’ chicken and can’t handle them. I don’t have nightmares; I have nightPANICS, which don’t require (or allow) sleep. Do not want.

  44. And don’t have sex, for the love of God. That’ll get you killed for certain. Although with a doggeh and a kitteh, maybe we’re safe, unless Bill Murray’s “Ghostbusters” prophecy comes to fruition.

  45. OoOooOooo.. @Kar, that story was creepy!
    @BadKitty, my kitty does that too. But instead of looking out the window, she’ll stare with wide eyes out the bedroom door and down the empty hallway while perched on my belly. I had to start closing the door to the bedroom when going to bed alone with her!

  46. Resriechan says:

    —what about the famous Monster Under the Bed, from the other day, w/ the pink fluffy slippers on? –doesn’t he/she belong here, somehow?

  47. *whines* TE-Hoooo, why don’t I get relevant linkages, huh?!

    [Fine, there you go. :P - Ed.]

  48. *whew* I must be the chosen one cuz I’s still here! Wahoo! Happy dance!

    This is three, wait FOUR beeps in one picture!

    Kitty BEEPs doggy
    Doggy BEEPs himself (recovering from a pointy beep from the aforementioned kitty)
    I BEEP doggy
    I BEEP kitty (and take kitty to theater with me so I have company)

    Exit, stage left…

  49. :lol: OMG Theo, you know that kinda looks like I did when I was a wee ‘un, right? :lol:

    [This is what happens when you post photos of yourself on social forums. ;) - Ed.]

  50. Roflmao Theo!

  51. Snerk @ Teho And Brinnann and IT does look like a baby Brinnann LOLOL

  52. [Especially if your closet is in the back seat, behind the shower curtain in the dark - Ed.]

    There’s a card game, I don’t remember what it’s called, but it’s a fun little parody of horror / slasher flicks, where you’re trying to ‘build’ a movie while your opponents keep throwing both behind-the-scene problems and monsters at you. In one game not too long ago, I was troubled with the fact that my only set piece was ‘the back seat of the car’, which makes teenage characters instant targets. To make matters worse, one of my opponents played ‘the creepy basement’ on me… So somehow the car was in the basement!

    (to keep it more picture-relevant, one of the more useful ‘actor’ cards is… Skippy the Wonder Dog!)

  53. AuntieMame says:

    Ooh, and my favorite horror movie moment!

    If a box washes up on the beach, and something inside is making growly, scratchy noises, you might want to think twice (or three or four or a hundred) times before you pry a corner open and stick your arm in it. :eyeroll:

  54. skippymom says:

    Tell Skippy the Wonder Dog that Skippy the Wonder Cat wants to arm-wrestle him!

  55. Never ever and I mean “Never” get in a car coming down a lonely country road .. especially if the passenger has a chiansaw.

  56. I have an online friend who was an actor back in the 80s. He now presides over a horror movie discussion forum (two of his best-known movies were horror flix). There was a thread going for quite a while in which people were writing haiku about horror movie survival rules. It was a thing of beauty. :)

  57. T.U.M. I laughed so hard at your story(I can just picture the whole thing), I not only had tears in my eyes, but my son asked if I was OK.
    Haven’t been much of a horror flick fan since one night when I was all alone, on a farm MILES from the closest neighbor, babysitting, and a horror flick marathon was on the ONLY TV channel… sure, easy for you to say, just turn it off…. was that a tree branch scratching at the window, or…?… were those coyotes howling, or man-eating, glowing red-eyed hounds of Hell announcing the location of their next wide-eyed, teen-aged, snack….? seem to remeber awaiting the adults’ return with my back pressed against the wall where I could see the maximum number of windows and doors…

  58. @Wend: that reminds me of the time my parents went out for dinner, and I was home alone (12), having to leave the TV on to record Alien (this was in the pre-historic time of no DVRs, when you had to keep the TV on and on the channel you were recording your video from…..). The parents found me behind the couch, hiding, while the credits rolled…….

  59. fish eye no miko says:

    If the opening credits haven’t started yet, you’re in the pre-credits teaser, and are probably screwed. Accept it and at least try to die with a little dignity.
    Also, never run from the killer. It never helps.

  60. Resriechan says:

    @ fish eye no miko:

    wow. Your survival tactics pointers are profound. “Never run from the killer. It never helps”.

    I’ll remember that, next time I walk

    –in the woods
    –upstairs
    –down into the basement
    –on the beach & open a box that comes up in the waves. Thanks.
    Maybe I’ll live.

  61. doggabone says:

    @Jimbeaux: Is it Grave Robbers From Outer Space? The same company has a whole series of B-Movie card games (Bell-Bottomed Badasses on the Mean Streets of Funk looks promising!), but I think that’s the first release.

  62. Hallowe’en Luurkensproing!

  63. Could the sender please tell us what is the dog’s breed? I have a dog that looks the same. He is a rescue and we got him when he was about 5 so no one could tell us. We think he is Cavalier and Chihuahua but that is just guess work. Thanks!

  64. I sing “Psycho Killer” as “Psycho Kitty” to my kittehs all the time. Surely I cannot be alone in this.

  65. BeckyMonster says:

    Paranormal Activity is the flat-out scariest movie I HAVE EVER SEEN.

    No crazy spectacular special effects, just absolutely chilling. Gets the old imagination working overtime, I assure you!! I made the cats sleep with me the night I saw it. I figured if they were purring, there couldn’t POSSIBLY be any demons in the house. I’m sticking with that, and a night light.

  66. what kind of dog is that???

  67. Blender? Kitty? !!

    Oh yeah and Where the Wild Things Are just came out and is getting FAB reviews. Not that that’s scary, but still… MONSTERS!

    Who’s my little psycho kitty ?? Who?

    (sigh) I am… (annoyed voice)

  68. PS what movie was it that had a thing in a box wash up on the beach?

  69. AuntieMame says:

    It was back in the 80s, and I think it was one of those that was actually three or four shorter episodes combined into one filme. Tales from the Crypt, or something like that?

    I can’t swear that it was a theater movie. It may have been a television show. We saw it on cable while on vacation.

  70. Taiiiils frrom ze Crrrypt! Beah hahahhaha! (crypt keeper voice)

    Thanks for the ride lady! (I remember that one!~ creepy!)

  71. @birdcage

    So with you — that movie turned me off horror for good. …

    but I wouldn’t mind being “attacked” by either of these animals. :)

  72. This is one of the best photos I’ve seen on here. It has a certain artistic quality to it.

  73. Does anyone know what breed of dog this is?

  74. LOL! Haven’t checked this site in a while. Hi guys, the pic is of my doggy Daisey D and a little male kitten I was fostering… She is definitely not stuffed, just a little sleep deprived from kitteh’s constant sneak attacks… Daisey is a pomeranian X – she was trimmed prior to the photo because it was taken during one of the hottest summers in Australia.

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