Just Walk Away, It’s Not Worth It

On this day, in late August of 2007, today, the 31st, which is definitely today, something else happened.  This is not that story.

Caked and wrinkly, turtle ‘tocks
Crinkly, crusty turtle ‘tocks


Rumpled, puckered turtle ‘tocks
Ridged, and dimpled, turtle ‘tocks.


Furrowed, folded, crumpled, crusty-tacular, Cheryl H.



  1. …and just to be clear: Yes, yes, tortoise. We know. Thank you.

  2. Love eet!

  3. Queen of Dork says:

    That’s the crustiest heiney I’ve evvveeerrr seen.

  4. “Olé!”

    I think CO should say “Olé!” more often.

  5. kibblenibble says:

    He needs a bath. Here, lemme help…

  6. i think someone needs some moisturizer!!

  7. BabyOpossum says:

    Am I the only one who sees the shell as a giant mouth (pac-man style) with tortoise legs and tailio hanging out??

    [Well, sorta. – Ed.]

  8. C’MON! Shake what cha’ mama gave you!

  9. Resriechan says:

    @ QoD:: HI ! I’m on my lunchbreak so I have 30 seconds. Where do I go? CO, of COUrSE!!

    Qu @ Qod: (er, um….)Your statement rather begs a followup qu which is just a bit delicate….but,okay: “Just how MANY crusty heinies …HAVE you seen, and why……oh, never mind. It’s not even something I WANT the answer to …… ”

    @ Theo & Moira: an alternative enthusiastic shout: “Shake ’em if ya got ’em!”

    (Fun fact: I’ve actually bought & mailed a Cute Puppy Dog Birthday Card, inside which this motto — actually it was “Wag ’em, if ya got ’em!” there. He said it was his favorite birthday card ever )

  10. Crustocks.

  11. It’s OK to call them turtles. They are all technically chelonians, and the turtle-tortoise terms are more casual names, roughly that turtles live in or near water and tortoises live on the land. So no flogging!

    [All right, I do solemnly promise never to flog my chelonians. – Ed.]

  12. Or, BabyOpossum, a shell with a turtle climbing in to investigate?

    How old to you think this guy (gal?) is? 98? 157? 221? And does anyone know, is this a Galapagos Tortoise or some other giant?

  13. Von Zeppelin says:

    Chelonian? That was the name of my club in St. James Street back in 1906. I always wondered why the older members seemed so crusty and hard-shelled.

  14. LOL, Von Zeppelin. I have met a few of those older fellows “out and about” — crusty and hard-shelled, indeed! Even though I, as a member of the “weaker sex” was not allowed into the “club”, they still seemed to disapprove of my very existence.
    Or maybe it was just me.

  15. Resriechan says:

    @ Wend:

    Well, WE approve heartily of your very existence!!!!

  16. Aww, our ‘tocks may all look like that one day. No laughing.

    [Do you really think so? 😦 – Ed.]

  17. @Ed: sadly, it’s more than likely–but without the tail…..

  18. Von Zeppelin says:

    @Wend–Dear Lady, it is not your very existence of which the Old Chelonians disapprove. It’s just your presence in the sacred precincts of the Club itself. The dusty old baronets, barristers and colonels feel that, if you were present, they might be distracted from their important business of smoking cigars, playing backgammon, and writing waspish letters to the Times. I do recall that it was proposed to the Committee in 1926 that we have an annual Ladies Night. The motion was tabled and has not been called up for a vote as yet. We younger members have hopes that it might be considered some time in the next century or two. We’re also waiting to decide whether or not we should install one of those new “telephones” in the porter’s lodge.

  19. What was once asked me to my extreme surprise, by a mere, runny-nosed whippersnapper: “You got a burger to go with that shake?”

  20. Von Zeppelin says:

    Theresa, I hope you said, “Young man, you are impertinent!” And then kicked his ass.

  21. Yes, I remember the Chelonian– on St. James Square, just in between the Cretaceous and the Ulterior.

  22. I feel like I’m stuck in a Monty Python sketch.

  23. …but then that’s hardly out of the ordinary

  24. @VonZep, I was perplexed, but yes, I split his cranium with my ivory fan, lifted my train, stepped over him, and continued on my way to Court.

  25. [tries to think of appropriate response][fails]

  26. @Victoreia — how about, “And now for something completely different”?

  27. How about “Olé!”?

  28. Oy vey.

  29. [whisper] Not really a Python fan. Shhh; don’t tell!

  30. Resriechan says:

    @ Theresa:

    wow. now THAT’s what I call FAN(get it?)-tastic self-defense. Really? a carved fan split his cranium? YOU da wo-man!!

  31. Well, I always allow my three bodyguards a three-minute pudding break, so I need to be prepared for when I am left unprotected. All by itself, this Order of the Garter doesn’t do much good in hand-to-hand, don’t you know.

  32. Von Zeppelin says:

    Theresa, the Order of the Garter badge has a nice sharp point on the lower edge. You could do a little damage with that.

  33. @Why looky here, you’re right, VonZep. I could use it like a ninja star.

  34. Sno Balls are wickeder.

  35. @Yes, Theo, but I can’t also display it on my dress as a badge of honor, at court and diplomatic functions.

  36. earlybird1 says:

    Hey, what happened to “wag it, baby”?? That made me laugh so hard!

  37. Queen of Dork says:

    Resriechan: Point well taken! I’m laughing too hard to come up with anything! 🙂
    But (he-he…but), he really is Sir Crustabutt.

  38. earlybird1 says:

    OK it was in the hovertext. (Hides face in shame.) I thought it was a comment and was looking feverishly for it. NEVER MIND. I will leave most sheepishly now.

  39. @Theresa you could come to my club, Whites in St James Street. We allow women in on one day a year and of course you would have to be registered as an honoury man. By the way the Memsahib is rather taken by your weilding of the Ivory fan and was wondering if you would like to come round for a spot of luncheon and give a demonstration. She thinks it could be useful for sorting out the ruffians who acost her on her way home from her coal round. She useually knees them in the goolies but thinks the fan technique more suited to a lady of refinement, such as herself.

  40. Gad, that should have been usually, a thousand pardons Madam

  41. “goolies” *snerk*

  42. Resriechan says:

    Does everyone else also, always, LOL whenever anyone uses *snerk*? Is there anyone who can maintain a poker face in the application of *snerk*? Theo? Prongs? Meg is too innocent to have a dual facade.

    [Is she? I’d no idea. *snerk* – Ed.]

  43. Tortoise has a PhD in Privacy Tail.

  44. first, the: o no i meant to post this yesterday. and now: august 31st 2007, definitely today.
    t, your posts are becoming positively cubist.

    ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ – Ed.

  45. (applause)
    Now let’s see a front lat spread…
    And your best pose for the judges…

  46. i’m one of those who LoL whenever ppl *snerk* heheheh… i also LoL whenever i see someone type “peegy” and then after LoL i say peegy .out.loud. /uhm ok anyway ….

    theresa & von Z … for some reason you guys are making want to go dust off some of the ole trashy novels (i used to read amanda quick and they were set in the 1900s) *snerk (sigh… now ppl think i’m friggin weird hahah)

  47. This is definitely a male Galapagos tortoise. You can tell because he has a long, pointed tail, which doubles as his penis. I watched a pair of tortoises mating in the Galapagos, so I’m sure.

  48. Maybe it´s just me, but that turtle butt looks *smelly* 😉

  49. Resriechan says:

    *concentrating REALLY strenuously*

    “that turtle butt *looks* *smelly*”…..
    ok, THAT is an OBVY reference to Marcel Proust/ Remembrance (sp?) of Things Past & the whole section where the smell of the Madeleines (a pastry in this case peeps; go get the Cliffs Notes if you don’t remember the particulars) reminding him of the TASTE of the ……

    (migraine headache ensues)

    @ Barbarella: Thanks for bringing me back to FSU (circa 1984)
    “French Existentialist Literature”
    (****TAUGHT IN FRENCH LECTURE, I will have you know !!!**** Now THAT course, put hair on my chest & made me a man. And I’m a WO-man.)

    *Retreats to bed with an icepack on forehead*

  50. Resriechan says:

    (returns briefly to make the following last point: True Story.)


  51. Resriechan says:

    (except the bit about hair on my chest)

  52. Monty Python skits should be so funny ! You peeps da bomb!

    SNERK! muawawawawahahahahhahahaha

  53. Resriechan says:

    (peeks head around the corner to say to Happycat):

    (if you mean my nonsense, I must say thankyoueverso*blush*)
    (scurries back down the hall, ‘cuz it really couldn’t POSSIBLY be, that H’cat meant me…..worry worry oh no I’ve just embarrassed my entire family on the internet. )

  54. His tail doubles as his penis? His penis doubles as his tail?? OMG. Weren’t we just taking about how people’s genitalia is definitely NOT beautiful?? Especially not when covered in mud.
    [Well that’s not exactly how it works… but anyway – Ed.]

    You know Teresa, you could wear a Sno Ball on your wrist like a corsage. Then you could bonk wippersnapper in the nose with it! No, I don’t have a burger but I do have *splat*!

  55. i used to have someting like the car.

  56. @THANKS-Ed.
    ya’ll sneekin in som eso tayric sh***t: WIT teh Q.
    [hand jive]

  57. Resriechan says:

    @ buffy:

    1) Are you the buffy from the TV show in the 60s? Why isn’t that show in reruns, if you please, Ma’am?

    2) “something like the car? ” ……huh? By any chance, did you mean, for that comment/ reference, to go under the column w/ the little white doggie, DRIVING a toy car (another column entirely but CuteOverload)?