From the monthly archives: September 2009

CO Classics… well, enough said.

September 12, 2009 By Theo

[snooty voice *ON*]

Normally this is where I do a bit of an intro & summary of the selection, lamenting Modern Man’s inability to learn from the past enumerating the ways in which the classics inform the events of the present day, like Alistair Cooke from Masterpiece Theater. (Yep. Juuust like him.) This post, however, needs no introduction.

♫ Ba da bump, bum bum, da boodle boodle bum ba da da bum bum bum da dummmm, ba-bump… ♪

—

Ow! A third submission for a new “Cats n’ Racks” category arrived. It’s now an offical category! As ‘Tracy B’ noted, “It doesn’t get any rackier than this. ” ha!

65 comments

Are You There God? It’s Me, Porcuwhine.

September 12, 2009 By Prongs

TO-DO LIST:

1) Dye roots. Other day, human shrieked, called me “skunk”. Hour later, skunk shrieked, called me “Cher”. Humiliating! Was not sure where to aim quill.

2) File/polish nails. Something less Goth for fall. Maybe “Paint My Moji-Toes Red”. It’s kind of gecko, but think I can pull off.

3) Trim whiskers. Starting to resemble that guy from “MythBusters”. Enough said.

4) Stop stress eating. Twice-baked-scalloped-potatoes are for carb-junkies in Jug Bands, only.

5) Find eyelashes. Am legitimately concerned. *plink-plink*

Sigh. Those hedgehogs don’t know how good they have it.

Alert us of any mysterious hedgehog disappearances, Tim C.

33 comments

Aaaaaaaaa-doggggggg…

September 11, 2009 By Not That Mike The Other Mike

We take you now to the monastery at St. Walkies, for a rare glimpse of monks of the Brotherhood of the Sacred Tirebiters as they begin their morning chant…

Et expecto dominos parcheesi ipso facto kemosabe nolo contendre inflagrante corpus delicti utecay overloadway alendarscay akemay eatgreay iftsgay…

ettypray oochpay, Kathy W.

89 comments

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming.

September 11, 2009 By Prongs

Lucky the box turtle has had a rough time of it. He recently endured an attack by a crazy raccoon who gnawed off his two front legs. Fortunately, the medical miracle known as double-sided tape and furniture sliders made Lucky slowly mobile once again.

You need that couch moved?

Unfortunately, now Lucky bears a strange resemblance to this guy:

Darth_Puppeh

Thanks for the submission, Brooke B. I guess his owner will never need to hire movers again.

69 comments

Caveat Emptor.

September 11, 2009 By Prongs

You’d be surprised to learn how many people don’t do their research before buying a hybrid. Sure, they think they’re doing the environmentally-responsible thing, plus they’ll save money on gas. A win-win, right? Well, if they ever bothered to take a look under the hood to actually see what’s powering their hybrid, they’d realize that the amount saved on gas, won’t compare to the cash spent on walnuts. And the heckling. My God, the heckling…

Chipmunkanics.

“Well what the hell were you expecting? You think this thing runs on rainbows and unicorn tears?”

You did NOT just call me Alvin.

“Do I’s come to your office and go lookin’ under your desk? If you want to get to work before lunch, I suggest you close that hood then back away real slow. Oh, and if you want Zuko over there to stop chewing on your air filter, then you best bring the nuts. I ain’t gonna ask twice.”

What'd you think "hybrid" meant?

“Lady, honest to God, if you don’t stop starin’ at me with that gaping mouth from behind that wheel, I’m gonna bring in the squirrels.”

I hope your stowaways made the transition from car to yard quite nicely, Tammy G.

81 comments

Go Ahead. Try The Wipers.

September 11, 2009 By Prongs

In your face, Winston!

You can drive as fast as you want, Winston, because I got Hubba-Bubba on my paws and Marshmallow Fluff on my belly. You want the cats back, you’re gonna have to get rid of ME first. So go ahead and roll the dice. But keep in mind that I’m not some idiot cat, so I won’t be chasing after it.

Welcome to hell.

Hope you were wearing a seat belt, Anne T.

57 comments

Does This Make Me Look Cat?

September 10, 2009 By Prongs

I’m not sure if it’s my haircut (the “Donald Trump Special”), or if it’s just my all-around obsession with all things me, but suddenly I’m feeling very feline.

And, might I say, “Worst feeling ever.” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go need to spike my alfalfa with arsenic.

Did you use a bowl for that cut, Momo?

85 comments

I Had The Strangest Dream Last Night

September 10, 2009 By Not That Mike The Other Mike

I dreamed that some mysterious force whisked me away into a bleak, endless limbo, where there was no light or sound or even time…

…and there I stayed for one full day, with no dogs to tease, or legs to rub against, or squeaky toys to mangle, or the scent of sweet, delicious tuna…

And then I woke up here in my bed. But it was just a dream, wasn’t it, honey?

… or was it, Jen B.?

71 comments

A Day Without Cats: Lessons Learned

September 10, 2009 By Not That Mike The Other Mike

Well, another first-ever Day Without Cats has come and gone, never to come again. And like all historical watershed moments, it impels us to reflect; about us, the Internet, and on the debt we owe to our irreplaceable friend, the cat.

For the cat is more than mere companion, more than protector from the vicious mouse and his flesh-melting death ray, more than the reassuring presence who greets our return each day with cheerful, loving indifference. He is also our mentor.

For while our great scientific minds struggle vainly to teach cats the intricacies of double-entry bookkeeping and interpretive dance, the cat has a simpler lesson for us: Approach life with wonder, with eyes wide open, with insatiable curiosity…