The Sarah Bernhardt of hamsters

Sender-Inner Courtney S. says: “This is my robo dwarf hammie. When I hold him (he hates to be held) he flops on his back and just gives up. He’s over dramatic.”

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[The famous Sarah Bernhardt fainting spell is here]

Wanna See the North Pole, Baby?

Hey, darlin’ — you’re so hot, you’re curing my frostbite!  You must be the leading cause of global warming, because my polar ice cap is melting, hun-nay!  Better call Santa, because I just saw what I want for Christmas!  So how’m I doin’ so far?

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He won’t respect you in the morning, Amanda T.

Can I Get One in Paisley?

Ever the innovators, the Japanese revolutionize the world of cuteness yet again — with the automatic doggie dispenser system! In this leaked prototype testing video, we can see how the patented Rol-Ovr™ rollers gently deliver a fresh, piping hot doggie, in your choice of colorful tunics!

On second thought, Amy R., make that stripes.

THIS JUST IN: “Mr. Manager”

Mr. Manager will see you now.

Mr. Manager is all: “boop boop boop beeep boop boop beep” on his computer

Mr. Manager WILL fire you if you don’t deliver on the Thompson account

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Brisa E and Megan Q., there are few people weirder than you.

One banana pie with cream to go

Er, to stuff. not to go—to stuff.

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Jorma M. check it out, he’s all ‘please Suh, may I have anothuh?’

Mabel and the Evil Penguin

When she was a little girl, Mabel Flossenglottner had an imaginary friend, a penguin she called Mr. Flappy.  She would run and play with him all day long, and share her most private thoughts.  In return, Mr. Flappy would tell Mabel to … do things.

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Vintage Qte found by Lindsey J.  (With apologies to the little girl, who probably turned out just fine.)

Casting Call

We love the little critters when they’re scampering about — but sometimes they scamper straight into trouble.  Never fear, however; as Animals in Casts demonstrates, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you cuter:

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Eastern-Grey-Kangaroo

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Found by Jessica T.

Laundry Mountain Blues

[blues licks, y’all] Dah dwee da dump.

I woke up this mornin’ (dah dwee da dump)
And went back to sleep (dah dwee da dump)
Cause starin’ right at me (dah dwee da dump)
This big wrinkled heap (dah dweedle da dump) (etc.)

Twenty tan and black towels
Just a pile o’ wet fuzz
One little pink sock
Told me right where I was…

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I’m in the washroom, baby (back in the washroom, baby)
I’m in the washroom, baby (back in the washroom, baby)
I’m in the washroom, baby, face down on the flo’
(dah dwee da dump, dah dweedle a dump, dah dwee-aah)
And Miss Miranda H. Mama…
(all stop for a four-count)
…She don’t need me no mo’

[harmonica outro, repeat chorus, big finish]

Tell ‘Em Flopsy Sent You

Don’t tell Hugh Hefner, but our friends the Japanese have revived the concept of the “bunny club.”  Only this time, the bunnies are real, and customers pay a fee to pet and fondle them — something you could never do at the old bunny clubs (and I have the restraining orders to prove it).

I’ll have the cottontail special with carrot juice, Kimber R.

Um, Why Is My Lunch Eating My Lunch?

In an amazing series of photos, a fearless rat stared down a mighty leopard–and the leopard blinked.  While the puzzled cat sniffed and watched, the rat helped itself to the leopard’s steak dinner.  Be sure to read the full story at the Mail Online.

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I’ve had nightmares like this before, John L. (I’m always the leopard.)

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