1) Dye roots. Other day, human shrieked, called me “skunk”. Hour later, skunk shrieked, called me “Cher”. Humiliating! Was not sure where to aim quill.
2) File/polish nails. Something less Goth for fall. Maybe “Paint My Moji-Toes Red”. It’s kind of gecko, but think I can pull off.
3) Trim whiskers. Starting to resemble that guy from “MythBusters”. Enough said.
4) Stop stress eating. Twice-baked-scalloped-potatoes are for carb-junkies in Jug Bands, only.
5) Find eyelashes. Am legitimately concerned. *plink-plink*
Sigh. Those hedgehogs don’t know how good they have it.
Alert us of any mysterious hedgehog disappearances, Tim C.