Benson Hedges, Private Eye in: The Case of the Kidnapped Kitties!

It was one of those nights when all a tired gumshoe wants is to get away from the babes and bullets and have a nice meal in a restaurant where they don’t pat you down for weapons. And so I was about to drown my sorrows in a bowl of Miss Kitty’s famous five-alarm chili when it hit me: Miss Kitty was gone!


Now, another Joe might have shrugged it off, but when this nose smells trouble, buddy, I follow it. So my partner and I staked out an abandoned warehouse…


“Follow me,” I said. “We’re going in!” But he just stood there with that dopey grin on his face. He was too yellow, and I’d have to go it alone.


When I got inside, I could hear muffled voices, saying something about “a day without cats.” So that was their plan; Miss Kitty was only the beginning. They wouldn’t stop until they’d stolen every kitten from the Internet — unless I stopped them first.


Can Benson corral the catty kidnappers and crack the case? Will tomorrow truly be A Day Without Cats? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode!

Photos from “My Hedgehog” by Yoppy.



  1. OMG I can’t wait until the next episode! What happens next??! baited breath. I’m waiting…

  2. Trabb's Boy says:

    Cilantro-y. Yellow. Mike, you are one brilliant and messed up individual.

  3. Trabb's Boy says:

    And sas, it’s “bated”. I’m not a spelling purist, but I just got this image of you holding a squirming meal worm between your lips to lure on Benson Hedges, P.I.

    [See, it’s for reasons just like these that we have Photoshop & GIMP (and Aviary) – Ed.]

  4. ACK! Hedgie NOSIES! They’re LETHAL!

  5. NOMTOM – YOU da man!!!! Normally, I’m happy to take things one day at a time; but now you have me impatient for tomorrow to get here! Will Benson Hedges, P.I., save Miss Kitty? Will he suffer heartburn from too much cilantro? How can you expect us to bear the suspense??? AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!

  6. Von Zeppelin says:

    Benson Hedges? That sissy cigarette? I like my tough private eyes to be smoking unfiltered Chesterfields.

    [I’m pretty sure they haven’t yet figured out a way to stick filters on mealworms – Ed.]

  7. Beauty_Without_Cruelty says:

    I can’t wait till tomorrow to find out if it is true…Benson Hedges’ cases always keep me at the end of my seat!

    Ps: but it would be a sad day without the likes of Maru and Winston…

  8. harlemgrrl says:

    subscribe? yes!

  9. A day without cats, would be a cat-astrophe, we cat-egorically can’t let this happen. We must don our cat-aphracts, grab our cat-apults and cat-echise our troops. The experience will be cat-hartic

  10. Mary (the first). says:

    A day without cats is a day without love. I hope Benson can thwart the cruel .. whoever it is .. and prevent the DWC ! !

  11. I dunno why, but the idea of a hedgie with a paper cup disguise kit makes me laugh. 🙂

  12. NTMTOM, as always, a little over the edge. Yellow…tee-hee.
    Cute beady eyes as well.

  13. Save us all, Benson!

  14. I’m not prepared! Help me Benson!

  15. No way. Dees cannot happen! A kitty-less internet day…no…

  16. Okay…racking my brain to come up with a broadway paradoy for this (yeah, I know Tommy Tune Tuesdays is official only to me…deal with it 😛 ) and all I could come up with is someting from Guys and Dolls:

    When the chili tastes funny
    and Benson can’t find his hunny,
    you can bet he’ll be looking for that cat

    When you see a hedge
    creeping ’round a ledge
    you can bet he’s only doing it for some cat

    When his sidekick’s yellow
    And Benson’s a lone fellow
    you can bet he’s only doing it for some cat

    Call it sad, call it funny
    But your odds will get even money
    that the Hedge’s only doing it for some cat, some cat,
    That the Hedge’s only doing it for some cat!

    My apologies to the Great White Way…it’s the Tuesday after a holiday weekend.

  17. A kitty is a many blendered thing.

  18. Maybe Benson’s partner was a little ‘fraid around the hedges…

  19. I’ve been missing Benson Hedges without even knowing it. Thanks, NOMTOM.

    And I’m categorically OPPOSED to DWC. Just sayin’.

  20. I loved this NOMTOM! Great stuff!
    Now we’re all sitting on the hedge of our seats… !

  21. Anything with cilantro in it is too cilantro-y for me, so I feel your pain Hedgie.

  22. squeeee!

    Love Benson Hedges, Private Eye.
    Most excellent story NTMTOM – can’t wait for the next episode.

  23. If there is a moister nosicle on the planet, I need to see it (to believe it).

    I’m just glad Benson is on the case and not some lame-o gumshoe without a clue. Or a paper cup disguise thingie.

    Somebody put on a pot of good strong coffee… it’s gonna be loooong night!

  24. PYRIT you are killing me here.. Snicker.

    and NOMTOM Snicker snort gaffaw:::::: Tips hedgie hat in your general direction

  25. PS. OMG a DAY WITHOUT CATS on the internet… the world will screech to a HALT!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. A day without cats!?!?!? Our feline overlords will never allow it…..

    @Hon Glad: ROTFLOL!

  27. I can’t see the cilantro from here, but that chili is a mighty suspicious color. When you find Miss Kitty, I have a recipe suggestion for her: more tomatoes, less kibble.

  28. @pyrit – lol…fraid around the hedges….hedge of our seats…great stuff.

  29. Oh, pyrit. SO wrong. And yet so LOLworthy.

  30. Hon Glad- You cat-napped my idea! 😀

  31. pyrit – rofl – literally
    hedgie – cute – totally

  32. I know they’re competish, but here’s a news flash from I Can Has Cheezburger:

    (Hope this link works!)

  33. I don’t believe in a Day Without Cats. You can’t have an Internets without cats. Why don’t they try a Day Without Pron and see how that works?

  34. It will be worth it to go a day without cats on the internet if we can wake up the next day to!

  35. Don’t worry. I’ll always start my interwebbing with CO!

  36. I don’t care what they say I can’t stay in a word without cats!

  37. catloveschanel says:

    I would be cat-a-tonic without cats, because . . .
    I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
    The boston blackie kind
    A two toned ricky ricardo jacket
    And an autographed picture of andy devine

    I remember bein buck-toothed and skinny
    Writin fan letters to sky king and penny
    Oh I wish I had a pencil thin mustache
    Then I could solve some mysteries too

  38. @Trabb’s Boy I was so overcome by the win of it all that I temporarily lost my grasp of language. See kids, don’t rely on spellcheck!

    That’s my story… and the mental image…ech.

  39. Am I the only one slain by the teensiest of raised pawsies in Pic 1? C’mON, Peeps!

  40. AlbertaGirl says:

    Why, hewwo Benson! Glad to see you’re on the case. You’ll rescue Miss Kitty and thwart those anti-cat nogoodniks for sure!

  41. Genius captioning! 🙂 !!

  42. not till tomorrow NOMTOM!! and pyrit – hedge of our seats… *frantically cleaning the water off com-pyooo-tor screen* hehe

    think benson hedges PI should have his own tag? *hrm* teho, thoughts?

  43. @pryit- I actually spit out my drink when I read your reply!! ROFL OMG – now I have to clean my keyboard and screen…

  44. sorry that should have been Pyrit

  45. Jeepahs! What a nice bunch of peepahs! You all are so nice!
    I’ve been working hard all day in the yard and the garage – so thanks!
    I’m just havin’ fun heah. CO is a blast and a half.
    Oh my, I see NOMTOM’s posted another doozie…!

  46. motheralice says:

    I luvs hedgies!!!! So cute!!! Yay hedgies!!!

  47. Hooray for Benson Hedgie! It’s been a while since we’ve had a good installment of our favorite PI’s adventures. Can’t wait to see what happens in the next episode…

    NTMTOM, as always, you are tewtelly brill–the cilantro bit cracked me up, as I think it tastes like socks, but that is another story entirely.

    And Pyrit, you’ve been ON FIRE these past few days. “…a many blendered thing…” so hilarious.

    Great laughs from you peeps, as always!

  48. (pondering how Nikki knows what socks taste like)


  50. Needs ciggy smoking hedgette to say: “Hey Benson, are you wearing a pot or are you just happy to see me?”

  51. @Suzanne, I can totally get behind Tommy Tune Tuesday , but I’ll have to think about a submission on my way to the dentist. Maybe next week I’ll be ready.

  52. Mary (the first) says:

    oops that Ewww was left over from something else.. please ignore..

  53. earlybird1 says:

    BEST. NARRATION. AND. HOVERTEXT. EVAR! *standing ovation* *and much doffing of hats*

  54. not a fan of hedgehogs…but NTMTOM is BRILLIANT….!…i wish he was my Mike…..jus’ sayin’…..

  55. @Camille – LOL! Okay, actually what I *imagine* socks would taste like… 🙂

  56. Leslie (NTA) says:

    Speaking of cilantro & Java & overly dramatic Pr. Investig’s …..

    anyone out there, seen Steve Martin in Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (LOTS & LOTS o’ vintage clips spliced in, from Humphrey Gocart films, Jimmy Cagney, etc, etc) make his “special Java”?????????? I don’t want to give the whole explanaishun here & give away the humor …..but suffice it to say when you see the film, KEEP YER EYES on the screen while he makes the coffee & don’t be doing some paperwork or taking a phonecall or some other distraction . Hi-******-LARIOUS & goofy.
    Theo, HIS coffee just *might* provide interesting competition for your special brew …. (from , isn’t it the DOWNSTAIRS kitchen? It’s been a few days since we went into all that detail)….

    [Mr. Martin isn’t who I go to first for recipe advice, actually – Ed.]

  57. Day without cats, cool! *hopes for puppies and bunnies*

    And, in the second picture, PIKACHU!!!!

  58. kibblenibble says:

    Can you imagine patting a hedgie down for weapons? I’ve never actually touched one but from the looks of things, that might hurt. BTW Kudos to NOMTOM and all the commentors. Benson Hedges, and the comments he inspires, make my day.

  59. berthaservant says:

    Leslie – “Dead Men Don’t…” is one of my favorite films, and that is an AWESOME laugh.


  60. Suzanne – Nicely done, perhaps Tommy will sing it for you.

  61. Benson Hedges – smarter than Remington Steele and with a sharper wit.

  62. Y’now, when I have kids, I’m going to force a hedgehog on them as a pet. and then make them clean the cage because it creates character.