Friday Haiku: Something Smells Fishy

Ferret meets lobster / Romance?  Dinner?  Kinkiness? / We await your words

Sniffing Lobster Tocks

It wasn’t a rock, Kate S. — it was a rock lobster!  Down!  Down!



  1. brinnann says:

    Oh Friday Haiku,
    How I’ve missed you so, my love.
    Let the fun begin!

  2. brinnann says:

    *Sneef sneef* of ferret.
    I must investigate this!
    It can haz a smell!

  3. Svenster says:

    Says ferret to claw:
    “Now that the pinchies are safe,
    I willl nom your tocks”

  4. A lovely pairing
    I hope the correct one gets put
    in the hot water

  5. Svenster says:

    Unlucky ferret:
    Lost bet. Must kiss Miss Lobster
    “Doesn’t even floss!”

    (alternative last line: Oh, man! Lobster breath!!)

  6. Roberly says:

    Boiling Bath of Death;
    Black turns blood-red agony.
    I fasten my bib.

  7. brinnann says:

    Svenster, methinks that
    Mr. Ferret has chosen
    The wrong end to kiss!

  8. Baby got tail!
    If Sir Mix-A-Lot was right,
    I’ll ferret it out!

    [ *SNORT* 😆 – Ed.]

  9. hon glad says:

    Alien creature
    Kneesock with eyes
    Don’t understand Haikus

  10. Svenster says:

    Kind of a built in armour.
    Thats cheatinks, that is!

  11. Lobster shuns Ferret
    “Hot tub jokes are getting old.
    You can kiss my…tail.”

  12. Dang it Mike! Now I’m going to have that song in my head all day! Especially the keyboard section.

  13. Ferret and lobster
    Wrestling on a parquet floor
    Am I in a dream?

  14. Rachael says:

    Ferret’s distracted
    Searching for melted butter
    Squeeze of lemon too

  15. Lost in translation,
    Butt-sniffing ferret says, “Hi!”
    Lobster takes offense.

  16. chanpon says:

    a privacy tail
    is not just for a ferret
    works for lobsters too

  17. Svenster says:

    LOL @ Brinnann, but:
    He tried that the last time, see
    His nose has just healed.

  18. An eye for an eye
    Revenge amongst animals
    A bite for a pinch

  19. A friend for ferret,
    Yet reckless with lobster claws.
    Ouch, he soon exclaimed.

  20. kibblenibble says:

    Roberly: Wow! Good one!

  21. A furry ferret
    with antennae-like whiskers
    tickles a lobster

  22. Iron Chef Ferret:
    I will beat Morimoto
    in Battle Lobster!

  23. Ferret/Lobster babes
    Are quite odd creatures indeed
    Pinching Kneesocks, OUCH!

  24. kibblenibble says:

    Hey Mister Kneesock
    Think you could help me out here?
    These bands are peenching

  25. Trabb's Boy says:

    Come on, out the door!
    I’ll distract the brutes with my
    innocent pink eyes.

  26. Perfect Trabb’s Boy.
    Ferret and lobster escape
    Best buds forever

  27. brinnann says:

    After you’ve been cooked,
    You match my pinkish-red eyes.
    Not pretty now, though.

  28. brinnann says:

    Cajun ferret says,
    “Just an oversized crawfish.
    Toss him in the pot!”

  29. Valerie says:


  30. A weasel steals a
    thing of its interest if
    only to drag and hide

  31. Fun experiment:
    When old foes meet on dance floor,
    What will happen next?

  32. brinnann says:

    I think Susan has
    Stumbled upon the next big
    Reality show!

  33. kittykye says:

    Oh my, your fanny!
    It looks so cronch.
    But I am weary!

  34. Lula Mae says:

    Waiter, there is a
    ferret on my lobster. Can
    I talk to the chef?

  35. ferret teenager
    is curious but awkward
    with exchange student

  36. Camille says:

    This restaurant’s odd.
    A parquet floor’s an odd place
    For the Surf ‘n’ Turf!

  37. Ferret intriguèd
    Red eyes meet blue rubber bands
    Ferret retreated

  38. bitter ferret asks
    why would they take my scent gland
    and let you keep yours?

  39. Her black castanets
    inspire Senor Ferret
    a paso doble.

  40. El cheapo version
    of Discovery Channel’s
    The Deadliest Catch

  41. Zoinks! says:

    “This thing smells funny…
    It looks even funnier…
    …What the heck is it???”

    Little do they know,
    They’re both thinking the same thing!
    Oh, the irony!

  42. Svenster says:

    White ferret, perhaps
    from Peru. Screwed up poems,
    just like me and you

    The lobster got wild
    Though he is normally mild
    “Thats a lii-mee-riick! (not a haiku)”

  43. patient lobster waits
    when I tire of this sniffing
    pop! goes the weasel

  44. emudoug says:



  45. Doesn’t this look like the start of a great joke?! “A ferret walks into a bar with a lobster under his arm…”

  46. brinnann says:

    OMG Thorn #35! 😆 That’s awesome, with extra awesome sauce!

  47. Satchel says:

    Inter-species snorgling, of course!

  48. brinnann says:

    Ah, good one Satchel!
    I see we’re missing that tag.
    T[Ed.] we need your help!

  49. Noelegy says:

    Come away with me
    Says the fert* to the lobster
    Bring melted butter

    A crustacean
    Meets a furry mustelid
    Something is wrong here

    Lobster thinks of love
    Ferret’s interests are more
    Of culinary sort

    *perfectly acceptable diminutive of “ferret,” at least among ferret lovers 🙂

  50. Apparently since lobsters aren’t “cute” then it’s impending doom is funny?

  51. catloveschanel says:

    Ferret says to bar-
    keep, “Give me a menu and
    a bloody Mary”

  52. catloveschanel says:

    darn I was trying to be by renee’s comment

  53. 5^^now8ing says:

    Ditto Thorn’s awesomeness @ #35 — #43, too!
    Geez, I envy all y’all’s talent at haikus. I couldn’t haiku (gesundheit!) to save my life.
    That’s a *delicious* privacy tail, doncha mean? 😉

  54. Leslie (NOT the author!) says:

    FWIW —

    I’m sure that the ferret is wonderful & the lobster is great–

    But for me, the SONG CHOICE is the primary attribute of this here post.
    Esp. on a FRIDAY (& I’m not even a partier/ barfly !!)

  55. Svenster says:

    Not the doom as such
    Rather the strange encounter
    Amuse and inspire

    Here, lobsters are food
    But in China ferrets too
    End up on a plate

  56. brinnann says:

    5^^now8ing, I useta think I couldn’t haiku either. It’s easier than you’d think. Just count the syllables in each line:
    5 syllables
    7 syllables
    5 syllables
    Supposedly, it’s customary for the haiku to reference a season, but I don’t think anyone’s that picky here. Although I suppose for this post, “season” can be interpreted differently. 😉

  57. Svenster says:

    One, two, three, four, five
    One, two, three, four, five, six, sev…
    Dang, thats really hard!

    Small haiku crash course:
    Stick to the form and just count
    5, 7 and 5

  58. 5^^now8ing says:

    Brinnann & Svenster — I can *count*, I just can’t come up with the words! 😉 — my “poetry” skillz are less than Svenster’s first example above (#67). (Which I love!)

  59. 5^^now8ing says:

    It’s like with the visual arts — I can’t *do* it, but I sure do enjoy it!

  60. I peench.

  61. Crustacean compels
    From an unfamiliar world
    Ferret obliges

  62. Lerrinus says:

    A lobster was sniffed by a ferret
    It didn’t smell like a dog or a parrot
    Said the lobster, “Free my hands
    from these infernal bands”
    Ran the ferret saying “I wouldn’t dare it!”


  63. Lucy's Mommeh says:

    From my friend Tyger:

    To identify, classify;
    Just one whiff and we will know;
    What do you mean it’s watertight?!

  64. Quick snip of toofers
    Then lobster and his new friend
    Scamper for the door

  65. my hated enemy
    your banded and im hungry
    nom nom nom!

  66. Svenster says:

    Really great idea
    Have animals reinact
    The reservoir dogs

  67. A new friend? Perhaps.
    But looks can be deceiving.
    Beware of the claws.

  68. Svenster was cruising
    until he pulled out the old
    stereotype — ugh.

    (meaning the 2nd of #55 there)

  69. Svenster says:

    Sorry bout that, mate
    Couldn’t help myself, you know
    I’ll get therapy

  70. Stunbunny says:

    If I had those claws
    I could open them there claws
    Damn these puny claws!

  71. wow, a quick response!
    apology accepted
    thank you for that, dude!

  72. WOW – the ultimate in slinkiness meets the ultimate in scaly-ness. It’s like when worlds collide. Better the band’s on the lobster, the ferret would be freakin to slither out of it!

    Poor lobster, though. The ferret will live to romp another day, sadly, probably not true for Mr. Lobster. OK, it’s true, I’m a vegetable-tarian.

  73. Don’t Worry Lobster!
    I will whisk you to freedom!
    No hot tub for you!

  74. juliashmoolia says:

    For best Ferret sniff
    Privacy tail must lift.
    Lobster: “no access”

  75. 😦 poor lobster

  76. Mary (the first) says:

    Summer barbecue:
    Throw the shrimp on the barbie!
    Ehn! This ain’t no shrimp!

  77. Mary (the first) says:

    (didja notice how I slipped a “season” in there? didja? didja??)

  78. This floor is chilly.
    Warm fur coat presents itself.
    Curse these rubber bands!

  79. Heather C says:

    trubs await your nose
    too close and you may lose it
    bum sniffing knee sock

  80. Andi from NC says:

    Twilight approaches
    A forbidden love ingnites
    Daddy wants dinna’!

  81. Heather C says:

    Quick claw! Grab my paw!
    We shall scamper to freedom
    They can eat tofu

  82. not a nice thing to do to a lobster

  83. please, please don’t eat me!
    i’m from a far away place
    i want to go home

  84. BeckyMonster says:

    You smell slightly dank
    That’s a lot coming from me
    I’ve been descented

  85. @Heather – good one! HA!

  86. Alien Lobster
    Says “take me to your leader
    you furry kneesock!”

  87. @Heather – TOTAL AWESOMENESS!!!

  88. What is this new thing
    Is it a toy or dinner
    Shall I pounce or chew

  89. Heather C says:

    Thanks guys! These things are fun 🙂

  90. Elsajeni says:

    Ferret at high risk
    of learning exactly what
    those claw-bands are for.

  91. earlybird1 says:

    Holy cow, you people are good poets. Special kudos to Svenster for writing haikus ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S HAIKUS. This must be dubbed the “piggyback haiku” and deserves a special award. I doff my hat to you. *doff*

  92. I always feel so bad for lobsters when I see them at restaurants or stores. I don’t think they are THAT ugly. 😛

    Run, my love, run fast
    The humans will come to eat
    And you are dinner.

    Ohhh… That’s terrible. Lol.

  93. Rock Lobster! Reminds me of high school for some reason?

  94. Oh poor shellfish friend!
    I’ll remove those rubber bands.
    Ow ow ow ow ow.

  95. Kiragirl says:

    @ # 45 Renee

    Doesn’t this look like the start of a great joke?! “A ferret walks into a bar with a lobster under his arm…”
    and says to the bartender, “you ain’t gunna believe this butt”

  96. brinnann says:

    Piggyback Haiku
    The new Earlybird Special
    Pork and Lobster, yummmmm…

  97. Kiragirl says:

    The butter is hot
    now break out the claw crackers
    oops, that’s a ferret!

  98. hollys_mum says:

    My poor crustacean,
    I’m so sad for your demise,
    Do not snarf lobster!

  99. wuyizidi says:

    So many great entries. Would be awesome if we can vote enable comments.

    [Yeah, theoretically. We’re actually trying to figure that out. – Ed.]

  100. Beady eye dance-off:
    Invertebrate flamenco
    Castanets, not bands.

  101. Kiragirl says:

    The Maine lobster claws
    differentiate it from
    his African cousin.

  102. Ferret is higher
    Than lobster on the food chain.
    Tastes like chicken, no?

  103. Black and white critters
    Ebony and ivory
    Perfect harmony

  104. Paunchie says:

    Interspecies pinchering more like it!

    Fert! *snork!*

  105. Poose's Mom says:

    Fuzzy Ferret sock
    Curiosity in white
    Beware Lobster rock!

  106. Paunchie says:

    Oh no no no no
    No pork and lobster briann
    Keeping kosher, eh?

  107. A romantic night
    I’ll sniff your ‘tocks, and you mine
    Interspecies love ❤

  108. “Doctor, oh Doctor,
    Can you get this off my butt?”
    Quoth the crustacean.

  109. earlybird1 says:

    LOL @ Juliaschmoolia #75! 🙂

  110. chanpon says:

    A special haiku to nuffers:

    Alas poor lobster!
    Why are you so delicious
    dipped in drawn butter?

  111. manekineko says:

    The ferret inhales –
    “Enchanting! Is that butter?”
    “Uh-uh. It’s parquet.”

  112. chanpon says:

    chanpon is in pain
    ’cause she is laughing too hard
    at the last haiku

  113. 5^^now8ing says:

    manekineko – *groan* 😉

  114. manekineko says:

    Puns are so risky.
    People either laugh at them,
    or throw things at me.

  115. Forrester McLeod says:

    pinchers tied tightly
    toss me in the sky so wild
    white furry lover


  116. ScarletSeraph says:

    The light and the dark
    One is soft, the other hard
    And yet, harmony

  117. Svenster says:

    Back from nice dinner…
    (Stayed away from the shellfish)
    Back to the haikus!

  118. ScarletSeraph says:

    And if I’d read all the way down, I’d’ve seen that someone had already done that. Damnit!

  119. If my claws were free,
    I’d show you, Albino Boy,
    Where to stick your nose.

  120. Svenster says:

    Hey bro, you’ve got claws
    No fur, not sock-like at all
    Bet you’re adopted

  121. manekineko says:

    Lobster and ferret –
    Friends, like tortoise and hedgehog
    Rudyard Kipling-esque

  122. Manekineko
    I bow to your punniness.
    Oh I laughed and laughed.

  123. Svenster says:

    Ferret to D6
    Thus capturing black lobster
    Checkmate. White wins! Yay!!!

  124. Jakepets says:

    When adding flavor,
    butter or parquet/Parkay:
    No comparison.

    Manekineko (112) WINS this contest claws/paws down/up! Thanks for the best belly laugh I’ve had in quite a while.

  125. A strange zoo this is
    Albino ferret, a lobster?
    I want a refund.

  126. earlybird1 says:

    @Jesse: I doff my hat to you too. *doff*

  127. Maria N. says:

    Drawn butter awaits
    Nice tailio Iglese, Lob
    Parquet “plate” for you!

  128. My favorite things
    one for eating one for love
    you figure it out

  129. 😦 Agreeing with comment 93 from Mouchois.
    I hate seeing the lobsters in the aquariums. It’s no life for them. Plus, when you think they are loners in real life… and they have to stand each other in a tank where there is nothing to do… Frankly it breaks my heart to see them there.

    Anyway, moving on…

  130. Mary (the first) says:

    Your pun is, by far, the best.
    My hat also doffed.

  131. Svenster says:

    Ferret whispers to
    Legal seafoods refugee
    I’ll get you out, pal

  132. Svenster says:

    Will this suffice, Suh?
    Ferret sneefs offered dinner.
    Yes Jeves, it will do.

  133. Svenster says:

    Is that ferret spoilt?
    Dunno, consider my cat
    eats only turkey.

    (No, really. He has food allergy! 😀 )

  134. Tractatus Blorpico-Philosophicus says:

    Manekineko [assuming pronounced with 5 syllables, like a Japanese word]
    FTW! I didn’t know
    Parkay still exists! [per Wikipedia]

  135. earlybird1 says:

    Sorry, I meant “Jessy.” My bad. 😮 (referring to #127)

  136. Go on, keep sniffling
    like these rubber bands
    soon I will snap

  137. Branwyn says:

    Assinine ferret,
    That’s my tush. And they call me
    A bottom-feeder.

  138. Rishathra oh noes!
    Won’t somebody consider
    the pwecious childwen

  139. SoCalSis says:

    In the category of Surprise Guffaw, we have a tie:
    Kiragirl #96 and Manekineko #112, who will now move into the playoff round for title of Champion Surprise Guffaw Inspirer!

  140. dianish says:

    Ferrets are not cute
    Lobsters are just huge insects
    Yucky overload

  141. earlybird1 says:

    Applauding Branwyn for excellent wordplay!

  142. earlybird1 says:

    (referring to #138)

  143. Chardonnay perhaps?
    Or a pairing of red wine?
    Yes! White goes with fish!

  144. 5^^now8ing says:

    Love, love, love, love, love
    Cute Overload peeps’ comments!
    Wish I could do it.

    There, my first feeble attempt at a haiku. Seriously, y’all are great wordies! (Bottom feeder – heh.)

  145. Fear not, my humans!
    I pulled this giant cockroach
    Out of the kitchen.

    [Hehehe – Ed.]

  146. wannadance says:

    black patent leather lovely
    i must kiss you now
    i will not look up your skirt.

  147. What, no limericks? This is perfect for limericks. I demand justice.
    Poetic Justice.
    [cue opening credits]

  148. kibblenibble says:

    Theresa, regarding “I peench.” I remember that commercial, for a jeep or something. I always laughed at it, simple as it was. Speaking of laughing, I did a lot of it tonight reading all these great haikus. Not a bad way to spend an evening after coming home from a bad blind date. Thanks, everyone!

  149. I tewtelly screwed up my haiku….never write haikus after Wii Fit boxing…you’re brain goes all marshmallow peeps in the microwave or something….

    A strange zoo this is
    Albino ferret, lobsters?
    I want a refund.


  150. @ Lula Mae – that was a lovely post – here is the waiter’s reply

    Please be quiet Sir
    Or Ev-ry one will want one
    Chef went home at twelve

  151. @Kibblenibble 149

    Kibble Nibble CRY
    Bad date make me sorrowful
    Take more care next time 😦

    Me offer Kleenex
    Offer piece of Candy too
    Hope you feel OK L)

  152. Amendment

    Hope you feel OK 🙂

  153. @ mouchois 93

    people are so crool
    Uglies need affection too
    what is not to love

    I have empathy
    with the poor crustacean too
    escaped from his tank

    I must go away
    I’m becoming too involved
    love you all to bits

  154. “One white ferret, please”
    Said the big black lobster, then
    Died of ferret stink

  155. Carlisa says:

    I see your hineeeey…
    so nice and shineeey…

    [EARWORM! OH NOES!!! You better hide it, before I bite it… – Ed.]

  156. wait a minute here
    lobster out of h2o
    something is amiss

  157. Lifecoach says:

    come closer dollface
    I have a surprise for you
    when you untie me

  158. kibblenibble says:

    @ Patti: Thanks! I never had my very own Haiku before! Don’t worry, I’m not too sad. He just wasn’t worth getting dolled up for.

  159. Noelegy says:

    “I peench.” The Honda Element commercials. Those were great!

  160. @ 5^^now8ing

    Oh look what you’ve done.
    Its your first Friday haiku!
    Welcome to the fun.

  161. poor little lobster
    animal lovers whine again
    ignore the food chain

  162. a painful future
    awaits the kinky ferret
    once bondage is over

    and one more side note
    the way yoda might put it:
    epic this thread is

  163. Svenster says:

    Dozer, you kill me!
    Nearly sprayed my laptop with
    Expensive whisky

  164. OK….its freaky that ‘kinkiness’ was 1 of the choices….its so dirty when u think about it… lol

  165. Long walks on the beach for me
    furry and free are we
    Send lobster back to the sea

    (my very, very ,very first haiku attempt!)

  166. 5^^now8ing says:

    I’ll hold your hand, Kristina. We can go into this brave new poetry world together. (see my very first attempt above)

  167. Can I see pictures of the kinkiness? Was there rope??

  168. haiku #2

    everyone’s concerned
    for our little lobster friend
    nuffing has commenced

  169. Oh no! Says Ferret
    Dai-Pinchy, I will save you!
    Summer seas await.

  170. Que sera sera
    Let lobster go free go free
    The ferret’s not ours

    The red, red lobstah
    Goes bob, bob, bobbin’ along
    Tactless ferret sings

    [This is darn good for a Monday morning; can I have a grande of whatever it is you’re having? – Ed.]

  171. Hee hee hee. I think, channeling Doris Day at this hour, maybe not such a good thing!?

  172. Kiragirl says:

    Doris Day would say
    I prefer the Chenin Blanc
    with my “fert” fillet.

    (haha, tricked ya!)

  173. Carlisa says:

    No…It’s …
    You better *book it*…
    before I cook it. 🙂

  174. Whitney Anne says:

    I find this photo extremely upsetting. Why torture that poor lobster? He doesn’t belong on the floor, claws bound, helpless against that curious ferret. He has my sympathy.

    [Well, does he belong in the pot, then? – Ed.]

  175. Totally agree #176 Whitney Anne.

    I think it’s really sad.

  176. Anonymous says:


    Leave me nameless today–this crowd is terrifying.