Ferret meets lobster / Romance? Dinner? Kinkiness? / We await your words
It wasn’t a rock, Kate S. — it was a rock lobster! Down! Down!
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{ 177 comments }
Oh Friday Haiku,
How I’ve missed you so, my love.
Let the fun begin!
*Sneef sneef* of ferret.
I must investigate this!
It can haz a smell!
Says ferret to claw:
“Now that the pinchies are safe,
I willl nom your tocks”
A lovely pairing
I hope the correct one gets put
in the hot water
Unlucky ferret:
Lost bet. Must kiss Miss Lobster
“Doesn’t even floss!”
(alternative last line: Oh, man! Lobster breath!!)
Boiling Bath of Death;
Black turns blood-red agony.
I fasten my bib.
Svenster, methinks that
Mr. Ferret has chosen
The wrong end to kiss!
Baby got tail!
If Sir Mix-A-Lot was right,
I’ll ferret it out!
[ *SNORT*
- Ed.]
Alien creature
Kneesock with eyes
Don’t understand Haikus
Exoskeleton,
Kind of a built in armour.
Thats cheatinks, that is!
Lobster shuns Ferret
“Hot tub jokes are getting old.
You can kiss my…tail.”
Dang it Mike! Now I’m going to have that song in my head all day! Especially the keyboard section.
Ferret and lobster
Wrestling on a parquet floor
Am I in a dream?
Ferret’s distracted
Searching for melted butter
Squeeze of lemon too
Lost in translation,
Butt-sniffing ferret says, “Hi!”
Lobster takes offense.
a privacy tail
is not just for a ferret
works for lobsters too
LOL @ Brinnann, but:
He tried that the last time, see
His nose has just healed.
An eye for an eye
Revenge amongst animals
A bite for a pinch
A friend for ferret,
Yet reckless with lobster claws.
Ouch, he soon exclaimed.
Roberly: Wow! Good one!
A furry ferret
with antennae-like whiskers
tickles a lobster
Iron Chef Ferret:
I will beat Morimoto
in Battle Lobster!
Ferret/Lobster babes
Are quite odd creatures indeed
Pinching Kneesocks, OUCH!
Hey Mister Kneesock
Think you could help me out here?
These bands are peenching
Come on, out the door!
I’ll distract the brutes with my
innocent pink eyes.
Perfect Trabb’s Boy.
Ferret and lobster escape
Best buds forever
After you’ve been cooked,
You match my pinkish-red eyes.
Not pretty now, though.
Cajun ferret says,
“Just an oversized crawfish.
Toss him in the pot!”
LOBSTERS ARE TASTY BUT UGLY
A weasel steals a
thing of its interest if
only to drag and hide
Fun experiment:
When old foes meet on dance floor,
What will happen next?
I think Susan has
Stumbled upon the next big
Reality show!
Oh my, your fanny!
It looks so cronch.
But I am weary!
Waiter, there is a
ferret on my lobster. Can
I talk to the chef?
ferret teenager
is curious but awkward
with exchange student
This restaurant’s odd.
A parquet floor’s an odd place
For the Surf ‘n’ Turf!
Ferret intriguèd
Red eyes meet blue rubber bands
Ferret retreated
bitter ferret asks
why would they take my scent gland
and let you keep yours?
Her black castanets
inspire Senor Ferret
a paso doble.
El cheapo version
of Discovery Channel’s
The Deadliest Catch
“This thing smells funny…
It looks even funnier…
…What the heck is it???”
Little do they know,
They’re both thinking the same thing!
Oh, the irony!
White ferret, perhaps
from Peru. Screwed up poems,
just like me and you
The lobster got wild
Though he is normally mild
“Thats a lii-mee-riick! (not a haiku)”
patient lobster waits
when I tire of this sniffing
pop! goes the weasel
YOU GOT A LOBSTER AND YOU GOT A FERRET!
LOBSTER GOT ANTENNAE BUT DON’T YOU GRAB IT!
LOBSTER NEW IN KITCHEN, FERRET GOES TO GREET!
LOBSTER SNIFFED BY FERRET!!
LOBSTER SNIFFED BY FERRET!!
LOBSTER SNIFFED BY FERRET!!
Doesn’t this look like the start of a great joke?! “A ferret walks into a bar with a lobster under his arm…”
OMG Thorn #35!
That’s awesome, with extra awesome sauce!
Inter-species snorgling, of course!
Ah, good one Satchel!
I see we’re missing that tag.
T[Ed.] we need your help!
Come away with me
Says the fert* to the lobster
Bring melted butter
A crustacean
Meets a furry mustelid
Something is wrong here
Lobster thinks of love
Ferret’s interests are more
Of culinary sort
*perfectly acceptable diminutive of “ferret,” at least among ferret lovers
Apparently since lobsters aren’t “cute” then it’s impending doom is funny?
Ferret says to bar-
keep, “Give me a menu and
a bloody Mary”
darn I was trying to be by renee’s comment
Ditto Thorn’s awesomeness @ #35 — #43, too!
Geez, I envy all y’all’s talent at haikus. I couldn’t haiku (gesundheit!) to save my life.
That’s a *delicious* privacy tail, doncha mean?
FWIW –
I’m sure that the ferret is wonderful & the lobster is great–
But for me, the SONG CHOICE is the primary attribute of this here post.
Esp. on a FRIDAY (& I’m not even a partier/ barfly !!)
Jan,
Not the doom as such
Rather the strange encounter
Amuse and inspire
also:
Here, lobsters are food
But in China ferrets too
End up on a plate
5^^now8ing, I useta think I couldn’t haiku either. It’s easier than you’d think. Just count the syllables in each line:
5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables
Supposedly, it’s customary for the haiku to reference a season, but I don’t think anyone’s that picky here. Although I suppose for this post, “season” can be interpreted differently.
One, two, three, four, five
One, two, three, four, five, six, sev…
Dang, thats really hard!
Small haiku crash course:
Stick to the form and just count
5, 7 and 5
Brinnann & Svenster — I can *count*, I just can’t come up with the words!
— my “poetry” skillz are less than Svenster’s first example above (#67). (Which I love!)
It’s like with the visual arts — I can’t *do* it, but I sure do enjoy it!
I peench.
Crustacean compels
From an unfamiliar world
Ferret obliges
A lobster was sniffed by a ferret
It didn’t smell like a dog or a parrot
Said the lobster, “Free my hands
from these infernal bands”
Ran the ferret saying “I wouldn’t dare it!”
From my friend Tyger:
To identify, classify;
Just one whiff and we will know;
What do you mean it’s watertight?!
Quick snip of toofers
Then lobster and his new friend
Scamper for the door
my hated enemy
your banded and im hungry
nom nom nom!
Really great idea
Have animals reinact
The reservoir dogs
A new friend? Perhaps.
But looks can be deceiving.
Beware of the claws.
Svenster was cruising
until he pulled out the old
stereotype — ugh.
(meaning the 2nd of #55 there)
Sorry bout that, mate
Couldn’t help myself, you know
I’ll get therapy
If I had those claws
I could open them there claws
Damn these puny claws!
wow, a quick response!
apology accepted
thank you for that, dude!
WOW – the ultimate in slinkiness meets the ultimate in scaly-ness. It’s like when worlds collide. Better the band’s on the lobster, the ferret would be freakin to slither out of it!
Poor lobster, though. The ferret will live to romp another day, sadly, probably not true for Mr. Lobster. OK, it’s true, I’m a vegetable-tarian.
Don’t Worry Lobster!
I will whisk you to freedom!
No hot tub for you!
For best Ferret sniff
Privacy tail must lift.
Lobster: “no access”
Summer barbecue:
Throw the shrimp on the barbie!
Ehn! This ain’t no shrimp!
(didja notice how I slipped a “season” in there? didja? didja??)
This floor is chilly.
Warm fur coat presents itself.
Curse these rubber bands!
trubs await your nose
too close and you may lose it
bum sniffing knee sock
Twilight approaches
A forbidden love ingnites
Daddy wants dinna’!
Quick claw! Grab my paw!
We shall scamper to freedom
They can eat tofu
not a nice thing to do to a lobster
please, please don’t eat me!
i’m from a far away place
i want to go home
You smell slightly dank
That’s a lot coming from me
I’ve been descented
@Heather – good one! HA!
Alien Lobster
Says “take me to your leader
you furry kneesock!”
@Heather – TOTAL AWESOMENESS!!!
What is this new thing
Is it a toy or dinner
Shall I pounce or chew
Thanks guys! These things are fun
Ferret at high risk
of learning exactly what
those claw-bands are for.
Holy cow, you people are good poets. Special kudos to Svenster for writing haikus ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S HAIKUS. This must be dubbed the “piggyback haiku” and deserves a special award. I doff my hat to you. *doff*
I always feel so bad for lobsters when I see them at restaurants or stores. I don’t think they are THAT ugly.
Run, my love, run fast
The humans will come to eat
And you are dinner.
Ohhh… That’s terrible. Lol.
Rock Lobster! Reminds me of high school for some reason?
Oh poor shellfish friend!
I’ll remove those rubber bands.
Ow ow ow ow ow.
@ # 45 Renee
Doesn’t this look like the start of a great joke?! “A ferret walks into a bar with a lobster under his arm…”
and says to the bartender, “you ain’t gunna believe this butt”
Piggyback Haiku
The new Earlybird Special
Pork and Lobster, yummmmm…
The butter is hot
now break out the claw crackers
oops, that’s a ferret!
My poor crustacean,
I’m so sad for your demise,
Do not snarf lobster!
So many great entries. Would be awesome if we can vote enable comments.
[Yeah, theoretically. We're actually trying to figure that out. - Ed.]
Beady eye dance-off:
Invertebrate flamenco
Castanets, not bands.
The Maine lobster claws
differentiate it from
his African cousin.
Ferret is higher
Than lobster on the food chain.
Tastes like chicken, no?
Black and white critters
Ebony and ivory
Perfect harmony
Interspecies pinchering more like it!
Fert! *snork!*
Fuzzy Ferret sock
Curiosity in white
Beware Lobster rock!
Oh no no no no
No pork and lobster briann
Keeping kosher, eh?
A romantic night
I’ll sniff your ‘tocks, and you mine
Interspecies love <3
“Doctor, oh Doctor,
Can you get this off my butt?”
Quoth the crustacean.
LOL @ Juliaschmoolia #75!
A special haiku to nuffers:
Alas poor lobster!
Why are you so delicious
dipped in drawn butter?
The ferret inhales –
“Enchanting! Is that butter?”
“Uh-uh. It’s parquet.”
chanpon is in pain
’cause she is laughing too hard
at the last haiku
manekineko – *groan*
Puns are so risky.
People either laugh at them,
or throw things at me.
pinchers tied tightly
toss me in the sky so wild
white furry lover
The light and the dark
One is soft, the other hard
And yet, harmony
Back from nice dinner…
(Stayed away from the shellfish)
Back to the haikus!
And if I’d read all the way down, I’d've seen that someone had already done that. Damnit!
If my claws were free,
I’d show you, Albino Boy,
Where to stick your nose.
Hey bro, you’ve got claws
No fur, not sock-like at all
Bet you’re adopted
Lobster and ferret –
Friends, like tortoise and hedgehog
Rudyard Kipling-esque
http://www.classicreader.com/book/907/1/
Manekineko
I bow to your punniness.
Oh I laughed and laughed.
Ferret to D6
Thus capturing black lobster
Checkmate. White wins! Yay!!!
When adding flavor,
butter or parquet/Parkay:
No comparison.
Manekineko (112) WINS this contest claws/paws down/up! Thanks for the best belly laugh I’ve had in quite a while.
A strange zoo this is
Albino ferret, a lobster?
I want a refund.
@Jesse: I doff my hat to you too. *doff*
Drawn butter awaits
Nice tailio Iglese, Lob
Parquet “plate” for you!
My favorite things
one for eating one for love
you figure it out
I hate seeing the lobsters in the aquariums. It’s no life for them. Plus, when you think they are loners in real life… and they have to stand each other in a tank where there is nothing to do… Frankly it breaks my heart to see them there.
Anyway, moving on…
Manekineko,
Your pun is, by far, the best.
My hat also doffed.
Ferret whispers to
Legal seafoods refugee
I’ll get you out, pal
Will this suffice, Suh?
Ferret sneefs offered dinner.
Yes Jeves, it will do.
Is that ferret spoilt?
Dunno, consider my cat
eats only turkey.
(No, really. He has food allergy!
)
Manekineko [assuming pronounced with 5 syllables, like a Japanese word]
FTW! I didn’t know
Parkay still exists! [per Wikipedia]
Sorry, I meant “Jessy.” My bad.
(referring to #127)
Go on, keep sniffling
like these rubber bands
soon I will snap
Assinine ferret,
That’s my tush. And they call me
A bottom-feeder.
Rishathra oh noes!
Won’t somebody consider
the pwecious childwen
In the category of Surprise Guffaw, we have a tie:
Kiragirl #96 and Manekineko #112, who will now move into the playoff round for title of Champion Surprise Guffaw Inspirer!
Ferrets are not cute
Lobsters are just huge insects
Yucky overload
Applauding Branwyn for excellent wordplay!
(referring to #138)
Chardonnay perhaps?
Or a pairing of red wine?
Yes! White goes with fish!
Love, love, love, love, love
Cute Overload peeps’ comments!
Wish I could do it.
There, my first feeble attempt at a haiku. Seriously, y’all are great wordies! (Bottom feeder – heh.)
Fear not, my humans!
I pulled this giant cockroach
Out of the kitchen.
[Hehehe - Ed.]
black patent leather lovely
i must kiss you now
i will not look up your skirt.
What, no limericks? This is perfect for limericks. I demand justice.
Poetic Justice.
[cue opening credits]
Theresa, regarding “I peench.” I remember that commercial, for a jeep or something. I always laughed at it, simple as it was. Speaking of laughing, I did a lot of it tonight reading all these great haikus. Not a bad way to spend an evening after coming home from a bad blind date. Thanks, everyone!
I tewtelly screwed up my haiku….never write haikus after Wii Fit boxing…you’re brain goes all marshmallow peeps in the microwave or something….
A strange zoo this is
Albino ferret, lobsters?
I want a refund.
tadah!….lame
@ Lula Mae – that was a lovely post – here is the waiter’s reply
Please be quiet Sir
Or Ev-ry one will want one
Chef went home at twelve
@Kibblenibble 149
Kibble Nibble CRY
Bad date make me sorrowful
Take more care next time
Me offer Kleenex
Offer piece of Candy too
Hope you feel OK L)
Amendment
Hope you feel OK
@ mouchois 93
people are so crool
Uglies need affection too
what is not to love
I have empathy
with the poor crustacean too
escaped from his tank
I must go away
I’m becoming too involved
love you all to bits
“One white ferret, please”
Said the big black lobster, then
Died of ferret stink
I see your hineeeey…
so nice and shineeey…
[EARWORM! OH NOES!!! You better hide it, before I bite it... - Ed.]
wait a minute here
lobster out of h2o
something is amiss
come closer dollface
I have a surprise for you
when you untie me
@ Patti: Thanks! I never had my very own Haiku before! Don’t worry, I’m not too sad. He just wasn’t worth getting dolled up for.
“I peench.” The Honda Element commercials. Those were great!
@ 5^^now8ing
Oh look what you’ve done.
Its your first Friday haiku!
Welcome to the fun.
…
poor little lobster
animal lovers whine again
ignore the food chain
a painful future
awaits the kinky ferret
once bondage is over
and one more side note
the way yoda might put it:
epic this thread is
Dozer, you kill me!
Nearly sprayed my laptop with
Expensive whisky
OK….its freaky that ‘kinkiness’ was 1 of the choices….its so dirty when u think about it… lol
Long walks on the beach for me
furry and free are we
Send lobster back to the sea
(my very, very ,very first haiku attempt!)
I’ll hold your hand, Kristina. We can go into this brave new poetry world together. (see my very first attempt above)
Can I see pictures of the kinkiness? Was there rope??
haiku #2
everyone’s concerned
for our little lobster friend
nuffing has commenced
Oh no! Says Ferret
Dai-Pinchy, I will save you!
Summer seas await.
Que sera sera
Let lobster go free go free
The ferret’s not ours
The red, red lobstah
Goes bob, bob, bobbin’ along
Tactless ferret sings
[This is darn good for a Monday morning; can I have a grande of whatever it is you're having? - Ed.]
Hee hee hee. I think, channeling Doris Day at this hour, maybe not such a good thing!?
Doris Day would say
I prefer the Chenin Blanc
with my “fert” fillet.
(haha, tricked ya!)
No…It’s …
You better *book it*…
before I cook it.
I find this photo extremely upsetting. Why torture that poor lobster? He doesn’t belong on the floor, claws bound, helpless against that curious ferret. He has my sympathy.
[Well, does he belong in the pot, then? - Ed.]
Totally agree #176 Whitney Anne.
I think it’s really sad.
Horrible.
Leave me nameless today–this crowd is terrifying.
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