Tired of Fast Food?

Looking for an alternative to the fast pace of fast food?  Then bring your appetite — and a couple of hours — down to Tortoise Burger, where your meal crawls right to your table.  Have it your way — eventually.

This looks 'shopped.  I can tell from the lettuce...

From a frequently strange photostream found by Dave R.



  1. That looks really cute but I dont think the turtle enjoyed it

  2. laureling says:

    That’s a little disturbing, but hilarious at the same time. I love turtles!

  3. Who would have thunk it and how did they do that!

  4. Sarequarles says:

    Cute photo. And everyone who is worried about turtle torture… have you even seen a turtle? They don’t have that much space between their body and shell, cause that would defeat the purpose.

    This is a very cute and very well done photoshop. It made me laugh, it’s very clever.

  5. That turtle is truly prepped to eat on the go.

  6. Looks painful.

  7. That should be on worth1000.com.

  8. That is a damn good photoshop! I was convinced it was a photo of a fake turtle/burger figure until I looked very closely!

  9. Meriweather says:

    I hear that blur tool stings something fierce. And let’s not even get started on cropping!

  10. Deckard & Neptune — yep, agreed. Nicely done.

  11. Espilonarge says:

    “Hey Al.. brinng mee anotherr sloww burgerr…” “….what?!”

  12. The turtle’s name is Zippee; he is the Maitre’ D down at the “Slow Loris Hamburger House”……. (Doan bother slipping hims a fiver to speed up the service: Zippee could nawt go enny faster, even if hims wunted to……!” 🙄

  13. SoCalSis says:

    TEWTALLY SHOPPED! Just look at the Pixies!

  14. Mary (the first) says:

    Ok I’m not very photoshop-knowledgeable but even I can tell this is ‘shopped so all nuffers just stop right there. It’s cute though!!!

  15. Photoshopped yes. But just as disturbing as it is funny!

  16. how much do they earn per hour, turtle labor?

  17. katiedid says:

    n………o………m……………….. n…….o……..m…………… n…………..o………m……..

  18. katiedid says:

    This should be in the “I’m ganna eat you” thread heheh… ;-D

  19. AuntieMame says:

    This will be on Cheezburger soon, no doubt. 😀

  20. Really well done, esp. the lettuce Liberace-esque ruffles, but I do like my cheese meltier.
    Never thought about it when I had deep-fried turtle in the Caribbean, but they tastes like chicken nuggets!

  21. Camille says:

    Excuse me, garcon, I believe you have forgotten the Special Sauce.

  22. Lula Mae says:

    Awesome cronsheee Filet-O-Fish

  23. Paunchie says:

    do not want. moving turtle burger ~ crunchy!

  24. *looks at tortoise burger*

    *sees empty tequila bottle in hand*

    *goes back to bed* Clearly I’m hangover hallucinating…

  25. earlybird1 says:

    I think what’s most disturbing is the meat patty in the middle. EEP! :-O

    One extra crispy McTurtle with cheese coming up!

  26. earlybird1 says:

    Hmmm, I think they forgot the mayo. (lifts shell to inspect)

  27. Lerrinus says:

    @ Espilonarge: OMG a Reboot reference on CO! …Whaaat!?
    Very cool!

  28. Quick. Get Andrew Zimmem and the Travel Channel on the line! This makes those Australian witchetty grubs look like filet mignon.

  29. Cool, but gives me the wiggins.

  30. @A. : Ender, Valentine. and Peter?

  31. There’s NO WAY that’s shopped. Totally real.

    [I can tell by the schnitzels! – Ed.]

  32. 😀 Would this be the opposite of fast food?


    Totally ‘shopped, and totally cute.

  33. Yeah, c’mon, Lol! Even a sucker like me can see it’s photoshopped. Thank goodness. ;D

  34. Nogrinnin says:


  35. MoonCatty says:

    I can haz tortoz brgr?

  36. I find this so horrifyingly disgusting for some reason
    like the toe fungus commercial when the little foot demon rips the toenail up and crawls under it

  37. Only mock turtle burger (i.e. tofu) for this ’nuffer, please.

  38. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Um, waiter, there’s a hare in my turtleburger. (So THAT’S where he went.)

  39. Not a little disturbing. At first I thought he was wearing lettuce and the shell of ANOTHER turtle, which frankly, really would’ve been disturbing.

    In a “it rubs the lotion on it’s skin” kind of disturbing.

  40. as hungry as a hunter

  41. Hon Glad says:

    The bun looks a bit too crusty for my teefs.

  42. This reminded me of all the jokes they had in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where Shredder would threaten to turn the turtles into turtle soup.

  43. I had a job one summer flippin’ turtles, at a Jack-in-the Box Turtle, but the boss and I were always at loggerheads, and I ended up snapping…

  44. pyrit, you are giving me a caripaceous appetite.

  45. Katrina – Nice retortoise.

  46. Nancy (orig) says:


  47. chelonianmobile says:

    And this right here, ladies and gents, is the proof that Photoshopped pics SHOULD be allowed to proliferate freely here! Awesome.

  48. that makes me really sad.

  49. Katrina says:


  50. Kiragirl says:

    “Order up for Mr. Slowskee!”

    “da, yup, I’m on my way.”

  51. Katrina says:

    How bored are we, we came back all this way to this post? That is a beautiful tortoise.

  52. Salmonella city

  53. Black Ice says:

    XD Fun little pic there. Threw me off for a second though since (unless I’m horribly mistaken; I’m no turtle expert) you can’t remove a turtle’s shell without killing it because the back bone is connected to the shell.