Friday Haiku: Um, You’re In My Spot…

HappyCat speaks to / Marmie in seat of honor / Now you write one, keh?


Favoured ginger one
Awareness is dawning now:
“HE does not love me!”

You rest there for now
But next time you’re not looking
I will nom your face

These Fox New pundits,
Immediately attack
New court nominee.

Move your proud buttocks
Why don’t you go lick a pig
Bleenin’ pasickie

I am descended
From black panthers and lions
You are named for jam.

Haikus are easy,
But they don’t always make sense,

Nice shot, Sarah W.



  1. Kristabelle says:

    Stripey kitten’s turn,
    What would you like from Santa?
    No more siblings, please.

  2. Stunbunny says:

    Don’t make me kill you!
    Seriously, dude, you suck!
    You’re dead when they leave.

  3. marmalade devil
    i hate every inch of you
    santa loves you best

  4. Felicityanne says:

    Favoured ginger one
    Awareness is dawning now:
    “HE does not love me!”

  5. You rest there for now
    But next time you’re not looking
    I will nom your face

  6. You think you’re so cute
    Marmie, I’ll hiss til you’re gone
    How you like me now?

  7. Paunchie says:

    LOL@ “seriously dude, you suck”!!

  8. Stunbunny says:

    Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitress.

  9. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Grey cat wants a nap,
    Approaches, then halts, dismayed.

  10. brinnann says:

    Ceiling Cat sends His
    Son to save Happy Cat’s soul
    From teh Basement Cat

    (Did I do it right?)

  11. Argyle, Kudos!!

  12. “I love Santa Claus!
    What’s this? Hissing from nearby?
    LA LA Can’t hear you!”

  13. Pussytoes says:

    Orange She-Devil
    No Engineer Yodeling
    Oh Ye Shall Perish

  14. such innocent eyes
    but the stripey head is full
    of mischievous thoughts

  15. Spitting and snarling,
    Hissing at the sweet bebe,
    Ignorance is bliss.

  16. cheesybird says:

    You just get comfy.
    Soon you will pay the piper
    for killing Santa.

  17. What am I to do?
    This kitten is not welcome.
    He should scare easy.

  18. I shall bat at you.
    I shall bat at you bravely.
    That is where I sleep.

  19. Whozza sweet kittums?
    Woodgie boodgie koochy koo!
    What’s that hissing noise?

  20. The room just got cold.
    What’s sneaking up behind me?
    I’m afraid to look!

  21. Congratulations,
    You’ve won this round but I know,
    You’re evil, evil!

  22. RYNOBOT says:

    ever heard of “KITTEN KA-BOODLE”. outta my seat MEOW!

  23. Paunchie says:

    We hatessss you kitten
    He stole it from us, he did!
    It’s ours, it is! *GOLUM*!

    (is golum one syllable or two?)

  24. redblackkittycat says:

    Happy cat is vexed
    That marmy has knicked his place
    What will happen next?

  25. Paunchie says:

    Woodgie boodgie kitchy koo! LOL

  26. These Fox New pundits,
    Immediately attack
    New court nominee.

  27. D’oh! “News” of course.

  28. cheesybird says:

    Stop bitching dude. You
    left the seating area.
    This spot is mine now.

  29. Jiggles says:

    Your Flanking Bitchies
    Are Impotent and Banal
    To My Catnip Buzz.

  30. cheesybird says:

    Theresa! LOL at your Fox News haiku!

  31. I’m an orange cat
    I know the world’s my oyster
    You can just hiss off

  32. I just sit chillin
    Dark grey cloud harshes my buzz
    Fun stops for Marmie

  33. chanpon says:

    My offerings:

    Satan kitty’s hiss,
    Smug, little marmalade cat,
    Which one is evil?

    Angry gray furry,
    Evil hissing from behind

    First come so first served
    says the unmoving marmie,
    somewhat nervously.

    Your face is scary.
    And you wonder why they like
    me better than you?

  34. Von Zeppelin says:

    Angry gray cat snarls
    YOU can’t has cheezburger
    Marm oblivious

  35. NumNums says:

    Big, black eyeballs glare
    Kitten seems unaware…but
    he still has a pair.

  36. Nicely done, NumNums. 😆

  37. Happycat ref’rence:
    SomethingAwful or was it

  38. How can I miss you,
    When you will not leave my bed,
    Oblivious one.

  39. Trabb's Boy says:

    Get off Santa’s lap
    Or I will ensure you get
    Death in your stocking

  40. Katrina says:

    Oh,all of you clever, clever peeps.

  41. Trabb's Boy says:

    I still can’t comment
    No Trabb’s Boy in Cuteosphere
    Lurking’s fine, I guess

    [aw quit yer whinin
    [no spam filter is perfect
    [you’re here now, aren’cha? – Ed.]


  43. Paunchie says:

    someone do one with “Oh I eyes ye” !!

  44. Seven Paws says:

    I should be working
    but no, I’m watching cats fight
    on the internet

  45. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    HappyCat was first
    At I Can Has Cheezburger
    And now you know, Kaye

  46. Von Zeppelin says:


    Oh, I eyes ye, cat
    You’re stupid and annoying
    Get outta my spot!

  47. @Paunchie:

    Oh Don Piano
    Oh Long John, why I eyes ya
    All the live long day

  48. AuntieMame says:

    Gray kitteh beware.
    Teh orinj ones are poysin!
    Oh Don Piaaaaaano.

  49. Some serious talent on here. 🙂

  50. Von Zeppelin says:

    Don’t get reference
    Who the hell is Don Piano?
    Wish I knew, that’s all

    (note: To meet Basho’s requirement for 17 syllables, you have to pronounce the last word in my second line as “PYAH-no,” not “Pee-AH-no.” My apologies to musicians and Italian speakers in the audience)

  51. So you killed Santa
    You still are not a match for
    Quasi-Basement Cat

  52. It’s your spot, you say.
    Didn’t see your name on it.
    Bugger off, old man.

  53. First, snooze in striped sheets
    Now, cuddle Santa’s jacket
    You suck, C.O. whore.

  54. Queen cat for today,
    You lay upon royal robes,
    Tomorrow you pay

  55. Von:

  56. Von Zeppelin says:


    So THAT’S Don Piano
    Sounds to me like, “Oy, oy, oy”
    Grumpy Jewish cat?

  57. (Luvs the don piano reference)

    My marmaladeness:
    The better to look teh smug.
    Cuz you’re in grayscale.

  58. claudia says:

    Dude, you’re harshing my mellow.

  59. Kristabelle says:

    There are some seriously talented peeps on CO!

  60. skippymom says:

    Why I eyes ya, cat?
    Is because I hate your guts.
    Soon you will be dead.

  61. Marmie Looking Smug
    Brother Screaming in Background
    Later There Will Be Revenge

  62. Mary Ann says:

    Black cat ate Santa
    Marmalade cat sits smugly
    But he will be next

  63. Do you really want
    To hurt me? Do you really
    Want to make me cry?

  64. Here’s the subtitled version of Don Piano Cat:


  65. Move your proud buttocks
    Why don’t you go lick a pig
    Bleenin’ pasickie

  66. skippymom says:

    You think you’re so cute
    With your stupid Santa suit
    Cute won’t help you now.

  67. Paunchie says:

    LOL people!!

  68. Don Piano FTW!!!

  69. PS I always thought it was “Why I eyes ya.” I like that better for some reason.

  70. Oh Dear … LOLOLOL you guys are too funny!

  71. Flee naive kitty,
    Your nine lives are in peril
    Gray cat becomes death!

  72. Von Zeppelin says:

    Gray cat snarls, mocking
    “You wanna piece a me, marm?”
    Looks tough, Italian

  73. Paunchie says:

    It IS “why” ! Oopsies. @ Teresa

  74. Oh my friend VonZep,
    Perhaps the cute baby is

  75. SuggieG says:

    Oblivious marm
    I shall scratch our your eyeballs!
    Just you wait and see…

  76. Von Zeppelin says:

    Maybe button man
    Machiavelli family
    Really tough goombas

  77. Dr. Emile Schufhausen says:

    What? I’m just resting
    Here in Santa’s comfy lap.
    Seriously, what?

  78. BeckyMonster says:

    If you do not move
    I will eat your orangey soul
    Mama’s favorite BRAT!

  79. Kiragirl says:

    Oh Don Piano

  80. Kiragirl says:

    Pissy Basement Cat
    sez “I’z not ask fur kitteh,
    Yo, Santa, what’s up?”

  81. Dr. Emile Schufhausen says:

    Please, no football;
    A Red Ryder BB gun.
    I’ve been very good.

  82. Dr. Emile Schufhausen says:

    Correction submishe:

    Please, not a football;
    A Red Ryder BB gun.
    I’ve been very good.

  83. Mary (the first) says:

    reposted marmie
    hated by his big “brother”
    I hope there’s no blood

  84. Mom does her business,
    Hears screams, if there is no blood,
    She won’t intervene.

  85. Orange Kitty Cat
    I hate you with passion fierce
    Leave this house or die

  86. Dr. Emile Schufhausen says:

    Russian Blue protests,
    Full of hiss and vinegar,
    While smug Marmie smirks.

  87. Did you eat my treat?!?!?!
    Oh My! You did eat my treat!!!
    AND you took my seat!!!!

  88. Oh, uncultured cat!
    Stendahl hath decreed: It is
    Le Rouge et le NOIR

  89. The evil kitty-fairy visits the fair marmie kitten princess and shrieks, “I curse you to have a puppy brother, and your parents will love it more!”

  90. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    @Kristabelle: Really? Where?! I wanna meet ’em.

    Wichita, Kansas:
    Future home of smug marmie.
    Start yodeling, sucka!

  91. Wrath looms very close;
    Happy Cat is not happy;
    Marmie soon be gone!!!

  92. @ Dr. Emile Schufhausen: Awesome name. Your work with patients is inspirational. 🙂

  93. Run kitten! It’s a trick! There’s no nip in his stocking!

  94. The Christmas kitten:
    gift for which not all will sing
    Fa la la la la

  95. Oh poor grey kitty,
    I have some nice noms for you
    Here’s another lap.

  96. Lestatcat says:

    Smug little marmie
    May you suffer a long death
    by oversnorgling

    Go ahead, lil’ brat
    While you lounge on my old throne
    The tuna is mine!

  97. Papal electee
    With a minion right behind,
    “All glory’s fleeting.”

  98. Trabb's Boy says:

    Theo you are awesome
    You fixted my big problem
    With grace, speed and snark.

  99. Self-satisfied ASS
    Bet I could hawk a loogie
    Much cuter than you

    You guys are beyond brilliant. This has been my favorite comments section ever. In your honor:

    Cultured cute-lovers
    Sharing ‘wit beyond measure’
    Not a nuff for miles…

  100. Meditation chant
    “Nothing’s gonna change my world”
    The Om* is supreme

    *orange marmie

  101. nuffer cat speaks up:
    ‘how could you post this thing here’?
    not cute at all. Rawr!

  102. Bagheera hisses,
    “Such spirit for one so small”
    Shere Kahn, “brains not brawn”

  103. Cheshire cat smiling
    Dinah wishes very much
    You would disappear

  104. Don Piano!! This had us ROTFL for weeks.

    I first saw this at Pippy’s place. I really miss that Pippy.

  105. Dr. Emile Schufhausen says:

    @a: Why, thank you very much. And Ruprecht, when he’s not banging his pot and hollering, “Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma!”, says hello.

  106. Carlene says:

    Dana 05.29.09 at 11:15 am

    You rest there for now
    But next time you’re not looking
    I will nom your face

    This is WIN.

  107. Paunchie says:

    Santa loves you best!
    Frak that! Move out of my place
    Move or ye shall die!

  108. Oh give it a rest,
    Kitty Panties-in-a-bunch,
    It could be a dog.

  109. Melissa H. says:

    I’m not weeding through all those comments, so I hope nobody’s done this one yet.

    Hey you! Stupid cat!
    Get the f*ck out of my spot
    Or I’ll kick your ass!!

  110. Melissa H. says:

    And another:

    Oh, new Christmas cat!
    You don’t know what you’re in for.
    Gray cat hates your guts.

  111. I am descended
    From black panthers and lions
    You are named for jam.

  112. Poor little kitty
    Does not see scary devil
    Peeking from behind

  113. best seat in the house
    i know i am in his spot
    but he went to pee

  114. tocktalk says:

    Yes, Cardinal Fang?
    My, this is a comfy chair
    No one expects it…

  115. tocktalk says:

    Going to shred yer face
    See how cute your insides look
    Get off mah blankeh!!!

  116. I this had been made into a lol cat.

    [I everything has been made into a lol cat! – Ed.]

  117. Basement Cat went orange
    So says the wronged part
    Now leave while you can!

  118. Oops. I meant this:

    Basement Cat went orange
    So says the wronged kitty
    Stop talking and leave!

  119. Kitten I warn you,
    With my snarling and hissing!
    Spot interloper.

  120. Haikus are easy,
    But they don’t always make sense,

  121. Paunchie says:

    Melissa H LOLOLOL!!!

  122. Outside my office
    They are playing DDR
    Helium chipmunks

  123. mamarosa says:

    LOL cats rekomend
    teh n00bs taek lower seet or
    feelz teh pointy endz

  124. mamarosa says:

    Oh, There will be blood
    I see nothing worth liking
    I drink your milkshake

  125. mamarosa says:

    Schroedinger cats plan:
    I’ll put marmalade in box
    Happy Cat in seat!

  126. Von Zeppelin says:

    Japanese poem?
    Dactylic hexameter
    Is more challenging

    (This is a suggestion that the proprietors of CO, perhaps next Friday, ask the readers to compose a Latin epic of, oh, say, 72,000 lines, based on a cute picture.)

  127. Von Zeppelin says:

    @Theo–They’re playing East Germany? That doesn’t sound like much fun. What do you do, pretend to stand in breadlines and then tunnel under a wall?

    [No no silly. They’re juggling a bunch of my obsolete sticks of Double Data Rate RAM, while singing “We Represent The Lollipop Guild.” Just your average Friday night around here. – Ed.]

  128. mamarosa says:

    Why don’t you go get your own
    As seen on TV

  129. Wrapped in Canuck flag,
    Stephen Harper cat lolls smug.
    Obama arrives!

    @ tocktalk: hurrah for Spanish Inqueesishunning!

  130. Leenk wins. I am intrigued by the final five syllables.

  131. mamarosa says:

    Post 121?
    We are agreed, it’s a WIN.
    Now vote for your fav

  132. mamarosa says:

    Please don’t make me work
    Post 115 is a WIN
    use the post numbers…

  133. puddlepeppers says:

    Dale (post 112) for the Win…
    “I am descended
    From black panthers and lions
    You are named for jam.”

  134. momma “loves me most”
    & promised meh cheezburger
    why momma? why liez?!

  135. What Merry Christmas?!
    I haz a broken cat heart!
    Dis not on mah list!

    Baybeh will pay with
    purple nurples & noogies.
    “WHY U HIT YUR SELF!!!!?”

  136. List to santa said
    “cheezburgers” … not said “brudder”!
    You ruined Christmas.

  137. Some of these haikus
    Would be more appropriate
    On another blog

  138. Lalaith says:

    Happy marmie chills
    But soon will be exclaiming
    “What the John Ronald?!”

  139. claudia says:

    lol.. John Roland is my kids math teacher 😛

  140. Black kitty screams in loud YOWL
    This is NOT the present I wished for Christmas
    Ginger kitty says this is MY Christmas wish

  141. The last one up there is “borrowed” from a t-shirt!

    I don’t care (it’s so funny!) but I wouldn’t want CO to get in any sort of trouble.

  142. gail the second says:

    Black kitty:
    Omg it sucks
    Ginger’s ALWAYS on the couch
    Don’t I get a turn?

    Ginger kitty:
    Omg, it’s like
    Extremely comfortabuls
    DON’T let Blackie on!

  143. nisielli says:

    Kitties arguing
    Over who will get to sit
    On the beanbag thing

  144. Nibbler, devourer of souls says:

    You are in my spot
    I will rain death upon you
    Meow meow, give me food

  145. Nibbler, devourer of souls says:

    121 is not win.. not like it’s original.

  146. Rivahcat says:

    Jen H, who are you?
    You are just a lurking TROLL.
    Take your words elsewhere.

    [She’s gone now. So are all her other fake screen names. – Ed.]

  147. Santa blanket loaf
    You ignore my distress
    I shall hate you quietly

  148. Doh! 5/6/7! Wine impinges my haiku-atude.

    [Not a problem. Just spin it again. Observe:
    Santa blanket loaf,
    Cold shoulder to my distress.
    Soon you’ll fall asleep.
    – Ed.]

  149. doxNsox says:

    I know you sense me
    Sitting pretty in my spot
    I will eat your face!!!!

  150. The last haiku is from a Threadless tee.

    Marmie on red cloth
    The mean grey cat is coming

  151. Gaomon! says:

    I want you to die
    now beacause you stole my spot
    Evil little brat!!!

  152. Von Zeppelin says:

    Inspired by Katy at 159:

    Goldfinger, James Bond:
    “No, I expect you to die!”
    Turn up the laser.

  153. hey leenk, unless your name is rolf, nice plagiarism with your refrigerator haiku:

  154. Dale’s jam For The Win
    NumNum’s was very funny
    Thanks for posting mine

  155. My NOT Haiku submission.
    Sorry it’s been percolating in my head ever since I saw the pic yesterday.

    T’was The Night Before Christmas
    And in the North Pole
    The sleigh was all packed up
    and ready to go.

    The elves did wonder
    and worry.
    Where was Santa?
    Tis time for him to scurry!

    Mrs. Claus spied Happy Cat
    strolling by
    A few whispered words
    and off he did fly.

    The Head Elf, quite stunned
    by this turn of events
    questioned if her mind
    was perhaps a bit bent.

    A smile on her lips,
    she did nod,
    “To send a cat for Santa
    might seem odd.

    But he’ll find him and
    his suit of red hon.
    You see it’s brand new
    and never been shed on.”

    Happy Cat, through the
    workshop he rove
    to find Santa snoozing
    in front of the stove.

    His Happy Cat smile soon
    turned into a sneer
    upon spying the reason
    Santa was still here.

    Nestled and snuggled
    and shedding as well,
    was Happy Cat’s own
    little vision of Hell.

    A hiss and a snarl was
    all he could say
    in the hopes that threats
    would send him on his way.

    A knead of the paws in
    that lap of red
    soon gave Happy Cat
    much to dread.

    To the lap he did spring
    with a fearsome cry
    “Santa! You’re late!
    You really must fly!”

    To the marmalade interloper
    he did hiss
    “This really isn’t right
    and I must insist,

    LEAVE! Go away you!
    Go on SCOOT!
    Santa is late and must
    deliver the loot!

    And for you lap stealer
    mayhaps I’ll sell you
    to the nearest
    pet dealer.

    Even better, a box and a bow
    wrapped up and
    into the sleigh
    off you go!

    Won’t she be happy?
    My friend Metz,
    when for Christmas
    a new kitten she gets!

    And when Santa, job complete
    did return home
    Happy Cat happily
    regained his throne.

    Happy Cat was heard to say
    as he purred into the night
    “G’way! I’m sleeping!
    And turn out the light!”

  156. katrina says:

    Haikus are easy,
    But they don’t always make sense,

    ^ plagiarized from just so everyonnnneeeee knowwsss.

  157. ^ Threadless got it from the internet… that one’s ooooooooold

    (and yet, still funny)

  158. Sibling rivalry
    Disturbs parents’ quiet time
    Santa, help me please!

  159. Have a strange feeling
    Something lurking behind me
    Too scared to look!


    Grey kitty spits threat
    Think himself kung fu master
    But crafty, am I

  160. Cute Lover says:

    Ha, I have a similar picture, but with me at the back and my brother at the front C=

  161. Metz, GENIUS!!!

    I’m still wroking on the dactylic hexameter- EPIC (literally!) FAIL!!

  162. @ Dale – I bow to you, and I leave confident that I don’t even have to try, because I couldn’t do better. =)

  163. Von Zeppelin says:

    Theresa–You’re working on the dactylic hexameter? Don’t you need a cute picture for inspiration, or are you going with the usual myths of classical antiquity? I can’t wait to see it.

    Nescio quid maius quam Iliade nascitur.

  164. skippymom says:

    Hey can we have some
    Caturday action oh please?
    Sick of haikuing.

  165. Von Zeppelin says:

    Oops. That would be “Nescio quid maius nascitur Iliade.” That’s what I get for quoting from memory. I can’t remember anything–I must be coming down with Whatshisname’s Disease.

  166. meow meow meow meow meow
    meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
    meow meow meow meow meow

  167. VonZep, thanks for the Classical compliment, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

    Cedite Romani scriptores, cedite Graii. Me, too. :mrgreen:

  168. Tractatus Blorpico-Philosophicus says:

    @VonZep, don’t forget the alexandrines!
    Oops, I meant to say, “Von Zep / pe-lin, / don’t for / get the / a-lex / an-drines”!

  169. “A needless alexandrine ends the song
    That like a wounded snake, drags its slow length along.” :mrgreen:

  170. Von Zeppelin says:

    Tractatus–While taking a quick look at Wikipedia to refresh my memory about exactly what an alexandrine might be (I know, that’s cheating) so that I might make a witty reply, I came across the CO-worthy Alexandrine parakeet:

  171. Tractatus Blorpico-Philosophicus says:

    @VonZep, oh my eyes, my eyes! What about the children?
    (I also had to look up to remember what a dac. hex. was… I was taught the mnemonic that a dactyl is like an index finger, but as a righty, I always look at my R index finger, which is actually makes an anapest.)

  172. moggyfan says:

    Smug orange kitten
    Does not know that the shadow
    Of Death approaches

  173. Heh, thanks for the thumbs-up Carlene.

  174. Noelegy says:

    If I had some thumbs
    You would so be dead right now
    Orange cat says “Huh?”

    I do not like it
    Not one little tiny bit
    Take it back to hell

    This is what you call
    Grace under extreme pressure
    Gray cat? What gray cat?

  175. You think yourself smug,
    cute orange kitty, alas!
    I will rue the day.

  176. Post 112 by Dale.

    “You are named for jam.”

    Such a potent insult, and it fits so perfectly together. I wasn’t going to post anything, but once I read #112, I had to comment. 🙂

    Altogether the haikus are wonderful, and I am very impressed.

  177. Katrina says:

    HI, katrina! How many of us are there on CO now?

  178. Haikus are easy,
    But they don’t always make sense,

    From a shirt

  179. Noelegy says:

    Unhappy kitteh
    Registers his dire complaint
    Ignorance is bliss

    That’s my big brother
    He is a complete wanker
    Please to ignore him

  180. AuntieMame says:

    It would be so nice
    If folks read before posting.
    We’ve heard it before.

  181. Katrina says:

    It would be so nice
    If folks read before posting.
    We’ve heard it before.
    It would be so nice
    If folks read before posting.
    We’ve heard it before.
    It would be so nice
    If folks read before posting.
    We’ve heard it before.

  182. *Hsssssssssst* THIS JACKET IS MINE! GET OFF!!

    *Hsssssssst* even more. lol.

    Funny facial expression. XD

  183. Kiragirl says:

    to Metz:


  184. Thanks guys! 🙂
    I knew I had to write it when the phrase “Scoot! Santa has to deliver the loot!” popped into my head.

  185. jubileeblot says:

    LOL! This has made my day, all us crazy animal lovers! So much fun for free, right here! 🙂 So many smarty pants in the crowd too, let’s all do the smarty pants dance now! Crazy music playing in background…..