HappyCat speaks to / Marmie in seat of honor / Now you write one, keh?
Favoured ginger one
Awareness is dawning now:
“HE does not love me!”
-Felicityanne
You rest there for now
But next time you’re not looking
I will nom your face
-Dana
These Fox New pundits,
Immediately attack
New court nominee.
-Theresa
Move your proud buttocks
Why don’t you go lick a pig
Bleenin’ pasickie
-pyrit
I am descended
From black panthers and lions
You are named for jam.
-Dale
Haikus are easy,
But they don’t always make sense,
Refrigerator
-Leenk
Nice shot, Sarah W.
{ 185 comments }
Stripey kitten’s turn,
What would you like from Santa?
No more siblings, please.
Don’t make me kill you!
Seriously, dude, you suck!
You’re dead when they leave.
marmalade devil
i hate every inch of you
santa loves you best
Favoured ginger one
Awareness is dawning now:
“HE does not love me!”
You rest there for now
But next time you’re not looking
I will nom your face
You think you’re so cute
Marmie, I’ll hiss til you’re gone
How you like me now?
LOL@ “seriously dude, you suck”!!
Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitress.
Grey cat wants a nap,
Approaches, then halts, dismayed.
OH NO SHE DI-INT!
Ceiling Cat sends His
Son to save Happy Cat’s soul
From teh Basement Cat
(Did I do it right?)
Argyle, Kudos!!
“I love Santa Claus!
What’s this? Hissing from nearby?
LA LA Can’t hear you!”
Orange She-Devil
No Engineer Yodeling
Oh Ye Shall Perish
such innocent eyes
but the stripey head is full
of mischievous thoughts
Spitting and snarling,
Hissing at the sweet bebe,
Ignorance is bliss.
You just get comfy.
Soon you will pay the piper
for killing Santa.
What am I to do?
This kitten is not welcome.
He should scare easy.
I shall bat at you.
I shall bat at you bravely.
That is where I sleep.
Whozza sweet kittums?
Woodgie boodgie koochy koo!
What’s that hissing noise?
The room just got cold.
What’s sneaking up behind me?
I’m afraid to look!
Congratulations,
You’ve won this round but I know,
You’re evil, evil!
ever heard of “KITTEN KA-BOODLE”. outta my seat MEOW!
We hatessss you kitten
He stole it from us, he did!
It’s ours, it is! *GOLUM*!
(is golum one syllable or two?)
Happy cat is vexed
That marmy has knicked his place
What will happen next?
Woodgie boodgie kitchy koo! LOL
These Fox New pundits,
Immediately attack
New court nominee.
D’oh! “News” of course.
Stop bitching dude. You
left the seating area.
This spot is mine now.
Your Flanking Bitchies
Are Impotent and Banal
To My Catnip Buzz.
Theresa! LOL at your Fox News haiku!
I’m an orange cat
I know the world’s my oyster
You can just hiss off
I just sit chillin
Dark grey cloud harshes my buzz
Fun stops for Marmie
My offerings:
Satan kitty’s hiss,
Smug, little marmalade cat,
Which one is evil?
Angry gray furry,
Evil hissing from behind
“Uncomfortable!”
First come so first served
says the unmoving marmie,
somewhat nervously.
Your face is scary.
And you wonder why they like
me better than you?
Angry gray cat snarls
YOU can’t has cheezburger
Marm oblivious
Big, black eyeballs glare
Kitten seems unaware…but
he still has a pair.
Nicely done, NumNums.
Happycat ref’rence:
SomethingAwful or was it
YTMND?
How can I miss you,
When you will not leave my bed,
Oblivious one.
Get off Santa’s lap
Or I will ensure you get
Death in your stocking
Oh,all of you clever, clever peeps.
I still can’t comment
No Trabb’s Boy in Cuteosphere
Lurking’s fine, I guess
[aw quit yer whinin
[no spam filter is perfect
[you're here now, aren'cha? - Ed.]
HISS HISS HISS HISS HISS
HISS HISS HISS HISS HISS HISS HISS
HISS HISS HISS HISS HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
someone do one with “Oh I eyes ye” !!
I should be working
but no, I’m watching cats fight
on the internet
HappyCat was first
At I Can Has Cheezburger
And now you know, Kaye
Paunchie–
Oh, I eyes ye, cat
You’re stupid and annoying
Get outta my spot!
@Paunchie:
Oh Don Piano
Oh Long John, why I eyes ya
All the live long day
Gray kitteh beware.
Teh orinj ones are poysin!
Oh Don Piaaaaaano.
Some serious talent on here.
Don’t get reference
Who the hell is Don Piano?
Wish I knew, that’s all
(note: To meet Basho’s requirement for 17 syllables, you have to pronounce the last word in my second line as “PYAH-no,” not “Pee-AH-no.” My apologies to musicians and Italian speakers in the audience)
So you killed Santa
You still are not a match for
Quasi-Basement Cat
It’s your spot, you say.
Didn’t see your name on it.
Bugger off, old man.
First, snooze in striped sheets
Now, cuddle Santa’s jacket
You suck, C.O. whore.
Queen cat for today,
You lay upon royal robes,
Tomorrow you pay
Von:
Pheas:
So THAT’S Don Piano
Sounds to me like, “Oy, oy, oy”
Grumpy Jewish cat?
(Luvs the don piano reference)
My marmaladeness:
The better to look teh smug.
Cuz you’re in grayscale.
GO TO WORK I SAID!
Dude, you’re harshing my mellow.
YOU’RE NO SON OF MINE!
There are some seriously talented peeps on CO!
Why I eyes ya, cat?
Is because I hate your guts.
Soon you will be dead.
Marmie Looking Smug
Brother Screaming in Background
Later There Will Be Revenge
Black cat ate Santa
Marmalade cat sits smugly
But he will be next
Do you really want
To hurt me? Do you really
Want to make me cry?
Here’s the subtitled version of Don Piano Cat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVBiRqKj6j8
Move your proud buttocks
Why don’t you go lick a pig
Bleenin’ pasickie
You think you’re so cute
With your stupid Santa suit
Cute won’t help you now.
LOL people!!
Don Piano FTW!!!
PS I always thought it was “Why I eyes ya.” I like that better for some reason.
Oh Dear … LOLOLOL you guys are too funny!
Flee naive kitty,
Your nine lives are in peril
Gray cat becomes death!
Gray cat snarls, mocking
“You wanna piece a me, marm?”
Looks tough, Italian
It IS “why” ! Oopsies. @ Teresa
Oh my friend VonZep,
Perhaps the cute baby is
Machiavelli.
Oblivious marm
I shall scratch our your eyeballs!
Just you wait and see…
Maybe button man
Machiavelli family
Really tough goombas
What? I’m just resting
Here in Santa’s comfy lap.
Seriously, what?
If you do not move
I will eat your orangey soul
Mama’s favorite BRAT!
Oh Don Piano
LOLOLOLOLOL
Pissy Basement Cat
sez “I’z not ask fur kitteh,
Yo, Santa, what’s up?”
Please, no football;
A Red Ryder BB gun.
I’ve been very good.
Correction submishe:
Please, not a football;
A Red Ryder BB gun.
I’ve been very good.
reposted marmie
hated by his big “brother”
I hope there’s no blood
Mom does her business,
Hears screams, if there is no blood,
She won’t intervene.
Orange Kitty Cat
I hate you with passion fierce
Leave this house or die
Russian Blue protests,
Full of hiss and vinegar,
While smug Marmie smirks.
Did you eat my treat?!?!?!
Oh My! You did eat my treat!!!
AND you took my seat!!!!
Oh, uncultured cat!
Stendahl hath decreed: It is
Le Rouge et le NOIR
The evil kitty-fairy visits the fair marmie kitten princess and shrieks, “I curse you to have a puppy brother, and your parents will love it more!”
@Kristabelle: Really? Where?! I wanna meet ‘em.
Wichita, Kansas:
Future home of smug marmie.
Start yodeling, sucka!
Wrath looms very close;
Happy Cat is not happy;
Marmie soon be gone!!!
@ Dr. Emile Schufhausen: Awesome name. Your work with patients is inspirational.
Run kitten! It’s a trick! There’s no nip in his stocking!
The Christmas kitten:
gift for which not all will sing
Fa la la la la
Oh poor grey kitty,
I have some nice noms for you
Here’s another lap.
Smug little marmie
May you suffer a long death
by oversnorgling
Go ahead, lil’ brat
While you lounge on my old throne
The tuna is mine!
Papal electee
With a minion right behind,
“All glory’s fleeting.”
Theo you are awesome
You fixted my big problem
With grace, speed and snark.
Self-satisfied ASS
Bet I could hawk a loogie
Much cuter than you
You guys are beyond brilliant. This has been my favorite comments section ever. In your honor:
Cultured cute-lovers
Sharing ‘wit beyond measure’
Not a nuff for miles…
Meditation chant
“Nothing’s gonna change my world”
The Om* is supreme
*orange marmie
nuffer cat speaks up:
‘how could you post this thing here’?
not cute at all. Rawr!
Bagheera hisses,
“Such spirit for one so small”
Shere Kahn, “brains not brawn”
Cheshire cat smiling
Dinah wishes very much
You would disappear
Don Piano!! This had us ROTFL for weeks.
I first saw this at Pippy’s place. I really miss that Pippy.
@a: Why, thank you very much. And Ruprecht, when he’s not banging his pot and hollering, “Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma!”, says hello.
Dana 05.29.09 at 11:15 am
You rest there for now
But next time you’re not looking
I will nom your face
This is WIN.
Santa loves you best!
Frak that! Move out of my place
Move or ye shall die!
Oh give it a rest,
Kitty Panties-in-a-bunch,
It could be a dog.
I’m not weeding through all those comments, so I hope nobody’s done this one yet.
Hey you! Stupid cat!
Get the f*ck out of my spot
Or I’ll kick your ass!!
And another:
Oh, new Christmas cat!
You don’t know what you’re in for.
Gray cat hates your guts.
I am descended
From black panthers and lions
You are named for jam.
Poor little kitty
Does not see scary devil
Peeking from behind
best seat in the house
i know i am in his spot
but he went to pee
Yes, Cardinal Fang?
My, this is a comfy chair
No one expects it…
Going to shred yer face
See how cute your insides look
Get off mah blankeh!!!
I this had been made into a lol cat.
[I everything has been made into a lol cat! - Ed.]
Basement Cat went orange
So says the wronged part
Now leave while you can!
Oops. I meant this:
Basement Cat went orange
So says the wronged kitty
Stop talking and leave!
Kitten I warn you,
With my snarling and hissing!
Spot interloper.
Haikus are easy,
But they don’t always make sense,
Refrigerator
Melissa H LOLOLOL!!!
Outside my office
They are playing DDR
Helium chipmunks
LOL cats rekomend
teh n00bs taek lower seet or
feelz teh pointy endz
Oh, There will be blood
I see nothing worth liking
I drink your milkshake
Schroedinger cats plan:
I’ll put marmalade in box
Happy Cat in seat!
Japanese poem?
Dactylic hexameter
Is more challenging
(This is a suggestion that the proprietors of CO, perhaps next Friday, ask the readers to compose a Latin epic of, oh, say, 72,000 lines, based on a cute picture.)
@Theo–They’re playing East Germany? That doesn’t sound like much fun. What do you do, pretend to stand in breadlines and then tunnel under a wall?
[No no silly. They're juggling a bunch of my obsolete sticks of Double Data Rate RAM, while singing "We Represent The Lollipop Guild." Just your average Friday night around here. - Ed.]
THAT IS MY SNUGGIE!
Why don’t you go get your own
As seen on TV
Wrapped in Canuck flag,
Stephen Harper cat lolls smug.
Obama arrives!
@ tocktalk: hurrah for Spanish Inqueesishunning!
Leenk wins. I am intrigued by the final five syllables.
Post 121?
We are agreed, it’s a WIN.
Now vote for your fav
Please don’t make me work
Post 115 is a WIN
use the post numbers…
Dale (post 112) for the Win…
“I am descended
From black panthers and lions
You are named for jam.”
momma “loves me most”
& promised meh cheezburger
why momma? why liez?!
What Merry Christmas?!
I haz a broken cat heart!
Dis not on mah list!
Baybeh will pay with
purple nurples & noogies.
“WHY U HIT YUR SELF!!!!?”
List to santa said
“cheezburgers” … not said “brudder”!
You ruined Christmas.
Some of these haikus
Would be more appropriate
On another blog
Happy marmie chills
But soon will be exclaiming
“What the John Ronald?!”
lol.. John Roland is my kids math teacher
Black kitty screams in loud YOWL
This is NOT the present I wished for Christmas
Ginger kitty says this is MY Christmas wish
The last one up there is “borrowed” from a t-shirt!
http://www.typetees.com/product/623/Haikus_are_easy_but_sometimes_they_don_t
I don’t care (it’s so funny!) but I wouldn’t want CO to get in any sort of trouble.
Black kitty:
Omg it sucks
Ginger’s ALWAYS on the couch
Don’t I get a turn?
Ginger kitty:
Omg, it’s like
Extremely comfortabuls
DON’T let Blackie on!
Kitties arguing
Over who will get to sit
On the beanbag thing
You are in my spot
I will rain death upon you
Meow meow, give me food
121 is not win.. not like it’s original.
Jen H, who are you?
You are just a lurking TROLL.
Take your words elsewhere.
[She's gone now. So are all her other fake screen names. - Ed.]
Santa blanket loaf
You ignore my distress
I shall hate you quietly
Doh! 5/6/7! Wine impinges my haiku-atude.
[Not a problem. Just spin it again. Observe:
Santa blanket loaf,
Cold shoulder to my distress.
Soon you'll fall asleep. - Ed.]
I know you sense me
Sitting pretty in my spot
I will eat your face!!!!
The last haiku is from a Threadless tee.
Marmie on red cloth
The mean grey cat is coming
DO YOU WANT TO DIE
I want you to die
now beacause you stole my spot
Evil little brat!!!
Inspired by Katy at 159:
Goldfinger, James Bond:
“No, I expect you to die!”
Turn up the laser.
hey leenk, unless your name is rolf, nice plagiarism with your refrigerator haiku:
http://www.typetees.com/product/623/Haikus_are_easy_but_sometimes_they_don_t
Dale’s jam For The Win
NumNum’s was very funny
Thanks for posting mine
My NOT Haiku submission.
Sorry it’s been percolating in my head ever since I saw the pic yesterday.
T’was The Night Before Christmas
And in the North Pole
The sleigh was all packed up
and ready to go.
The elves did wonder
and worry.
Where was Santa?
Tis time for him to scurry!
Mrs. Claus spied Happy Cat
strolling by
A few whispered words
and off he did fly.
The Head Elf, quite stunned
by this turn of events
questioned if her mind
was perhaps a bit bent.
A smile on her lips,
she did nod,
“To send a cat for Santa
might seem odd.
But he’ll find him and
his suit of red hon.
You see it’s brand new
and never been shed on.”
Happy Cat, through the
workshop he rove
to find Santa snoozing
in front of the stove.
His Happy Cat smile soon
turned into a sneer
upon spying the reason
Santa was still here.
Nestled and snuggled
and shedding as well,
was Happy Cat’s own
little vision of Hell.
A hiss and a snarl was
all he could say
in the hopes that threats
would send him on his way.
A knead of the paws in
that lap of red
soon gave Happy Cat
much to dread.
To the lap he did spring
with a fearsome cry
“Santa! You’re late!
You really must fly!”
To the marmalade interloper
he did hiss
“This really isn’t right
and I must insist,
LEAVE! Go away you!
Go on SCOOT!
Santa is late and must
deliver the loot!
And for you lap stealer
mayhaps I’ll sell you
to the nearest
pet dealer.
Even better, a box and a bow
wrapped up and
into the sleigh
off you go!
Won’t she be happy?
My friend Metz,
when for Christmas
a new kitten she gets!
And when Santa, job complete
did return home
Happy Cat happily
regained his throne.
Happy Cat was heard to say
as he purred into the night
“G’way! I’m sleeping!
And turn out the light!”
Haikus are easy,
But they don’t always make sense,
Refrigerator
-Leenk
^ plagiarized from threadless.com just so everyonnnneeeee knowwsss.
^ Threadless got it from the internet… that one’s ooooooooold
(and yet, still funny)
Sibling rivalry
Disturbs parents’ quiet time
Santa, help me please!
Have a strange feeling
Something lurking behind me
Too scared to look!
or
Grey kitty spits threat
Think himself kung fu master
But crafty, am I
Ha, I have a similar picture, but with me at the back and my brother at the front C=
Metz, GENIUS!!!
I’m still wroking on the dactylic hexameter- EPIC (literally!) FAIL!!
@ Dale – I bow to you, and I leave confident that I don’t even have to try, because I couldn’t do better. =)
Theresa–You’re working on the dactylic hexameter? Don’t you need a cute picture for inspiration, or are you going with the usual myths of classical antiquity? I can’t wait to see it.
Nescio quid maius quam Iliade nascitur.
Hey can we have some
Caturday action oh please?
Sick of haikuing.
Oops. That would be “Nescio quid maius nascitur Iliade.” That’s what I get for quoting from memory. I can’t remember anything–I must be coming down with Whatshisname’s Disease.
meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow meow meow
VonZep, thanks for the Classical compliment, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Cedite Romani scriptores, cedite Graii. Me, too.
@VonZep, don’t forget the alexandrines!
Oops, I meant to say, “Von Zep / pe-lin, / don’t for / get the / a-lex / an-drines”!
“A needless alexandrine ends the song
That like a wounded snake, drags its slow length along.”
Tractatus–While taking a quick look at Wikipedia to refresh my memory about exactly what an alexandrine might be (I know, that’s cheating) so that I might make a witty reply, I came across the CO-worthy Alexandrine parakeet:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Alexandrine_Parakeet_-_sb616.JPG
@VonZep, oh my eyes, my eyes! What about the children?
(I also had to look up to remember what a dac. hex. was… I was taught the mnemonic that a dactyl is like an index finger, but as a righty, I always look at my R index finger, which is actually makes an anapest.)
Smug orange kitten
Does not know that the shadow
Of Death approaches
Heh, thanks for the thumbs-up Carlene.
If I had some thumbs
You would so be dead right now
Orange cat says “Huh?”
I do not like it
Not one little tiny bit
Take it back to hell
This is what you call
Grace under extreme pressure
Gray cat? What gray cat?
You think yourself smug,
cute orange kitty, alas!
I will rue the day.
Post 112 by Dale.
“You are named for jam.”
Such a potent insult, and it fits so perfectly together. I wasn’t going to post anything, but once I read #112, I had to comment.
Altogether the haikus are wonderful, and I am very impressed.
HI, katrina! How many of us are there on CO now?
Haikus are easy,
But they don’t always make sense,
Refrigerator
-Leenk
From a threadless.com shirt
Unhappy kitteh
Registers his dire complaint
Ignorance is bliss
That’s my big brother
He is a complete wanker
Please to ignore him
It would be so nice
If folks read before posting.
We’ve heard it before.
It would be so nice
If folks read before posting.
We’ve heard it before.
It would be so nice
If folks read before posting.
We’ve heard it before.
It would be so nice
If folks read before posting.
We’ve heard it before.
*Hsssssssssst* THIS JACKET IS MINE! GET OFF!!
*Hsssssssst* even more. lol.
Funny facial expression. XD
to Metz:
BRAVO!
Thanks guys!
I knew I had to write it when the phrase “Scoot! Santa has to deliver the loot!” popped into my head.
LOL! This has made my day, all us crazy animal lovers! So much fun for free, right here!
So many smarty pants in the crowd too, let’s all do the smarty pants dance now! Crazy music playing in background…..
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