Congratulations to yesterday’s winner of Puppy Playtime: Leslie D.
In this contest, we’ll give you a chance, here
At a game prized by each kitten fancier
So a limerick compose
That’s inspired by the pose
Of this fiscally-fit feline financier.
Today’s prize: Kitten Corner for the Nintendo DS by 505 Games. E-mail your limerick to competishe [at] cutelabs.com by 9 PM Pacific time today (May 5, 2009)! Official contest rules
Photo credit: nates_flickr_pix
UNGGG wordy competitions! Just the thing my hubby loves, I have to get him to enter when he gets home from the 9-5
love
a very dedicated CO <3′er
Chow chow
Ed: I’ll send in the very best limerick I can — I’m shooting for Carl Kasell-level quality — if you change the title to “Ode on a Fat Cat.”
Don’t do it for me. Do it for Keats.
There once was a financial ace
with whiskers that grew from his face.
He cried “Woe is me!
I’ll have no victory
without Boardwalk to go with Park Place!”
And yes, I did e-mail it in. I just wanted to share it publicly too.
@Argyle Donkeypants: Point taken and post updated. My dictionary says the phrase is “fat cat” and not “fatcat,” so thanks for spotting my error.
@LOLDemon: Sweet!
while the fat cat the dices throws
the fish to its mouth goes
and while its money increasest
he size of its belly too
A Fat Cat named Bernie had pending
A big loan with Kittywide Lending.
They said, “You’re approved,”
And now he’s all moved,
Though his mortgage is now Never Ending.
My submishe!
There once was a kitteh named Joe
Out on the town flashing his dough
But when he got to Park Place
There was no parking space
All dressed up, and nowhere to go!
There once was a contest at CO
The prize was a cute Nintendo
But NOMTOM’s so tricky
He wants your limericky
So go Peeps, and you’ll have him at “Hewwo”.
Blech! Mine isn’t very good, but it’s submitted.
Tabby was a greedy feline.
On each property, he’d scream, “They’re mine!”
But then prices fell,
And he could not sell.
Now he spends his time with games and wine.
For what it’s worth, I sent it in… Here we go:
Monopoly stops being nice
When your cat is controlling the dice
Without any pity, it
Makes you feel like an idiot
Why can’t that stupid thing just hunt mice?
Mr. Marmie was quite the fat cat
He was loaded with moolah, and all that
But he invested in houses
Instead of in mouses
Poor Marmie! Now he ain’t worth a drat
There once was a kitty named Milo
Who yearned for some cash – a big pile-o
He schemed and he bought
All properties he sought
And he ended up winning the game-o
My opponent’s won land and bankroll,
Me? I’m broke, just about on the dole.
But one thing gives me pause,
With those pads and those claws,
How the heck does a kitty cat roll?
This board game’s a frustrating affair,
I’ve lost turn after turn over there.
I’m in jail, oh noes!
But the doubles I throws,
So remove le top hat from that square!
Here’s my best attempt, penned between meetings:
In dis hood I’m known as Big Kahuna;
You’ll owe me, not latuh, but soonuh.
Can’t put ME on a leash,
Cause I pwn you, capiche?
Now I’ll take da rent – tank you – in tuna.
Minez (submitted and copyrighted):
Doubles to leave jail, but I don’t believe these lies,
Surely Mr. Top Hat is pulled too low over his eyes,
I was all ready to dance,
When I plopped down on ‘Chance’,
Whaddya mean ‘Second Prize’?
I’ve submitted mine already, but may I also present, The World’s Laziest Limerick:
Cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat
Cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat.
Board game Monopoly
Board game Monopoly.
Cat cat, cat cat cat-cat cat cat.
There. Now I’m sure everyone can do a better one than that.
There once was a kitty from Crete,
Who, at board games, no one could defeat,
Chutes and Ladders, and Clue,
And Monopoly too,
‘Til he finally admitted, he cheats!
There once was a cat who was trouble
He created a real estate bubble
He’s the banker with Qte
In a marmy-striped suit
In the future we’ll have to pay double.
It could be that this caution is baseless
(See, I just hauled my ass off the mattress)
But in case you’re confused
It might help if you used
That competishe [at] cutelabs [dot] com address.
gzzzSNORK*
… mussssst… haaaaave… coffeeeeeeeeeee…
Teho, thank you for taking the lead,
In ensuring the contests succeed.
Most of us read the details,
So we sent in the e-mails,
Then we post here for something to read.
I love limericks! Good job everyone.
You can tell by the look on his face
That this cat is winning the race
Around the big board,
He’s increasing his hoard–
He has a hotel on Park Place.
A kittteh-related submission, good sirs and ladies:
The Engineer’s Guide to Cat Yodeling (and Cat Polka):
For your consideration!
Anyone know what Leslie D. submitted as a caption to the other photo? I hope to know the winner of this one, somehow, able to see their limerick. No submission from me at this time!
Nice response, Argyle Donkeypants (my fav name on CO)
A housing tycoon so furry and great
His action’s legality: up for debate
Caught by the city
With his hand in the kitty
Now for doubles in jail he must wait
@Irm: Leslie D.’s caption, selected randomly from all entries, was “Here’s looking at you, kid.” Simple, classic, and to the point.
@everybody: You peeps are rockin’ this category! Whoo-hooo!
In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend, a limerick!
There once was a kitteh named Tom
Who was in need of a nom
The money rolled in
But instead of some din
He bought a place on Boardwalk for mom!
I can’t find the email I’m supposed to send it to! But here’s my sub-meesh:
Some people say greed is a sin
But I’m a kitteh and I like to win
The more I acquire
The more I desire
Hey is that my hotel you stopped in?
@KirstenW: Send your entry to competishe[at]cutelabs.com. (replace the [at] with the @ symbol; we type that way to thwart junk mailers.)
The hat, he did not want to be
He owned no Utility
When they rolled the dice
He’d chase them like mice
Since he voted for Parcheesi!
A marmalade miniature Madoff
gambled all that his investors had off
Purring in glee he meowed
“you can’t get me
without staging a federal standoff!”
Congratulations Leslie D!
@ Irm: Thank you! I blush with gratitude for the nice compliment.
There once was a fat orange tabby,
Whose financial prowess was shabby.
Tried to purchase a street,
But he failed to meet
The low price, upon which, he got crabby.
Woo! Yeah all these limericks are kickers!
You bunch of quick ditty slickers!
It’s funny to read all your fine kitsches
You bet your britches
Today you’ve earned your limerick knickers!
There is a mean cat named Bad Honey.
She likes three fingers of fish and gin rummy.
Yesterday a horse introduced her to monopoly, of course.
Let’s split before she finds that paper ain’t money.
A fat cat said I’ve had enough
of comparisons with Bernie Madoff
they’ve found out his crime
they’ll not find out mine
and then he was off in a huff
A second one, just for fun :
Monopoly cat likes the race car,
But he’s not won a single game so far.
No opposable thumb
Makes this kitteh quite glumb,
It’s a good thing he can’t wield a crow bar!
Here’s my attempt
There once was a real-estate fat cat
whose deed collection was nothing to laugh at
he bought and he sold
wherever I rolled
and left nowhere to get my money back at.
Here are my creations, some submitted under separate email addresses, some not submitted:
There once was a marmie named Bash
Who liked to accumulate cash.
He took all of mine.
I whined “I’ll be fine!”
He growled and gave me a gash!
A cat will trick you I say
into selling Broadway today
He’ll switch out your dice
With the help of blind mice
And leave you with nothing to pay
Monopoly? This cat’s got it down
He made me look like a clown
He took all my cash
Then left in a dash
And never again has he come ’round
That striped marmie has it all now,
Money enough to buy a big cow
He took it from me
As we play’d Monopoly
I want it all back and how!
That Marmie subtly asked
To be included in our game as he passed
We agreed in a hurry
To skin that furry
But we forgot to ask of his past
We invited a marmie so cute
Playing would be such a hoot
Monopoly’s his game
We knew not his fame
‘Til he made off with all of our loot
Politically incorrect warning!
There once was a marmie named “Mo”,
Whose mom was a bit of a ho’
Though from humble beginnings,
He raked in his winnings
By selling a boatload of blow
[You a Rev. Horton Heat fan, by any chance? "Bales of Cocaine"? - Ed.]
There once was a big financial mess
Who started it you just couldn’t guess
The cat thought it a game
And that losers were lame
Taking all our money, he shouted “success!”
(sent in just now)
A capitalist marmie called Abel
Viewed his holdings spread out on the table
“Recession’s no good!”
So he screamed where he stood
And retired to West Coral Gables.
Patty P – I’ll bet your last one wins!!!
Kitteh doesn’t want you to know
That he’s rollin’ in Monopoly dough
You’ve got the upper hand
But Kitteh bought more land
And alas! You can’t even pass go.
This couldn’t be better even if it were a Sound of Music Haiku contest.
There was a Fat Cat from Nantucket
Who ripped off a lolrus’s bukkit.
The lolrus cried “Why?”
With tears in his eye,
Then pushed kitteh in and said “Phooey!”
(Not submitting, because I don’t have a Nintendo DS anyway…)
You can’t write a limerick, you say?
Well cheer up! This is you lucky day!
Here’s a lesson from me:
It’s quite simple, you see.
Just rhyme it a, a, b, b, a.
@ AuntieMame – you just KILLED me!
Hooray Argyle! ON! ON! ON!
Also hooray Carl Kasell.
Moe the cat is a clever cheat,
steals the money and never takes the heat,
shrewdly he can swipe the money,
while he purrs like he runs on honey,
plays with a pair of loaded dice,
that he swiped from unsuspecting mice,
Moe the cat is one fat cat,
and at the Monopoly board is where he’s at.
The Monopoly champion cat.
with the token his lucky top hat,
Like a furry Donald Trump
(but not an arrogant chump)
Plays until you are broken, flat.
Monopoly is true quite a game
Ginger was a cat of great fame
he rolled the dice
and sipped his ice
and you lost Boardwalk in shame.
@Editor –
In response to your query
I guess by some theory
I should know of what you speak.
Embarrassed, I don’t
And I’m hoping you won’t
Think me way too eerie!
*snicker*
[Well if you're into rockabilly, I'd rockamend it.
- Ed.]
Vegas has nothing in Marmeh,
He always wins the most money
His dice are hot,
His drink is not,
And you just lost to a kitteh!
There once was this puss from in the city
who the Wall street Times called kitty
She’d buy and sell houses
to eat all the mouses
leaving indigestible rats. mores the pity
This is an oddly inspiring contest:
This game is not going so well.
The reason? I think you can tell.
Red hotels everywhere,
all bedecked with cat hair.
I’m in kitty Monopoly Hell!
It is almost a quarter to three,
But my kitty will not let me be.
He’s even skipped dinner
In the race to be winner.
And the worst of it: he’s beating me!
There was a young kitty from Maine.
In his stomach, he did have a pain.
He threw up, you see,
On his own property.
So we dubbed the place “Pussy Puke Lane.”
(Last one is based on a true story.)
@Theo
Sound of Music?
There once was music from the hills
Until we received those song bills
Alas a recession’s
Reduced our expression
So now we just take our blue pills
Julie’s a singer we loved
Prim and pristine as a dove
But now it’s dark stuff
And none of that fluff -
Done with a bit of a shove
Oh! You said Haiku!
Alive hills
Song wafting on breezes
(I am less familiar with haiku form)
There once was a cat in ur monopolies
You better be watching his shifty eye ballsies
Cuz with a role of the dice
And the wink of an eye
He’ll be stealin’ your valuable properties
LOL, Patty P.
Yon marmie has got quite the stash.
He has piles & piles of cash
The rent from hotels,
His bank account swells.
Here’s hoping the market won’t crash!
I adopted this cat from the pound
whose financial advice seemed quite sound.
I invested my cash
He was gone in a flash
His last name was Madoff I’ve found.
My two attempts:
When elected to duties of “banker,”
Mr. Whiskers would summon such rancor,
That all players would flee,
And he’d hiss with much glee,
“No one plays when I’m being a wanker!”
For a cat, uppercrust literati.
The bourgeoisie drove him quite dotty
The Opera? Obsessed!
Bad manners? Detest!
Though he’ll whine, lest he plays with the Scottie.
Theo, et al. I sent my limerick to that email and it hasn’t been posted
[That's because it's your entry! Only the winning limerick will get officially posted. Tomorrow. - Ed.]
So I’m gonna break the rules and put it here.
Ode to Fat Cat
A Monopoly player with flash,
This fat cat was rolling in cash.
But his playmates were boring,
In fact they were snoring,
Most likely ‘cause he’d kicked their derrier.
Here is mine..
There once was a cat named Ray
Who played monopoly each day
He would take all your money
So don’t mess with him honey
Or you’ll go straight to jail on each play
This kitty he is in a race
To own a most profitable space
With a roll of the dice
He got to go twice
Poor kitty he just missed Park Place.
@Johanna: You’re not breaking the rules! Everybody’s posting their creations here! It’s all part of the fun!
There once was a cat who would play
Monopoly every day
But his claws he would use
Whenever he’d lose
So to jail he would go and would stay
There once was a kitteh named Warbucks
Invested in Park Place, Google, and Starbucks
kicked the kid to the curb
when she got on his nerves
And that dog he harshly did far chuck.
Sick of fat cats with diamond collars,
the streets were full of angry hollers:
“Bonuses?! Hell, no!
So do not pass ‘GO’
Do not collect two hundred dollars!”
I once had a kitty named Sonny
I thought it would be oh so funny
To play him a game
But he, to my shame,
Won all my Monopoly money!
Would have submitted if I could figure out how. Doesn’t matter. I stink at limericks. But I hope I learn how soon because I’m better at haiku.
Sammeh – “And that dog he harshly did far chuck.”
I can’t pull my eyes away from that line! Love it~ ! Cracking up like 10x’s so far.
Not especially clever; but here’s me limerick…
This cat here Monopoloy sees,
He lords of the money with glees,
He says “roll me dice,
And get me some mice,
And you shall have me boardwalkies.”
A canny striped feline named Buck
Had super Monopoly luck;
He ran all the board
and built up his hoard
as the others all shouted “Oh poop!”
(I realized just after I emailed it I had a typo forgetting the “s” in “others.” Fooey.)
Not especially clever, but here’s me limerick…
This cat here Monopoloy sees,
He lords of the money with glees,
He says “roll me dice,
And get me some mice,
And you shall have me boardwalkies.”
Hey look, it’s cat poker!!!
My silly little contribution–it makes me smile!
With a third toss of doubles–two twos,
Fat Cat saw an end to his ruse.
While locked up in jail,
He could no longer wail,
Pay up on my New York Avenues!!
@ pyrit, Thanks!
I was killing myself for another “Starbucks” rhyme. You know. That wasn’t vulgar.
Thanks NTMTOM.
Oh, and Theo, of course.
Meow
There once was a kitty quite marmalade
Who sat in on a game as her owners played
They threw in their lot
When she won the whole pot
Now she’s trying to count all the dough she made
There once was a marmalade tabby
Whose owner described him as ‘flabby’
‘Til one day in a pique
Kitteh clobbered the gique
At checkers then Risk and Monabbly.
“gique” [SNERK] 8)
There once was a kitteh with stripes
Who loved playing games of all types.
He held out his paw
And laughed when he saw
He’d been taking my money all night!
That kitty is probably saying “What?! It is NOT real money!” when he/she thought it could buy some catnip only to find out Monopoly uses fake money.
There once was a cat they called Mabel.
Who would win all the games she was able.
But her luck had now changed,
As the dice were arranged,
So she swatted the board off the table.
There once was a cat
He wasn’t too fat
He had a strange hobby
He liked to play Monopoly
So when the humans left
It becomes apparent that he was quite deft
At the art of the bank
i kno it sux, the rimes espekkially
heres another…?
If you ever wondered
Why cats have never plundered
Your wallet while you sleep
Its just because
They’ve heard the buzz
And bought Mono-poly.
eh…u have to realllly know the rithim
I know how ridiculous I look
When they laughed and my picture took
Posed at this silly human game
But my revenge is always the same
I will leave a very special deposit in their checkbook
Monopoly was a game often aced
By a Marmalade kitteh named Jace
He would stroke his whiskers
As he sweeps all your nickels
And then disappears without a trace!
Us kittehs play games the best!
As my strategy will clearly attest:
While you were Free Parking,
Park Place I was marking,
An’ I pooped in Community Chest.
The kitteh with the orange fur
Just let out a satisfied purr
The game he has won; he
has all of the money…
… now he can afford cheezburger.
Already entered with a different limerick this morning, but I couldn’t resist adding one to the comments.
Har har, Tom.
I’m not going to do your trick
Can’t seem to create the limerick
Never good as a poet
Can’t make me, won’t do it
But the ones up above are quite slick.
Not found of irksome paparazzi,
was the cat known as Monopoly Nazi,
So strictly he played,
from the rules, never strayed.
He’s a jerk–let’s all go play Yahtzee.
There once was a cat who played board games,
He was said to be brilliant and smart,
But the cat rolled a three,
“Oh My, how could that be,”
You know the goggie’s to blame!
IMPORTANT QUESCHE CONCERNING TEH COMPETISHE!!!
I accidentally sent in an entry today (May 5) with a caption for the pom and bird picture that was for yesterday’s competishe. I sent another email asking you to delete that entry and gave you a limerick for this picture of Monopoleh kitteh. Will my entry still be counted??? -Squinty
Also, here is my limerick:
Mr. Meow is depressed to the core.
No one comes over to play any more.
With each roll of the dice
He would bat them like mice,
Knocking everyone’s pieces down to the floor.
I can’t believe I won…I enter everything but never win!
There once was a kitten named Frank
Who laughed all the way to the bank
But the stock market crashed
And he had nothing stashed
Now his 401(K)’s in the tank
The card was making him shed
do not pass go or collect two hundred it said!
The mortgage was making him groggy
and he was stuck with the doggy
He meowed, “Id rather be the thimble instead!”
ROFL at many of the entries. Great work!
The one that made me laugh hardest this evening was the kitty pooping in the community chest…
@Squinty: No problem. Your limerick will be included in today’s drawing.
Monopoly cat, made of fail
Rolled the dice with his tail
he got a chance card
and looked at it hard
it said he should go straight to jail!
–
Completely unrelated cute-themed limerick :
I had a small puppy named blue
who never knew quite what to do
full of cunfuzzle
he tilted his muzzle
and let out a tiny, “Baroo?”
I’m too late! Au secours! But I can’t resist a limerick, so here is mine to share.
When building monopolous cittehs
And opposing a marmalade kitteh
A good tip we think
Is to spike kitteh’s drink
With catnip and you will win pretty!
does anyone know when and where we find out who won?
@Squinty: Last time, the winner was named on the post that began the next contest, so I assume it will be the same deal this time around.
What is this “Park Place” you’re all on about? *confuzzled*
I put mine in yesterday, but here it is:
At the start they all laughed in hysteria
But my tactics have only grown scarier
Though they may think I’m cute
At this game I’m astute
(But WHY must I play as the terrier?!)
Here is my submishe –
The marmalade banker kitteh
Keeps his cash under strict lock and key
His financial prowess
Is legendary, I guess
And he demands two live mice as his fee!
Thanks for the fun contest!!! =^..^=
@MouseKiro: Versions of Monopoly in the U.K. and U.S.A. use different names for the properties. “Park Place” in the American version is “Park Lane” in the British version. You can compare board layouts at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monopoly_(game)