Today’s Contest: Ode to a Fat Cat

Congratulations to yesterday’s winner of Puppy Playtime: Leslie D.

In this contest, we’ll give you a chance, here
At a game prized by each kitten fancier
So a limerick compose
That’s inspired by the pose
Of this fiscally-fit feline financier.

May I interest you in a subprime mortgage?

dl-promo-kittenToday’s prize: Kitten Corner for the Nintendo DS by 505 Games. E-mail your limerick to competishe [at] cutelabs.com by 9 PM Pacific time today (May 5, 2009)! Official contest rules
Photo credit: nates_flickr_pix

Comments

  1. UNGGG wordy competitions! Just the thing my hubby loves, I have to get him to enter when he gets home from the 9-5

    love
    a very dedicated CO <3’er
    Chow chow

  2. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Ed: I’ll send in the very best limerick I can — I’m shooting for Carl Kasell-level quality — if you change the title to “Ode on a Fat Cat.”

    Don’t do it for me. Do it for Keats.

  3. LOLDemon says:

    There once was a financial ace
    with whiskers that grew from his face.
    He cried “Woe is me!
    I’ll have no victory
    without Boardwalk to go with Park Place!”

  4. LOLDemon says:

    And yes, I did e-mail it in. I just wanted to share it publicly too.

  5. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Argyle Donkeypants: Point taken and post updated. My dictionary says the phrase is “fat cat” and not “fatcat,” so thanks for spotting my error.

    @LOLDemon: Sweet!

  6. gateau says:

    while the fat cat the dices throws
    the fish to its mouth goes
    and while its money increasest
    he size of its belly too

  7. Kristabelle says:

    A Fat Cat named Bernie had pending
    A big loan with Kittywide Lending.
    They said, “You’re approved,”
    And now he’s all moved,
    Though his mortgage is now Never Ending.

  8. Venus Mantrap says:

    My submishe!

    There once was a kitteh named Joe
    Out on the town flashing his dough
    But when he got to Park Place
    There was no parking space
    All dressed up, and nowhere to go!

  9. There once was a contest at CO
    The prize was a cute Nintendo
    But NOMTOM’s so tricky
    He wants your limericky
    So go Peeps, and you’ll have him at “Hewwo”.

  10. Laieanna says:

    Blech! Mine isn’t very good, but it’s submitted.

    Tabby was a greedy feline.
    On each property, he’d scream, “They’re mine!”
    But then prices fell,
    And he could not sell.
    Now he spends his time with games and wine.

  11. For what it’s worth, I sent it in… Here we go:

    Monopoly stops being nice
    When your cat is controlling the dice
    Without any pity, it
    Makes you feel like an idiot
    Why can’t that stupid thing just hunt mice?

  12. MadameX says:

    Mr. Marmie was quite the fat cat
    He was loaded with moolah, and all that
    But he invested in houses
    Instead of in mouses
    Poor Marmie! Now he ain’t worth a drat

  13. Sharon says:

    There once was a kitty named Milo
    Who yearned for some cash – a big pile-o
    He schemed and he bought
    All properties he sought
    And he ended up winning the game-o

  14. William McDuff says:

    My opponent’s won land and bankroll,
    Me? I’m broke, just about on the dole.
    But one thing gives me pause,
    With those pads and those claws,
    How the heck does a kitty cat roll?

  15. This board game’s a frustrating affair,
    I’ve lost turn after turn over there.
    I’m in jail, oh noes!
    But the doubles I throws,
    So remove le top hat from that square!

  16. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Here’s my best attempt, penned between meetings:

    In dis hood I’m known as Big Kahuna;
    You’ll owe me, not latuh, but soonuh.
    Can’t put ME on a leash,
    Cause I pwn you, capiche?
    Now I’ll take da rent – tank you – in tuna.

  17. Minez (submitted and copyrighted):

    Doubles to leave jail, but I don’t believe these lies,
    Surely Mr. Top Hat is pulled too low over his eyes,
    I was all ready to dance,
    When I plopped down on ‘Chance’,
    Whaddya mean ‘Second Prize’?

  18. LOLDemon says:

    I’ve submitted mine already, but may I also present, The World’s Laziest Limerick:

    Cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat
    Cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat.
    Board game Monopoly
    Board game Monopoly.
    Cat cat, cat cat cat-cat cat cat.

    There. Now I’m sure everyone can do a better one than that.

  19. Elizabeth says:

    There once was a kitty from Crete,
    Who, at board games, no one could defeat,
    Chutes and Ladders, and Clue,
    And Monopoly too,
    ‘Til he finally admitted, he cheats!

  20. Trabb's Boy says:

    There once was a cat who was trouble
    He created a real estate bubble
    He’s the banker with Qte
    In a marmy-striped suit
    In the future we’ll have to pay double.

  21. It could be that this caution is baseless
    (See, I just hauled my ass off the mattress)
    But in case you’re confused
    It might help if you used
    That competishe [at] cutelabs [dot] com address.

    gzzzSNORK* :| … mussssst… haaaaave… coffeeeeeeeeeee…

  22. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Teho, thank you for taking the lead,
    In ensuring the contests succeed.
    Most of us read the details,
    So we sent in the e-mails,
    Then we post here for something to read.

  23. Katrina says:

    I love limericks! Good job everyone.

  24. Von Zeppelin says:

    You can tell by the look on his face
    That this cat is winning the race
    Around the big board,
    He’s increasing his hoard–
    He has a hotel on Park Place.

  25. A kittteh-related submission, good sirs and ladies:

    The Engineer’s Guide to Cat Yodeling (and Cat Polka):

    For your consideration!

  26. Anyone know what Leslie D. submitted as a caption to the other photo? I hope to know the winner of this one, somehow, able to see their limerick. No submission from me at this time!

    Nice response, Argyle Donkeypants (my fav name on CO)

  27. A housing tycoon so furry and great
    His action’s legality: up for debate
    Caught by the city
    With his hand in the kitty
    Now for doubles in jail he must wait

  28. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Irm: Leslie D.’s caption, selected randomly from all entries, was “Here’s looking at you, kid.” Simple, classic, and to the point. :)

    @everybody: You peeps are rockin’ this category! Whoo-hooo!

  29. In honor of Mother’s Day this weekend, a limerick!

    There once was a kitteh named Tom
    Who was in need of a nom
    The money rolled in
    But instead of some din
    He bought a place on Boardwalk for mom!

  30. KirstenW says:

    I can’t find the email I’m supposed to send it to! But here’s my sub-meesh:
    Some people say greed is a sin
    But I’m a kitteh and I like to win
    The more I acquire
    The more I desire
    Hey is that my hotel you stopped in?

  31. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @KirstenW: Send your entry to competishe[at]cutelabs.com. (replace the [at] with the @ symbol; we type that way to thwart junk mailers.)

  32. Stunbunny says:

    The hat, he did not want to be
    He owned no Utility
    When they rolled the dice
    He’d chase them like mice
    Since he voted for Parcheesi!

  33. A marmalade miniature Madoff
    gambled all that his investors had off
    Purring in glee he meowed
    “you can’t get me
    without staging a federal standoff!”

  34. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    Congratulations Leslie D!

    @ Irm: Thank you! I blush with gratitude for the nice compliment.

  35. abbeyth says:

    There once was a fat orange tabby,
    Whose financial prowess was shabby.
    Tried to purchase a street,
    But he failed to meet
    The low price, upon which, he got crabby.

  36. Woo! Yeah all these limericks are kickers!
    You bunch of quick ditty slickers!
    It’s funny to read all your fine kitsches
    You bet your britches
    Today you’ve earned your limerick knickers!

  37. There is a mean cat named Bad Honey.
    She likes three fingers of fish and gin rummy.
    Yesterday a horse introduced her to monopoly, of course.
    Let’s split before she finds that paper ain’t money.

  38. hon glad says:

    A fat cat said I’ve had enough
    of comparisons with Bernie Madoff
    they’ve found out his crime
    they’ll not find out mine
    and then he was off in a huff

  39. abbeyth says:

    A second one, just for fun :

    Monopoly cat likes the race car,
    But he’s not won a single game so far.
    No opposable thumb
    Makes this kitteh quite glumb,
    It’s a good thing he can’t wield a crow bar!

  40. Brooke says:

    Here’s my attempt :)

    There once was a real-estate fat cat
    whose deed collection was nothing to laugh at
    he bought and he sold
    wherever I rolled
    and left nowhere to get my money back at.

  41. Patty P says:

    Here are my creations, some submitted under separate email addresses, some not submitted:

    There once was a marmie named Bash
    Who liked to accumulate cash.
    He took all of mine.
    I whined “I’ll be fine!”
    He growled and gave me a gash!

    A cat will trick you I say
    into selling Broadway today
    He’ll switch out your dice
    With the help of blind mice
    And leave you with nothing to pay

    Monopoly? This cat’s got it down
    He made me look like a clown
    He took all my cash
    Then left in a dash
    And never again has he come ’round

    That striped marmie has it all now,
    Money enough to buy a big cow
    He took it from me
    As we play’d Monopoly
    I want it all back and how!

    That Marmie subtly asked
    To be included in our game as he passed
    We agreed in a hurry
    To skin that furry
    But we forgot to ask of his past

    We invited a marmie so cute
    Playing would be such a hoot
    Monopoly’s his game
    We knew not his fame
    ‘Til he made off with all of our loot

    Politically incorrect warning!

    There once was a marmie named “Mo”,
    Whose mom was a bit of a ho’
    Though from humble beginnings,
    He raked in his winnings
    By selling a boatload of blow

    [You a Rev. Horton Heat fan, by any chance? "Bales of Cocaine"? - Ed.]

  42. There once was a big financial mess
    Who started it you just couldn’t guess
    The cat thought it a game
    And that losers were lame
    Taking all our money, he shouted “success!”

  43. berthaservant says:

    (sent in just now)

    A capitalist marmie called Abel
    Viewed his holdings spread out on the table
    “Recession’s no good!”
    So he screamed where he stood
    And retired to West Coral Gables.

  44. Kristabelle says:

    Patty P – I’ll bet your last one wins!!! :D

  45. Rapwnzel says:

    Kitteh doesn’t want you to know
    That he’s rollin’ in Monopoly dough
    You’ve got the upper hand
    But Kitteh bought more land
    And alas! You can’t even pass go.

  46. This couldn’t be better even if it were a Sound of Music Haiku contest. :D

  47. AuntieMame says:

    There was a Fat Cat from Nantucket
    Who ripped off a lolrus’s bukkit.
    The lolrus cried “Why?”
    With tears in his eye,
    Then pushed kitteh in and said “Phooey!”

    (Not submitting, because I don’t have a Nintendo DS anyway…)

  48. LOLDemon says:

    You can’t write a limerick, you say?
    Well cheer up! This is you lucky day!
    Here’s a lesson from me:
    It’s quite simple, you see.
    Just rhyme it a, a, b, b, a.

  49. Kristabelle says:

    @ AuntieMame – you just KILLED me! :D

  50. skippymom says:

    Hooray Argyle! ON! ON! ON!

    Also hooray Carl Kasell.

  51. Moe the cat is a clever cheat,
    steals the money and never takes the heat,
    shrewdly he can swipe the money,
    while he purrs like he runs on honey,
    plays with a pair of loaded dice,
    that he swiped from unsuspecting mice,
    Moe the cat is one fat cat,
    and at the Monopoly board is where he’s at.

  52. The Monopoly champion cat.
    with the token his lucky top hat,
    Like a furry Donald Trump
    (but not an arrogant chump)
    Plays until you are broken, flat.

  53. Catherine says:

    Monopoly is true quite a game
    Ginger was a cat of great fame
    he rolled the dice
    and sipped his ice
    and you lost Boardwalk in shame.

  54. Patty P says:

    @Editor –
    In response to your query
    I guess by some theory
    I should know of what you speak.

    Embarrassed, I don’t
    And I’m hoping you won’t
    Think me way too eerie!

    *snicker*

    [Well if you're into rockabilly, I'd rockamend it. ;) - Ed.]

  55. Catherine says:

    Vegas has nothing in Marmeh,
    He always wins the most money
    His dice are hot,
    His drink is not,
    And you just lost to a kitteh!

  56. Techno Tim says:

    There once was this puss from in the city
    who the Wall street Times called kitty
    She’d buy and sell houses
    to eat all the mouses
    leaving indigestible rats. mores the pity

  57. LOLDemon says:

    This is an oddly inspiring contest:

    This game is not going so well.
    The reason? I think you can tell.
    Red hotels everywhere,
    all bedecked with cat hair.
    I’m in kitty Monopoly Hell!

    It is almost a quarter to three,
    But my kitty will not let me be.
    He’s even skipped dinner
    In the race to be winner.
    And the worst of it: he’s beating me!

    There was a young kitty from Maine.
    In his stomach, he did have a pain.
    He threw up, you see,
    On his own property.
    So we dubbed the place “Pussy Puke Lane.”

    (Last one is based on a true story.)

  58. Patty P says:

    @Theo

    Sound of Music?

    There once was music from the hills
    Until we received those song bills
    Alas a recession’s
    Reduced our expression
    So now we just take our blue pills

    Julie’s a singer we loved
    Prim and pristine as a dove
    But now it’s dark stuff
    And none of that fluff –
    Done with a bit of a shove

    Oh! You said Haiku!

    Alive hills
    Song wafting on breezes

    (I am less familiar with haiku form)

  59. There once was a cat in ur monopolies
    You better be watching his shifty eye ballsies
    Cuz with a role of the dice
    And the wink of an eye
    He’ll be stealin’ your valuable properties

  60. LOL, Patty P.

  61. Yon marmie has got quite the stash.
    He has piles & piles of cash
    The rent from hotels,
    His bank account swells.
    Here’s hoping the market won’t crash!

  62. Mandy B. says:

    I adopted this cat from the pound
    whose financial advice seemed quite sound.
    I invested my cash
    He was gone in a flash
    His last name was Madoff I’ve found.

  63. My two attempts:

    When elected to duties of “banker,”
    Mr. Whiskers would summon such rancor,
    That all players would flee,
    And he’d hiss with much glee,
    “No one plays when I’m being a wanker!”

    For a cat, uppercrust literati.
    The bourgeoisie drove him quite dotty
    The Opera? Obsessed!
    Bad manners? Detest!
    Though he’ll whine, lest he plays with the Scottie.

  64. Theo, et al. I sent my limerick to that email and it hasn’t been posted :-(
    [That's because it's your entry! Only the winning limerick will get officially posted. Tomorrow. - Ed.]

    So I’m gonna break the rules and put it here.

    Ode to Fat Cat

    A Monopoly player with flash,
    This fat cat was rolling in cash.
    But his playmates were boring,
    In fact they were snoring,
    Most likely ‘cause he’d kicked their derrier.

  65. Here is mine..

    There once was a cat named Ray
    Who played monopoly each day
    He would take all your money
    So don’t mess with him honey
    Or you’ll go straight to jail on each play

  66. This kitty he is in a race
    To own a most profitable space
    With a roll of the dice
    He got to go twice
    Poor kitty he just missed Park Place.

  67. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Johanna: You’re not breaking the rules! Everybody’s posting their creations here! It’s all part of the fun! :D

  68. auntbaby says:

    There once was a cat who would play
    Monopoly every day
    But his claws he would use
    Whenever he’d lose
    So to jail he would go and would stay

  69. sammeh says:

    There once was a kitteh named Warbucks
    Invested in Park Place, Google, and Starbucks
    kicked the kid to the curb
    when she got on his nerves
    And that dog he harshly did far chuck.
    :)

  70. jackuon says:

    Sick of fat cats with diamond collars,
    the streets were full of angry hollers:
    “Bonuses?! Hell, no!
    So do not pass ‘GO’
    Do not collect two hundred dollars!”

  71. Sparky says:

    I once had a kitty named Sonny
    I thought it would be oh so funny
    To play him a game
    But he, to my shame,
    Won all my Monopoly money!

  72. Sparky says:

    Would have submitted if I could figure out how. Doesn’t matter. I stink at limericks. But I hope I learn how soon because I’m better at haiku.

  73. Sammeh – “And that dog he harshly did far chuck.”

    I can’t pull my eyes away from that line! Love it~ ! Cracking up like 10x’s so far.

  74. FanGirl says:

    Not especially clever; but here’s me limerick…

    This cat here Monopoloy sees,
    He lords of the money with glees,
    He says “roll me dice,
    And get me some mice,
    And you shall have me boardwalkies.”

  75. Brandi says:

    A canny striped feline named Buck
    Had super Monopoly luck;
    He ran all the board
    and built up his hoard
    as the others all shouted “Oh poop!”

    (I realized just after I emailed it I had a typo forgetting the “s” in “others.” Fooey.)

  76. FanGirl says:

    Not especially clever, but here’s me limerick…

    This cat here Monopoloy sees,
    He lords of the money with glees,
    He says “roll me dice,
    And get me some mice,
    And you shall have me boardwalkies.”

  77. anonymous says:

    Hey look, it’s cat poker!!! :)

  78. Margaret says:

    My silly little contribution–it makes me smile! :)

    With a third toss of doubles–two twos,
    Fat Cat saw an end to his ruse.
    While locked up in jail,
    He could no longer wail,
    Pay up on my New York Avenues!!

  79. sammeh says:

    @ pyrit, Thanks!

    I was killing myself for another “Starbucks” rhyme. You know. That wasn’t vulgar. :)

  80. Thanks NTMTOM.

  81. Oh, and Theo, of course.

    Meow

  82. There once was a kitty quite marmalade
    Who sat in on a game as her owners played
    They threw in their lot
    When she won the whole pot
    Now she’s trying to count all the dough she made

  83. There once was a marmalade tabby
    Whose owner described him as ‘flabby’
    ‘Til one day in a pique
    Kitteh clobbered the gique
    At checkers then Risk and Monabbly.

  84. “gique” [SNERK] 8)

  85. katwag says:

    There once was a kitteh with stripes
    Who loved playing games of all types.
    He held out his paw
    And laughed when he saw
    He’d been taking my money all night!

  86. Teresa says:

    That kitty is probably saying “What?! It is NOT real money!” when he/she thought it could buy some catnip only to find out Monopoly uses fake money.

  87. myrnster says:

    There once was a cat they called Mabel.
    Who would win all the games she was able.
    But her luck had now changed,
    As the dice were arranged,
    So she swatted the board off the table.

  88. There once was a cat
    He wasn’t too fat
    He had a strange hobby
    He liked to play Monopoly
    So when the humans left
    It becomes apparent that he was quite deft
    At the art of the bank

    i kno it sux, the rimes espekkially ;-)

  89. heres another…?

    If you ever wondered
    Why cats have never plundered
    Your wallet while you sleep
    Its just because
    They’ve heard the buzz
    And bought Mono-poly.

    eh…u have to realllly know the rithim

  90. kathy boyce says:

    I know how ridiculous I look
    When they laughed and my picture took
    Posed at this silly human game
    But my revenge is always the same
    I will leave a very special deposit in their checkbook

  91. Monopoly was a game often aced
    By a Marmalade kitteh named Jace
    He would stroke his whiskers
    As he sweeps all your nickels
    And then disappears without a trace!

  92. Mark G says:

    Us kittehs play games the best!
    As my strategy will clearly attest:
    While you were Free Parking,
    Park Place I was marking,
    An’ I pooped in Community Chest.

  93. The kitteh with the orange fur
    Just let out a satisfied purr
    The game he has won; he
    has all of the money…
    … now he can afford cheezburger.

    Already entered with a different limerick this morning, but I couldn’t resist adding one to the comments.

  94. Har har, Tom.

  95. I’m not going to do your trick
    Can’t seem to create the limerick
    Never good as a poet
    Can’t make me, won’t do it
    But the ones up above are quite slick.

  96. thecheeseclub_vp says:

    Not found of irksome paparazzi,
    was the cat known as Monopoly Nazi,
    So strictly he played,
    from the rules, never strayed.
    He’s a jerk–let’s all go play Yahtzee.

  97. Imahaint says:

    There once was a cat who played board games,
    He was said to be brilliant and smart,
    But the cat rolled a three,
    “Oh My, how could that be,”
    You know the goggie’s to blame!

  98. Squinty says:

    IMPORTANT QUESCHE CONCERNING TEH COMPETISHE!!!
    I accidentally sent in an entry today (May 5) with a caption for the pom and bird picture that was for yesterday’s competishe. I sent another email asking you to delete that entry and gave you a limerick for this picture of Monopoleh kitteh. Will my entry still be counted??? -Squinty

  99. Squinty says:

    Also, here is my limerick:

    Mr. Meow is depressed to the core.
    No one comes over to play any more.
    With each roll of the dice
    He would bat them like mice,
    Knocking everyone’s pieces down to the floor.

  100. Leslie D. says:

    I can’t believe I won…I enter everything but never win!

    There once was a kitten named Frank
    Who laughed all the way to the bank
    But the stock market crashed
    And he had nothing stashed
    Now his 401(K)’s in the tank

  101. Taymin Pena says:

    The card was making him shed
    do not pass go or collect two hundred it said!
    The mortgage was making him groggy
    and he was stuck with the doggy
    He meowed, “Id rather be the thimble instead!”

  102. Patty P says:

    ROFL at many of the entries. Great work!

    The one that made me laugh hardest this evening was the kitty pooping in the community chest…

  103. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Squinty: No problem. Your limerick will be included in today’s drawing.

  104. Kitteh Toez says:

    Monopoly cat, made of fail
    Rolled the dice with his tail
    he got a chance card
    and looked at it hard
    it said he should go straight to jail!


    Completely unrelated cute-themed limerick :

    I had a small puppy named blue
    who never knew quite what to do
    full of cunfuzzle
    he tilted his muzzle
    and let out a tiny, “Baroo?”

  105. cliffette says:

    I’m too late! Au secours! But I can’t resist a limerick, so here is mine to share. :)

    When building monopolous cittehs
    And opposing a marmalade kitteh
    A good tip we think
    Is to spike kitteh’s drink
    With catnip and you will win pretty!

  106. Squinty says:

    does anyone know when and where we find out who won?

  107. LOLDemon says:

    @Squinty: Last time, the winner was named on the post that began the next contest, so I assume it will be the same deal this time around.

  108. MouseKiro says:

    What is this “Park Place” you’re all on about? *confuzzled*
    I put mine in yesterday, but here it is:

    At the start they all laughed in hysteria
    But my tactics have only grown scarier
    Though they may think I’m cute
    At this game I’m astute
    (But WHY must I play as the terrier?!)

  109. KentuckyKitty says:

    Here is my submishe –

    The marmalade banker kitteh
    Keeps his cash under strict lock and key
    His financial prowess
    Is legendary, I guess
    And he demands two live mice as his fee!

    Thanks for the fun contest!!! =^..^=

  110. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @MouseKiro: Versions of Monopoly in the U.K. and U.S.A. use different names for the properties. “Park Place” in the American version is “Park Lane” in the British version. You can compare board layouts at Wikipedia:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monopoly_(game)

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