Whale Watchers

"I only have 300 pounds to go."

Lisa, 34

"I’ve lost 122 inches off my waist."

Ed, 29

"I just ate 2500 pounds of herring."

Ned, 48

Beluga Whale by Curry Monster. Beluga Whale by jessi.bryan. beluga whale by jspad.



  1. Bleen. Bloop. Blort.

  2. Kallisto says:

    Wait till berthaservant sees these Splashies von Beluga-Whalehousers. He’ll go crazy.

  3. Holy astronomical blorpitude! O.O

  4. Holy Mackerel!

  5. Blubber!

    Also: can the mods start deleting the first post when it has the dreaded “bleen”? People who do that are beyond annoying.

  6. snorglepup says:

    Blorpie McSwimmypants!

  7. MandaBain says:

    Whoah…is this normal? They look so sad and possibly grossly unhealthy – not trying to nuff till I have all the info: Anyone know the story with these guys? If normal and healthy, then wow! Interesting…

  8. scooterpants says:

    oh geez.
    are they supposed to be that big? it that normal?

  9. Theresa says:

    Wait, whales have necks?

  10. They’re not fat, just big-boned!

  11. sunnymum says:

    Indeed they do have necks (news to me!). According to the Marine Land website “They can nod and turn their heads because, unlike most whales, their seven neck vertebrae are not fused.”

    What ubercutiepies! Blubberbuls!

  12. yeah estlin, i’m sure the mods have absolutely nothing better to do with their time. >.> just get over it like a big girl or boy.

    [Aaaaactually, Oni, it’s rare that I *don’t* unpublish those. I was going to give this one a pass today, though, seeing as… well, I’m sure you can figure it out… – Ed.]

  13. I saw the belugas at the atlanta aquarium. When I saw them they were completely under water,they didn’t look nearly as blorped as these guys.

  14. brinnann says:

    Per Wikipedia (yes, I know, not 100% accurate, but it’s sufficient):

    “Males weigh between 1,100 and 1,600 kilograms (2,400 and 3,500 lb) while females weigh between 700 and 1,200 kilograms (1,500 and 2,600 lb).”

    “The head is unlike that of any other cetacean. Like most toothed whales it has a melon, an oily, fatty lump of tissue found at the center of the forehead. But the Beluga’s melon is extremely bulbous and even malleable. The Beluga is able to change the shape of its head by blowing air around its sinuses.”

    “The body of the Beluga is round, particularly when well-fed, and tapers smoothly to both the head and tail.”

  15. Yes, belugas are the only whales that can turn their necks. I leatned that in Atlanta too.

  16. Well it did have more than just bleen in it and was well blorpingly funny but M.V… Hmmmm this is a clue Yes????

  17. Jimbeaux says:

    Hee! Blorpies! I wanna give them each a little kiss on the forehead! Squee!

  18. chanpon says:

    Yipes, looks like someone needs some iodine to get those goiters under control.

  19. I hope he doesn’t go for the wafer-thin mint!

  20. momof2kittiesandapuppeh says:

    I have had an utterly craptastic day and this just cheered me up a bit. 2500 pounds of herring. Snork!

    *goes upstairs to check to see if there’s any blorpitude in the tub*

  21. superboymom says:

    Mr. FattyMcFatFatMcFattersons!

  22. TooMuch says:

    Flipper-what happened? Were you that depressed when your show was taken off the air that you developed a food addiction? Poor Flipper! Weight Watchers-HELP!!(Yes, I know Flipper was a dolphin).
    Seriously-this is a most interesting whale-never heard of them before but am going to look them up now.. 🙂 Not sure if I would call him cute though???

  23. CoconutCheez says:

    LOL i believe that baluga is from the Vancouver Aquarium. I remember seeing it a couple years ago when I visited. Haven’t seen it lately tho, wonder if it’s ok… it is too fat tbh… cuz i can’t even submerge under the water, just keep bobbing up and down… poor thing!

  24. Uber Blorpage.

  25. holligans says:

    Kept scrolling down, looking for the “blorp”
    …aaaaand there it was. Blorperrific!

  26. There’s no need to project your human fat-phobia onto these innocent beluga whales. They’re looking the way they’re supposed to look. And I’m sure they feel just fine about themselves.

  27. They need a fourth one, then we’d have

    Bleen. Bloop. Blort.


  28. MAJOR blorpitude…

  29. Trabb's Boy says:

    Thank you Shelby. These guys are at aquariums that want to keep the animals healthy.

    I love this site to death, but I do wish you’d drop the fat jokes, Meg.

  30. Trabb's Boy says:

    Thank you Shelby. These guys are at aquariums that want to keep the animals healthy.

    I love this site to death, but I do wish you’d drop the fat jokes, Meg.

  31. Thirding the request for fat joke droppage. I love the site, but find the interspersed fat jokes to be really irritating.

    But OMG, baby belugas!

  32. I’m surprised that no one’s complaining about how they’re not fish yet.

  33. Paunchie says:

    holy sea cow!

    and they can change the shape of their heads with their blorpitude?!

  34. Paunchie says:

    I really want to see one nod or turn it’s head!

  35. Paunchie says:

    Is it just me or does the hover text on the 3rd pic make you wonder if he has uh, released some toxic gasses??

  36. Theresa says:

    Vast tracts of Blorp! Reminds me of my childhood, with the adorable,sweety-faced belugas in the NY Aquarium!

  37. heehee. my mom always says that belugas look like they’re made of crisco. maybe that’s what they’ve been eating…

  38. What we really need to see is the intersection of Blorpage Ave. and Nommage Lane.

    THAT would end life on this earth in a massive CO.

  39. Peeps, chill with the “no fat jokes” tirade. It’s at least mildly amusing. It’s not photos of starving children/models captioned with jokes of fattitude. Take a nice deep breath, snorgle a kitteh if you must, but please relax!

  40. @ mike d: mike, we should build a city just for the purpose of having that intersection! The name of the city could be Qte, and would be a culmination of all things cute!

  41. Michelle S. says:

    Good gravy!

    And mashed p’taters. And butter. And another helping of stuffing, please. Oh, if you insist. Top off my cheese soup bowl. Extra croutons? Sure! Why certainly, I’ll take a look at the dessert menu!

  42. How in the world did that happen? ;D

    Someone’s been sneaking in some extra goodies. I guess I probably would be that person if I were there. Poor (happy) Beluga.

  43. dawgpup says:


  44. I wonder if this was the mama Beluga who had a baby last year. If so, it looks like she’s shed the pregnancy poundage.

    She’s looking svelte and the baby is so wee and sweet in the Beluga Cam:

  45. Belugas are just a big blorp of blorp.

  46. theo- if you’re willing to remove the bleens then more power to you. i just get tired of ppl telling you folks what to do, as if 1) it’s THEIR site, not yours, and 2) you have nothing better to do than cater to their every whim.

  47. Kat – if they built such a city, and named it Blorpville, I’d run for Mayor.

    And win! :–)

  48. Pengraffe says:

    I was recently at the Mystic Aquarium in CT and I can testify that normal beluga whales are blubbery, but not THAT blubbery. Maybe it is baby weight?

  49. Theresa says:

    @Ali, O for full-screen BelugaCam!!!

  50. Samantha says:

    I think we need a blorp tag just for this post, these guys are the epitome of “blorp”.

  51. duck au vin says:

    I’ve never seen a Beluga
    this big…post-birth of
    baby sounds about right.
    Anyway, a good layer of
    blubber is part of the survival plan for this animal.

  52. perhaps it’s just the angle of their necks?

    i think if they’re swimming, they’ll look leaner.

    they’ve got such cute faces.

  53. TehKillaSkillz says:


  54. Subhangi says:

    OMG ÜberBlorp™!

    I’ve never seen such a big beluga either. Is there only one type of beluga? Maybe this is a larger variety?

  55. angelbrat says:

    Aww!! AWWW!!! AWWWWW!!! Lookat the cutesie little chubby whale, She/he has BEWBS!

  56. Hanz and Franz in their next life.

  57. Hon Glad says:

    I wish you wouldn’t publish pictures of me in the bath. They were for private consumption only.You will be hearing from my lawyers. Hmmmph.

  58. I like them big and chunky! (said in Moto Moto’s voice)

  59. Elizabeth says:

    NEWS FLASH: Whales Fat!!! OMG! Who knew??
    Well, yeah…they’re whales. Very cute, whale-shaped whales.
    (You know, I think part of the reason people get fed up with the fat jokes is that they are just really, really, really old and tired.)

  60. I love Beluga whales, they are my most favouritist of the earth’s aquatic creatures. Teh smiles they produce make the sea itself cry. So beautiful. Thank you cute overload 🙂

  61. I’m not really getting the outrage over the fat jokes thing. It seemed more like she was poking fun at those Weight Watcher commercials, and not really at overweight people.

  62. Theresa says:

    Hon Glad, your whiteness blinded me!!

  63. Jessica says:

    I also dislike the fat jokes, it just made me sad. Belugas are cute, but with the “whale watchers” crap, this post didn’t do it for me. Old, tired, and triggering.

    @kat – can’t chill with the fat jokes, all they do is diminish the humanity and dignity of other humans. Would rather not have body police shift their focus to include animals too.

  64. brinnann says:

    It’s not the fat jokes that are the problem. It’s the people harking that any pudgy-by-human-standards animal is overweight and unhealthy that cause the trouble.

  65. psilopathic says:

    I just wanna pinch an inch… just to see how soft. And Jessica:
    Drop the fat jokes? What is WRONG with you people?!?!?! If fat doesn’t equal cute, then the definition of my whole world has crumbled. Cuteoverload: MORE FAT ANIMALS!!! (and make fun of their fat all you want, Meg, what they don’t know won’t hurt them) It’s not like we think they’re inadequate due to excess chub- quite the opposite! (no morbidly-obese kitties though, epidemics are sad.)

  66. Hirschy Kiss says:

    Whale-shaped marshmallows….YUMYY!!

  67. Katrina says:

    YAY Mystic Aquarium and Center for Exploration! Every person within driving distance should go there at least twice a year. Wonderful place! Killer’s bigger big brother volunteered there in high school, 350+ hours- he loved it! So will you! It has a great gift shop, too! YAY Mystic Aquarium! Anner- let’s schedule a field trip! You can really ‘sing with the fishies’ and be perfectly safe! I’m serious, call me! Maybe we can schedule a CO Aquarium party! Theresa- is that a possible drive for you?

  68. kodalai says:

    Really it’s not the posts of chubby animals which are the problem, captions or no — it’s the inevitable comments that the animal in question must be unhealthy/miserable, because as we all know, fat is bad! (Forget the fact that in the animal kingdom, fat is GOOD…)

  69. Lerrinus says:

    Right on, kodalai!

  70. Wasn’t it a beluga that was blowing bubbles in one video I saw here? They are adorable, I love that they always look like they’re smiling, just like dolphins. D’aww! 🙂

  71. Ah yes, I thought it was a beluga! 😀

  72. Paunchie says:

    that was a dolphin blowing bubbles and swimmin’ through em, that was a favorite of mine.

  73. @Theresa Full screen Beluga Cam would be the bestest! Sigh.

    The water looks rather murky today on the Beluga Cam. I need my baby Beluga fix! Stat!

  74. berthaservant says:

    Thank you for the shout out Kallisto…but I’m not sure why you associate me with whale blorpage. I mean, I like whales. I think I got excited about that whale naming contest a while back but more because of the funny names, not so much because of the blorpage. So, I’m not a little puddle of squee the way I am with marmies but this is still a pretty awesome post.

    And agreed: while obesity might be an individual health concern, having a thicker or fatter body type (or BEING A DIFFERENT SPECIES THAT LIVES UNDER THE WATER) should not necessarily be associated with evil, gluttonous, and horribly sad or doomed.

  75. Neon Artemis says:


    Fat is the way your body tries to move and store toxins (that it can’t expel the usual way through urine or poo because it is too overloaded) away from the vital organs in your body. so no, too much fat is not a good thing and is an indicator of an overload or disfunction in the body.

    It’s not good for animals in the wild, how are they going to get away from predators? Their skeletons aren’t meant to carry massive amounts of fat.

    That’s why people are concerned. It’s not some denial and charge against fat people, it’s just not healthy for the most part to be overly fat, no matter how much people want it to be – sorry.

    It is damn cute but hazardous to the health.

  76. Manda Bain says:

    The only reason I asked if this was a normal size was because I have seen belugas before and in no other instance did they ever look that big. If I hadn’t ever seen a beluga before, I wouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion, and I DID ask without ’nuffing. I certainly do not anthropomorphize humanity’s obesity standards to animals.
    It’s good to learn something new about belugas! So this is a baby, or mom post-birth?

  77. brinnann says:

    “Their skeletons aren’t meant to carry massive amounts of fat.”

    Except that these guys are 1. in the water without the encumberance of regular “weight” issues and 2. need their blubber to regulate their body temperature in the water. Think about manatees – call the sea COW for a reason – and ELEPHANT seals. They’re in the same environment*, and are therefore also encased in large amounts of fat.

    *Disclamer: I admit that I do not, however, know if they are in the same regions.

  78. brinnann says:

    D’oh! Should be “called” not “call.”

  79. Such touching testimonials

  80. I never knew belugas were so chubby! But they are beautiful all the same.

  81. Missy P says:

    I’m a bona fide fatty, and I’ve never found any of the site’s comments derogatory (though even if I did, my attitude tends to be “eh, I’m not paying for this site, if I don’t like it, I can leave.” Not my right to tell people what they can and can’t say.) These belugas are chubby! I’ve never seen any this tubbular. But I don’t know what the ideal beluga body type is.

  82. Katrina says:

    Beluga whales live in cold water, Peeps. They are mammals and so, can regulate their own body temperature, but only so much energy can go into that. SO, the Flying Spaghetti Monster made it so they have, wait for it, ‘Blubber’! Yes, so, the Belugas are bulgy as a survival tactic. *Sheesh*.

  83. gwennie says:

    no, clearly those whales are seriously overweight and not normal looking. this is what happens when you take animals that are made for roaming miles of open ocean and put them in some aquarium. this is one of the saddest posts ever.

  84. My roommate:
    “Oh my god, it looks like our math teacher!”

  85. Beluga Whale

  86. eikoleigh says:

    oh my….is he suppose to be that round…?

  87. stacimarie333 says:

    Fat joke droppage? R u srs? I am certainly not a skinny girl, but I’m not getting depressed about something completely unrelated to -my- fatness. They’re chubby beluga whales, guys…o_o

    Anywho, I lol’d my freaking butt off at that last picture’s caption. My boyfriend and his friend think I am psychotic thanks to you. They just don’t get good whale humor.

  88. Meghan Maresh says:

    Nice life Olivia…

  89. Meghan Maresh says:

    SQUEEEEEEEEE? me 781-769-0566

  90. oh!!!!
    too too too fat…………..