"Citizens of Earth! I am the Grand High Blayvin of the planet Fabulon! We offer your civilization the blessings of our advanced hair care secrets! Our scientists have perfected a neutronic conditioning lotion that can cure split ends for all time! We come with peaceful intentions, and not to ship your people to our home planet for horrific beauty school experiments, honest, we mean it!"
I, for one, welcome our impeccably-coiffed overlords, Stacy N.