Orwell That Ends Well

Oh, it seemed reasonable enough at the time; these things always do.  "Surveillance kitties," they called them.  Strictly for our protection, they said.

Every breath you take / Every move you make...

But it wasn’t long before they took over — Watching us everywhere, at all hours of the day and night…

Every step you take / Every cake you bake...

These days, you can’t even walk down to the mailbox without being asked to show your identification papers, or being patted down for tuna…

Every leaf you rake / Every booty you shake...

(sigh) I just don’t know what this world is coming to sometimes…

Every dandruff you flake / Every game of cribbage in which you partake...

Be seeing you, Melissa B.



  1. spikedcolor says:

    Oooh, such a pretty invasion into my privacy.

  2. “every cake you bake” pffft! XD

  3. kibblenibble says:

    Love Kitteh’s Rubenesque (sp) shape in pic 2.

  4. “Every booty you shake…” Haha…Great hovertext, NTMTOM.

    Kitteh looks kinda mean in that second pic, but he/she is beautiful!! I had a kitteh who liked to sit atop doors, too. Funny stuff.

  5. Pretty kitty! I love the ever-so-slightly-crossed eyes.

  6. Is kitty correcting for wonky depth perception in that last pic? “Stand… right… THERE.” [wiff]

  7. “Every cake you bake” is an actual Sting lyric. Not from the Every Step You Take single, though; it’s at the end of… um, “Love Is the Seventh Wave” I think. Along with “every leg you break”.

  8. @Theo: Yep, that’s the song, if my memory’s correct.

  9. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  10. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  11. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  12. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  13. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  14. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh civil liberties, schmivil liberties. If you haven’t done anything wrong, like failing to make your daily ham offering, you have nothing to worry about. Am I right?

    We’re ALL better off with the new Cross-eyed Kitty Cam program in place.

  15. aDOORable!!!! bwahaha!(groan)

  16. this is Cute Overlord!


  18. Love the scrutin-eyes.

  19. Chronic Sender-Inner says:

    Everything will be all right. You are in my hands. I am here to protect you. You have nowhere to go. You have nowhere to go.

  20. Oh my yes! We’ve been scruted!

  21. If this cat had no fur, this is what it would look like: http://redzilla.vox.com/library/video/6a00c2252570aaf21900cd978bb418f9cc.html

  22. SoCalSis says:

    The aDOORable* DOORgoyle+ will scrutin-eyes~ everyone goin by!!!! What a clever bunch of folkses. We’re havin some fun now!

  23. @Theo, I had no idea Sting had ever stooped that low (not that I’m surprised).. every booty you shake would have been better 🙂

  24. Awwwww. What a beautiful Smeezer. I miss mine. 😦

  25. firefinch says:

    I think there was an old “Bloom County” strip with Opus’ version of the song lyrics including “every herring you bake …”

    NTMTOM, is this cat the new Number Two?

  26. biscuitz4bearz says:

    I like this rendition much better than the original.

  27. Melissa B –A great set of pics.

    Theo — DOORGOYLE! Perfect!

    My cats love(d) to jump on doors, too. Rosie, at 14.5 years old, still longingly eyes every door top like it holds the secrets to her lost youth…*sigh*

  28. katiedid says:

    awwww.. so pretty.. must pet!!!!!

  29. Maureen says:

    My old cat (when he was younger) loved to be in anyplace that was high – on top of the fridge, above the kitchen cabinets and yes perched on doors. I was use to it, but he would scare the bejebbers out of visitors.

  30. revolution724 says:

    How does Kitty even get UP there?

    Love picture #3. I get that inquiring look in my face every morning at 6:30 am. “You sleeping?”

  31. Gorgeous kitty, so typical of his breed. Meezers love the highest perch in the house so that they may properly survey all they own and those they rule.

    Also, I detect “Bloom County” in those lyrics, Mike. If so, you have great taste!

  32. Redzilla, didn’t some scientists in the 50’s perform an autopsy on one of those near Area 51?

  33. @firefinch: DING-DING-DING! We have a WINNAH! 🙂

  34. Paunchie says:

    I’m on yer doorz, scurtin’ yer tunaz…

  35. monorail kitty!

    2nd pic reminds me of the cat bus from totoro.

  36. skippymom says:

    Ooh, these pictures are pretty scary. None of my cats has ever managed to get up on top of a door.

    Guys, can I ask for some healing thoughts? My youngest cat, Francesco, has been having urinary problems for about a month and made repeated trips to the hospital. He just came home Tuesday night after a four-day stay–he had become obstructed, then had a catheter in him for most of his stay. Before he left the hospital, they said he was peeing well on his own, but at home he is peeing very little or getting in the box and not doing anything. He doesn’t like to drink water–in the hospital he was on IV fluids. I’m really at a loss as to what more I can do. Can anybody with experience with this offer me any advice? Thanks in advance.

  37. Mary (the first) says:

    Love this.. I think almost any kitteh that can will love to get on top of the door.. at least I know it used to happen at my house with younger cats and I don’t think it was only the Siamese who did it. (To whoever asked, they can amazingly jump from almost anything straight onto the top of the door.. and yes , scare the bejeebers out of anyone who comes along and suddenly finds a face over their head.) Is this cat’s name Orwell? He’s gorgeous!

  38. AuntieMame says:

    Then obviously the solution is to put pink collars around all the surveillance cameras, then we’ll all just ooh and goo over them instead of getting all het up over our loss of privacy rights. Right? Oh, and cross the lenses and have a few of them equipped to whap you in the head when you pass, too. That’ll help. 🙂

  39. BonzoGal says:

    That last photo is the anti-paparazzi shot.


  40. THAT was creepy. Never have I been so pleasantly terrified!

  41. Theresa says:

    “We Guard the Gates of HELL!”
    “The HALL. We guard the HALL, idiot.”

  42. Brilliant captions! I mean, cat-tions!

  43. Theresa says:

    PS “We are happy, we are merry
    We have a rhyming dictionary.”

  44. I love it when my cat gets up on top of the kitchen cupboards. He watches me looking all over for him and not finding him. I always forget to “look up.”

    I may be trainable, but I’m a slow learner.

  45. When trying to wean her kit-tins, my cat took to hanging out on top of doors. Only place the little vampires couldn’t reach her. But they tried.

    (Don’t blame me for the breeding; she arrived in my house in that condition.)

  46. renee in TX says:

    Hovertext WIN!!!!

  47. PIC#3 Survelliance Kittie zooms in for a closer look.
    Reminds me of the cat I got fom my boss. It used to stand against the shower door on its back legs when we were showering.

  48. Theresa says:

    @Skippymom– all I can tell you is keep in close touch with Francesco’s vet. Is he a young or older boycat?

  49. Chronic Sender-Inner says:

    I’m so sad no one got my comment 😦

  50. Scoobie says:

    Getting into the box is a sign I would have thought that he wants to pee but can’t
    Is he bloated? How long has he been out of the hospital?
    Did they say what the cause of the obstruction was?
    You may need to try another vet and hospital

  51. David (the first one) says:

    Yes, but who will watch the Watchcat?

  52. David (the first one) says:

    @Chronic Sender-Inner – I see what you did there, Chrome Robot.

  53. Poohbear says:

    Skippymom: cats don’t usually drink a lot of water, so for fluid intake sometimes I add water to their moist catfood or tuna, or I make sardine soup, just mashed sardines and water = peealot, big scoopings of clumping litter.

  54. @skippymom: Best wishes to you and Francesco! I have never had that kind of a problem, so I can’t give you any really valuable suggestions.

    Our younger cat had a nasty upper respiratory infection when we first brought him home from the shelter, and while he wouldn’t drink much water, he would drink beef or chicken broth. He was also happy to drink the water drained from a can of tuna. Perhaps Francesco would also prefer (low sodium) broth or tuna juice to water right now?

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Francesco gets better soon!

  55. Skippymom, I have heard that clay litters tend to cause a lot of urinary problems for kitties. If you have extra boxes, I would try a different litter (something with a different texture and unscented) and see if he prefers one to another. My previous cat used to get into the litterbox and just… hang out in there. She forever had stomach problems. It turned out she had a congenital heart problem which manifested itself in different ways and passed away at the age of 1.5 years. Now i’m not saying your cat has that problem but I do believe he is very uncomfortable. If he is not too overweight, the best way to get fluids into him is to give him wet food. Bad for teeth, but good for hydration as a temporary solution. I’m not a vet so like others have said, keep in contact with yours. I sincerely hope that Francesco gets better soon!

  56. @skippymom,

    Well not sure if my experience helps…but. My cat had the crystals form — no surgery but overnight stay, antibiotics and then I was told I had to put him on special food for life (Hills or something). But I hated it because the ingredient list was WORSE than anything I had been feeding him. Within three months symptoms were back.

    I talked to a different vet who explained it has to do with the ph level of their urine — if its too alkaline (I think) then crystals form, you have to change the ph level to preventit. She said “You can do it with medication or you can do it through diet” On her recommendation my cat has been on a raw food diet for four years. No problems since then. The good thing with the raw food too, is that its really really moist (and I add a bit of water too). My cat doesn’t really drink either, but he gets lots from his food.

    Not sure if this is the same situation but may be worth exploring. I’m lucky enough to have lots of pet stores selling high quality raw meat.

    (Hope this isn’t too long). good luck!

  57. Post-captions hilarious, Orwell-kitteh beautiful. WIN!

  58. Best wishes to Francesco! I would definitely try another vet, maybe one that specializes in cats.

  59. BeckyMonster says:

    Big Cross-eyed Brother is Watching. The Ministry of Love indeed!

  60. BeckyMonster says:


    My cat Detour had crystallization in his urine a few years back. Back and forth to the vet, catheter, the whole nine. They told me to start feeding ALL of my bebehs Hill’s Science Diet, and I’ve never had any more trouble.
    It is more common in males than females, and the next step was removal of his “male member” to make his urethra opening larger. EGAD!!! Thank goodness it didn’t come to that.
    Crystals in the urine is caused by Ph levels being out of whack, and most “over the counter” cat foods are loaded with additives and such that build up over time. The Science Diet is more expensive, but it worked for Detour and that’s all I cared about.
    Hope your little one gets better soon, it’s scary when they are sick!

  61. Looks like a Tonk to me! Love those kittehs.

  62. @Maureen

    My dear departed Steve was the same way. One of her favorite high places to loaf up was on top of the shower door frame while I was taking a shower. She’d get tie-tie and her little front paws would slip down on either side of the frame. She’d hang on with her thumb-claws for a while, and eventually just let ’em dangle.

  63. To quote Milo,

    “Uh, Sting and the boys would like a word with you.” Such a delicate balancing act.

    I was a faithful Hill’s food person but the Royal Canin (yes, it’s for cats) has been helpful too. Another simple but I hope helpful thing would be to make sure that the kitty litter is spotless clean. Even changing it daily or having a “private” box. Anything to make elimination less irritating.

  64. skippymom says:

    Thanks, everyone, for your comments and suggestions about Francesco. He is only three years old. So far he has been seen by three different doctors: our regular doctor, a different one at that same hospital on first doctor’s day off, and another one at at a different hospital (because we went to the 24-hour emergency place last Saturday when he was obviously in great distress). This last one made me feel very confident that she would figure out his situation and get him stabilized. She said he had a lot of crystals in his urine, and yes, she talked about the ph and how different foods affect it. He is on prescription food, and I’m giving it to all three of them so he can’t steal “bad” food from their dishes.
    I will try the idea of giving him broth. He usually likes tuna juice but lately isn’t interested. I’m also giving him water from a syringe.
    As far as the litter, our original doctor said the clumping litter we’ve always used is really bad for them, and told me to switch to the recycled newspaper kind. He hated that. The latest vet said, use whatever he’ll go in, so I switched back in the box that he prefers to use.
    I’m hoping he’s still swollen from the catheterization and it will resolve itself over time. I will call the doctor again tonight though.

    Thank you all again for your thoughts. Let’s hope your good wishes help!

  65. Katrina says:

    “Not now, Cato!”

    Suddenly you are wearing a heavy fur scarf.

  66. N. Fritz says:

    omg a cribbage reference! 15-2 15-4, 15-6, and 8 is 14.

  67. berthaservant says:

    David (the first one) took my watchmen joke. Oh well.

    Meanwhile, the kitteh has a website called “humanannoyance overload” where there is a post about an Orwellian human who is constantly taking pictures (w/ Sting hovertext, of course).

  68. AlbertaGirl says:

    This is a prime example of doubleplusgood catthink. 😉

  69. Anne Boleyn says:

    Oh For Heaven’s Sake

  70. chanpon says:

    Is this a viable alternative to the closed-circuit tv’s everywhere in the UK or Europe? I would absolutely go for these in the US.

  71. These pics are going to end up on ichc!

  72. LSUHILLARY says:

    I am at work and seeing this kitty makes me miss my cross-eyed baby at home!! He is waay to chub to sit on top of a door though….he got the baseboards secuuurrred

  73. Paunchie says:

    LOL@ paparazzi shot! I said NO COMMENT! erf!

  74. @Shari…shhh…Flanny doesn’t like to be reminded of what the US Govt. did to her Uncle Wrinkles out in Area 51. Terrible intergalactic diplomacy snafu.

  75. starling says:

    “Love picture #3. I get that inquiring look in my face every morning at 6:30 am. “You sleeping?””

    Try 4am.

    Thing is, we kick him out of the bedroom when we go to bed. But then he sneaks back in when you go to the bathroom at 2am, and it’s impossible to remove him again. Cue nose-pats, pounces, meows, and all sorts of palaver. Groan.

  76. brinnann says:

    (Sorry if someone’s already said it and I missed that comment.)

    Skippymom, have you tried the Feline Pine? They have both pellets and a clumping kind. It’s all natural, and my kitties love the clumping. Before I got it, they were pretty happy with the pellets, too.

  77. FuzzBob Chubbypants says:

    @Skippymom:I’m currently going through this with my 5 yr. old girl kitty Maddy. It’s called cystitis. The goal of medication and diet change is to make your cat’s urine more acidic to help dissolve the crystals.

    However, male cats need to have this looked at immediately. Because male cats’ urethras are very narrow compared to females, going more than 48 hours without urinating can be fatal.

    Please contact your vet and tell them that he’s not drinking and having trouble in the litter box. Also, make sure to put him on whatever diet the vet recommends (they might give you a few options). I know it’s more expensive (boo!) but it’s worth it in the long run.

    Please don’t wait to call your vet. This is very serious for your little kitteh boy!

    Sending lots of love… ;D

  78. starling says:

    Good luck, skippymom. I think we’re going the same way. The kitty litter tray has been suspiciously dry over the last two days and he was rather miserable yesterday. Perked up today, but still no wet litter.

  79. Skippymom –

    I had an old girl who was in pain and wouldn’t eat or drink and we were worried about her urine output. Her kidneys were shutting down but it was still important to get fluids in them, so my vet (a god among vets!) suggested using a needle to rehydrate her. It isn’t the nicest thing to do, but a few cc’s of normal saline just under the skin really works. Her body would absorb it and it went straight through her, usually coming out within a couple of hours. Obviously this isn’t a good long term solution to getting fluid in, but it worked to get her going quickly again.

    And before anybody leaps on me, my vet advised me to do this. I am not advising anybody to do this without instruction from their vet at all. Also the vet showed us how to do it, so we weren’t bringing her in every day.

  80. Lerrinus says:

    Pic #4: Reach out and touch someone!

  81. I thought my crazy cat was the only one who liked to jump up on the top of the door. She does it to try to “catch” the ceiling fan.

  82. That is exactly what my cat used to do when she was a kitten. She used to sit up there and chase her tail too, which made the door swing back and forth. I never could catch that behavior on tape or I swear I’d have won a contest with it or something.

  83. The Prisoner!!! I got it, NTMTOM 🙂 Great show.

  84. NotAnotherMIlo says:

    skippymom – I went through something similar with my milo last spring (he was four years old). a few midnight trips to the ER, for oxalate crystals blocking his urethra and his kidney. Eventually, we did have to have his male member removed (we called it gender reassignment surgery). The vet taught me how to do Sub Q fluids, so I supplemented his water intake for a few weeks while he was recovering. it also flushed the stone out of his kidney. Switching to wet food is supposed to improve the changes that it won’t reoccur. So, if you cat likes wet food, make the switch. (its taken me a year to get my picky eater onto canned food). It was scary for a time, but he’s doing really well now – even without his boy bits. 🙂 Good idea to call the vet tonight. I hope all goes well and I’m sending you good supporting vibes for both of you. Keep us posted.

    My other boy Finn, also does the door thing. He sits close to the wall and meows at the ceiling like he wants to get higher, but the ceiling is in his way.

  85. fish eye no miko says:

    Pic #3: “Watch it! I’m keeping my eye on you…”

  86. i’d love to be the object of such fascination and attention by this kitty.

  87. Watch our he doesn’t send a giant white beach ball after you!

  88. joan carlson says:

    My tonkinese Kiki did this all the time when she was 3 months to about 6 years old. She looks just like this. I’m not really sure why she gave it up, but she just kind of gave it up. She still pounces up into my arms from a standing start on the floor. These guys are little acrobats.

  89. Mary (the first) says:

    I hope Francesco recovers.. I have no advice to share so I’ll just hope for the best!

  90. Cambridge Rat Mom says:

    But you gotta be cross-eyed to be a pro in this biz.

  91. Minnemom says:

    This is a pretty common problem in neutered male cats. We’ve known several that had this issue. It’s a combination of the narrowing of the urethra and then crystals forming. If he’s blocked again you’re in for another emergency trip to the vet, and they should be recommending a specific diet for the problem.

  92. Isabeau says:

    But who is Number One?

  93. WHOA, them are some intense baby blues!

  94. Gail (the first one) says:

    @skippymom: Keeping the happiest thoughts for you and your baby Francesco!!!! Must be very nervewracking, I’m sure!

  95. fish eye no miko says:

    Isabeau asked: “But who is Number One?”

    You are Number Two.

  96. Hi Skippymom, I have been to a nathropath vet who has advised me to keep my cats off of dry food b/c of the urinary and kidney problems it can cause, as well as other health problems. I was told that it dehydrates them.
    I use a wet food that is really saucy (called Weruva), and I also occasionally feed them raw chicken and beef. I try to stay away from grains in their canned food. The broth idea and tuna water also sound great (no onions in the broth).
    Hope you can find some relief for your kitty. Take care.

  97. Wow! Garfield moment!

  98. oh man. i am really rofl’ing at these hovertexts. great job, teho or NTMTOM, whoever did those.

  99. Julia (the one in BC) says:

    “…every corn you crake…”

  100. I walk the line.

  101. Ha! Be seeing you in room 101 wit the rats kitty.

  102. Ross1219:) says:

    Surveillance kitties are for your own good. Unless you have something to hide, there is no reason to fear surveillance kitties.

  103. Michelle S. says:

    Skippymom, my old cat had FUS from too much bonemeal and grain in his diet. We switched him to a better diet. If it becomes painful for a cat to urinate, he or she may try to avoid the box until the memory of that goes away. Hopefully your little fella is feeling better soon!

  104. I’ve always suspected those Siamese are up to something. They just look sneaky. “Lady And The Tramp” tried to warn us of the danger people, pay attention! (2) Regarding kitties and water – maybe (maybe) a different water dish could help (a little). Ceramic, plastic and stainless steel make water taste “funny” (to me). If I can taste it I assume a cat can too. Glass seems to be the cleanest. That probably sounds flaky but my cat seemed to drink more when I gave her a glass water bowl.

  105. Skippymom, my tuxboy was not quite yet 2 when that happened to him last summer. We tried a variety of diets — all wet — but he kept clogging up. So he had the surgery. It was expensive, but no more so than having 4 days of emergency care, repeatedly. He had to wear a cone for a while, but he gained back his weight and and energy. Now he eats whatever we give him and pees like a racehorse.

    Kitties aren’t as hung up about their “bits” as we are… I don’t think he even noticed it’s gone.

    But do NOT wait to take him in, this can kill a cat very quickly.

    And it very well might not have been the food or the litter — some kitties just have narrow urethras and develop kidney stones no matter what they do.

    Now if you will excuse me, aforementioned tuxboy is being a brat and I must go tell him to chill.

  106. starling says:

    “Kitties aren’t as hung up about their “bits” as we are…”

    Aye, my dad refused to have their dog “done”, and my auntie said “For goodness sake, you’d think it’s his own bits!” (Only in more colourful language.)

    That dog was a nightmare, would attack everything in sight, ran away, etc. Attacked three kids, then got put down. It might have all gone differently if my dad hadn’t been so flippin’ squeamish.

  107. eternalcanadian says:

    omg, how the heck did the cat get up there in the first place?!?! It never fails to amaze me how cats can get themselves into places I can’t even fathom!

  108. Bathos Q. Hauteur says:

    Skippymom, I had the same deal with my young neutered male. The Hill’s CD prescription diet did NOT stop it; he kept getting blockage — was catheterized two separate times and the vet wanted to do the abovementioned surgery, but I decided to try a diet change and it’s worked — he’s been fine for several years. High-quality canned food, very little (and high-quality) dry food, and real meat every day (I give him cooked chicken, but if they’ll eat raw meat that’s probably better). I do use Feline Pine too, don’t know if that makes a difference.

  109. Noelegy says:

    I, for one, welcome our feline overlords.

  110. Skippymom, my tuxboy was not quite yet 2 when that happened to him last summer. We tried a variety of diets — all wet — but he kept clogging up. So he had the surgery. It was expensive, but no more so than having 4 days of emergency care

  111. “What do you want?”


    “You won’t get it.”

    “By paw or by claw, we will!”

  112. Hey, some spammer reposted my comment. Foo.

    I did want to add that many of the Innova Pet foods are very good stuff — acidifies the urine and is all-natural. Their EVO brand is no-carb, high-protein.

    You can also get cranberry and methionine paste to give kitty.

  113. KittyMarthaPoo says:

    Gorgeous watch cat. Talk to the paw!

  114. Mrs. Darcy says:

    My Siamese is a consummate doorgoyle–and I love that term!

  115. AWW 😦 Poor Francesco 😦 I really hope and pray that your dear kitty gets better, skippymom 🙂

  116. EEK! Lookout! Huge watchcat! GIGGLE 🙂 AWW 🙂 Your kitty just wants to keep an eye on you, Melissa B, to make sure you are safe at all times 🙂

  117. Hi skippymom. I had a kitten with the same problem many years ago. The vet actually operated and changed “him” to a “her”, sort of. Problem solved. Buy low-ash cat food, too.

  118. This makes me think of the security cats in our building. Their (there are about five of them) station is a window alongside the front door to my building. Nothing escapes their attention
    ..and they always have one of their number stationed at the window from May to November…

    Oh yes, all five of them are Siamese.

  119. Hon Glad says:

    Every move you make
    every gasm you fake

  120. Katrina says:

    Theresa- “I am not a number, I am a cat!”

  121. kodalai says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that the lyrics from the Bloom County parody of Sting?

  122. Paunchie says:

    I just love these photos! I keep coming back to see mr. cross eyed security cat!

  123. How did she get up there??

  124. Yay for teh Prisoner ref’rense!