Next Week, on The Guiding Leash…

As the ruthless Imelda Chisel finally consolidates her grip on the family salad oil refineries, she learns that her lover, the handsome Brock Lancer, is in reality her half-nephew Ygnatz Leibowitz.  Meanwhile, at Generally Specific Hospital, Louise Slobberfloss, awaiting her life-saving double brain-bypass operation, tearfully confesses her darkest secrets to her husband Jürgen, for what may be the very last time…

Of course, if the operation is a success, I go back to denying everything.

The Guiding Leash is an Alida W. production.



  1. Yes but will Fluffy marry Tiddles or will he find out about her affair with Winston?

  2. vegas vickie says:

    ntmtom you should be writing for the soaps, that’s the best story line I’ve seen in years.

  3. FourthBear says:

    And what about….Naomi?

  4. I absolutely love it when we all get into these stories!
    My favorite thread is the one where….

    “After the affair with Winston”- brilliant, just brilliant! I can imagine that Winston’s moral compass flies around the dial.


    I must know!

  6. Ygnatz Leibowitz?
    Nomtom, your brain is a strange place (I mean this in a good way ;o) )

  7. ah… Caturdaze.

  8. A double brain transplant.

    Only ntmtom.

  9. mervtheflamingo says:

    I think this is where Blanche meets a twin she never knew existed. I mean, they’re MATCHINGKS!

  10. Louise can always claim that before the surgery she was “dain bramaged”. Thanx for the caturday post.

  11. Scoobie — Are you referring to Tiddles SLOBBERFLOSS?

  12. Von Zeppelin says:

    Jürgen (avoiding Louise’s eyes, staring into the middle distance: “I. . .I don’t know what to say, Louise. This comes as quite a shock. The whole time I was in blimp pilot school, you and Raoul, my own step-grand-cousin twice removed were. . . were. . .”

    Louise: “Please, Jürgen, please. It was mad of me, MAD! Don’t you understand, it’s all because of the sludge in my brain? After this operation is over, we’ll take your blimp to Portofino, where we were so happy once, and start over.”

    (Handsome neurosurgeon Dr. Gunter Katzenstreu slinks into the room. . .)

  13. Wait till Louise’s presumed dead first husband shows up!

  14. @metsakins

    LOL! A “new” twist!

  15. wannadance says:


    i heard her screaming his name through the thin but very expensive walls of that hotel in Las Gatos.

    love them thin walls…

  16. DisasterParty says:

    It shows that I have two young kittehs at home.
    When I saw that photo, my first thought was: Two cats, and the vase is still standing/not being prodded/not drunken from…
    As to the post – clearly, in Portofino, Louise dark past will come to light, placing a strain on the tenderly tied trammels… DUN DUN DUN!
    (I am now severely tempted to really write this soap opera- as a parody, chock full of cliches, and headless use of the thesaurus :-D)

  17. fish eye no miko says:

    Double brain bypass? Ah, so she’s planning to go into politics?

    Great work as always NOMTOM!

  18. Boomer's Babysitter says:

    OMG – Fish Eye!! I actually LOL’ed – amazing since I’m listening to the radio with a really sad song on right now (which I really like- weird, I know). You rock!

  19. CoffeeCup says:

    Can this be a Spanish soap opera?

  20. Silent Meow With Claws Extended says:

    I love this soap opera!!!

  21. fish eye no miko says:

    @Boomer’s Babysitter: Glad I could make you laugh. ^_^

  22. Pero Juan, nuestro amor now se puede.

    Pero, Julita, no se puede sin nuestro amor!

  23. Gail (the first one) says:

    Of course, Jurgen has not exactly been a monk while at Blimp Pilot school….in fact his paramour, Cuddles LaRosa, having been expelled from the school for unauthorized inflations, has just been hired by the hospital as a (dun dun DUN) nurse in the neurology unit where his wife awaits her surgery….

  24. Von Zeppelin says:

    At this very moment, Nurse Cuddles LaRosa is working her feminine wiles on kindly, gray-haired Dr. Julius Gasbag, the anesthesiologist for Louise’s critical brain operation. The poor fool–he’ll do ANYTHING for Cuddles. Little does he know that this is all part of her plot to run off with Jürgen while he is overcome with grief and guilt.

  25. And now, a word from our sponsor: (‘take it’, peeps):

  26. CoffeeCup, probably not, not enough face-slapping.

  27. metsakins says:

    Hey mom, what’s for dinner?

    shoprite has the answer!

    this week at shoprite…blah blah blah, excited blah, blah!

  28. PS Wait, WINSTON had an AFFAIR?

  29. Is this available on video as I am a bit behind with the story.Louise Slobberfloss was an exotic dancer in the Paranoid Tuna Club when I last watched it.

  30. Hon Glad- shocking wasn’t it?
    That costume, the fluff, outrageous.

    Oh, yes, Winston – when has he ever refused an overture? Hmm? You know what an attention-monster he is! I won’t impune (how does that really get spelled?) his character here, I’d get sued for libel. Cat libel- the worst.

    Also brought to you by:

  31. Katrina, I have it on good authority that he refused the 1812 Overture. The guns scared him.

  32. Holy cats I can’t believe their son Brock Lee has grown up so fast, wasn’t she just pregnant with him last year?

    OY my head is spinning.

    Oh look, the nurse has just met him. He’s doomed! DOOMED I TELL YA!

  33. mariestarr says:

    This is my favorite post ever…Generally Specific Hospital?…very funny.

  34. Anybody's says:

    Womanizer, woma-womanizer, baby!

  35. Gail (the first one) says:

    Longtime viewers will recall Dr. Gasbag’s heroic actions in rescuing Louise Slobberfloss from the tragic fire at the Paranoid Tuna Club. Louise, who’d been suffering from catnip-induced amnesia, had been forced into Exotic Dancing at the club by it’s mysterious owner, Drake McFeathers, now living in Portofino under an assumed name.

  36. Claudia, it’s a rare case of soap-viewer amnesia, as opposed to the very common occurence of soap-character amnesia.

  37. PS, I remember as a teenaged soap watcher, believing that life could be or would be like that. I thought long-lost, forgotten relatives with or without amnesia, leukemia, breast cancer, or just a jones for my boyfriend, could or would pop up anytime. I also thought people required rooms full of hundreds lit candles in order to have sex.

  38. … have sex while draped in 1000 thread count sheets strategically placed >.<

  39. Hi I'm Amy says:

    There’s actually two operations going on here. One is for the double brain transplant, and the other is for removing those flower-like tumors sprouting from Jurgen’s back.

  40. warrior rabbit says:

    I love posts and threads like these. Endlessly amusing.

    Gail — unauthorized inflations? Dirty!
    Katrina — impugn
    Theresa — groan

  41. Oh, yes, those are the Smart Sheets®. “They know just where to stick.”

  42. wannadance says:

    …. (returns from snack break…) to hear:

    ‘…doctors warn that if your inflation should last for four hours or more, seek emergency care at once.’

    and now, we return to..

    ‘i’ll plotz tomorrow’

  43. Hey, come on everybody, remember, it is dog years!

  44. Genius!

  45. scooterpants says:

    Imelda Chisel , awaiting her multiple insemination, realzes that the volunteer , Brock Lancer had fallen 1/2 way thru the Icy water attempting to save the vixen Louise Slobberfloss, who was awaiting her double by-pass brain surgery and had been secretly impregnated by Brock Lancer, after Lance had had the lower regions of his body thawed by thermal injection. Having the lower ‘regions’ of his body frozen solid, by standing like an idiot out side in the frozen tundra with only his massive 6 pack to protect him. regardless of the warm cabin just a few feet away… Jurgen remains, Intense….

  46. oh, hmmm, i’m not into soaps, storylines too convole-luted for me to follow, so anyway, who’s the faithless Louise’s Impregnator? Is it Brock or is it Lance or is it Jurgen? I’m not following the logic with the mix-ups of references to characters by name and pronoun, and I’m lost, tewtelly lost, and no map!

  47. relieved metsakins says:

    @mberkie0 – that is why you have to watch everyday!

  48. shahinrani says:

    LOL at “Generally Specific Hospital” and “double brain-bypass operation.”

  49. The stunning secret I think is: Brock Lancer fathered Louise’s son Brock Lee (get it? Brock? “L” for Lancer, but she went with Lee so as to not be so obvious). Raoul was just a red herring… watch, you’ll see.

    Ygnatz(Lancer) is about to be dealt a huge blow to his ego by realizing that his sugar momma/Aunty is about to drop him, in light of the new heir Brock Lee… if only she could snag him away from the damned nurse! Who suspiciously resembles her old nemesis Celia Claybottom. I personally think that it’s her daughter. No one could be THAT well preserved. Could they? Cuddles LaRossa indeed, she’s a player, that one!

    Nevermind that Brock the second is ALSO a relation to Imelda! GAH!

    really, you have to watch faithfully.
    (this is a game I play with my younger sister, who watches soaps faithfully, and I… Don’t, lol. I make up the stupidest things I can think of and she tells me if it eventually happens on her soaps LOL)

  50. “Brock Lee,” snerk!

  51. Brock Lee Rob? Cole Robby? Does Sarah’s heart burn?

  52. And heartburn at her age would be a catastrophe!

  53. Snickering at the captions and thread here.