Chapter 27: Showdown in the Moonlight

Later that evening, Rosalie lingered with Hector on the veranda.  He was silent as usual, his lush brown eyes locked upon some distant horizon that only his heart could know.  She had learned not to disturb these moods, but tonight she yearned more than ever to reach him.

I feel I owe you people an apology:  Hundreds of posts since June...

"Please tell me what you’re feeling," she whispered.  As always, there was no reply, only the unblinking, haunted stare that masked untold heartbreak and madness.  Her aching for him was greater now than she had ever known, and slowly, hesitantly, she lowered her face to him.

...and I haven't dropped one F-bomb.  Maybe it's age, or upbringing...

It was only a flutter at first, a brief sensation as her lips brushed against his, but it felt like forbidden fire coursing through her entire body.  Drunk with passion, she pressed her mouth ever more urgently to his, desperately seeking some sign, some ray of hope that he hungered for her as well.

...but I owe you more than excuses; I owe you mean-spirited

But there was no hint of validation from his warm yet unyielding eyes, and Rosalie felt her passion turn to anger.  "Well, I hope you’re proud ofth yourthelfth!" she blurted.  "All thith thime I waitedth for you, praying thath you could thare my feelingth!  And now, ifth you’ll let go of my thounge, I’m leaving you fthorever!"

And I solemnly pledge to you that I will be more frick'in vulgar in 2009.

Pass the Kleenex, Molly C.



  1. scooterpants says:

    Oh MTMTOM you truly have missed your calling.
    Harlequin Romance Novels have nothing on you.

  2. OMG…I’m dying over here! Seriously NTMTOM…you need to start writing Harlequins or something.

  3. OMG..that is TOO FUNNY!

  4. muahahhahahahahha hover text is GREAT!!! or should I say Thantasthic!!!

  5. ROFLMAO!!!

    Frakkin’ awesome, NTNTOM!!!

  6. Oh thanks, NTMTOM, I now have diet coke all over my monitor, and in my nose . . .

  7. Yep, that’s what the triple-dog dare will get ya.

  8. Also — Mike? Don’t go changin’.
    To try and please me.
    You’ve never let me down, before…

  9. Oh lol’d

  10. muttluver says:

    Only NomTom does posts like these. I believe we’re waiting for the coninuations of several different stories, at the moment…

    NomTom, that was priceless.

  11. Trabb's Boy says:

    Okay, I am going to divorce my husband just on the off-chance I ever run into NTMTOM and he’s free and straight and interested and doesn’t have his tongue stuck to a racoon or anything.

  12. Transpogue says:

    Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Mike.

    Seriously. On the rocks.

    Maybe with a lime on the side….

  13. victoreia says:

    OMG, NTMTOM! How’d you know about my current non-relationship?!?!?

  14. LOL his warm brown Eyes… Snicker..Poor lovesick puppy dog!

  15. cellarmouse says:


    stay nice nomtom

    mice like nice

  16. At Roll Over text…… NOOOOOOOOOOOO! For the sake of humanity Noooooooo! ; )

  17. Transpogue — put it in the coconut. You’ll feel better.

  18. that was hot

  19. laureling says:

    I frik’in <3 NTMTOM

  20. (re hovertext) : No, NomTom, don’t go all FUP on us !!

  21. Worried, Poohbear?

  22. Rosalieeee! Pleeeease! Come back my love! I was only playing hard to get!

  23. thankth NTMTOM I theriously loved this.

  24. That was cold, Hector. Stone cold.

  25. You do all know that NTMTOM writes the F*** U Penguin site, don’t you?

    Am I giving something away?

    I thought everybody knew that.

    [SNORK!] [ – Ed.]

  26. OK, guess it was meta-meta-sarcasm. Whew.

  27. Well I was all “mm K” till I got to the thufferin thuckotash talk

    HAA!!! Brilliant!

  28. The funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Regular commentary + hovertext! Made my day!!

  29. A part of me really wants this to be interspecies snorgling.

    And Mike? FU or not, please just keep posting.

  30. I knew it was NTMTOM before I even got to the end … Lmao @ the hovertext

  31. No proud buttocks, though. Or buttockth.

  32. wannadance says:

    really, theresa; or stout members, either. i really love those things when i feel depressed.

    now, to business: organize search party of women to find NOMTOM. and offer him his choice…
    and if he is a she, well, so what, fine by me.

    whatta post. i loveth it.

    [Wait, what? Stoat members? Not at THIS club! – Ed.]

  33. wannadance says:



    whew. snork.
    gleeps, close call.

  34. Boomer's Babysitter says:

    Another out-loud Buffaw!!

  35. Mary (the first) says:

    “the haunted stare that *masked* untold heartbreak…” too moishe, NTMTOM, toooo moishe!!

  36. Boomer's Babysitter says:

    That’s related to a guffaw, but you try to hold it in, and it sounds like “buffaw!” on exit… (if you believe that!)

  37. Mary (the first) says:

    oh and I almost forgot, I LOVE Rosalie!! If she would come and live with me, I’d give her all the love she wants. Maybe not Hector-style but LOVE!

  38. Martha in Washington says:

    All this story needs is something about “Rosalie’s heaving bosom”.

    Trabb’s Boy–I think you’d have to wait in line. I seem to remember several marriage proposals already.

  39. wannadance says:

    oh, that puppy has the sweetest little face i’ve ever seen. what brand puppy is that? i am a catnik and so know no pupps.

  40. Outdone yourself in a big way with these notes!!

  41. michellemybelle says:

    I love you, Not That Mike The Other Mike.

  42. Oh, the one-sided steamy tension! I can see a fanfiction following for this, NTMTOM.

  43. whew! is it getting warm in here?

    [fans self]

  44. Whoa – the tongue just elongates in that last photo! Freaky! It almost looks like the raccoon statue has caught the tongue in its mouth.

  45. that is hilarious! I like the play by play too. – fantastic comments as usual 🙂

  46. I need to FOCUS, people. How can I possibly settle down to work after that? NTMTOM, my hat’s off to you.

    [Actually, you can leave your hat on. You can leave your hat on… – Ed.]

  47. Janet in Cambridge says:

    OMG, too wonderful.

  48. that was fantastic.

  49. Doxylover79 says:

    Read Harlequin much? lol

  50. “…his lush brown eyes locked upon some distant horizon that only his heart could know…” Seriously, NTMTOM, this is perfect! Such drama, such tension, such longing. Ah unrequited love is so tragic.

  51. NTMTOM you made a boring day at home a little better.

  52. thank you for no f-bombs.

    I don’t like the verbal abuse directed at animals on some so-called pet blogs even if it is intended to be funny.

    This fantastic post proves that blogs can be amusing without being nasty.

  53. So… NTMTOM, which part do you play? Hmm? Sounds awfully like someone has lost a… well…a long-lost love.

    Anyway… TSK, TSK. Much as Rosalie tried, that stone-cold Hector just would not give.

  54. P.S. By the way, NTMTOM don’t change. You are perfect just the way you are.

  55. Poor Rosalie. Men! They’re all the same. Well, except for NTMTOM. And Theo. And my husband. And my best friend. And that nice guy from coffee place. Oh, and Tom Hanks, he seems nice. And…. Oh never mind. I’ll just stick with “poor Roaslie.”

  56. berthaservant says:

    Awesome, awesome, awesome. You can’t stop Mike you can only hope to contain him!

    (might add an I shall leeck you tag…my fave….)

  57. Could do. ;P

  58. michellemybelle says:

    I like the subtle 9-1/2 Weeks soundtrack plug that was added in about the hat – nice job!

  59. Gail (the first one) says:

    Rosalie: (shouting) You men are all alike! Seven or eight quick ones and it’s off with the boys! You better keep your mouth SHUT!
    (sotto voce) I, I think I love him….”

  60. Nomtom, I lurve you…

  61. Whatevz, Cheat Overload.

  62. Well, let’s do SOMETHING
    together…wanna raid trash cans?

  63. totalee puppy says:

    Knew it was you, NTMTOM, as soon as I started reading! “untold heartbreak and madness” LOL. Your style is inimital…inumitubl…unimitatl…aw, h*ll…you got style.

  64. Marry me, Mike. Take me NOW!

  65. Oddly, this reminds me of my dog and an inanimate object. Well, robotic object. Her first introduction with the Roomba boils down to Roomba going in circles and sweet pup looking at it intently for about 10 seconds and then…peeing on the floor. She just had to make sure Roomba knew who was boss in the house. Of course, now I think she’s confused as to why I close the Roomba up in rooms and don’t let it out. It’s banging on the walls and doors for heaven’s sake!

  66. Captions and hovertext are

  67. I am clicking ads with abandon, in hopes the movie one will no longer be necessary!
    There is a very beautiful scarf at Cutiemus.

  68. @Gail — Young Frankenstein for the win! =)

    Also-also, NTNTOM, I am in full agreement with your fan club. Your captions make the world a better place.

  69. but NomTom, you left out the part where “her eyes were too large for conventional beauty, her lips too full (her waist too tiny, her breasts too perky, you get the idea).

    btw– love the Randy Newman ref…

  70. LOVE IT! Wannadance, my best guess is that the pup is a long-haired Chihuahua. They are little cuties for sure, although I’m pretty partial to Dachshunds…
    A Blog Devoted To Disabled Dogs

  71. Nom Tom, I’m sure Mills and Boon will be approaching you soon.

  72. I just want to go on record as saying that when I went to post this, there were 69 previous comments. I’m just sayin’. magic number and all that.

  73. Felicityanne says:

    Is it not perhaps a variation on a King Charles spaniel? Only the floppy ears don’t exactly say ‘chihuahua’…

  74. medicalvampire says:


    This was waiting for me this morning when I got to the office. I’m only glad no one else was here at the time, as they would have been witness to a madwoman laughing her head off.
    Someone, please sign me up for the NTMTOM fan club!

  75. bwahahaha!!!

    This is unrelated, but totalee puppy, your comment reminded me of my boyfriend’s birthday last year.

    He’s walking across the parking lot yelling, “I’m so ineb- iniber… inbriar… I’m F*&^ING DRUNK!!!!”

  76. Wannadance-maybe you meant ‘stoat’ members?

    Way-da-go NTMTOM! You walk the knife-edge of saccharine psychosis and we love you the better for it.

  77. Dear Rosalie,
    I don’t think Hector is being real with you.
    I think you need to get to gnome better.

  78. I so love this place!
    Sign me up for the fan club as well! Good Times….

  79. Kristabelle says:

    Hilarious! I’m all hot and bothered now!!

  80. Leslie Thomas says:

    1) To NTMTOM–
    you have reached your Pulitzer Prize potential (do they award them, for cute animal captions, or for Romance Novels?)

    2) To “Newlee”: Yes, indeed,as the song said, “the temperature’s risin'”…

  81. Leslie Thomas says:

    3) (oops — I KNEW I was forgetting one of the my intended comments– darn that “Enter” key!!)
    to: Rosalie (the unrequited but lovely pup)…
    “Hon, I’m so sorry to try to break this to ya’ but …hon…He’s
    just — not that into you, sweetie. I know how it hurts, but …”

  82. Mike, I think you have been watching too much Telemundo of late!

  83. NTMTOM-you slay me. Really.

    No, really.

    Sigh, as my mind wanders and I daydream that as I sit at my desk, working away on totally meaningless tasks, a shadow darkens my doorway… Wait, dare I look up? Could it be him? Should I steal a glance? Slowly, slowly I raise my fluttering eyelashes and what do I see? Could it be? Is it really him? It is! It is, I tell you! NTMTOM has come to sweep me off my feet with his quirky, yet oh-so-right-on hovertext…we will run away together and…and…

    Oh wow, I think I just freaked out the UPS guy.

  84. LMAO. I applaud you, NTMTOM.

  85. Just glad it didn’t get to the “throbbing member” stage…

  86. This is theriously one of the funniest posts I have ever read, you are bloody brilliant NTMTOM

  87. Laughing my head off here
    thanks to LORI and SNARKS!
    What an awesome place CO is. I think we all get energized by the ingenuity
    of NTMTOM. What a gifted guy! (Am I a little envious? Sure, but the best man has won…)

  88. … Does NomTom really write the FU Penguin site?? Or was that a joke? I’m so blonde.

  89. Hilarious! Well done nomtom!!

  90. Saint Stryfe says:

    OMG this lil guy looks like my Jedi… he’s a kisser too! He’s a Tibetan Spaniel. Same coloring though.

  91. Best. C.O. Ever.

  92. Now, NTMTOM, hunny… don’t you go gettin a swelled head or nuthin, you know, due to all the atta-boys and marriage proposals in this here comment section. You just stay the same ol’ humble yet wacky-wild person you are.

    Thanks, hun.

    Auntie SPB