And Now, Previews of Coming Attractions

It strikes without warning, wreaking terrible terror too terrifyingly torturous to tolerate!  What is it? And what does it crave, this creeping horror, this unearthly ungulate, striking fear into the hearts of all who bear witness?

M-U-U-U-U-U-U-S-S-S-S-T ...

When it hunts you — YOU DARE NOT MOVE! When it finds you — YOU DARE NOT BREATHE! Nothing in the depths of your darkest nightmares can prepare you for the UNSTOPPABLE EVIL!!!

... H-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-V-E ...

There is no escape from … THE ATTACK OF THE FIFTY-FOOT TONGUE!

... B-R-R-R-R-R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-D!!!

A Morgan R. production, starring Clifton Flange, Loretta Trashsmasher and “Tex” McGee as Cardinal Richelieu.  Rated [R] for Redonkulous.  Coming soon to this theater!

Comments

  1. OMGAW

  2. What the bison says you do.

  3. ZOMG.

    what a cute nose!

  4. Oh noe – bison breath!

  5. OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this photo series but if I were that guy I would have been scared out of my MIND! Does anyone know if buffalo are nice animals? I mean, do not get me wrong–definitely super adorable, but how friggin’ scared would you be if you didn’t know what to expect???

  6. Buffalo? Looonngggg tongues on those fellas.

  7. [is teh ded of laffingks]

  8. That sequence does look terrifying! Huge bison head in the car!!!

    Nice bread-on-shoulder action, btw.

  9. CoffeeCup says:

    I don’t think buffalo are overly aggressive animals, but like all animals they defend themselves when spooked, so yeah…be careful.

  10. *falls over, giggling* Awesome. Pure awesome.

    @Slugger-

    Having been in the exact situation these pics depict, I can safely assure that bison are very good-natured beasties. However, if you are driving along on one of these ‘safari’ things and you stop, be prepared to either leave your windows up or be greeted up-close-and-personal by a bison. Especially if you have food in the car.

  11. Stephanie C. says:

    @ slugger: I don’t know if they’re friendly or not, but I know they’re delicious!

  12. Courtney — not only that, it’s STILL ATTACHED TO THE BISON ZOMG!!!!

  13. And who had the camera ready? Nice shots!

  14. Stephanie C. says:

    Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?

  15. oh-oh, I know it is the Boson Drive In and he ordered some tongue on bread! Say, is that Bison on roller skates?

  16. My mother did not raise a typist-it is s Bison Drive-In.

  17. Katrina — would that be the new place down on Higgs? I’ve been having the damnedest time finding it…

  18. bah, you weren’t supposed to catch your typo! thppppppt

  19. Alternate title: “Revenge of the Son of the Bride of Tonguezilla.”

  20. aka Vegan Zombies XVIII: *GRAAAAAAAINS*

  21. Needs to be tagged as ‘I shall leeck you’.

  22. Why yes, yes it does. [fixing]

  23. BWA hahahahaaaaaa the second one! THAT had me on the floor… Good lord these must come with warnings LMAO!

    [Oh yeah. "COME HERE BOY, I GEEV YOU BEEG BUFFY KEES!" *MWAH* - Ed.]

  24. Me myself and I says:

    This is not at all cute in any way.

    [Heh. Maybe not. LOL - Ed.]

  25. Sharon Wilson says:

    After the video about the deer, you’d think people would know not to allow wild herbivores free access to bread!

  26. “…but I thought it was just the deeeeeeeer!…”

  27. I agree with Me, Myself and I in the sense that the bison itself isn’t the cutest thing we’ve featured here, but I do think the overall situation is very cute.

    That tongue WOULD be cute if it were a different color, but as it is it looks like something from a horror movie (hence the text).

  28. You dare not breathe because you can smell a bison from 12 feet away. And they don’t use AXE…

  29. MaggieBee says:

    And because now that I’ve noticed it, I can’t NOT say something…

    Tortuous means twisty and windy

    TortuRous means full of torture-y goodness

    But I suppose tortuous could be used to describe the tongue..? XD

  30. Hahahaha that’s hilarious! You guys should also check this list of the Top Five Most Fascinating Animal Videos:

    http://blogs.msg.com/themonitor/2008/12/09/top-five-most-fascinating-animal-videos-31-lists-of-december/

  31. JL Sigman says:

    OMGWTFBBQ?!?!?

    Insane, folks. Nice job.

    @Theo: aka Vegan Zombies XVIII: *GRAAAAAAAINS*

    XD

  32. Where is this? I must go there!

  33. I have the low down on Bison and Buffaloes… they are pretty content with just standing around munching grass, will run very quickly, and scare the crap out of you when you throw in corn stalks and husks from harvesting your garden, but they stop. They don’t like to be stared at much and they poop a LOT. My neighbor raised them as PETS (10 I think) for years until he was too old to handle them anymore. They are not big fluffy puppy dogs, so don’t run up and hug one, they don’t like that either.

    BTW, the field where they were up until last fall, raised the most amazing crop of corn this summer LOL.

  34. Seven Paws says:

    I think the guy is cute…and he doesn’t really look overly terrified, sort of like he’s been there before.

  35. I put out my fingers for a cow to lick once and she sucked my whole hand into her mouth. It kind of tickled.

  36. “Volvo: You know we have excellent crash test results. Now witness how Volvo protects you from massive bovines with no concept of personal space!”

    Ah, the Volvo 240… How I wish they still made those! Or is it a 740?

  37. “graaaains” good one!

    I lol’ed at the guy’s face in the second pic.

  38. I *so* would have kissed that nose! :-D

  39. Carrie, what beautiful animules! Their tongues? Not so much….

  40. Paunchie, “GRAAAAINS” is an old internets chestnut by now, but thanks anyway. Heh. ;)

  41. Buffalo aren’t necessarily aggressive when unprovoked, but they do gore people when somebody gets in their face. I used to live in Montana when I was really young, and my parents would always wait for when Yellowstone (where all the wild critters roam free with no fences) opened since there was always some tourist from Kansas or Iowa that would get gored in the first week trying to get a picture with the buffalo. It doesn’t help that the same type of people try to feed it human food because they forget it’s a large, horned, wild animal and not a squirrel in the park.

    So remember this kids, don’t mess with wild buffalo. The might gore you.

  42. P.S.

    The buffalo is pretty durn cute.

    That is all.

  43. Theo I’m so not up on vegan humor!
    And butter, went to Yellowstone once, was not gored but I did manage to walk into a great puddle of elk muck! EEEEEKK!

  44. ok I came back for round two…

    *Still howls and falls off chair*

    That second pict looks like Vern, know what I mean?

    Oh love it, love it love it…

  45. Bison slurples. EW

  46. Note: giraffes do this too. o.0

  47. berthaservant says:

    Long-distance nomming!!! The bison wins the gold!

  48. OMG BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I laughed OUT LOUD on that one!!

  49. ThreeCatNight says:

    With newcomer Buff Hoofer as “The Tongue”!

  50. This SITE should be rated R for “redonkulus” LMAO Love eet!

  51. Michelle S says:

    If anyone wants the real “low down” on wild bison, all they need to do is listen to butter. I know someone who spends a couple weeks in Yellowstone every spring, and there are often 2-4 bison gorings a year during rutting season. I’ve personally witnessed said city folk getting tossed like ragdolls by these otherwise “good-natured beasties”… just as butter described, posing for a photo with one. ;)

  52. YIKES! I used to work at Yellowstone, and my jaw almost fell off when I saw this. It’s cute, yes. But PLEASE, readers, do not roll your windows down for bison or even get this close. If that bison had gotten scared or irritated, he could have killed or injured that driver and probably everyone in the car. Like a few other people said, they’re not aggressive but can do some major damage if provoked. Just enjoy these dignified beauties from afar. :)

  53. Ha, didn’t realize I was typing nearly the same thing as the person above me. Alllllso…nice Ween cassette on the dashboard!

  54. Jennie Mello says:

    Ohhh..yak!

  55. @seven paws, i totally agree, even with the super funny twisted face expression.

    what ever happened to the C.O. dating site idea?!?!

  56. Moral: Stay in the car, all they can in there, is their (ergh!) tongues.

  57. PS When I saw the first pic, I thought the tongue would go into the dude’s ear. Straighten it out, buffalo gal!

  58. anonnymous says:

    Sorry, I don’t think it’s cute. eeewwww.

  59. Larry Sheldon says:

    I might know that fellow.

    I have a picture somewhere taken several years ago in or near Yellowstone of a Really Big Critter’s head between me and the outboard mirror of my truck.

    I din’t have as much of him _in_ my truck as that.

    They have a rep of being grumpy fellows, but I’m beginning to wonder if that is a bad rap.

  60. OMG!!! Yay buffalo! Favorite animals of mine – I hand fed one once… gorgeous creatures, but you don’t wanna piss em off. :)

  61. As a rule of thumb, I would say don’t approach them on foot, whether they seem friendly or not. Remember, they could seriously injure you without even intending to. People are always getting nasty surprises when they try to get too close to *wild* animals.

  62. So adorable! I’ve seen bison a lot but never got THAT close! This one is adorable and acts EXACTLY like my 150 lb. Newfie– big, black/brown, woolly, HUGE tongue in your face– and cute!

  63. I think the 2nd picture is a “totally looks like” in mirror image.

  64. Mary (the first) says:

    To me, the second pic looks like guy’s saying “What should I do?? Kiss it or what?!?” and someone in the back seat says “give it your sandwich!” which he then proceeds to do (for a happy ending). I’m sure the bison breath was not so pleasant, though.

  65. blah.

  66. Hee, is it just me or does that totally look like the guy from Dirty Jobs?

    Eagerly awaits a buffalo episode :-)

  67. Chromis — now that you mention it, hmm… anybody know if Mike Rowe has a little brother? Drives an old Volvo?

  68. By the way — is your screen name about the little blue fish that are all over the Bahamas?

    Underwater, I mean.

  69. Haaa! I love the look on the guy’s face in the second one! And yeah Chromis, he does look like the guy from Dirty Jobs a little bit!

  70. chet, ruby, and miaoux's momma says:

    guy looks like Andy Samberg from SNL!!!!

  71. Yes ma’am, nice catch! :-D

  72. When I was a kid, we knew someone who had buffalo. They would come up to the fence-I don’t remember them being terribly aggressive, but they were pretty licky-like this guy.

  73. …”ma’am”?

  74. charliewabba says:

    It’s ok, Theo – it’s happened to me too, only in the other direction.

  75. But… but “ma’am” backwards is still “ma’am”…

    (who, me? Smartass??)

  76. momof2kitties says:

    Oh, Theo. You’re always makin’ with teh funny…

  77. Er, you know, I’m not even sure what the heck I thought Theo was short for there, Theodora? Maybe you have an alter ego standing directly behind you that I was addressing! Yep, that must it! *sneaky eyes*

  78. Yes, Theo’s alter-ego-
    SASHA FIERCE!

  79. linguafranka says:

    y’all need to listen up to the nufers. buffalo can TOTALLY hurt you, INSIDE your car. if he had gotten spooked, he could ram that flimsy window and slam that cute blonde dude into jello. not so cute anymore, huh?

    besides, it is NOT COOL to feed white bread to wild animules! or any people food. it is bad for their long-term survival. think ahead! don’t HURT them, LOVE them.

  80. The right thing to do is shoot it between it’s eyes and have a barbeque..

  81. @Dualie: Your comment is what makes me love this site! Just when the nuffers get all-too-serious, someone comes along and makes me laugh!

  82. dharlan1too says:

    Peoples: GAAAA!! The fur, the breafs, the..the… Furry beast: This things loaded–the tongue lashings will begin if you don’t hand over the samich–just drop the samich and no one geets hurt here–that’s the way—backs out of car and lumbers away….

  83. Buffalo: Dude.
    Dude: Wha?
    Buffalo: They put us all on low-carb diets in here. The last time we had bread was at the 200th anniversary of our preserve here.
    Dude: Anniversary?
    Buffalo: Yeah, man, the bison-tennial. Gimme bread.

  84. Looks like my stomping grounds–Custer State Park in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Dumb tourists lookin to get gored.

  85. Met2…Great!

  86. awwwwww close encounter of the buffalo/bison kind. *C.O. dating service* I’m telling you

  87. idiolect, amen! Giraffes indeed do that, too. My sister went and came back with an empty chips pack: http://irc-galleria.net/view.php?nick=gipsygirl&image_id=46437073 (shame she didn’t catch the tongue action itself! probably too gobsmacked at how quickly that cute animal leecked all the chips into his/her mouf.)

  88. Mel2 — LOL from me, too. :)

  89. that is indeed a volvo 240, full of screaming passengers, on a sweltering day last june, running low on supplied bread, being driven through the happiest and saddest place on earth: the olympic game farm (http://www.olygamefarm.com) near sequim, washington.

    from, the guy

  90. The only Bison I’ve seen, is a washhand Bison.

  91. is this in Sequim? i have been licked by buffalo myself haha

  92. Me thinks the Bison is being very polite, see the sweet natured look in his/her eyes, especially in the second photo? Either that or it can’t get it’s neck any further into the window and is negotiating a ‘half way’ meeting with the food.

  93. @mel2 Bison-tennial…bwahahahahaha…pffft!

  94. hehehe.. yummy bread but wheres the beef??..

  95. met2-groooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaann! Nice one!

  96. Come on guys. That’s special.

  97. Met2 for the win *plus* a loaf of bread! XD

  98. Capt' Tightpants says:

    TheGuy: The look on your face in pic2 had me bwahhaHA-ing out loud. I would have had the exact same expression if Mr. BisonBref were getting that close to me.

    Also – not so sure how I feel about booking a “walk” through greedy-for-bleached-starches animal territory: if they *know* you gots breads, ain’t theys gonna be comin’ right for us?!

    back to giggling at *GRAAAAIINNS* (Never heard that before) and Mel2’s “Bisontennial”.

    HA!

  99. …Innocently cruising the pom pix when suddenly, TATONKA!
    Way-da-go Mike!

  100. platedlizard says:

    I’ve had that happen to me! At Wildlife Safari, a drive-through zoo, in southern Oregon an Onyx (a BIIIGGGG antelope, about the size of this bison) would stand at the entrance to his pasture and wait for the tourists to drive through with their windows open. They’d of course stop, and he’d stick is head right in! It was a little awkward with his horns, but he could do it!

    People shouldn’t feed wild animals, though. My guy was in captivity so if he became a problem they could probably just take him off exhibit for a bit, but a wild animal that becomes a major problem often gets put down… and bison are dangerous.

    But maybe this wasn’t a wild bison. There are safari parks like Wildlife Safari that have them after all!

  101. PlatedLizard — think you might mean “Oryx” rather than the jet-black stone.
    ;)

  102. More buff, more buff!

    Adorable buffness on the lo.

  103. “do you know why I pulled you over?”

  104. Oh my gosh, the expression on the poor guy’s face in the second picture is priceless. I think that’s exactly how I’d feel about it, too.

  105. lol @ daggy haha

  106. daggy- now we’re talking,Policebison with flashlight-
    “Sir, have you been eating bread this evening?” (Bread comes flinging out of the front seat).

  107. HA! I think the second picture almost deserves “matchingks!”

  108. HAY!! X^(

  109. Well, I wasn’t going to agree, but then you objected…

  110. Hahaha! I was feeling down, but laughing at that poor guy being attacked by the buffalo really brightened my day. :)

  111. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. It’s a fact.

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