Dear Not That Abby The Other Abby,

My boyfriend and I adopted a kitten a few months ago. She is so sweet and little but she has this problem. She likes feet. And I don’t mean she thinks they’re kinda neat and she watches them. I mean she thinks they are tasty and she must eat them. Especially for breakfast. Especially in the very early morning hours for breakfast. This was taken after she was caught in the act. Don’t let the innocent act fool you. She is evil. Lovable… but evil.

Signed, Carrie M.

I can kick the habit anytime, honest!

Dear Carrie:

Let’s not pussyfoot around—your tiny toe-taster is in a terrible jam! Unless you intervene—and fast—she’ll become a full-on feline footaholic. Tell this heel to get on the ball and go to a local Toe-Anon meeting, and if she arches her back, remind her that de-nail isn’t just a river in Egypt, no matter how corny that sounds.

-The Other Abby

Comments

  1. “de-nail isn’t just a river in Egypt”.

    You are terrible, Nomtom.

  2. P.S.

    But I like it ;)

  3. It’s a FEETS CONFERENCE.

  4. …or maybe a 12-footstep program.

  5. I think they have them every Thursday night in the basement here:
    http://www.walkerart.org/index.wac

  6. (I need coffee)
    (and a pair of slippers)

  7. Mr. Douglas' Mum says:

    De-nail= Awesome joke, Mike. Keep them coming!

  8. Every time I see a cat that looks this way, I get the distinct impression its trying to tell me something important. “THE PLACES IVE BEEN, WHAT IVE SEEN! You will not believe for it is beyond your mortal understanding, but you must know!!!” Cosmic faring cat face I guess.

  9. eeeewwwww!
    Foot puns at 8 AM
    ack

  10. Seriously, there is a cure for the early morning attack-the-foot syndrome. My cat used to do this. When he did, we’d pick him up and force him to cuddle.

    Now because we were cuddling he couldn’t really resent us for it, but because we were holding him immobile he couldn’t play or attack anything. We’d hold him for about five minutes, the whole time he’d be seething.

    Then we’d let him go. We’d repeat if he attacked our feet again. Eventually he started associating the bed with snuggles not with tasty foots. Now he waits patiently for us to get up.

  11. gatekchiclet says:

    my fatty (aka schroedinger) does the same thing. he loves to lick my toes, and rubs himself all over my feet, especially if i just got back from the gym. as a matter of fact, he prefers being petted by feet as opposed to being petted by hands.

    i know, he’s one twisted little disgusting kitteh….

  12. Human toes are not for nom! Just be glad she isnt tiger cublet. rawr

  13. Gosh dude, trim those nails. Barf.

  14. Seriously, your screen name could be the hovertext here.

  15. I love the look on the kitty’s face, because the expression seems to say: “What? What’d I do?”

  16. “Toe-taster” in a “jam”?
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  17. ThreeCatNight says:

    @Pussytoes – LOL! Thanks for saying it for me. Eeww.
    Even kitteh looks offended.

  18. I call matchingks: kitten floof and (ick) man fur.

  19. OK, NTATOA, good work on the corny (har!) puns, but those toenails, ewwwwwwww !!!!

  20. Poor kitty doesn’t realize the depth of his addiction. You can see it in his wild eyes. Feet-hab?

    My first kitty didn’t find toe- and ankle-biting to be effective, so he moved to calf-biting. Walk up the stairs and he’d come flying around the corner to wrap his arms around your calf and then nibble if you ignored him. If you caught him in the middle of the act, you could look at him hugging your calf, with his eyes staring up at you with the “don’t ignore me” look in his eyes.

  21. Eww. Ewww. That man needs cut his long Howard Hughes toenails. That poor kitteh is prolly thinking “pedi, pedi, pedi.”

  22. kitty is just trying to tell the foot-owner to CUT YOUR FREAKING NAILS!!!!! yuck.

  23. If you really want kitty to stop chomping on your feet, perhaps a spritz of a cat deterrent, like bitter cherry spray, may work.
    Just spray it on before her estimated time of attack. She may develop a distaste for feet.
    Although kittens are cute, those teeny nails and teeth HURT!!!!!

  24. Personally, I’d feel honored to have my toeses nommed upon by such an adorable yet quite superior form of life that rules over us pitiful humans with a fuzzy paw.

  25. If you want kitty to break this “addiction,” try getting him hooked on something else — boxes, perhaps? I hear those are quite addictive to cats…

  26. NTMTOM: Oh.Good.Gawd.

    The kitty is too cute! My little one (ok, he’s 10yrs old now) used to do this!

  27. That face is ADORABLE!!

  28. Wow, that was the punniest thing I’ve ever read. Did you guys catch all the foot references in there? Pussyfoot, jam, heel, ball, arches, de-nail, and CORNY! Nom Tom, you’re awesome in a slightly creepy, silly, eye-rolling kind of way. Which is perfect for C.O., methinks.

  29. Perhaps Kitty is playing “Toe-Jam Football” in “Come together” I am the Walrus.

  30. Alas, I too have a cat who prefers some fast food from the Fleshy Arches. He started like the little nommer from the photo, cute and adorable, yet now he has graduated to being a hefty tomcat that considers the entirety of my legs to be a big, meaty bone. Kitty lovin’ is a wonderful, but sometimes dangerous thing.

  31. this whole post needs one big *BA-DUMPT-CHING*!!!

  32. Aww. I love it.

  33. My kitten is obsessed with toes/feet too! It hurts…

  34. (the original) Mel says:

    When I was a long-distance runner (I mean marathons and ultras, not a 5K), I had to let my nails grow a little long, lest they become ingrown. Perhaps our chompee has this same issue??? God please let there be a reason for the length of those nails. *throws up in mouth a little*

  35. Got a somewhat related kitteh foot behavior question:

    My friend’s cat Mimi, once she thinks you’re okay, if you’re standing, she likes to stand next to you and put one foot on your foot. You can feel she’s putting 1/4 of her weight on it. And you just want to say “excuse me, Mimi, that’s not part of the floor, that’s my foot.”

    Is that her way of staking her claim?

  36. Geez, leave the dude and his toenails alone.

    Cute kitty! Kittens definitely like to attack feet. Mine still does every once in a while, and she’s one and a half.

  37. @David, it may just be a Mimi thing. Mimis are uppity cats. They like to keep you under their paws. I know, I had a Mimi myself.

  38. Those toes remind me of my dad’s. His toes have taken such abuse over the years as a farmer (cows stepping on them, tractors running over them) that he has to keep them long so they dont get ingrown. He likes to joke that he was asked not to wear sandals at work (he is no longer a farmer due to back problems) because his boss told him the amount of time the other employees spent vomiting was not productive.

    That been said, what a cute kitty. Bear likes to attack my feet sometimes when I’m sleeping because he thinks they are “blanket mice”

  39. kitteh belleh and pink toes!!!

  40. That face should be in the dictionary next to the word mischief. “These feets were made for nommin’!”

  41. Want! Want small kitty to wake me up every morning by nom-ing my toes!!!!

  42. This one time me and my boyfriend slept over at a friend’s house on the pull out couch, and we were woken up a total of eleven times throughout the early morning by their marmie attacking our feet under the blanket. ELEVEN!!!

  43. @Theresa, that makes sense. She’s a very nosy cat who has to know what you’re doing at all times (so she can supervise). You can’t even go into the bathroom alone for 5 minutes.

  44. will somebody hand her the toenail clipper please?

  45. yumyumjanitor says:

    CUT YOUR GROSS TOENAILS AND CLEAN THEM. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

    [SHUT YOUR RUDE MOUTH AND GROW UP. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. - Ed.]

    [Not much fun, is it? - Ed.]

  46. (the original) Mel says:

    @Fegli: Welcome to my world.

  47. For some reason I am reminded of Mr Safety and the world famous Mean Kitty, Sparta – a protege perhaps?
    And I tried not to look the feet b/c I hate feet and now after reading comments I will have hard time avoiding the toes………

  48. Good god…they’re called nail trimmers!

    Adorable kitten

  49. catloveschanel says:

    The kitteh is pretty. She is not addicted. She is not the one with the problem.

    She obviously sees a problem with those feet and is trying to give a pedi since [sigh] no one else would go near them.

  50. please lay off my man’s toes. He can’t cut them shorter or they end up ingrown and that’s just teh suck. As for my kitty (aka Princess Nargle Marie Von Fuzzybottom or just Nargle for short) she is now 1 year old, no longer climbs in bed with us but she still loves to rub on our feet. Tho she’s much more content to nap in the window or stalk the refrigerator just in case we drop something she can nom.

  51. @David, not surprised. The motto around here is “You’ll Never Pee Alone.”

  52. Omgz, its the little clone of my big (10 yr old) kitteh! :O!

    http://tinyurl.com/4hl6j6

    Her name is Rat and most of her teeth have fallen out. :D

  53. Toe-Anon is a twelve-and-a-half instep program. I’m glad to see NTATOA give such solid advice, I just hope this little piggy shoeses the most fitting soleution for her problem.

  54. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Michele S: GAAAAAAAAHHHH! I’ve been OUTPUNNED! :-)

  55. I would love to see a more recent pic of this little muffin. ;)

  56. Speaking of feet: are that kitteh’s feet higantay (you know—Gigante) or what?

  57. Just remember, if it’s adorable when kitten weighs 7.5 ounces, it will still happen when kitten weighs 17 pounds and it’s no longer adorable. It might also happen when more than one pair of feet are moving under the covers, if you get my drift.
    Squirt bottles and/or the one-handed toss and door-close routine.

  58. Jmper, I just roared out loud at work! Your dad’s boss at least had a sense of humor about it!!!!

    Kitty is a cutiepie!

  59. Theresa, that’s our motto as well.

    The problem is quite obvious here — this kitty is a TORTIE, and they’re just that way. Rehab won’t work. You’re stuck with her.

  60. shoe ’nuff
    lot of toe nuffers around heah

  61. I was gonna make a pun about feet, but it’s beneath me.

    [Fair enough. Brevity is the sole of wit! - Ed.]

  62. All the foot comments are making me queasy. If you want a cat to stop attacking your feet, douse your socks in citrus oil, or put some orange peel in the top of your socks.

    [...you're recommending fruity feet? Really? - Ed.]

  63. warrior rabbit says:

    We all march to the beat of a different drummer, berthaservant. As long as you don’t feel defeated. Just take it in stride.

  64. wagthedogma says:

    Think Carrie has to wear shinguards to bed?

  65. One of my relatives has a kitten like that. SHE EATS TOES! Well, not really, but I have to wear shoes every time I want to play with her.

  66. P.S.- That does NOT make her evil. Just somewhat annoying.

  67. That face!!! It breaks my heart! Let her have a little nom for the love of God!

    *sigh* Yes I am an enabler.

  68. declawing is evil. don’t do it to the poor cat

  69. Adorable kitty cat

    *shields eyes from gross toenails*

    The guy has a nice heel on his right foot, though. Must use lotion

    *looks at adorable kitty cat again*

  70. The Other One Michelle says:

    Holy crap. Normally I’m all advocating “Say something nice or nothing at all” but holy crap! The nails! I’m choosing to believe they’re photoshopped!

  71. Hey, wait a second. I SAID WAIT A SECOND!!!!

    HOW COME WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT NOMMING CAT TOES, BUT SUDDENLY WHEN THEY NOM OUR TOES WE START TALKIN’ BOUT TOE-HAB??????

    Suddenly I WANT Bertha to nom my toes, even though I don’t want to nom hers, just so we can reverse what is CLEARLY an anti-nomming trend. ALL NOMNOM ALL THE TIME. NOM IS THE ESSENCE OF CUTE and to deny ANY of it’s forms is tantamount to heresy, HERESY, I say.

  72. BerthaServant:

    Your box is dead
    And no one cares
    If there is a hab
    I’ll see you there

    (What? Somebody said “Nails”.)

  73. My tortie isn’t interested in nomming toes… but she has figured out the most sensitive spot on my inner, upper arm to gently bite when she wants me to awaken. It sucks, because even though it’s gentle, it’s precision is annoying beyond reason. The first time, my scream let her know how effective it is. [eyes rolling up]

  74. Mary (the first) says:

    @Bertha, if the kitteh nommers would only “soft kronshe” the way we do, we wouldn’t mind a nom on the toes. But they don’t. OH NO they certainly don’t. It’s spiky teefs and claws everywhere. When I nom the kitteh’s toes, it’s a gently lippy thing (like a horse taking a snack from your palm). Probably TMI.. right?

  75. They’re just feet, peeps. Weirdness about feet is weirder than than weird feet, mkay? ;)

  76. Juniper Jupiter says:

    What? Nobody suggested the vegetarian alternative TOE-FU?

    WANT THA KITTEH!!!

    I’d let her nom my toes!!!

  77. *SHOE MAN CHEW* in training

  78. I agree with screaming yumyumjanitor on this one.

  79. Gail (the first one) says:

    The agony of de-feets!

    @Mary the first: Too right!! If it were a gentle nibble, but NO! My newest, Helen, starts gnawing at feets, legs, whatever!

    @Theresa and David: You guys are cracking me up!! It’s a regular PARADE in my bathroom.

  80. I’m in the miniority here. I don’t see anything gross with those toes. The nails are clean, not dirty or infected or ingrown. What is gross about long nails? If a cats nails are long, is it gross? I just don’t get it…

  81. @Gail, it’s a parade when I do laundry. I don’t know what you’d call it in the bathroom. One just seems to think “Aha, she is mobilized, she must pet me,” and the other seems to think “Aha, she is mobilized, I shall go sit in her pants.”

  82. Oh dear, someone said “nails” to Theo. Now we have to get into the fishtank and sing.

  83. Kids… I have no problem with the man’s toes/toenails. I have a problem with your posting them here. I repeat (per the fish-foot-nibblings post a while back): human feets are NOT cute. Not even with a tiny kitten near them. Please, say no to people feets. eccchhhh….

  84. the other Brenda says:

    don’t declaw the kitty, DO declaw that man!!

  85. What is needed here is understanding of the Luurkensproing kitten mindset in its juvenile form.

    There must be a substitute made for the “toe” and parameters created for the “time” but with patience, the Luurkensrproinger and Luurkensproingee should be able to live happily everafter.

  86. Gail (the first one) says:

    @Katrina: Thank you for your sharing your research on the juvenile Luurkensproinger! Currently, my own juvenile research subject, Helen, is demonstrating heretofore unknown (to myself) vertical sproings with somewhat unsuccessful attempts to grasp and dangle from my legs. Ah, the joys of understanding the juvenile!!

  87. Gail (the first one) says:

    @Theresa: When you have 1 dog and 7 kittehs, it’s a parade of who can get Mama’s attention while Mama is held “captive” by the endlessly fascinating (at least to the cats) toilet!

  88. @Gail, I’m visualizing this parade as an old-fashioned fashion show (see “Singin’ in the Rain”) with your chicly dressed charges sashaying before you on the can.

  89. That is the cutest little scruffy I’ve ever seen.

  90. I gotta admit. I’m fascinated with the foot repulsion. Makes me sorta wonder where that comes from. I grew up in the southwest where you had bare feet or sandals for about 4 or 5 months out of the year. Everyone had a pair. Long toes, short toes, hair, callouses, pale, tan, etc. Where on planet earth are you people from that are so freaked out at the sight of naked feet?

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