Confucius Otter Say

[Pats paws together]

He who run through airport naked is going to Bangkok.


Luis F. That’s good, er, advice.



  1. *SNORT* and groan.. lol BUT a very cute little confucious indeed.

  2. Kallisto says:

    The triangular nose!!!!!

  3. Kimberly says:

    No, no, no – it’s “Man who walks through airport turnstile backwards is going to Bangkok!” The otter’s just perfect as he is, though.

  4. Confucious Otter say: Elevator smell different to “little person”.

  5. momof2kitties says:



    Oh man.



  6. Confucious Otter also say: “He who stands on toilet is high on pot.”

  7. Picture cute, caption not. I’ve enjoyed the cute for the past year or so, but sometimes I just don’t enjoy the rest of the stuff that goes along with. Yeah, it’s my problem, so I just wanted to you let you know you’ve got one less subscriber.

  8. Karen in Toronto says:

    Loooove the rollover text…

  9. the internet: for every statement made, there is someone waiting to be offended.

  10. Cool otter 🙂 Does look like he’s contemplating indeed.

    And Connie: You know, you can just look at the pictures and not the caption 🙂

  11. yankeebird says:

    Awww, dangit (can you say that on the Lord’s day?), Karen in Toronto stole my comment. Love the hovertext!

  12. re: connie’s pun offensisensitivity:

    I think she felt guilty ‘cuz for a moment she enjoyed the visual 😉 and well as understanding it! Tusk, tusk.

    “Why I otter . . . “

    More cuteness for the rest of us to share, then! Pass the ham, pls. Ta.

  13. *siiiigh* If only to swim (float) with the otters…

  14. Michelle says:

    Is anyone else with me on this: I’d gladly dive into the icy cold waters of the northern pacific to snorgle a sea otter.

  15. DaytimeDeb says:

    Michelle: I wish I could automatically say “yes,” but having lived here my whole life, I must be truthful and say that diving into the Northern Pacific waters would give me “paws.”

    However, he can visit my bathtub at any time, and I will gladly snorgle for the duration. I wonder: Does was otter smell better than wet doggie?

  16. Michelle says:

    What’s more fun than notty otter puns? Indignant prudes that are offended by notty otter puns. 🙂 🙂

  17. cute pic.

    racist and offensive joke.

  18. Keep the off-color jokes coming. I laughed. It keeps CO from being totally sickly-sweet, which oddly enough contributes to its charm. My head asplode.

  19. Confuscious Otter say, “Man who go to bed with sex problem on mind wake up with solution in hand.”

  20. lurkingsmirk says:

    I laugh at “confucious say” jokes all the time…and I’m Asian…but I’m also a horrible individual, so I guess that doesn’t count. Methinks otter looks more like he’s sleeping than confucing.

  21. Did you know that sea otter’s fur has a density of 1 million hair per square inch? (learned that at Monterey Bay aquarium)

  22. LOL My DH took one look and declared this otter looks like a James Bond villain.

    “So, Mr Bond, we meet again.”

  23. Ouch!

  24. Oh, and confucious also say “he who does not laugh at himself is an ignoramous”.

  25. CathLove says:

    I love all the cutenss CO has to offer, but this joke is a real let down.
    I’m half Thai and I’m over the fact that anything related to nudity or sex has to be tied to Bangkok or Thailand.

  26. girlnextdoortn says:

    Whoa, hold the overinterpretation. Cath, I don’t think you even got the joke- it has nothing to do with the city, and everything to do with the phonetic spelling of the punchline.

    I’m a super-PC person, but I didn’t find it offensive at all. It did, however, take me a second reading to “get” it. And then I laughed.

  27. Cute ^ ^; I don’t find it offensive at all.. we were telling jokes like this in gradeschool so.. ^^; The only reaction you got out of me was “aww cute.. and *groans*” lol

  28. Hilarious! I’m glad Meg’s jokes are getting more and more “offensive.” CO would be just another saccharine site if it weren’t for Meg’s exceptional humor!

  29. If I could plunge into the water and play with the otters I would soon be blue, but others would be green with envy! As long as there is a nice C.O. rescue person waiting for my chattering teeth to utter the words “get me out of here,” I think I’d do it. Brrrr. Fuuuuzzzz. Wet fuzz, but fuzz!

  30. muttluver says:

    I don’t really get it, but it was kinda funny anyway. And if he who does not laugh himself is an ignoramus, then I am a genius.

  31. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

    Man who run in front of car get tired.

  32. crazyweinerdoglady says:

    Crazyweinerdoglady Wisdom: World is too damn sensitive, too easily offended.

  33. MilkyWei says:

    I’ve read the one-liner 5 times already and if I do it 5 more times, I still don’t think I’ll get it…


  34. taj, that is awesome! 😀

  35. SillyGirl says:

    bang co**

  36. SillyGirl says:

    omg, I lurve confuscious jokes!! keep ’em coming!

  37. Hon Glad says:

    Confucius say:-
    Man who take girl up mountain not on level.
    Hon Glad say:- Jason Hackwith,Malinki, Taj. You nearly made me p**s myself.
    Katrina: Shall we send one of the hunks from the (yet to be printed) CO hunky rescuers calendar.

    Well guys, what are we going to do about the loss of Connie? I mean the whole fragile fabric of CO will collapse. (Not)

  38. temperance says:

    milky- put your mind in the gutter.

    it has nothing to do with the city and everything to do with the lower anatomy of a man.

    and- as girlnextdoor mentioned- it’s a phonetics joke on the last word…

    how’s that?

  39. Hon Glad, I can’t honestly take the credit, originally it was a joke written by John Sanford, a.k.a. Fred Sanford of Sanford and Son, a.k.a. the great Redd Foxx.

  40. I love these creatures! They’re ingenious, I love how they tie a piece of seaweed around their middles to sleep so they don’t drift away! Love them 🙂

  41. charliewabba says:

    sonora – reeeelly?

  42. Gingerpants says:

    Sea otter so cute, sweet, snorgle-able, all around super fluffiness!

  43. The only thing missing from this caption is a *gong* at the end. Pretty brill, Meg. Love it.

    And amen to the wise Jezebel. So so true!!

  44. Floofy or wet-fuzz otterer
    one (or two!) CO calendar rescue hunks
    my head ‘sploding.

    ***BRING IT AWN!!!!**

  45. Confucius Otter Also Say:

    “Man who run in front of car get tired.”


  46. Confucius Otter Also Say:

    “Man who run behind car get exhausted.”


  47. Confucius Otter is anerable.

    And possibly in 3rd-4th grade.

    charliewabba: Really! Not like a knot-knot, but they wrap/tangle themselves in kelp fronds so they’ll stay in about the same place while they sleep.

  48. I like the caption, I like the fan added jokes, and I like the otter facts. Thumbs up all around!

    Confucius say: Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.

  49. charliewabba says:

    crafty little devils. Next thing you know, they’ll be taching htemselves macrame and making plant hangers. evil. evil.

  50. charliewabba says:

    i mean teaching themselves.
    and I don’t even have a parrot on my wrist to blame for typos.

  51. Here’s an appropriate one for a Sunday: Confucius say: Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

  52. muttluver says:

    Oh, my gosh, I just got it… y’all are nasty. But it makes more sense now… after I finish hiding my head in my hands, I think I might burst out laughing.

  53. well, because i took my cat’s nickname as my CO name, and it sounds vaguely asian when you first hear it, even though GATO actually means cat in spanish, NOT japanese, and i totally have red hair and freckles, people still sometimes think i might be asian…

    and i’m not offended at all.

    all hail ceiling cat and confucius otter!

  54. lol, otters are too freaking cute, especially when they’re floating on their backs, paws together like that, and looking for all the world deep in thought about their next course of action. i wonder if otters are reincarnations of confucius?

  55. Chelonianmobile says:

    Cath: Everything to do with nudity has to do with Thailand? Bzuh? Where is this idea coming from?

    Re otterpic; *SHQUEE* Ottersottersotters. Want some hotroot soup, little guy?

  56. Some people don’t know what a pun is… look it up in the dictionnary. The joke does not have anything to do with Thailand. I’m french canadian and i get the joke. Now i have to think of what i’m going to say to my 10 year old son who asked me to explain it to him…thanks Meg!!

  57. Confucius say “Accidents Cause People.”

    LOVE this otter.

  58. Confucious said :Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time

  59. momof2kitties says:

    I have never heard all these “Confucius say” jokes before. You people rock my world, truly, you do! Mwah!

  60. Looks like an old man sleeping on the couch. (Not offending anybody here, I hope? – Cause I’d hate to do so. Elderly men out there, you not offended? – Phew!)
    I can’t connect the sight of that lovable otter with Confucius and these jokes, though. Not that I am offended, of course. (Shrug) … Must be because I’m French: “dirty” jokes never had any effect on me. I’ve laughed many a times reading comments on other posts, so not to worry: I do have a sense of humour.

  61. scooterpants says:

    gah. i dont get it. but i think i could TRY be offended if someone would splain it to me. hold on, i may be having a thought… nope, i was wrong.

    Oh, Otters are my very favorite of the animals, i love the video of the floatie ones holding hands! and this guy! it KEELZ me!

  62. Great otter image, but the joke … well, it’s cute-ish in a sophomoric way.

  63. MilkyWei says:

    SillyGirl, temperance- Ah ha! quite the pun!

    I was trying to complicate a basic private parts joke.

    scooterpants — Word of advice, don’t overthink it 😀

  64. DaytimeDeb says:

    Blanche: Old men getting offended.. LOL! Reminds me when my dad came to visit me when he was 75 — and my neighbor’s kid said “Who’s that Old Fat man walking up the driveway?” I told my dad, and he was (mock) offended: “I’m not OLD!!!”

    Eh, my Dad, he was a card. He was more old than fat, but he refused to believe it. Good for him!

  65. I’m kind of late to the party here, so maybe it’s too late to ask this question but… does anyone else think this guy looks like Sidney Greenstreet in Casablanca? I can just see/hear him rubbing his hands together… but this little otter buddy is a whole lot cuter!

  66. Rofl…. i think it’s hilarious and that otter is absolutely adorable!

  67. Hey, I’m half Polish and I’ve put up with Polish jokes for quite a bit, and they’re funny.

    You all otter lighten up.

  68. CathLove – the joke has nothing to do with nudity and Thailand, it’s all a matter of phonetics.

    Subhangi’s (rare) words of wisdom: Laugh at others and you laugh alone; laugh at yourself and the world laughs with you!

    (Works for me.)

  69. Martha in Washington says:

    amyj-while wearing a little red fez?

  70. CathLove says:

    Ah phew, maybe I kind of took it overboard! I dont know, but I’ve been getting it a bit and it’s put me on edge about that.

  71. ThreeCatNight says:

    The Sydney Greenstreet of otters

  72. Anerable otter, naughty Meg. Biz as usual.

  73. I think the joke’s pretty funny, and not only am I Chinese, I’m in HR and used to provide diversity training. Oh the otter irony (*wonk wonk*)!

    He actually reminds me of evil otter hatching evil plot than Confucius but oh wells.

  74. Connie-One FEWER subscribers! Geez, if you’re going to make a dramatic exit, get the grammar correct! IF you can count it it is ‘fewer’, as in ‘fewer pats of butter’-if you can’t it is ‘less’, as in ‘less butter’.

    Martha in Washington-a little water-proof, red fez-YES!!!!

    Hon Glad-oh, yes please, the Norewgians, if it isn’t a bother… although any of the so far extolled will do! I’ll even take my chances on a player to be named later!

  75. Love the otter!

    Just for the record, since I read this post and comments, I’ve been singing One Night in Bangkok over and over and over… new earworm please???? Of course, it beats the ABBA I’ve had stuck in my head for over a week…and I LOVE ABBA.

  76. OH, and Katrina, less/fewer is one of my biggest pet peeves!!! English Majors of the World Unite!

    [You’ll appreciate this, then… – Ed.]

  77. Martha, I love the image of the red fez!!

  78. Katrina — regarding “less” vs. “fewer”: YES. THANK YOU. good riddance to poor grammar, i say!

    Kris — it’s kinda funny when you think about the lyrics in relation to the joke…”makes a hard man humble.” *snort* eh? eh?

  79. gheee heeee heeee!!! i love it.

    some people just need to totally get over themselves and realize they ain’t the center of the ding dang universe.

    keep the jokes coming!!! i don’t just come here for cutesy pix…i come for the hilarlity!!!!

  80. Which part of you, Berthaservant wasn’t upset about the Polish jokes? Was it a consensus, simple majority-how do you know when you get a quorum? Should we worry? Which Berthaservant am I speaking with now?

    Thanks, anner- did anybody see “The New Yorker” last week? A checkout guy has scrawled “Fewer” or the “10 or less” sign above him, explaining that he was an English Major. The cartoon is on my fridge.
    I was a Social Work & Psychology Major AND I CAN STILL WRITE! SHEESH. I misspell once in a while, but I forgive myself.

    Good grammar needs to be modeled- how else are people going to learn the language? I used to teach ESL and those peeps learned this! *Sermon over* mea maxima, maxima culpa.

  81. bye Connie. Don’t Bangkok on the way out

  82. Katrina — I DID see that cartoon! I was a Music Major, but my parents taught me at a young age that “less calories” was incorrect, an that one of the best ways to maintain good writing is to read quality material like the New Yorker. I was also fed a steady diet of Strunk and White. For these reasons, to this day, bad grammar makes me [sic]!

    *Ducks rotten tomatoes*

  83. Oooh, thanks Theo! I will be getting the book and/or the calendar for myself and my mom – an English teacher.

  84. I’m with you all – fewer! When I taught high school biology, students used to complain when I gave them a lower grade because of poor spelling/grammar. “But this isn’t English class” they’d whine. I had to remind them that they were, still, after all, writing in … English.

    Theo, that website is awesome, thanks!

  85. warrior rabbit says:

    Much cowbell!

    Sorry, had to chime (ha!) in on the ‘countable’ grammar lesson.

  86. wagthedogma says:

    @CG: Thanks for the explosive nasal tea lavage. You peeps are in rare form today, you are! XD

  87. Theo — Thank you for the link. I will accomplish nothing work-related for the rest of the day.

  88. HOWEVER, Mr. Brian does throw around the passive voice quite liberally.

  89. The passive voice was indeed thrown liberally around by Mr. Brian.
    That it was shameful was later opined by Confucius Yoda Teho.

  90. Kris, anner, Theo-
    a big Yay! and a bigger AMEN!
    I bookmarked the site, thank you!
    My Mom was an writer editor-I couldn’t get away from it either.

    The students didn’t want to be marked down for English errors because it wasn’t English class? Too good- as someone just said, *snort*.

  91. Also Brian’s use of commas is a bit too sparing in my opinion.

    And being a bit of a nit-picker, the section on dangling modifiers inadvertently contains some.

  92. Miss Ruth says:

    There’s a fortune cookie factory in San Fran that has fortunes like this, but from “Fu Ling Yu”

  93. Daphne Moss says:

    The only ones that offend me are the ones where an animal is in distress or being badly treated and someone thinks it’s funny…
    As for the Confucious stuff…well, didn’t laugh but that’s maybe cause I was marveling at the rampant cuteness and wishing I could touch this bodacious otter…

  94. WOW. People were OFFENDED by that one-liner? I’m amazed. It’s my new favorite joke personally.