C.O. Extreme Close-up!

They say that dachshunds are the most aggressive breed, and we think that’s what this is, although it could be an elk, a bear, a small asteroid, New Jersey — honestly, we’re not sure.

It's like, how much more black could this be?

And for those moments when the C.O. Extreme Close-up isn’t enough, it’s time to break out the …

And the answer is: None. None more black.

C.O. Extremely Extreme Close-up of Extremeness!

That nose goes to eleven, Jenn.



  1. Suddenly my nose no longer seems too big for my face.

  2. My brother’s girlfriend has a Dachshund, and it is the most submissive dog I’ve ever met. You look at it the wrong way and it pees itself.

  3. Best schnozzle shot ever :0)

  4. Lerrinus says:



  5. This one made me laugh out loud. 🙂

  6. Juniper Jupiter says:

    Alright!!! I get to boop the snoot first!!!


    Hey, it’s a large area to boop! 😀

    Oh, and ROFL to Hila!!! XD!!

  7. Freddie says:

    This is totally true. I’ve had dachsies all my life, and they have no fear of going ballistic on dogs five times their size. I don’t know if it’s bravery or stupidity. It’s probably both.

  8. Believe that nose would qualify as ‘rich black’ 😉

    And some Weenies, up to 2-3 years old, tend to piddle when theyre happy and encounter strangers that pet them (from my experience).

  9. Lone- my ex had a 6 year old dachshund, pee’d any time I even said “Heya, Buddy” to him upon entering the house o.0;

  10. RevWaldo says:

    You gonna eat that?
    You gonna eat that?
    You gonna eat that?
    I’ll eat that.

  11. warrior rabbit says:

    Did anyone read the article?

    “In Illinois last week, Linda Floyd had to have her dachshund, called Roscoe, put down after the dog gnawed off her big toe while she slept. Mrs Floyd, 56, woke up too late because nerve damage from diabetes had left her with no feeling in her toes.”

    Um…uh…I don’t…uh..kthxbai

  12. chanpon says:

    LOL at the close-up! It’s like a black hole where no light escapes. I wanna brush the little baby’s whiskers. 🙂

  13. Khadija says:

    hahaha the extreme close up hahaha u havin’ me in stitches hihi

  14. Transpogue says:

    None. None more black.

  15. lurkingsmirk says:

    I read a similar scary dachshund story involving a toddler, I won’t post it here but I will say people should keep an eye on their pets regardless of breed. I still think wiener dogs are adorable.

  16. Margaret says:

    Q: What is the color when black is burned?

    A: Weenie schnoz.

  17. How do we know it’s not just a black circle???

  18. crazyweinerdoglady says:

    oh yeah that’s a weiner all right. EVERYBODY sent me the article about the diabetic woman and the aggression index LOL. Ya know, given that I AM the Crazyweinerdog lady and all. LOL

  19. Uh-oh, Keith Handy’s onto me. :-O

  20. This reminds me of the episode of South Park where the boys are news anchors of their schools campus tv show – the one where their rival Craig has a show that features “Animals Close-Up With a Wide Angle Lens”. All we need now is the Benny Hill theme tune – “Cuuute! Super Cute!” 🙂

  21. It’s an EXTREMELY EXTREEME closeup, Keith — just one tiny section of the Dach Schnoz.

    None blacker.

  22. I love doggy hot dogs more than I like people hot dogs.


    Sorry, weird obsession.

  23. why don’t they just make 10 the extreme nose?

    that nose goes to eleven.

  24. lucy's mommeh says:

    My sister Kim had a previously used model wiener. He came with the name “Spud”, and was a very well mannered tweener (half mini, half standard wiener)
    The biggest problem he had was a bum back.
    Once while they were visiting, his poor little back was out & she didn’t have his drugs…
    I helped-called her vet (we were in Maryland, we were in Pennsylvania)…they called up to another vet’s…who didn’t carry the stuff-went to a people pharmacy & they filled the Rx. Spud took his pill & slept through my sister’s baby shower on her lap.
    They made that last big decision a few years ago & noww have a beagle named Woody that they got for free.

    I’m sure there’s some bad jokes in there somewhere.
    But we never had any Spud problems…

  25. Truffle Nose!!!!!

  26. PS I love dachsies, and don’t know about their specific aggression– it’s just my observation that a lot of little dogs go bonkers at the sight of bigger dogs. I used to walk a big GR for a friend of mine, and he used to send the little dogs in the neighborhood into conniptions just by walking by.

  27. see?!? nj IS cute! thanks, NTMTOM!

  28. AuntieMame says:

    I think it’s the lolrus looking for his bukkit. He’s undercover, but those whiskers are a dead giveaway. (How long is that schnozz anyway? Two feet? Three?)

    I also think the reason why so many small dogs are on the “most aggressive” list is that their owners are stupid and think, “oh, they’re so small and so cute, they wouldn’t hurt anyone,” so they don’t bother teaching their dogs any manners.

  29. AuntieMame, you’re onto something. Another factor could be that large dogs have been bred for docility for generations, for the very reason that their size makes them dangerous. Many dogs breeds that are old sweetie pies now, were originally war dogs and fighting dogs.

    The same rationale you describe could have made breeders neglect to select for temperament in littel dogs.

  30. That’s a C.O. Extreme Close-up turned up to 11.

  31. I’ve got a weiner. He has bitten me several times and I ended up in the hospital once and the Department of Health and Human Services had to come and make sure he wasn’t a vicious dog because the hopital had to report the bite. He isn’t vicious most of the time but he has his moments. He’s the only dog I know who takes prozac. I still treat him like a baby, I’m just very careful around my babies. LOL

  32. And yes AuntieMame, I taught him manners and he also went to obedience school.

  33. Dogs piddle to show subserviance and prove they aren’t a threat. Dachies own the world, they know it and expect you to accept that fact. They are also greedy little weiners and will anything that smells funky or doesn’t threaten them. Crayons, cat poo, toes, diapers, etc… But no other pup is as loyal or as loving… I miss my JackE.

  34. crazyweinerdoglady says:


  35. garyfixler says:

    If you look long enough into the schnoz, the schnoz begins to look back through you.

  36. It’s BAAAAAACON!!!

    (Couldn’t resist the Beggin Strips style nose effect going on there, sorry! XD)

  37. We had a standard longhair run our household for over twelve years. ‘Sherlock’ had an iron paw, but was a benevolent despot. He hated small kids yanking his ears, food being taken away, and cats – everything else he was pretty mellow about. OK, not so much ‘mellow’ as ‘willing to let slide’ 😉

    Sherlock also had severe back problems, and eventually had to be euthanized, which was horrible. But I like to think he is still with me, toodling about and piddling on the furniture only when absolutely necessary. He was a good dog.

  38. doxnsox says:

    Just because a dog is skittish doesn’t mean it’s aggressive. Dachshunds were bred to stand up to a fight against badgers and naturally that impulse doesn’t stop at them. Does that make Dachshunds aggressive? Not really, it makes them foolhardy. I think that above article is ridiculous. *insert eye roll here*

    My dox LOVES people and has never snapped or bitten anyone ever. Neither did my childhood dachshund or my Mother’s, Grandmother’s or Aunt’s.

    They hold a lot of love in those little bodies. They’re the truest friends that people will ever have.

  39. If you were bred to hunt badgers, you’d have to be a bit of a dominant personality, too.

    As to the pic, dontcha love the slightly crossed eyes trying to focus in on what the nose has discovered. I love the juicy, juicy nose and the wee paw down below.

  40. I love the crazy amount of varied whiskers doxies have, they’re so soft and fuzzy!

    I have a 1 yr old mini long haired dachshund named Sophie. Despite knowing 3 doxies owned by my aunt and cousin, I wasn’t prepared for the SUPER HYPERNESS. Doxies are hilarious and love to stick their nose in everything. I’ve had my eye nearly poked out several times with her nose during playtime. I’ve never met an aggressive doxie though. Sophie won’t even bite children when they are too rough with her. I have to be constantly on edge when little kids come over to my house to make sure she doesn’t allow herself to be crushed!

  41. Beings I own 3 doxies, and work at a humane society where we deal with all variety of breeds and combos therein….this article that is referenced is rubbish….all dogs have the potential…comes down to breeding and the owners handling/training,period.

  42. Katie– I thought the same thing. The next posting will feature this doxie wearing a hat.

    “I’m Rick Cartman…now to Butters with celebrity news!”

  43. Dachshunds are aggressive?
    I’ve owned 2 and both were just about the sweetist little dogs ever.
    My first one was Pepper and she was just SO sweet, never harmed anything.
    Our 2nd was Buck and he was the most spaztic hyper dog, but never aggressive.
    Maybe if people socialized and trained their dogs better, we wouldn’t have problems with dogs being aggressive.

    Anywho.. I love the breed and wouldn’t mind having another one day.

  44. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAL!!! Aggressive, schmaggressive my foot. Daschies are teh wuv!!!

    ::beeps Daschie schnozzle::

  45. a biologist, but not an animal biologist says:

    the dachshund who gnawed off his owner’s toe was probably trying to help. the woman was diabetic. she had no feeling in the toe. the dog might have correctly identified that toe as dead tissue needing to be removed/at risk for developing some horrible infection.

    i didn’t read the article, just speculating. i used to work in a hospital around a lot of diabetics; the majority of them had to get toes amputated as their disease progressed…

  46. marie_n says:

    once upon a time i tried to snorgle a cute doxie. said doxie was obviously unimpressed and tried to chomp my nose. it left drool on my nosicle. i was highly upset and quite terrified because i almost lost my sniffer. the end.

  47. marie_n says:

    but yes, i do have to agree that it doesn’t depend on the breed, it’s the owners. i’ve met sweet doxies, but that one was mean just like its owner. it did not want to be snorgled, nor did its owner. my beagle, on the other hand, loves to be kissed and spooned. i spooned her during a long nap yesterday. my abbie is the epitomy of sweetness.

  48. Newlee…nice to see another Jerseyite on here. And thanks NTMTOM for saying New Jersey is cute, because it is….well most of it anyway.

    Love the extreme nose close up!

  49. My friend Matt’s doxie is very aggressive, growls and snaps at everything.

    My mom’s is the sweetiest, cuddliest little wiener dog evar. Quite a barker, though.

    So honestly it depends on the dog.


  50. marie_n says:

    again since noone caught it the first time –

    why don’t they just make that nose be a ten and just be more extreme than others?

    because it goes to eleven.

    but that doesn’t make any sense.

    it goes to eleven.

  51. You know, I love doxies, I do. They ARE aggressive little bastards though. My cousins had one named Scooter who liked to go for people’s eyes..gave their stepmom a lovely set of stitches in her face once.

    Then again, I’ve owned pitbulls and rotties who would let kids climb on them and stick fingers up noses without even blinking.

    It really IS just the dog. Except chows. Chows scare the shit out of me after a guy I worked with literally had half his face pulled off by a chow.

  52. As an aside, how many people here poo pooing the idea that dachshunds are aggressive are people that jump to, “OMG PITBULL TERRIERS ARE ALWAYS AGGRESSIVE ALWAYS!” ? I bet there are lots of them..

  53. warrior rabbit says:

    Linda Floyd and Roscoe?

    (I’m sorry. I’m sick. I know.)

  54. marie_n says:

    kimmy- it’s the same way with dalmations too. they’re reknowned for their tendency to turn on people. i had a friend in grade school that was riding her bike through her neighborhood and was pulled from the bike from a dalmation that separated part of her calf muscle from the bone. she had to have tons of stitches and reconstructive surgery and now has a wicked scar.

    also, akitas are known to be highly agressive but my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s fiance has one and she’s fairly nice, but doesn’t always get along with the other dog she lives with. they get in some heated fights that end in a little bloodshed, when is why they are not left for lengthy periods of time together.

    you can read book upon book about certain breeds, but then when you have one, it will not always follow the guidelines. my beagle doesn’t howl, she hasn’t even barked since i’ve had her. i know she isn’t deaf and i know she can make noises because she grunts and whimpers, but she’s not the typical beagle. no dog is going to be a textbook dog. /rant

  55. crazyweinerdoglady says:

    Don’t worry Warrior…I said the same thing to my co-worker this morning when I browsed ihasahotdog.com and saw that LOL

  56. My first dog was half miniature dachshund and half toy poodle. She weighed about fifteen pounds. All the dogs in the neighborhood knew she was the boss. Not only did she have no idea she wasn’t the biggest dog in town, neither did any of the rest of them.

  57. Adding: But she would never have attacked anyone or any other dog. She just had that attitude of “don’t mess with me”.

  58. Minutiae says:

    Ah, NTMTOM, I knew you were cool, but a Tap reference WITH a wiener dog? You are teh awesome.

  59. warrior rabbit says:


    Great! At least one other dark, twisted mind. 🙂

    Three if your co-worker appreciated it.

  60. Brak_Silverbone says:

    It’s the last thing a doggie treat sees!

  61. Sherlock was never, ever aggressive, he was assertive. And considering that he was designed to go underground and fight badgers to the death, that seems pretty reasonable.

    Dachshunds were prized for their lack of fear, strong will, and ability to think through problems on their own. Actually, they resemble lawyers in many ways. Some lawyers are aggressive and mean, and some lawyers are cuddle-bugs, but they all share certain basic traits. Not cute traits, per se. . . oh, never mind 😉

  62. lol. Genius, NTMTOM.

  63. Natalie says:

    “It goes to eleven” is a quote from the movie Spinal Tap And this nose certainly does. 😀

  64. Paunchie says:

    teh SCHNOZZLE!!

    certainly does go to 11.

  65. I love the SNOUT-CAM shot!

    Doxies rule. And much like Napoleon, they just happen to think they’re the biggest dog on the block! My two doxies only ate a few small children…there were plenty more left, so why not chomp on a few? Geez, you eat ONE or two kids and everyone overreacts!!!!!

    It’s all just part of TOTW (taking over the world)!!!!

  66. wow get your eyes out of that yankee tab.

    Dachshunds are FINE without that nonsense.