Next week, on The Guiding Leash…

Jameson confesses his true love to Giselle, but refuses to seek a divorce from Jacki, who is undergoing delicate brain surgery by the brilliant but unpredictable Dr. Hugo Hankershlaffer.  Meanwhile, Steve and Randolph must explain to Violet, Steve’s fiancée, how the two of them came to be arrested by park rangers while wearing only fishnet stockings and scuba gear.

And in the tranquil Schlongermann household, Clarence begins to suspect that young Clarence Jr. might not be his…

What tipped you off, Sherlock?

Pass the bon-bons, Lucy L!



  1. Look, Berthaminion, NTMTOM is including marmies for you now.

    (I think this means you should get one)


  3. sunnymum says:

    Awwwwww, that is SO cute! Teensy leetle marmie all cozied up next to spaniels 🙂 She’s so itty bitty!

  4. NTMTOM, you are a GREAT addition to the CO team! I love reading your posts.

    Go Team!

  5. Catsquatch says:

    “how the two of them came to be arrested by park rangers while wearing only fishnet stockings and scuba gear.”


    “And in the tranquil Schlongermann household, Clarence begins to suspect that young Clarence Jr. might not be his…”


    Yur KILLIN me here!!!!

  6. Methinks I shall just quietly add the “Interspecies Snorgling” tag to this one raaht heeah.

  7. Erebella says:

    They’re all teh same color! It took me a second to realize those other 2 weren’t just a colorful butt and a floofy curly tail of the bigger dog. Great camo.

  8. hon glad says:

    Clarence begins to suspect that Clarence junior might not be his, but there was that time he came back soused and got in the wrong bed!

  9. Schlongermann??? Fishnet stockings??



    Good show, NTMTOM! You’re doing Theo and Meg proud!

  10. chanpon says:

    Teeny kitty’s almost camouflaged against the dogs.

    “Nothing to see here. I’m just a spot. Move along now.”

  11. Randolph and Steve wearing fishnet stockings!!?? Hahahaha…. Oh yea, and that marmies pretty adorable too. I love NTMTOM’s posts, I always look forward to them now. 🙂

  12. brinnann says:

    This post is all aces, but the hovertext is the icing on the cake!

  13. ThreeCatNight says:

    “Er, let’s see. Did she share her food dish with Skittles the cat? It’s possible. I know they both like chicken-flavored anything. And then there was that brownout a few months ago. When the lights came back on, Fifi had this strange smile on her face. Of course, it might have been because she was happy to see me. Still…..”

    (Clarence, Jr. – who’s your Daddy, little cutie?)

  14. ooohhh…sweet bebe kitteh…why puppeh look so sad?

  15. metsakins says:

    you did not use the name Schlongermann, fisnet stockings I can understand, but Schlongermann…o no you didn’t!


  16. Schlongermann???
    ROFLMAO! Isn’t that one of the 7 words?
    Good job NTMTOM!

  17. layla42 says:

    *stands and applauds*
    I needed that laugh.
    Bravo NTMTOM.

  18. :gets tired of signing in every. single. time. I. comment:

    NTMTOM you’re killin’ me here. I need the laughs you bring to the mix. The cammo’d kitten was so hard to find. NTMTOM FTW (first time I’ve used that)

  19. brinnann says:

    Ermine, sometimes I have the signing-in problem too. It’s been okay for me today, but it doesn’t always work that way.

  20. I smell more than a paternity secret coming out. I bet he’s a baby swapped at birth in the hospital.

    Cue a despondant and desparate mother! And her fraternal twin brother with evil on his mind. OH, and he’s a mongoose due to recasting.

  21. Maybe the Schlongermanns’ mail carrier is an orange tabby?

  22. For some reason, the tiny marmie reminds me of my niece when she’s sleepy… 🙂 Sweet dreams, little one! *kisses nose*

  23. CathyDee says:

    The postman does always meow twice, you know.

  24. Karen in Toronto says:

    Kitteh is all, like, “Yer breathin’ down my neck, now stop it.”

  25. Arested by park rangers while wearing only fishnet stockings and scuba gear?

    Wan’t that an episode of “Cheaters?”

  26. I didn’t even see the other doggie in the picture at first. What a sweet little poster family for the pleasures of adoption.

  27. Oh man… that kitten would be far too moishe by itself!

  28. Doggie soaps! I love it, love it!

  29. Long setup, classic payoff. Yer doing great, Mike!

  30. dale-harriet in WI says:

    I don’t know or care what happened with all that – alls I can say is, I ADORE that picture of the puppies and kitties and all those sweeties, and I just want to smooch the whole lot on their little nosies. Thanks for this! You know, sometimes family members just don’t look alike, you know? {snerk}

  31. marsheeeee says:

    I snorted! It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything at the time.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You made my afternoon, NTMTOM! Thank you!

  32. Martha in Washington says:

    Mike–I think I love you! (said in a non-David Cassidy voice) Will you marry my sister?

  33. Katrina says:

    Now, were the Park Rangers wearing the fishnets and scuba gear or…

  34. oh! Good point Katrina. 😉
    sumbunny best warn Berthaservant away from this post tho…for his own safety and sanity.

  35. that kitty is all ” lemme ‘lone, ah sleepun’ “

  36. Anne Boleyn says:

    Was there a time when I momentarily lost consciousness and the identity of NTMTOM was revealed. Is “The Other Mike” an alter ego, an actual third party to Meg and Theo, and then, there would need to be some clarification of “That Mike”.
    If this is a stupid question, be gentle; I’m closing in on my 65th birthday this week,

  37. Wow, how does she come up with these stories…lol

  38. Caitlin says:

    Actually, I think that’s a tumor. Might wanna have that looked at.

    *dons surgical scrubs*

    *snatches kitteh AND SPRINTS HOME OMG*

  39. heather_f says:

    Mike, your posts are too long. And boring.


  40. heather_f, you’re too rude. And obnoxious.


  41. meowandwoof says:

    pudding anyone? in real mood to throw today.

  42. Anne Boleyn says:

    Thought I’d better say it before someone else did: It might not be that I lost consciousness, but rather that I lost my head.

  43. meowandwoof says:

    happy 65th to you, AB, you are a hoot! I’m not far behind ya in years and intend on remaining a hoot myself!

  44. CoffeeCup says:

    Guiding Leash…A CO production…

    As the Hydrant Turns?

  45. belphebe says:

    Anne B, I haven’t been around from the beginning of CO, but there was probably a time when there were two people commenting that signed in with the name “Mike”. So, to distinguish himself, NTMTOM started posting under a longer name.

    I’ve seen other people try to distinguish themselves, such as “Mary (the first)”, and one other that I don’t remember at the moment.

  46. So THAT’S where marmies come from.

    :: going out to look for that slatternly Schlongermann bitch ::

    What, it’s the correct term, isn’t it?

  47. Daphne Moss says:

    *stomach hurts from da laughin…*

  48. AuntieMame says:

    heather_f, your posts are too long. And boring.


  49. BeanSidhe says:

    How will they do the standard Soap Opera “kid trick”? (kid goes off to boarding school at age 5 and returns three years later at age 18)

  50. Rachel Sweeden says:

    That picture is so adorable.

  51. Katrina says:

    Well, Anne B and NTMTOM, there IS the other Katrina…eh, Golden? Ya with me, here? I thought we needed some positive Public relations.

    As the Hydrant Turns”-beautiful!

  52. ZOMG maralade dollop. Must. Get. Spoon.

  53. heather_f says:

    AuntieMame, actually my post was quite short and to the point. Plus, you are a poopface.

  54. goldendays says:

    actually heather_f, i think what auntiemame was saying was that, given your particular choice of attitude, no one here really wants to read what you wrote. therefore, it was and will always be too long. that being said, i must now add the obligatory awwwwwwww! that marmie is so stinkin cute…

  55. heather_f, you are about to be consumed by that flask of bile you call your soul. No one wants your crap around here. Go.

  56. I think everyone has a right to express themselves. I wish, sometimes, they were all a bit more articulate. But people have a right to their opinion. And then have a right to express their opinion about others’ opinion. But after that it gets silly. That’s just my opinion.

  57. OMG LOL, NTMOTM. You’re nuts.

    And heather_f, you’re rude.

  58. Anne Boleyn says:

    This is soooo not the place to make judgments on each other. Gentle opinion on comments, not so bad. Being mean is just like the old bumper sticker says: “Mean People SUCK”.
    Now I look at my comment and see that it’s a judgment.
    Kumbayah (sp) people!

  59. I toooootally did not see the second dog snerfing in the kitties ear until someone mentioned that there WAS a 2nd dog!! How cute!!

  60. That kittun is pwecious =3

  61. Personally I never get poopfaced until after we take in the sails and drop anchor. And even then it’s more like a buzz, because then there’s COOKING to be done, you know.

  62. wagthedogma says:

    Postprandial poopfacededness on the poopdeck, eh, Teho?

  63. Possibly.


  64. Mary (the first) says:

    omg Belphebe has referred to me in her (his?) post! I’m now official! Yes actually, for a long time I was just “Mary” but one day suddenly someone else was posting and calling herself “Mary” (the nerve!) so I had to claim rights as being here first. Luckily she did the name proud, as I recall.
    Now as for this post, it took a few minutes to disentangle all the marmieness but it’s adorable. And for the record I am glad to see NTMTOM posting, I love his comments, pfft to whoever said they were too long.

  65. Mary (the first) says:

    ( of course I meant, someone else was commenting as “Mary”. not posting. I really should proof read better..)

  66. I love NTMTOM’s comments too. In fact, I enjoy that they’re long. Maybe the problem is some people don’t really like to read…and in that case, just look at the marmie’s picture! 🙂

  67. Oops, I meant posts… Haha guess we share a proof reading problem, Mary the first!

  68. Theresa says:

    How about a riproaring rumpus with riparian refreshments? 😉

  69. Rockin’!

    [humming “Proud Mary”]

  70. Mary (the first) says:

    wow.. humming in my honor! I’m touched, indeed. (No, not “tetched”. Honestly, you people! :))

  71. starling says:

    I’m deffo tuning in next week.

  72. BahahahaHAHAH!!!

    *falls out of chair*

    I read the WHOLE thang! LOL!

  73. heather_f says:

    Ya’ll take yourselves so seriously. It’s rather amusing.

  74. heather_f says:

    p.s. “flask of bile you call your soul” is now my favorite expression. Thanks TW.

  75. heather_f says:

    Oh and Kali, I love reading.