The Hedge Abides

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other. The Dude thought he had never seen such a curious bowling alley in his life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the pins mere inches tall, and the soldiers had to lie on their backs and puff air in a continuous stream, to make the hand-dryers.

The White Rabbit rolled first, failing to convert a seven-ten split. “Your toe was over the line!” bellowed the Queen, as she pulled a Walther P99 semi-automatic from her bowling bag. “You’re entering a world of pain! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

Steve_bowling

From Lebowski’s Adventures in Wonderland, p 63.

With apologies to Lewis Carroll, Joel and Ethan Coen, Brunswick Corporation, and of course sender-innerowski Anne H.

Comments

  1. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    Nobody (bleen)s with the hedge-us.

    (that was a leftover.)

  2. Bahaha!! Moist Nosicle gets a 7-10 split, but loses 1/2 point because the 10 was stuck to a quill.

  3. Catsquatch says:

    Love the apologies!

  4. Those pins should fall in shear terror from the glare in Hedgy’s eye!

  5. Lebowski/Alice mashup for the win!!!!! Love both. Adore this intent hedgie. Be mellow little dude.

  6. Kimberly says:

    I seriously need to know where to get mini bowling pins for my hedgie.

  7. =/ I want one badly

  8. Dexter Fishmore says:

    Take it easy, man, there’s a beverage here!

  9. zeldapie says:

    Meg, you’re killin’ me! OMG!

  10. Zelda — that’s not Meg, it’s Other Mike’s first outing as a CO Post Author.

  11. PS to NTMTOM: I dropped in a few reference links for ya.

  12. catablob says:

    grippy little ineffectual claws/moist nosicle/hard stare.
    all most impressive.

  13. Michelle says:

    Setting the bar pretty hig on the first time out, Other Mike!

    Lolled!

  14. Not That Debutante The Other Debutante says:

    Teho: I saw that; nicely done, and I’ll try to do that myself in the future.

  15. Michelle says:

    **high, that is…

  16. I think I like it better as “hig” Michelle. It’s like “sleppy”.

  17. WHAT? New person posting?

    I mean, it’s great. Awesome, actually.

    :: walking away in a jealous huff ::

  18. Not That Groucho The Other Groucho says:

    … and if you can’t leave in a huff, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

  19. Dude. Pick one and stick with it.

  20. (I mean, I understand teh funny. But you have other outlets now.)

  21. Dexter Fishmore says:

    So what happens next? The hedgie fixes the cable?

  22. kgalbs22 says:

    Erm, make mine a *Caucasian* if you please. ;)

    [Edited to obscure part of your real-word email address… – Ed.]

  23. darkshines says:

    I’m here for the rug.

  24. Dag nabbit, i got beaten to the punch with the rug joke.

  25. That hedge is the dude. Or his dudenes. Or El Duderino.

  26. eikoleigh says:

    that hedgie is SO cute…love the moist little nosie…

  27. Oh, it’s on, the Other. Your next post will be cursed. CURSED, I tells ya.

  28. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    Hehehehehe, Berthaservant — given my tendencies, it’s probably cursed already. :-) Anyway, I would like to say thanks to Meg for the fun opportunity and I hope to keep you folks smiling and/or wincing in the future.

  29. Must… bink… nose… Enh… enh… screen… in… way…

  30. Stephanie says:

    YES! Double ref FTW!

    You win the internets.

  31. I luffs the hedgies. This site is what made me realize how flipping cute they really are. Plus St. Tiddlywink or Tigglewinks or something! It’s a Hedgehog Hospital in England. Next time I go there, I’m going to this place. If I can remember the name.

  32. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    @Wicked: I searched on “hedgehog hospital in England” and came up with a lot of hits for some place called “Prickly Ball Farm” — might that be the place?

    http://www.devon-connect.co.uk/attractions/hedgehogs/hedgehogs.htm

  33. Oh, I’m having fun with this. Hehehe.

  34. appreciative says:

    Really, this is brilliant. Thank you.

  35. Ok, I can’t be the only one who wants him to pull a “Sonic” by curling into a ball and knocking those pins right over.

  36. Oh if he were only wearing shoes with little numbers on the back…

  37. Meg,

    That was Vintage Frostian Brilliance. The whole reason we visit this site.

    Thanks. I needed that.

  38. Allisonsaur says:

    Most amazing post ever. I love this site so. so. much.

  39. Layla42 says:

    NTMTOM.. Dude. Win. Very very win. I hope to see more posts in the future!

  40. Superlative!

  41. Laurie C says:

    Keep up the good work, NTMTOM. Glad to see you have posting privileges. God help us all.

  42. Meg, you’ve outdone yourself. Alice, the Dude, AND an adorable hedge? I think my brain just imploded.

  43. Totalee Puppy says:

    Viva Other Mike!!

  44. NTMTOM, that was brilliant!

    Now I look forward to Bertha’s Daddy vs. The Other Mike LIVE. Whoooohoo!

  45. NTMTOM, you’re doing amazing on your maiden voyage! Hopefully the first of many wonderful postings.

    And berthaservant would make a great poster too, Teho & Meg. He’s already got quite the fan club here, you know.

  46. Read this and thought, “This doesn’t sound at all like Meg, not even like Teho… sounds like NTMTOM!”

    And lo, it was so.

    *giggles*

    Amazing, Mike!

  47. hon glad says:

    Those eye beams should knock the pins over.

  48. Martha in Washington says:

    Doesn’t it look like the Dude is getting ready to do a Wile E. Coyote and spin his little back legs in place before going full speed ahead at the pins. Which will, of course, magically split down the middle to move out of his way and reassemble behind him.

    Or else he’s trying to sneak up on them. Are hedgies sneaky?

    Congrats on a hilarious first post NTMTOM!

  49. starling says:

    Other Mike? Does that mean there’s a Proper Mike too?

    The hand driers. *giggle*

  50. : different voice :

    Yeah, debg is right! berthaservant is teh awesome!

  51. cheesybird says:

    Brilliant first post, NTMTOM! :D

    Lol@ ‘not berthaservant in disguise’.

    Oh, and before I forget… Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! Moist nosicle!!

  52. Really fantastic, O.M.! I love both things. Teh Dude Abides. (My favorite: You’re out of your element, Donny!)

    And of course, teh prickly preciousness.

  53. Babs the one and only says:

    You’re right, starling… who IS That Mike?

  54. Nice job Other Mike! I sent this to my boss as his favorite comedy is the Big Lebowski! (no accounting for taste!) He thought it was a hoot.

  55. It’s going to be a while before some folks realize, hey, that WASN’T Meg!

    Fun indeed.

  56. (Starling — the none-other “Mike” was actually quite improper. Hence the distinction. Ancient history now.)

  57. punkinberry says:

    *vastly curious about That Mike’s improprieties*

    Awesome post, Other Mike! I’m gonna have to go watch that movie again.

    [It’s not that interesting, really. “That Mike” was a troll. This Other Mike ain’t. – Ed.]

  58. One word: Yay!

  59. punkinberry says:

    You’re right, that’s not very interesting. Unless…he was a flamboyant troll wearing a feather boa accompanied a Pomeranian in his bicycle basket!

  60. You’re thinking of Stend from ICanHasCheezburger, right?

  61. punkinberry says:

    Nope, I’ve never visited that site. Perhaps I should?

  62. Heh. It’s different than CO, that’s for sure.

  63. punkinberry says:

    I get the impression that a lot of bad grammar happens there. Bad grammar hurts!

  64. Deb Combs says:

    Excuse me, Cute Overload: we’ve recieved a complaint about a hedgehog being bowled during league play.
    ;)

  65. The Queen uses the same gun as James Bond? I approve.

  66. I’m of the era where the James Bond gun was the PPK. P99 indeed! [snif]

  67. …well, OK, I’m not really that old. I’m just snobby.

  68. I can sympathize. There is plenty of room for snobbishness in the Bond universe. After all, I think every fan has a list of Bond Films (or even Bond Actors) That Must Not Be Named.

    [Amen to that! – Ed.]

  69. Another Angela says:

    congrats on your first post NTMTOM!

  70. Shepard says:

    STFU Hedgy, yer out of yer element!

  71. Legman688 says:

    Out of sheer curiousity, why a Walther P-99? For that matter, why a specific model of handgun at all? Not that I mind in the slightest, it just seems a bit odd on Cute Overload for somebody to know a relatively obscure pistol.

  72. Dog is in the de-tails, Legman.
    ;)

  73. BTW, I’m pretty sure that the breadth (if not depth) of my obscure knowledge could disturb a great many folks… so if *I* am that way myself, why not Meg Moo & Other Mike too?

  74. @Legman688: I searched the Web to find the exact model of handgun used by Walter in “The Big Lebowski” without success, so I just picked a name from among the many I encountered during the search.

    But to answer your question of why so specific, I find that specifics make things funnier. For an extreme example, consider Dennis Miller.

  75. You’ll excuse me, I hope, if I do NOT consider Dennis Miller. Ever.

  76. “I am the hedgehog”

    STFU Donny!

  77. “I am the walrus”

    (STFU me)

  78. @Theo re Dennis Miller: Well, like, that’s just your opinion, man. ;-)

  79. Denis Leary any day.

    “Folks, I’d like to sing a song about the American Dream.
    “About me. About you.
    “About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests.
    “About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts.
    “Maybe below the cockles; maybe in the sub-cockle area.
    “Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon.
    “…we don’t know.”

  80. Legman688 says:

    Fair enough. For the record, Walter uses a plain-jane Government Model .45 – we’re probably supposed to assume it’s a souvenir from his time in ‘Nam.

    And specifics DO make things funnier… they aids suspension of disbelief. Unless the specifics are wrong, in which case it’s the news, not comedy.

  81. …both, if you’re Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert.

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