Hmf.

OK, squawk monkey, there are some points which must be addressed.  I shall enumerate.

Spot_800_2

1) I am eleven years old.  I am not a "kitten".

2) You will bring me three of those chewy "salmon"-flavored treats.

3) The length and relative pointy-ness of my claws is just fine as they currently are.

4) You will pet my forehead and ears, gently front to back, until I indicate that am ready for you to stop.  This should not be difficult for you to interpret, even considering the limited capacity for language that your species possesses.

5) You will remain quiet, still, and warm for a period of time not less than 30 minutes, and not more than 90 minutes.

6) That half-Siamese SNOT will be kept out of my sight for the remainder of the evening.  I am not particular about the methods you may employ to attain this goal.  Just see to it that they are effective.

7) This item is only here as filler.  Why?  Because otherwise there won’t be nine of them.  As the small monkeys say, "Duh."

8) Yes, OK.  I love you.  Just so.  What?  You… [sigh] must I always…?  Oh, very well:  Prrrrrr.

9) I believe one more salmon treat is in order.

Comments

  1. Susan B. says:

    Yay! Caturday!

  2. Michelle says:

    The picture is “eh” but it is made up for by the rules.

  3. Well Miss Tallulah has a doppleganger. Just replace half siamese with 2 annoying dogs and there you have it!

  4. Meg will be back after these feline messages! Heh.

  5. I’ve submitted cat photos seven thousand times better than this! Come on!!

  6. CoffeeCup says:

    People, people, it’s not just about the photo — it’s about the whole package! This photo may lack a certain “charm” in some people’s opinions, but the packaging — that makes up for it, no?

  7. “Meh” — the choice we both have is simply this:
    1) No updates. We wait along with everyone else for Meg to get back, with all the regular CO photo submissions, which I don’t have access to, and never *have* had access to. OR…
    2) An actual cat for Caturday. With not one but NINE captions.

  8. CoffeeCup says:

    Teho, you’re our hero…which would work better if your name was Rheo, cause then that’s just hero rearranged…

  9. Yaaaay Theo! :)

  10. I think the photo is lovely, very contemplative looking and serene.

    Either that or the kitty is plotting ebil.

    Probably plotting ebil if my cats are any indication.

  11. oh em gee.

    These are the evil thoughts I often imagine my older kitty contemplating as she glares at us playing with the new puppy.

    Hearts and luv for all!

  12. I think she looks very soft and snorgable. She also looks very regal on the purrple rug, so fitting for the royalty that she is. ;)

  13. Theo rules !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    the list makes it amazing!!

    Have you been ignoring your kittehs because calling your other kitteh a “Snot”
    is somthing I think my cats do when they think I ignore them too much.

  14. WIN.
    That is all.
    WIN. Go Theo!

  15. dewd, T.

    I never realized teh Spot was so,…so,… wordy. always thought of her as the strong silent type.

    and yeah, keep that…that… Rikithingamajig away from her majesty.

    P.S.: here is a post for you. the paper design and instructions to make yer own ceiling cat:
    http://tubbypaws.blogspot.com/2008/03/meow-you-can-has-lolcats.html

  16. The sheer severity of these stipulations daunts me. However, these requirements seem… reasonable.

    I’m glad that’s not my kitteh. :D

  17. Wow, that cat talks just like mine! Except she’s 18 and I don’t even try to bring someone new home to live with us, she won’t tolerate it. Maybe she’s part disapproving bunny too……In any case, fab job Theo!

  18. moggyfan says:

    I bow before The Spot.

    Her beauteousness is a marvel to us all!

  19. responses to points addressed above:
    1. you are always a kitten to those who love you.
    2.okay.
    3.if you would refrain from using above mentioned claws on those who love you, then your claws could stay the length they currently enjoy. as you seem unwilling to do that, you must submit to the clippers.
    4.i do not now, nor will i ever give up the right to snorgle your wonderful belly or scritch the base of your tail until you do that cute little butt in the air thing.
    5.i will remain quiet and still for the proper time period if you will remain off my newspaper or other reading material for the duration of however long i’m trying to read it.
    6. don’t worry, i really do love you best.
    7.point taken.
    8.ai luvs mai purr.
    9.okay.

  20. I can only deduce that the posting of this photo is good news for my cat. Because if this entirely un-noteworthy photo makes CuteOverload, then Harry is certainly just moments away from stardom. Right? I mean, right?

    http://andiwastheecho.blogspot.com/search?q=cat+porn

  21. Too Many Maureens says:

    Oh. Migod. Harry is GORGEOUS.

  22. This kitteh looks exactly like my Santi!

  23. This is cute and funny and just fine by my standards :D AND this kit looks just like my mad Maddy.

  24. He is, isn’t he Maureen? Funny and sweet, too.

  25. Did my cat write that? Except there is no other cat to disturb her purrulence.

  26. Oh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE black kitties!! And this one looks very like my O. There is even a lot of purple in the background…HEY! Did someone get into my house?

  27. Correct.

    I love!

  28. oaklandcat says:

    So happy to see Spot have her moment in the, er, Spotlight.

  29. I once heard a saying somewhere (possibly here) that:

    “Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.”

    Seems fitting ;)

  30. OMG Best caption EVER!!! This is SO what my cat implies to me every time she is disturbed while sitting on my lap – [dramatic sigh] if you MUST get up to go to the bathroom I will wait until you come back and sit down, but I am NOT HAPPY about it!

  31. Yitzysmommie says:

    Poor Spotster! The RikkiWiggliSpotPesterer has gotten to her, huh?
    I am sensing that some young upstart may be in Teh Cattus Cave to give the Elder StatesCat a rest, yes?
    Soft head rubs and many salmon treats to Her MajestiCat, and some Cat Dancer crazy time for the Rikkster.

  32. AuntieMame says:

    Heh! My first thought was that Satan had sent in a picture of his kitteh. Then I read the rules and figured out it was Spot. (The half-Siamese pestilence, or whatever it was, gave it away.)

  33. Here’s another salmon treat M’lord…

  34. possumpiratess says:

    Well, I think it’s a nice photo with rich color and a lovely black cat head included. Not enough black cats for me ever.

    The caption is cat genius. Although I swear most cats will require a full 6-8 hours of human heat pad. The 3 five-week-olds in my bed will sprinkle in short rounds of wrasslin in between, though.

  35. possumpiratess says:

    Oh, my God-I am making that papercraft of Ceiling Cat right Now!

  36. possumpiratess says:

    and thank you TubbyPaws and Marisser!

  37. berthaslave says:

    yay Caturday! yay black cats! yay teho captions!

  38. Awww…glad to know I am not alone in calling my cats kittens (despite their being 12 and 16). :)

  39. Teho Well the caption of course gets huge kudos… are you sure spot is not really my Magneto. The haughtiness… the demanding royalness the disgust with the half siamese snot in the house..

    really sounds just like my house Heheheh!

    Then there is the picture

    I love the back lighting (black cats are very difficult to photograph)
    The purple and red of the background which totally makes her eyes become the focus of the photo. IT is beautiful

  40. YAY!!! It’s finally Spot’s turn for a Star on the CUTE OVERLOAD STALK OF FAME.

    “Squawk Monkey” — hee!Excellent captions, Theo. Most LOLworthy.

    So, does this mean the, er, SNOT is grounded?

  41. … Is anyone else thinking of that movie “Cats and Dogs,” with the uber fluffy STHUPER EVIL Mr Tinkles plotting certain DOOM?

    I surrender, meow.

  42. I once had un gato negro named “Petey”. He HATED it when I’d call him in my singsong voice.

    Love da roolz. Agree wit da “plotting ebill” comment.

    mmmmrrrah!

  43. Taj, I have a t-shirt with that saying on it. It was a xmas gift this year (not from the cats). I think they’re trying to tell me something . . .

  44. Kallisto says:

    Yes, I, too, agree. This is a very nice picture (and looks like my Ares). But since I’m feverish today, it took my reading the comments until I caught on that this was really Spot and she was referring to Ricky.
    As for “this isn’t cute”. Ahm? It isn’t??? Okay, maybe I’m just a dull and stupid person, but to me, it is cute. And the captions are simply great.
    Thanks, Theo.

  45. Staticgirl says:

    This cat would be truly offended if you offered him Cheezburger. :) I suspect Fillet of Mignon would be more to his taste.

  46. pic = purrfect
    capshun(s) = cutetacular
    teho = you da man!

  47. Brilliant! This reminds me very much, in a funny and comforting way, of my dear departed Raincloud who was with me for 21 years (yes, human years).

    I came, I read, I LOL’d!

  48. <3 teh capshonz

    XOXOXOX

  49. Sure, the picture’s a little dark, but it’s still beautiful, what with the reds and purples. I keep staring at it. And I agree with Cafern – the demands seem quite reasonable.

  50. meg has outdone herself this time. these orders are hilarious!

    [ *facepalm* - Ed.]

    ;-)

  51. This is not cute. It’s a standard cat photo, that is all.

    This site has too many cat photos. Because it’s a cat doesn’t automatically make it cute, peeps!

  52. Well, kitty has a lot of rules…:-P

  53. snorglepup says:

    Respect the regal beauty.
    Variety is good, peeps. Enjoy it.

  54. She so pretty! (and who says all cats aren’t cute?)

  55. YAY!!! Beautiful choice for Caturday and GREAT captions!!!

    Spot looks just like my Chloe, who is the oldest (10.5) of the ‘family’. Her list would replace the half-siamese Snot with “these little brats”. When I get home from traveling, during her “mommy-time” she tells me all about their transgressions!

  56. Win.

  57. (bows down and worships)

  58. “Because it’s a cat doesn’t automatically make it cute, peeps!”

    Erm, yes it does, “peeps.” Yes it does.

  59. TD, Harry is a Sooperstah! AND an aircraft carrier with eyes!

  60. You have given voice to my cat Zenobia, except she’s 15 and not 11. She would like you to know that black cats are superior to all others.

  61. Squawk monkey still kills every time I read it.

  62. One person’s “Not Cute” is another person’s “Adorable”

    Then again, all cat pictures ARE cute. Period. Even when they are clearly plotting ebil. And executing it.

    Now please excuse me, my cats have plotted ebil while I was sleeping and now I must return the house to its proper state.

  63. Kudos to all who correctly spotted Spot. ♥ Yay!
    http://www.squidgrid.com/images/misc/yay_pic.jpg

    Mariser — Paper Ceiling Cat tells me the Apoclolypse is upon is.

  64. Lisa — not to blow my own horn (TOO loudly, heh) but setting all of the text aside for the moment, if you look closely, the photo isn’t actually all that “standard”. First, it was done in macro mode with no flash — always a tricky thing with live, wriggly subjects, like housecats. Then there’s the color composition, which was mostly serendipitous. (We don’t actually live in a theater.) Finally, if you look carefully, you can even see *me* in the photo. (OK, just my right hand.)

  65. Who let Meg away from the computer?

  66. looks just like my master, Velvet… and has same attitude. separated at birth???

  67. metsakins says:

    teho…as I always suspected you are a good hooman pet, you just need to pay attention a little more. Miss Huggums volunteers to genty tap your cheek (with the offending claws out) when you misbehave, sleep too late, not pay enuff attention, pay too much attention, pet the evil 1/2 siamese thing. its what she does best.

  68. Melissa H. says:

    Wow! My cat Julie could have written this. Except she’s not really into treats, and “half-Siamese” should be “calico”. And she’s only 6. Otherwise, it’s dead on.

  69. KITTY!!!
    *pounces and snorgles*
    Aloof kitties just need a good pounce/snorgle combo sometimes. <3

  70. Love it Theo!
    Signed,
    a squak monkey

  71. Great points! Although I’m pretty sure that my 10 year old kitty thinks that she’s just a big kitten.

  72. JSYN…that nearly-nuffer was NOT me…again. I’ve gotta get a new name.

  73. Beautiful pose, I love cats, but this one’s definitely a “Meh” attitude. ;)

  74. Poohbear says:

    Sweet to see Spot get her day in the Spot-light. My Jasper bebeh was adopted into a family with a reigning Black Beauty like Spot – so he’s the half-Siamese Snot to Her Majesty, and then there’s No. 3, a gentle daydreamer. Same configuration.
    Great capshes, Teho reads cat minds!

  75. we should have a nickname for the “THIS IS NOT CUTE/YOUR ANIMAL EES UGLYYY” grouches.
    at least nuffs don’t disparage the lovely beasties’ looks and photos!

  76. hm, just standart cat

  77. SarahMonster711 says:

    This just made my boyfriend and I laugh because my cat is 11 years old and his cat is a “half-siamese SNOT”!

  78. aesthetica says:

    beautiful kitty.

    and props on the photography. every photo i take of my kitty boo ends up a big black blob with two eyes. nicely done.

  79. Too Late says:

    Teho: Just go to flickr.com and search “cute”… plenty of pics there… c’mon you can doo eet!!!

  80. Harry is beautiful!!!! i love floofalicious belleh’s! *snorgle*snorgle*passout*snorgle*

  81. HI SPOT!

    I will bring you salmon treats and form a lap.

    My tortie sympathizes entirely about the boisterous boy young’uns, she has to put up with one too.

    I do hope your Caturday was almost satisfactory.

  82. Theresa and Tamara, Harry thanks you. I love the aircraft carrier comparison. I have used many metaphors with my funny feline, but that one is brand new and hilarious.

    As for Spot, he is a lovely black cat. But his demands, which I recognize are very cat-like, make me wonder if Harry is, in fact, part dog.

  83. It’s amazing how a ten pound creature can be so demanding.

    It’s also amazing how we obey without question, don’t we.

  84. Okay, I am de-lurking to say that I am not at all a cat person and not only did I think the photo was beautiful but I laughed my ass off at the comments. Thanks Theo! A round of red wine for the house.

  85. NotSupposedToBeDoingThisAtWork(ButNowI'mHome) says:

    wow, Teho, great shot. hard to photo a black cat.

    I think the only one of my cats that DIDN’T have these rules was my rescued ghetto Dumpster kitteh, Stinky. XD well phrased!

    Squawk monkey, hee! I’m gonna start calling everyone I work with that.

  86. NotSupposedToBeDoingThisAtWork(ButNowI'mHome) says:

    you know, now that i’ve already finished my post, it does occur to me that actually, my kittens (14 and 12) refer to us as hairless monkeys, rather than squawk monkeys…

  87. Janice the "8 is WAY Enough!" Cat Lady says:

    Are there any 1/2 Siamese who *aren’t* snots? My Missy rules her pride of eight with an iron claw.

  88. Hooray for laying down the law! That kitty knows that cute isn’t everything! Just being a kitty is enough to warrant the salmon!

  89. cheesybird says:

    Coming in a little late here, but the bee-you-tee-ful Spot in the picture is da kitteh of Theo? Wow! Gorgeous kitteh, Theo! If I were her squawk monkey I would happily do her kitteh bidding.

  90. Hey Lisa, I’ve got a cookie for your head, and it’s not cute either.

    [Now now. That's not necessary. - Ed.]

  91. @whiskers: You think you can negotiate? Tsk, poor deluded human.

    @wet blankets: There is no such thing as a standard cat.

  92. KittyMom says:

    I am delurking also…I luv black kittehs! I have a black cat named Ettie and am glad you posted how you took that photo. I will try to get better shots of her using your approach. =^..^=

  93. KittyMom — get the camera framed, focused & steadied FIRST… then wait for the cat to get over his/her curiosity about the blinking light, odd camera noises & lens movement. Once s/he has settled back down, carefully *squeeze* the shutter button so you don’t jiggle the exposure.

    It also helps if you take a bunch of shots this way, then pick the best one later. Just dump the others; digital “film” is only as permanent as you want it to be.

    (I know this is really basic stuff, but it’ll serve you well.)

  94. This is just like my Midnight and his attitude to a t (though would it be more correct to say “cattitude”?)!

  95. AuntieMame says:

    Teho, did you edit it? Why can’t I find “squawk monkeys” anymore???

  96. Mary (the first) says:

    This makes me miss my “Shadow” SOOO much.. he’s been gone over 2 years.. I still get teary thinking about him. The sweetest cat that ever lived and the most gorgeous.. solid black, green eyes. omg. snf.

  97. AuntieM, I predict you are going to feel a bit “duh” (as the small monkeys say) when you find it…

  98. Kallisto says:

    Okay, now I’ve seen Teho’s hand. Now I’ve seen it all (the shtuff that was hidden in the picture, I mean)

  99. YES! This is exactly what my Mr. MagicFatPants looks and acts like! Excellent update.

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