OK, squawk monkey, there are some points which must be addressed. I shall enumerate.
1) I am eleven years old. I am not a "kitten".
2) You will bring me three of those chewy "salmon"-flavored treats.
3) The length and relative pointy-ness of my claws is just fine as they currently are.
4) You will pet my forehead and ears, gently front to back, until I indicate that am ready for you to stop. This should not be difficult for you to interpret, even considering the limited capacity for language that your species possesses.
5) You will remain quiet, still, and warm for a period of time not less than 30 minutes, and not more than 90 minutes.
6) That half-Siamese SNOT will be kept out of my sight for the remainder of the evening. I am not particular about the methods you may employ to attain this goal. Just see to it that they are effective.
7) This item is only here as filler. Why? Because otherwise there won’t be nine of them. As the small monkeys say, "Duh."
8) Yes, OK. I love you. Just so. What? You… [sigh] must I always…? Oh, very well: Prrrrrr.
9) I believe one more salmon treat is in order.