Sparkster here again, with a CO Exclusive™. Rufus rooms with a coworker and makes regular appearances at my office. How bitter is the wife when I get to see scenes like this every other day? Pretty bitter… Ha! Take that, wife!
I explained to Rufus how popular he is on Cute Overload and managed to secure this interview. He gave me 10 minutes.
S: Rufus, what are you training for right now?
R: Bark, bark, bark! *cough* *cough* Sorry, about that. I’m in deep training right now trying to drop some critical pounds in preparation for kicking some serious dog ass in the park.
S: Right, right. That Pit seemed to be, uh, "frontin’" the other day…
R: Homie, don’t try to talk street. You sound like a jack ass. Anyway, you’re talking about "Francis." He scraped the inside of my leg the other day and thinks he’s a playah, but he ain’t.
S: That’s heavy. How are you training?
R: Oh, yeah… You’re talking about the Rufus Program. The Program is rock solid! The Program is sound! See these muscles? See them!? Go ahead and squeeze! That’s pure muscle, baby!
S: OK, I’m feeling like I need an adult here…
R: Whatever… Here’s the program:
1. Maniacal Office Run
– Run around the office at breakneck speeds for no apparent reason.
– Take extra high steps to work those quads. Shows everyone else who’s the dog (man). Also really important for those shorts endorsements.
Reps: All day
3. Garbage Can Stretch
– Stretch over a garbage can and put your head down as far as you can. Burn, baby, burn!
Potential Bonus: Snackables! Mmm…
MB: Impressive. So I noticed some iPod ear phones. Rufus, what’s on your iPod?
R: It’s called a dogPod. Anywho, Survivor is of course on heavy rotation. I’m also a big fan of Quiet Riot and some early Black Sabbath. Oh, and Britney… I’m *all* about Britney.
MB: Great stuff! So what about these rumors about you and Ms. Champion Eclipse Envy O Sportingfield?
R: Look… We just had coffee. That’s it! And in case you hear differently, I’m all man! Not that you will, because all we had was coffee.
R: This has been great, but I’m late for a meeting with my agent.
MB: Uh, right. Thank you. Rufus.