And The Oskar™ Goes To…

THE Academy has SPOKEN! Chief Sister Officer has selected the following Kaptions for the Kaption Kontest™. Kongratulations to the following winners, and ALL entries. It made for an extremely difficult choice, so difficult we had to choose SIX winners. Ya’ll get a hamster T-shirt! Please write in and let us know your preferred shipping address.

[drum roll!]

This Coffee Tastes Like Ass

Nobody Puts Baby In A Cup

Dunkin’ Dognuts

Quarter Pounder with Fleas

[Orchestra music starts…]


And Honorable Manshons to:
“That’s a Spicy Meat-a-ball!”




  1. AuntieMame says:

    “This coffee tastes like ass!”

    That’s so crude…and I’m still giggling over it. 🙂

    And when the dog gets out of the cup, he’ll say “My ass tastes like coffee!”


  2. evangeline says:

    ‘This coffe tastes like ass’?
    You’re kidding,right? Who decided this is funny? Pimply 12 year old boys, I bet.

  3. Luis’s was soooo much better! i want a recount.

  4. But… Pupaccinos already exist! They’re regularly served at the Cafe Bones ( ).

    They’re basically frothed up milk served in a dog bowl, sprinkled with treat.


  5. Congrats to the winners. 🙂

  6. I still wanna know if the dog is going to get a tshirt too! He needs it to cover up that dorky harness 😉


  7. ‘This coffe tastes like ass’?

    LOL! ah, perfect.

  8. I don’t mean to spoil the fun but aren’t those selections rather sexual metaphorically?

  9. they are? wow, i’m ashamed of myself, i never miss a good sexual metaphor. 😦

  10. can’t believe that you selected a vulgar comment “this coffee tastes like ass” for that lovely photo!

  11. Wow, pretty rude choices!

    I fail to see the humor in any of them!

  12. Nobody puts baby in a cup… rofl!!! 🙂

  13. Jan Spencer says:

    I thought they were all pretty good…congrats to the winners!! OF course my entry didn’t make it. LOL

  14. I agree with DISGUSTED! says:

    Pretty sad that a site peddling cute would talk about “ass coffee.”

  15. i think nobody puts baby in a cup is the best… : ) (its not mine!) its really sweet, though…especially if her name was baby

  16. AuntieMame says:

    Hm. I realize that I am sheltered and naive, but I utterly fail how any of them can be interpreted sexually, metaphorically or otherwise.

    As for being crude, yeah the first one is a little off, but it’s hardly worse than saying this coffee tastes like crap. And it’s funnier, too.

    The rest…”Nobody puts baby in a cup” is a quote from a movie.

    The rest are takeoffs on advertising slogans or foods: Dunkin Donuts, McDonald’s quarter pounder with cheese, cappuchino. If I’m not mistaken, the meatball line is from an Alka Seltzer commercial. Nothing crude or sexual about any of them.

    I suspect those who were offended saw the first one and didn’t bother to read the rest.

  17. Y’know, that lil guy is prolly perfectly content sitting in that coffee cup. He looks so… chiiilll! Chillin like a fillin.

  18. i thought ALL the winning entries were great, as were a ton that didn’t make the final cut. (jaime’s leaps to mind.) y’all are a fun bunch.

  19. As an espresso bean snob, I can personally guarantee everybody that ass coffee definitely exists. (No, not LITERALLY; just stop, OK?) Bad & mediocre coffee experiences come a dime a dozen. It saddens me that most folks just accept the grim state of bean affairs, or don’t even know better.
    Ass coffee: Avoid it.
    There are exceptions, of course. I have my favorite coffee shops, some of which are even appearing outside of the Twin Cities area, but I’ll hold off on the product endorsements (since they seem to irritate me coming from other folks).
    Always be alert for the scourge upon society that is ass coffee.
    I’m fortunate enough right now to have a mug of the good stuff next to me right now: Fresh-ground, fresh-brewed, a hit of dark Guittard syrup, frothed milk, and strong enough to dissolve the spoon).
    WARNING: Ass Coffee!
    Oh, and I liked Jaime’s “slogan schadenfreude” too.
    Your mind and body are precious! Don’t settle for (all together now)…

  20. Meow House says:

    How are any of those “sexual”? So doth say the PC Police??

    Get a grip.

  21. Fabulous. I laughed, I cried, I scorned the easily offended. Great work, y’all.

  22. Oh my God, I LOVE “This coffee tastes like ass”!! That’s my all-time favorite. Genius.

  23. confession: i make — and drink — Ass Coffee at work.

    i do attempt to mitigate the Ass effect by doubling or tripling the amount of coffee per brewing cycle, so it’s at least strong. and warm.

    and free.

    my name is finn, and i’m an Ass Coffee Drinker.

  24. Deckard Canine says:

    “Quarter Pounder with Fleas” is my fave. It’s the only winner specific to McDonald’s.

    I don’t drink coffee, but I am aware of a Bad Ass Coffee Shop (the logo has a donkey). Maybe I misunderstood it all this time.

  25. OK finn, you owe me a cup of coffee–preferably NOT ass-flavored. I just spewed my current cup of espresso (not ASSpresso, mind you!) out my nose at your confession!

    *schnrk* Owie. Caffeine in sinuses BURNS…


  26. BTW the winning entries are all hy-friggin-sterical! Good on y’all! And as for the prudes out there, take the broomstick out and relax, yo.


  27. c’mon guys, that ass one is funny.

    but, “dunkin’ dognuts”?

  28. (tearfully)

    Thank you…thank you…I am a vessel! A vessel of…Pup-o-ccino.

    Seriously, I’m honored.

  29. You suspected wrong, I read all the others, but the one heading the list was vulgar and sophomoric. I didn’t say ‘sexual’and I didn’t interpret it that way, I’m not a prude, only I can’t see how a site dedicated to ‘cuteness’ judges that entry as humorous or even clever.

  30. My crack legion of flying monkeys is assembled and await my word. What is the will of the council?

  31. B.O.B.


  32. ManekiNeko says:

    Theo, you say, “ass coffee definitely exists. (No, not LITERALLY; just stop, OK?)”

    Oh, but it does…

  33. [eyes boggle, jaw drops]

    Oh dear gods no. And it’s even, like, super-spendy, > $100/lb. So, real honest-to-ass coffee DOES exist. Mind-blowing.

    Still… it sounds better than that stuff in the break room.

  34. Holy crap (…), here’s an actual vendor:

  35. Theo, shouldn’t that be holy crap (_|_) ?

  36. :extending finn’s joke:

    Hi, Finn!

    …and, ohmyf****inggawd, “nobody puts baby in a cup!” whoever came up with that one, i’d like to kiss you. i’m having a craptastic day, and you just made me laugh, smile and snort. THANK YOU!!!

  37. Dare I ask — is the name of the Oskar™ a reference to “The Tin Drum”?

  38. dwarf rabbit owner too! says:

    Awww flippin’ pancakes!!!!Arrrgg!
    I missed the inagural op to participate in the Kaption Kontest…Didn’t notice it was posted and ready…I will be looking for it now…

  39. Hi, this is Prudie McPrude, the mayor of Prudeville. I would just like to congratulate all the winners of this hilarious contest. Not only was I not offended, but I lauged my Puritan ass off!

  40. can I just say how much I love that “blank Mcblank” just caught on? It’s ALMOST as good as my pal Hrishi says “hot blank on blank action”. It works on so many occasions!

    -Meg (thumb-typin’ on the Treo 7-hundy, bros!)

  41. I agree with early commment that luis’ shud be among the winners -which are all reali short ones- long captions just didnt have a chance, sigh. i didnt actually get the coffee tasts off ass one-confused me rather than made me laugh, but *shrugs* each to his own. congrats too all of u? but the prize sould be the doggy in the cup?

  42. julianm says:

    I disagree with the choice. ‘Huas are so bitter b/c they are so small so they bark too much to make everyone aware of their quivering little presences snippy presences
    Bostons, Frenchies, Kittiens, all could kick butt on an army (from Hell) of whiny little butt kissers.

    I think maybe Raid and Orkin should Include them on their lists of pests. Hell, a glue trap could take one out but I don’t believe in glue traps.

  43. What happens in the cup, stays in the cup.

  44. I loved the ass coffee quote! It made me laugh out loud at work which is very refreshing. And the pup in the cup is so cute. Keep up the good work. 🙂

  45. I lik “This Coffee Tastes Like Ass” and “Nobody Puts Baby In A Cup”
    Those are prure genious!!!

  46. KnifeGhost says:

    Meg, I’m partial to the “blanky blankerson” construction, or on special occasions “blanks blankowitz”.

  47. These were all hysterical and I love some of the comments here.
    Thank you for being the place I stop everyday for a smile, a tear or a good belly laugh!!