Is it wrong to want to SQUEEEEZE a kitten?

by Meg on December 13, 2005

Honestly, HOW CAN YOU AVOID IT when the KITTEN LOOKS LIKE THIS? This photo, alertly pointed out by reader Mr. Ben Wolfson, is another fine product of Kittenwar.com. Bless ‘em.

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{ 42 comments }

1 Zipko 12.13.05 at 10:30 pm

when the game of life makes you feel like quiting it helps a lot if you,
kill a kitten
mark my words cause from were im sitting you cant go wrong if you,
kill a kitten
theres no crime that you’ll be commiting, i know the law you can,
kill a kitten
and if you need yarn for that scarf you’re knitting you’ll get pleanty if you,
kill a kitten

feed it turpin-tine
or break its spine,
crush it with your shoe
as long as you
kill a kitten

if the one you love isn’t quite as sh-mitting, she’ll like you more if you
kill a kitten
and i quote the bible cause that’s where it’s written “if ye loveth jesus ye must
kill a kitten”

flush him down the can,
hit him with your van,
throw him at a train,
make him snort cocaine,
drown him in a lake,
bake a kitty cake,
sick some TNT,
up his cat booty,
do what you must do,
as long as you
kill a kitten

killing kittens isnt easy
if the thought makes you feel quzzy
grab a pitch fork from the shed
and kill a puppy dog instead

kill a kitten
kill a kitten
kill a kitten
fluffy kitten
you gotta kill a kitten
kill a kitten

meow

-Stephen Lynch, “Kill a Kitten”

I know, Steve and I are going to hell.

2 Ally 12.13.05 at 11:26 pm

yes, you are going to HELL.

but i like the song

“kill a kitten”
“kill a kitten”
“kill a kitten”

Im going to have that song stuck in my head all day.

meow

3 Lame Shrill Owl 12.14.05 at 1:55 am

I love your site!

4 CMR 12.14.05 at 2:33 am

Wow. You kill me. This is my new favorite site. Goddammit.

5 Laura 12.14.05 at 2:33 am

awwwww!

6 Natalie 12.14.05 at 2:55 am

I LOVE YOUR SITE!

7 gil wadsworth 12.14.05 at 6:52 am

i like “cats in sinks.”
cats are almost dumb enough to eat.

8 rachel 12.14.05 at 7:27 pm

that is so cute it almost hurts!

9 Kevin 12.14.05 at 7:31 pm

It’s the small ear-to-head ratio!

10 Tristin Huq 12.15.05 at 8:47 am

I have to say either my sense of humour has disappeared over night or that “Kill a Kitten” ditty is in very very poor taste. It’s dreadful. Why does such a lovely cute website have such a hideous, Marilyn Manson type tune appearing on it. I must be missing the point by miles if everyone else thinks this is a “cute” “funny” “clever” ditty.

11 Tzarius 12.15.05 at 12:10 pm

Tristin, it’s a comment, left by someone who thought it was funny. Not exactly the representation of everyone’s beliefs.

12 DJkilljoy 12.15.05 at 4:57 pm

Heaven for fend if everything is not pastels and saccharine! Obviously, Zipko hit his “cuteoverload” saturation level. Isn’t that the whole point of this site? I, for one, am glad that he purged a bit–such a condition can be deadly if not dealt with quickly!

Yours in nothing but happiness and sunbeams streaming through the occasional lovely cloud,

DJkilljoy
e: funhammer@somberbiddy.edu
w: facetiousnessisevil.org

13 jane` 12.15.05 at 7:15 pm

bullies are pathetic, miserable assholes that don’t deserve the space they take up.
people who don’t care are also pathetic, miserable assholes who don’t deserve the space they take up also.

14 Jo 12.15.05 at 7:32 pm

Jane, people who get upset by other people making a joke are pathetic, miserable assholes that don’t deserve the space they take up. Please stop wasting oxygen. Get a life. Go do something useful.

15 Chris 12.15.05 at 9:03 pm

I find this very disturbing. A joke provokes laughter. Torture to any living creature isn’t something to laugh about.

16 Meg 12.15.05 at 9:05 pm

OMG. All you guys shuddyup!

17 dabitch 12.15.05 at 9:06 pm

All hail Bubees, the destroyer of worlds, in a fab-tastic cute package. Don’t let the ears fool you.

18 Jessica Benet 12.15.05 at 10:17 pm

This is my favorite so far.

19 wyzzrrd 12.16.05 at 12:53 am

Is it wrong to want to take that kitten, hug it as tight as possible, then ball it up and punt kick it across the room? Because if that’s wrong, I don’t wanna be right. >:)

20 Meg 12.20.05 at 6:12 am

LOL!!!!!!!!! You did not just say that!

21 Dora 12.21.05 at 4:42 pm

Hey, I checked it out! It was really written by him!
I like cats…

22 ivy 12.23.05 at 4:45 pm

OMG. this is my newest favorite site. wahhh!!! =)

23 sarah 12.30.05 at 5:56 am

this is when you stop going into work, and leaving the house and, washing and socializing but you don’t care, you have a kitten

24 Dana 01.08.06 at 4:10 pm

SOO CUTE!!!!!!!!! Can’t help but meeelllllttingggggg *melts in cute helpless pile* ;)

25 catsarecrappy 01.08.06 at 11:17 pm

He looks really dim witted. poor pussy.

26 evangelline 01.27.06 at 3:58 am

“kill a kitten?” Do you know most serial killers begin by killing kittens…You freak!

27 A.C. 02.02.06 at 4:22 am

Evangeline, you’re kidding, right?

And that kitten is too damn much…

28 kochou 02.06.06 at 10:22 pm

MY INNER CHILD WANTS TO EAT THE KITTY.

29 daniel 02.10.06 at 11:58 am

surprised! what a cutty! i think this kitten is from the flower planet~

30 Shan 02.11.06 at 2:27 am

meow!!!!!!!!!

31 Tassie Taker 02.17.06 at 1:45 am

That thing is JUST CUTE!

32 Dathia 02.17.06 at 2:37 am

Zipko is a JERK/asinine unfeeling lump of flesh. Kitten is sweet and cute looking.

33 Jada 02.18.06 at 4:07 am

I find the kill a kitten song HILARIOUS. Why? Not because I’m pro kitten killing, b/c it’s a funny suggestion to relieve stress.
“My boss fired me! That asshole! Here kitty kitty.”
It’s funny. Get a sense of humor, because I highly doubt Stephen Lynch actually kills kittens for fun. This is why people write songs like this… to make hippies get all “Wah Wah why would you kill a kitten.”

34 Lilua 02.20.06 at 3:57 am

Its not wrong (talking to the caption)I wanna scream or eat it or *head blowes up* this’ll do. I sort of agree with Jada.
Maybe he (stephen dude) got morbid for a few days, and boom, when he got back to normal, the poem had been published!

35 daniela 02.24.06 at 5:50 pm

aww so amazingly cute :D

36 lala 02.27.06 at 7:14 am

I love Bubees!!!!!!!! where is this kitty now?

37 dark_angel 03.05.06 at 9:04 am

i dont care about the fuckan words! the picture is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooocute!!!!!!!!

38 cookie 03.21.06 at 11:27 pm

bubees is the cutest cat in the world!

39 Lex 03.26.06 at 6:24 pm

Why is this anerable/totally freaky cat’s tongue so long?

40 Hammy 03.31.06 at 7:14 pm

Oh, sooooooooooooooooo cute lil’ killer kitten!

41 Jewels 04.04.06 at 1:10 pm

That kitten is so cute I can’t stand it, so cute it makes me cry!

That is seriously just the cutest kitten I have EVER seem in my life… And I thought my kittens were cute! Damn.

42 Helene 08.12.06 at 12:47 am

Wow! Russian spam!

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