Balderstuff and poppyrot! It appears that my local chemist’s has depleted its supply of Whickham and Warwick’s Wildroot Wonder Whisker Wax! Now I shall be forced to attend the annual reunion dinner of the 51st North Southeasterwest Light Infantry looking like an unkempt assortment of discarded pipe cleaners! The outrage!
“She can shoot laser beams from her moustache,” boasts Redditor threeswordstyle.